Monday, August 29, 2022

📚Monday's Mysterious Mayhem(Back to School Edition)📚: Fair Game by Josh Lanyon



Summary:

All's Fair #1
A crippling knee injury forced Elliot Mills to trade in his FBI badge for dusty chalkboards and bored college students. Now a history professor at Puget Sound university, the former agent has put his old life behind him—but it seems his old life isn't finished with him.

A young man has gone missing from campus—and as a favor to a family friend, Elliot agrees to do a little sniffing around. His investigations bring him face-to-face with his former lover, Tucker Lance, the special agent handling the case.

Things ended badly with Tucker, and neither man is ready to back down on the fight that drove them apart. But they have to figure out a way to move beyond their past and work together as more men go missing and Elliot becomes the target in a killer's obsessive game...

Original Review August 2014:
The mystery that seems to land at Elliot's feet, thanks to his dad, really grabbed me and didn't lose my interest all the way through, even as everyone was telling him to drop it. The chemistry between Elliot and his former lover Tucker just leaps off the pages. Despite the arguing and cross-purposes, you find yourself rooting for them all the way through, even when you want to sucker punch Tucker or give Elliot a solid shaking, you just know they will be better together.

Overall Trilogy Re-Read Review 2018:
This is a new one to my re-read list.  I absolutely LOVED this trilogy as it was published but I never went back to re-visit until now.  I loved it nearly as much as I did originally, I say "nearly" only because I didn't quite reach the same adrenaline rush as I did with my initial reads.  There's something about Elliot and Tucker that just makes me smile.  Perhaps it's their past, perhaps it's how they reconnect, perhaps it's just who they are. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps😉 Seriously though I think its a little bit of everything that makes them so strong and likable. The mysteries these two face are all kinds of WOW that will have you biting your nails trying to figure out the whos, whats, and whys.  Even though this is a re-read for me and not everything was new I still found myself at the can't-stop-till-I-hit-the-last-page stage.  This trilogy may not make my annual re-reads list but it is not the last time I'll be re-visiting Elliot & Tucker either.

Overall Trilogy Audiobook Review August 2019:
Once again there really isn't anything new I can add to my previous reviews as to how amazing this trilogy is.  Sometimes when the reader recalls the whos, whats, and whys it makes it hard to re-visit the mystery but not in the case(pun totally intended😉) of Josh Lanyon's All's Fair trilogy.  Tucker and Elliott are just as entertaining both on the personal front as well as occupational.  I found the secondary characters to still be just as necessary, none of them are page-fillers, from the one-to-two-scene characters to the in-almost-as-much-as-the-main, they all serve a purpose.

There is two different narrators for the trilogy, Sawyer Allerde reads Fair Game and JF Harding reads Fair Play and Fair Chance.  Both voices are perfect for the story and the characters, making for a very enjoyable listen and though I may not re-listen super often, I do look forward to doing so again and I know that I'll be just as intrigued and sucked in on the 100th listen as I was with this first time.

RATING:



His cell phone was vibrating.

From where he stood at the lectern, Elliot could see it jittering on the top of the desk. He ignored it. The days when a phone call might signal the need to leap into action -- and danger -- were long behind him. Seventeen months behind him.

“... rats overran the compound, and the stench of the brimming privies polluted the air. Starving prisoners ate candles, bootlaces, vermin.”

The usual ripple of disgust ran through the rows of students in the Bryant Hall lecture room. A few busy hands made notes, but honest to God. Was the notion that life in a prison camp would be living hell really a point these kids couldn’t remember if it wasn’t jotted down in a notebook?

“By the time the Civil War has over, over four hundred thousand soldiers were POWs -- that number, you’ll be surprised to hear, nearly evenly divided between Union and Confederate troops.”

On cue, the little blonde in the front line of chairs raised her brows in surprise and shifted in her chair to better display her long, slim legs.

What was her name again? Mrachek, Leslie. That was it.

Catching his gaze, Mrachek smiled demurely. Elliot bit back a sardonic grin. Barking up the wrong tree there, Mrachek, Leslie. If Elliot was inclined to get involved with a student -- and he was not -- it would more likely be the broad-shouldered redhead sitting next to her.  Sandusky, John.

