Marc logged into the chat room, unsure what he was getting into, but he’d been reassured by a friend (who was friends with the moderator) that this was a good group of guys. If nothing else, he’d get to know other queer men. If he was lucky, maybe they’d help him find a way to open up his heart to fall in love again. At least that’s how the group was described to him.
5 Members in Chat Room
Marc: Hey, I’m Marc. I’m new here, and the rules said I had to introduce myself. I’m bisexual but haven’t dated much since my ex-girlfriend cheated on me. Work has been my focus, but after three years, I’m lonely. It’s as plain as that. I’m just not sure how to trust someone again.
Hugo: Hi, Marc. I’m Hugo, the moderator. If I disappear all of a sudden, it’s because I’m waiting to chauffeur kids between gymnastics and yoga.
Marc: You have kids?
Hugo: They’re Kevin’s, my boyfriend’s kids. But who knows what the future holds. Anyway, I was in the same place as you not so long ago, with a cheating cheater who cheats. I had a string of shitty boyfriends, but cheating messed me up. Bad. I swore off men for a solid year, and it eventually paid off.
Marc: How did the time off help?
Hugo: I fixed my shit. Figured out what I kept doing wrong. Worked out my patterns.
Luther: Oh no, here he goes! Haha. Love you, H! Marc, H is all about fixing shit so you’re ready for love when it stumbles in your path.
Marc: Makes sense.
Luther: If you have a path filled with potential partners, I supposed it does. H is all about twuuuu wuv cuz he has it. All I can find out here on the oil fields is a hookup. Nothing else. Can’t be out.
Marc: That sucks.
Luther: It’s not all bad. I have a lot of sex and very few awkward conversations. Few conversations at all, to be honest.
William: So, Luth, do you save all the awkward conversations for when you come in here to chat? Stop scaring Marc off.
Luther: Ha. Ha. Okay, Mr. Serious, what have you done lately to make yourself available to the hot dudes who run around on the beaches half naked?
William: I bought a guy a drink at the club last weekend. Spent most of the night with him.
Luther: Before you went home alone?
William: Well, yes, but I had to work the next day.
Luther: LOL.
Andrew: Hi, Marc. Welcome. I’m pretty new here too. New to being fully out despite knowing I liked men for years. I’m still trying to figure out how all this works. Gay clubs are about all I’m capable of yet. If I go to a club, there’s no chance I’ll hit on a straight guy, at least. I’m a vet, and my PTSD and injuries make taking that risk of hitting on the wrong guy anxiety inducing. I distrust everyone, including my own brain and injured body.
Luther: And I’m the sole closet case here.
William: Not entirely. I’m not out at work. No one there has earned the right to know that about me yet. But my family knows.
Hugo: I’ve been out for ages, but I’m still not entirely open about my drag persona. That’s still need to know.
Marc: You do drag? What’s your drag name.
Hugo: Yep. Miss Cherri Pop! ;)
Marc: Where does everyone live? Or should I not ask that?
Luther: On the dusty oil fields of North Dakota, but there are tons of men to hook-up with here. No questions asked. No demands to kiss. Just how I like it!
William: Sunny California, though right now, I’d prefer rain.
Andrew: I’m in Texas, happy to be home after four years in the army.
Hugo: Minneapolis.
Marc: Me too! Minneapolis, that is. I gotta say, it’s nice chatting with some queer men. Everyone around me assumes I’m straight. And since I haven’t dated a man in ages, it’s like all my friends forgot I’m bi. But I’d really like to date a man again. I think if I date a woman, I’m bound to . . . What’s the word? Put all my shit on her?
Hugo: Project?
Marc: Yeah. I’m gonna project my hurt on her cuz of my ex. So I’d really like to try something serious with a guy.
William: So, what are your greatest fears when thinking about falling in love?
Luther: Coming out. I know, I know. It won’t be as bad as I think it will be. But what if it is? I’ll lose everyone around me.
William: But you prefer being alone. Or so you’ve claimed, Luth.
Luther: Right. I push people away. Easier that way.
Marc: I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to trust again. And if I do, what if the guy I end up with assumes I’m cheating on him only because I’m bi?
Hugo: My Kevin is bisexual, and I never made those assumptions. We’re not all neanderthals who can’t appreciate subtlety.
Marc: True. There’s that lack of trust thing again.
William: I’m worried I’ll never measure up.
Luther: Says the man who probably has a dick the size of an eggplant.
William: . . .
William: I might. ;)
Luther: LOL. I knew it!
Hugo: If W & L weren’t thousands of miles away, I’d suggest you guys get a room and fuck to work out your sexual tension.
William: Not going to happen.
Luther: He’d probably want to marry me. ;) I’m not settling down. I just want to fall in love. Big difference.
Andrew: I already know who I want to be in a relationship with. But I’m too boring for him.
William: You’re far from boring, Andrew.
Hugo: The only way you’ll know is if you take a chance. But get into a good headspace before that. Yes, I know, Luther, you’re sick of me saying that, but if I hadn’t fixed my shit before running into Kevin again seventeen years after our last kiss, I would’ve fucked it up that first night.
Marc: Thanks for this, guys. I’m glad I found you.