Sandusky was chewing the top of his pen, staring into space.

Elliot sighed inwardly and continued, “The treatment was no better for officers. More than three hundred of the nine thousand men held at Johnson Island in western Lake Erie, died -- primarily of starvation and disease.”

His phone was buzzing again.

Funny, how you just knew when it was trouble. Granted, Elliot didn’t get a large number of calls these days. Not like when he’d been a hot shot Special Agent with the FBI. His physical therapist, his teaching assistant, his father…that was pretty much it. Maybe that explained why he was having trouble tuning out that ghostly knocking on the desktop. So much for his vaunted power of concentration. Tucker would have -- no.

No, he wasn’t about to let his thoughts stray in that direction.

Elliot glanced at the clock in the back of the room. Four minutes to the hour. Close enough.

“And that just about does it for today, boys and girls,” he announced.

A few faces blinked at him as though he’d woken them from a dream -- which he probably had. Others glanced around at the clock or at wristwatches while papers and books were shuffled and the students began filing out of History 353.

Elliot turned away from the lectern.

“Professor Mills?”

Mrachek, Leslie accompanied by a bored-looking Sandusky, John was smiling up at him.

Elliot raised his brows in inquiry. His expression must not have been encouraging because her smile faltered.

“Leslie, is it?” he asked more cordially.

“Yeah. Leslie Mrachek. I’m also in your Film and History: The American West course.” She was turning the full battery of white teeth, blue eyes, and adorably freckled nose his way. Elliot controlled his impatience.  Not her fault if his knee was beginning to ache and he was suddenly, keenly feeling the frustration of his new sedate, confined life in academia.

 “Oh, yes?”

Her escort, Sandusky, was checking the messages on his cell. Leslie said, “I was wondering if I -- if you would consider looking at my essay on the films of John Ford before I officially turned it in?”

Was that done? Though he’d earned his doctorate before joining the Bureau, Elliot had done very little teaching. All too often he felt like he was feeling his way through the dark; far less savvy than some of his younger, fresh-out-of-college peers.

“Of course.” If that wasn’t kosher, he’d know better the next time.

“Are your office hours still from nine to eleven on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and two to four on Tuesdays and Thursdays?”

 “Uh, right.”

She gave him that blazing smile again. “Sweet! Then I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Elliot nodded politely, bemusedly. Leslie departed with the stoic Sandusky in tow. Elliot retrieved his phone and checked messages.

His father’s number flashed up.

The letdown caught him off guard. What -- who -- had he been expecting? Automatically, he gathered his tan Brooks Brothers raincoat and briefcase. Speaking of office hours, he was due in his lair now.

He punched in the phone numbers as he walked. His office was located in Hanby Hall on the other side of the quad near the arboretum. The rain had stopped. The campus -- tidy lawns, old-fashioned brick buildings, towering white birch and beech trees -- sparkled in the fleeting sunlight as though newly washed.

“Hey, Professor!” A student on a bike winged past him like a giant bird.

Elliot flinched. At least he managed not to reach for a shoulder holster that wasn’t there, so progress was being made.

The phone ringing at the other end picked up.

“Hel-lo.” His dad sounded like always. Relaxed, cheerful. Clearly it was no family emergency that had him ringing Elliot during class hours. Of course, they were a two-man family, so if there had been a genuine emergency Roland Mills would probably not be the one placing the call.

“Hey, Dad. You rang?”

“I did. How are you, son? Are we still having on dinner on Thursday?”

They had dinner every Thursday. They’d been having dinner once a week since Elliot had left the Bureau and returned to teaching at Puget Sound University.

“Sure.” An uneasy thought occurred. “Why?”

“You remember Tom and Pauline Baker?”

“Vaguely.” He skirted two girls in boots and mufflers, texting madly as they walked and mumbled to each other.

“Their boy Terry is a student at PSU. At least he was up until two weeks ago.”

“What happened two weeks ago?”

“He disappeared.”

“Boys do sometimes.”

“Not this boy. Terry was a very serious kid. Good grades. No trouble.”

Elliot said dryly, “Sounds like he was due for some time off.”

“Be that as it may, Tom and Pauline don’t believe he dropped out of sight voluntarily.”

Elliot had reached the long narrow steps leading up to bullet-shaped oak door of Hanby Hall. As always when faced with stairs he felt a twinge of anxiety. The pain after his knee replacement had been excruciating -- beyond anything he’d imagined or previously experienced -- but he was recovering well now and stairs rarely gave him trouble.

He went up them steadily, went inside the building already quieting down as the next session of classes began.

Keeping his voice down as he walked past closed classroom doors, he said, “If that’s the case, and they have some grounds for believing foul play, they should go to police.”

“They’ve been to the police. They’ve been to the FBI.”

“I haven’t heard a word about this.”

“Charlotte Oppenheimer asked them to keep it quiet for now.”

Oppenheimer was the current president of PSU. She had a vested interest in keeping rumors of possible malfeasance to a whisper.

“What is it you want me to do?” Reaching his office, Elliot put his briefcase down and found his keys listening to the uncharacteristic silence on the other end of the line.

“I’d like you to talk to the Bakers.”

Not what he was expecting. “How is that supposed to help anyone?” Elliot had had his share of talking to grieving parents. If there was a bright side to losing a job you loved, it was the part about not having to deal with terrified or distraught loved ones.

“I just thought you could talk to them. Reassure them.”

Stepping inside his office, Elliot closed the door, and said quietly, “There may not be cause for reassurance.”

“I know. But you’ve got experience in this kind of thing. I thought you might be able to use that experience to help them navigate these waters.”

Here was irony. “You hated every moment I worked for the Bureau. All I ever heard was how I was wasting my life in the pay of a fascist organization working for a corrupt regime.”

“And so you were.” The years had only slightly mellowed Roland Mills’s militant and anarchist tendencies. Back in the day, he’d been right out there with Abbie Hoffman and Jerry Rubin -- flowers in his hair and screaming for revolution -- before he’d settled down to relatively staid life as the most liberal professor on the campus of one of the most liberal of the liberal art colleges on the West Coast. Elliot was his only child, the off-spring of Roland’s third and final marriage. “So you were,” Roland repeated. “And squandering all the gifts and talents the universe bestowed on you. But here’s a chance to put those oppressor-of-the-people skills of yours to good use. These are friends and they need help.”

“Jesus, Dad.” Elliot stared out the window, but he wasn’t really seeing the pale, glistening tree trunks or the silver pink rhododendrons in this part of the arboretum. The museum of trees. He was seeing another rainy afternoon -- a park in Portland, Oregon. That day had ended in bullets and puddles streaked with blood.

Hell. Maybe it was the weather. Washington’s dark, wet winters got to him sometimes.

Elliot shook off the shadowy feeling of premonition. “All right. What’s the number?”




Author Bio:
Bestselling author of over sixty titles of classic Male/Male fiction featuring twisty mystery, kickass adventure and unapologetic man-on-man romance, JOSH LANYON has been called "the Agatha Christie of gay mystery."

Her work has been translated into eleven languages. The FBI thriller Fair Game was the first male/male title to be published by Harlequin Mondadori, the largest romance publisher in Italy. Stranger on the Shore (Harper Collins Italia) was the first M/M title to be published in print. In 2016 Fatal Shadows placed #5 in Japan's annual Boy Love novel list (the first and only title by a foreign author to place on the list).

The Adrien English Series was awarded All Time Favorite Male Male Couple in the 2nd Annual contest held by the Goodreads M/M Group (which has over 22,000 members). Josh is an Eppie Award winner, a four-time Lambda Literary Award finalist for Gay Mystery, and the first ever recipient of the Goodreads Favorite M/M Author Lifetime Achievement award.

Josh is married and they live in Southern California.


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Fair Game #1
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📚Week at a Glance📚: 8/22/22 - 8/28/22















Sunday, August 28, 2022

📚Sunday's Sport Stats(Back to School Edition)📚: Savage Rivals by Becca Steele



Summary:

Asher Henderson.
Captain of the Highnam Academy football team, and the bane of my existence.
As Alstone High’s team captain, I’ve been pitted against him from the beginning, but our conflict isn’t only reserved for the pitch.
Everyone knows we’re enemies. From our first encounter, our rivalry has been escalating, spiralling out of control.

Until one night when everything between us changed.
He pushed me too far, and we crossed a line that should never have been crossed.
Now, I can’t get him out of my head.
Can we ever be more than rivals, or are there too many obstacles in our way?

One thing I know for sure.
Things between us will never be the same again.

Savage Rivals is a standalone M/M new adult high school romance with enemies to lovers and gay awakening themes. This book contains mature situations and content.

*Originally included in the Brutal Boys on Devils Night collection. This edition of Savage Rivals has been expanded with additional content.



One
Asher
It hadn’t always been this way. The hate that pulsed inside me like a drum, a constant beat that echoed in my head. 

Now, it consumed me. 

It was all his fault. 

Levi Woodford. 

Number Seven.

“I don’t get why you want to do this.” Talia, one of my best friends and former on-again, off-again girlfriend, shook her head. “You’re just going to make it worse. Can’t you call a truce or something?” 

“A truce? Are you serious?” Attempting to keep my voice calm, I gave her a rundown of the situation for what felt like the fiftieth fucking time. “You know that Highnam Academy and Alstone High have been football rivals forever. Now that dickhead Seven is captain of Alstone’s team, he’s trying to throw whatever intimidation tactics he can at me. It’s my responsibility as Highnam’s team captain to stop him.” 

“How is offering to fight him in front of a crowd stopping him?” She huffed, annoyed. “Sometimes it feels like I don’t even know you, the way you’ve been obsessing over him lately, since you both started this whole rivalry thing.” 

“Obsessed? No. It’s a matter of pride and showing him that he can’t get away with his behaviour.” I ignored her muttering, “As if you’re any better,” and continued. “If I can beat him on and off the field, he’ll lose respect.” I grinned at the thought. “He deserves a fucking beating anyway after what he did last week. Breaking into our school gym and messing with our shit was crossing a major line.” 

“I can definitely agree with you there.” Talia’s mouth twisted. “But I really don’t like the idea of you fighting him. It’s so…uncouth.” 

“Uncouth, you say? Right.” 

She studied me, brushing her jaw-length honey-blonde hair out of her eyes as she tilted her head. Attempting to hide her smile, she gave a huge, exaggerated sigh. “Times like this remind me why it never worked out between us. We’re too…” 

“Different?” I suggested when she seemed to be struggling to find words. She was right, though. We’d been more off than on, our relationship more of a convenience than anything else. Easy, effortless. But Talia was too good for me, too clever, too nice, in all honesty, and she deserved more than what I could give her. 

“Different. Yes. We work better as friends, don’t we?” She finally let me see the smile pulling at her lips. 

I returned it as I stretched, kicking out my legs in front of me. “We argue less when we’re friends, that’s for sure.” 

A snort of laughter escaped from her. “That’s true. We were never right for each other. What you need is someone as crazy as you, who can handle your unique Asher-ness.” 

“Asher-ness.” I raised a brow. “I hope that’s not an insult.” 

Still smiling, she climbed off my bed and came to stand next to my desk chair, dipping down to kiss the top of my head. “It’s not an insult. You know I love you.” She sighed. “I just wish you’d listen to me, but I know you never will. You’re way too stubborn for that.” 

Straightening up, she tucked her hair behind her ear, shooting me a concerned glance before heading for my bedroom door. “Don’t see me out. Look, I’ll be there to cheer you on at the game, okay? I’m on your side, Ash. Always. Just don’t let yourself get so caught up in this obsessive rivalry that you lose focus of everything else.” 

“Thanks, T. I won’t.” I was lying through my teeth, and Talia knew it. Levi had to answer for what he’d done, and I was going to be the one to make him pay. 

Obsessed, she mouthed, slipping out of the door before I could say anything else.


Talia was wrong. I wasn’t obsessed with that fucking bastard. I told myself this, even as I found myself driving towards Alstone at 10:00 p.m. My mum was in bed—not that she cared when I was home. Since I’d turned eighteen, she’d told me that now I was an adult, I could do whatever I wanted. Like I hadn’t been doing that already. My deadbeat dad hadn’t been on the scene since I was six, so I had no one to answer to, other than my nosy as fuck friends. 

But this was my secret. Gathering intel. Not obsession. 

There was a difference. 

The thirty-minute drive passed in no time, and soon I was pulling into a space at the side of the road just outside Parton Park, two hundred acres of parkland and sports facilities, including a skate park with ramps and pipes, and a long wall behind it, covered in colourful graffiti. 

The skate park was my destination. 

Drawing my hood up to shadow my face, I jogged towards the crowds surrounding the massive, scooped-out bowl that was normally full of skaters, except on nights like this. Sunday nights. Fight nights. 

Fight nights and football games were the only times when Alstone High School and Highnam Academy were on a level playing field. The rest of the time, they acted like they were too good for the rest of us. Just because they were rich, spoilt brats used to having whatever money could buy. You had to pay to go to school at Alstone High, for fuck’s sake, and the annual fees alone were more than my mum made in a year working full-time at the supermarket warehouse. As far as I was concerned, education was a right, not a privilege. 

Last year hadn’t been quite so bad. Carter Blackthorne had been captain of the Alstone High football team, and he’d been alright. A fair player and a decent fighter—he and his best mate, Kian, had won more fights at the bowl than anyone else. He hadn’t been interested in our rivalry outside the football field, and that was fine by me. 

This year, everything had changed. 

Carter had graduated, gone to university, and in his place there was a new captain. 

Levison Woodford, known as Levi to almost everyone. 

I called him Seven, after his football number. 

The bastard started it first. Calling me “Ten” the very first time we’d played against each other in a preseason “friendly” match, sneering out the word as if it was an insult. Well, fuck him, because I was proud of that number on my football shirt. 

All because I’d refused to shake his hand in the prematch ritual, and I’d only done that because of the look he’d given me. A condescending, disdainful look, like he thought I was scum. Beneath him in every way. Like I wasn’t even worthy enough to be breathing the same air as him. Shouldn’t have expected any less from someone who had parents that thought Levison was a good name for a kid. 

Things had gone downhill after that point. We’d been on each other’s heels the whole match, right up until the eighty-third minute. My best friend and teammate, Danny, got tackled and dived, playing up his injury, and the referee had ruled in our favour, giving the Alstone High player a red card and us a penalty.

After that minute, Levi had been out for blood. I’d hold my hands up and admit that I hadn’t helped the situation by gloating, but we’d both earned yellow cards from our purposeful tackles against one other. By the time the final whistle blew and the game ended in a 1-0 win for Highnam Academy, both of us were completely fucking wound up, and if the game had gone on any longer, I know we both would have ended up being sent off the pitch with red cards. 

It had only got worse since then, starting with taunts on social media and escalating to last week’s vandalism of our school property by the AHS players. That had been the final straw. 

So I’d put my plan into place, and it was time to begin. 

Making my way through the crowds surrounding the bowl, I kept my face lowered, choosing to remain anonymous. I’d timed it just right. Standing with my hands in my pockets, behind a couple of girls sitting on the lip of the bowl, I stared down to see Levi circling another guy in the pit. 

His normally impeccably styled ash-brown hair was mussed and falling into his eyes, and instead of his perfectly pressed clothes, he was wearing jeans that hung low on his hips and no top. 

I sucked my lip between my teeth, studying him for weaknesses that I could exploit. I hadn’t been expecting him to be so…defined. He was deceptively lean with clothes on, but even from where I was standing, I could see his muscles flexing, so taut and hard, his body coiled tight, waiting to spring on his opponent. Everything about him was harsh lines and angles, and his silver eyes were cold. If it hadn’t been for those long, blond-tipped lashes and his soft, full lips, he would— 

Hold the fuck up. I gave myself an internal shake. Levi’s face wasn’t important, other than the fact that I’d like to mar it with a few bruises. And hopefully I’d be getting the chance, sooner rather than later.

As the fight started, I watched intently, looking out for any moves he favoured or any tells that would give me an advantage when it came to me fighting him. When the whistle blew and the referee held Levi’s hand up, announcing him as the winner, I couldn’t even find it in myself to be irritated by his smug, arrogant smile, my mind too busy cataloguing every move he’d made. He favoured his left side, and he always dropped his fist right before he hit his opponent with a right hook. It could be something that would give me an advantage, and I was going to need it. Despite the fact that I could hold my own, this fucker was good. Better than good. 

I needed to face him in the bowl. And there was no way I was going to let him win. 

Slipping away from the crowds, I moved on to the second part of tonight’s mission and settled down to wait. 

“Nice fight.” 

Levi threw me his usual disdainful look, seemingly unsurprised to see me. “Following me, Ten? I suppose I should be flattered, but…it’s you. Move away from my car, now, before you contaminate it.” 

I remained where I was, leaning against the side of his rich-boy car—an orange-and-black McLaren 540C—with my arms folded across my chest. “Nah, I don’t think I will.” 

His grey eyes flashed, his lip curling into a sneer, and I smiled. Getting a rise out of the person I hated more than anyone else was so satisfying. 

“What do you want?” he finally asked in a clipped voice when it was clear that I wasn’t going anywhere. 

“Does your daddy know that his precious boy likes to get his hands dirty at the bowl?” 

I could hear him grinding his teeth, his hands fisting at his sides. “You can leave now.”

“Why would I do that?” Pushing off his car, I drew myself up to my full height. Unfortunately, I was only slightly taller than him, but it still counted in my opinion. “Don’t you want to talk to me?” 

“What makes you think I’d have anything I wanted to say to you?” He stepped forwards, his chest brushing against mine, and the image of his toned torso flashed through my mind, completely without warning. 

“You. Me. Fight,” I ground out, suddenly flustered. 

“Don’t they teach you how to speak in full sentences at Highnam Academy?” 

“Shut the fuck up, Seven.” I pushed against him, knocking him off balance. His arm flew out, his long fingers gripping my bicep and digging in. He immediately released me as if he’d been burned, a noise that sounded like a growl coming from his throat. 

Regaining my composure, I leaned back against his car. “Bit growly for a posh boy, aren’t you?” 

Levi’s reply was to bare his teeth at me. “You’re the one who can’t speak in full fucking sentences.” 

“He swears, too. Maybe I am a bad influence,” I mused, watching his grey eyes darken, the tips of his ears turning red as he stared at me as if he was trying to incinerate me with his eyes. “Better stop that before you burst a blood vessel.” 

When the punch came, I was prepared, but I still staggered back against his car with the force of the blow. Still, I smiled as I wheezed out a breath, because it meant I’d managed to make him lose his cool, to get under his skin. 

“You’re nothing but Highnam scum. A bully with not even two brain cells to rub together, on a loser team. Your little world is so sad that you have to try and provoke me just to make your pathetic life feel a bit better.” The contempt in his eyes froze me in place. “Tell me, Ten. Does it make you feel good to come here and—”

“Fucking shut up!” Shoving at him, I knew I’d properly lost my composure this time, but somehow he’d managed to push my buttons, and now I was just as angry as he was. “You brought this on yourself. If you hadn’t been such an asshole in the first place, maybe things wouldn’t have escalated.” 

“Me?” The shock in his tone was clear. Like I’d expect anything less. He’d never take the blame for anything. 

“Yes. You. I say we work this shit out once and for all, in the bowl. Pick a date, and we’ll make it happen.” 

Silence fell. 

“I’m not fighting you.” The anger went out of his tone, and a mask slipped into place, his features blank. “Now get away from my car. I’ve had enough of slumming it for one evening.” 

“What’s the matter? Too scared to fight me?” 

“Yeah. So scared.” He shoved me aside, which I wasn’t expecting, and dived into his car, locking the doors behind him. 

I jumped back as the engine started up with a roar, and all I could do was throw up my middle fingers as he left me for dust with the sound of revving engines and squealing tyres echoing in my ears.


Author Bio:

Becca Steele is a USA Today and Wall Street Journal bestselling romance author. She currently lives in the south of England with a whole horde of characters that reside inside her head.

When she’s not writing, you can usually find her reading or watching Netflix. Failing that, she’ll be online hunting for memes, or wasting time making her 500th Spotify playlist.


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Saturday, August 27, 2022

📚Saturday's Series Spotlight(Back to School Edition)📚: Tales from Foster High by John Goode



Tales From Foster High #1
Summary:
Kyle Stilleno is the invisible student even in his nothing high school in the middle of Nowhere, Texas. Brad Graymark is the baseball star of Foster High. When they bond over their mutual damage during a night of history tutoring, Kyle thinks maybe his life has changed for good. But when you’re gay and falling for the most popular boy in school, the promise of love is a fairy tale, not a reality. Isn’t it? 

A coming-of-age story, Tales from Foster High shows an unflinching vision of the ups and downs of teenage love and what it is like to grow up gay.

New edition contains new material and story points not in the original version. Sharper story telling, different points of view, same old Foster High.



End of the Innocence #2
Summary:
Kyle Stilleno is no longer the invisible boy, and he doesn’t quite know how he feels about it. On one hand, he now has a great boyfriend, Brad Greymark, and a handful of new friends, and even a new job. On the other hand, no one screamed obscenities at him in public when he was invisible.

No one expected him to become a poster boy for gay rights, either—at least not until Kyle stepped out of the closet and into the limelight. But there are only a few months of high school left, and Kyle doubts he can make a difference.

With Christmas break drawing closer, Kyle and Brad are changing their lives to include each other. While the trials are far from over, they have their relationship to lean on. Others are not so lucky. One of their classmates needs their help—but Kyle and Brad’s relationship may be too new to survive the strain.

Publisher has changed numbering of series with this edition.



151 Days #3
Summary:
With just 151 days left until the school year ends, Kyle Stilleno is running out of time to fulfill the promise he made and change Foster, Texas, for the better. But he and his boyfriend, Brad Graymark, have more than just intolerance to deal with. Life, college, love, and sex have a way of distracting them, and they’re realizing Foster is a bigger place than they thought. When someone from their past returns at the worst possible moment, graduation becomes the least of their worries.



Tales From Foster High #1
I DON’T remember the moment I knew I was broken.

I was seventeen and on the edge of an eighteen that seemed more like a cliff to jump off than an actual milestone. I was a nobody in school, had no friends, a horrible home life, and oh yeah. I think I’m gay.

I say think because as in most fairy tales, saying it out loud would make it so, and this is a wish I didn’t want to make.

Not that there is anything wrong with being gay. I mean it’s who I am and that’s great and all, but the reason I didn’t want it to be true wasn’t because I didn’t want to be gay. It was because I didn’t want to be gay in Foster, Texas.

In Foster, anything that wasn’t white, athletic, photogenic, and Republican was different.

And as we all know, in high school there is nothing worse than being different. TV shows and movies will tell you the wacky, zany, oddball characters are not only cool but a necessary component in most social settings, but the truth is, no one ever closed their eyes and wished they were Screech. I know it sounds stupid me saying I didn’t know I was broken, because if we were playing broken white boy bingo, I had every space covered. Single mom? B5. Nonexistent father? I27. Single parent with drugs issues? I don’t even need that free space, thank you. Living on the edge of town in a crappy apartment? G47. And a paralyzing fear of interacting with other human beings? Look at that, O72.

Broken white boy bingo.

But I was broken in a different way, and I hadn’t noticed until recently.

I was emotionally stunted in a way that made connecting with another human being so fearful a task that even considering it could cause my heart to race and my breath to stop altogether. See, I’m what they called gifted, like a mutant in X-Men. But as with those mutants, my gift is a horrible curse and though I don’t have giant purple robots trying to kill me, I have something much, much worse.

My brain.

Trying to talk to someone made my mind start to spin scenarios on how it could go. What if they laughed at me? What if they spit at me? What if they punched me? What if they were nice to me but actually part of a coven and were just befriending me to use as a virgin sacrifice? What if they were actually purple robots but in disguise?

You see my problem.

The gay thing made it a million times worse. Since junior high, boys had made me feel funny, and not in a laughing sort of way. In a clumsy, all feet and no balance stutter that you see in rom-coms, that’s how I would get in the locker room. And where Noah Centineo looks fifteen kinds of cute doing it, I just looked like I was having a seizure. All sound would drain away as my vision zeroed in on the boy next to me taking his jeans off for gym. I know, serious creeper, but I couldn’t help it! More than once I forced my eyes to look away so I could finish dressing for gym.

By the time I started high school, I had constructed a virtual igloo of emotional distance between me and everyone else. I projected a coldness that bordered on snobbery, and I knew it. I was the guy everyone knew of but no one could recall speaking to personally. I imagined myself an urban legend of Foster High School, like Bigfoot, chupacabra, or a Nicki Minaj song you could sing out loud and not look like a loon. Everyone had a friend who had seen me talking to someone, but no one had ever spoken to me directly. I was a ghost wandering the halls, head down, backpack over one shoulder, eyes focused on where my next step would take me and nothing more. In a social environment where being cool and liked were currency, I was a monk who had taken a vow of poverty, which then necessitated a vow of celibacy. I sidestepped conversations, ate lunch by myself, and practically ran home after school.

I didn’t know it yet, but I was broken in a way that wasn’t readily evident to those around me but soon would be.

As anyone who has read comic books knows, when one sense is taken from you, the others become almost superhuman, allowing you the ability to get by in life the best you possibly can. Since I was completely and utterly devoid of any knowledge of how emotions worked for other people, my mind had taken the unused space and used it to amplify what book smarts I already possessed to a Rain Man level of intellect. I was the person who never needed to study, never needed to read anything more than once, and always finished his test first. It might sound like I am bragging, but I assure you, high school students are way worse than those purple robots I was talking about. I am sure in some alternate universe there’s a high school where being a nerd is cool. That possessing a vast array of pop culture knowledge is a badge of notoriety and would have garnered me some kind of social worth. Alas, I was not born there. Instead, my brain made me a geek at worst, at best the quiet, smart guy who never seemed to look up when he walked.

Which would become a serious problem in a second.

I just realized I haven’t introduced myself to you, which is odd since I am vomiting my personal baggage all over you. My name is Kyle Stilleno, and I’m broken.

You say, “Hi, Kyle,” and then someone reassures me this is a safe space and we continue.

With that out of the way, let’s play a game. It’s called “find the Kyle.”

So this is a typical hallway between classes at Foster High. It is filled with people grabbing stuff out of their lockers, talking to people grabbing stuff out of their lockers, people leaning on the wall trying to flirt with anyone with their head not in their lockers, and me.

Let’s go down the list, shall we?

I am not that dark-haired, action-hero-chin guy in a football jersey with an ass so fine that it should be in a museum. That’s Tony Wright, all-around asshole.

I am not the future boy-band star with the dirty blond hair and pearly white smile talking to him. That’s Josh Walker, Foster’s own resident fuckboy.

I’m not that guy whose body looks like it’s a square and has resting bully face. That’s Kelly Aimes, the worst guy in the world.

I am also not the girls next to them, that guy by the door is a teacher, and I am definitely not the guy in the letterman jacket with dark red hair.

That’s The Most Perfect Guy in the World.

His name is Brad Graymark, and to say I am obsessed with him is understatement. I am obsessed with Joss Whedon shows; I am obsessed over Marvel movies; I am obsessed over any reality show that has a guy with an eight-pack. Those are all healthy obsessions, and no, I am not willing to debate that.

What I was with Brad Graymark was something that transcended the word obsessed.

“How quaint,” my self-esteem commented. It was wearing a pink satin jacket from Grease, leaning up against a locker just judging me. “Little gay boy is in lloooovveeee with the straight jock.” It put its finger down its throat and gagged.

Ignore it. I can’t, but maybe you can for me.

He was easily the most popular guy in school, hands down. Everyone liked him and I mean everyone. He was like the crown prince of Foster, and he acted like he was completely oblivious to all of it. I never saw him join in on throwing freshmen in trash cans, an Olympic event around here. I never once heard of him trying to stuff someone into their locker, and he always smiled at people as he walked by, like he was genuinely happy to see them.

He was everything I thought I wanted in a guy.

Now see the guy barreling toward him? With the blond hair, slumped posture, gray hoodie clinging to him like a security blanket? Yeah, that’s me. Take it all in. I can wait.

I know I don’t look all that tall, but that’s because I try to stay hunched so I don’t stick out in a crowd. Standing upright I would be taller than him, but while in movement mode, I come up to about his shoulders.

At the time I had no idea of anything of this. I was counting the steps to AP Biology, wondering if I was going to watch Dragon Prince or Mandalorian when I got home from school.

No, I did not have Disney+ or Netflix, but I did have a crappy laptop and a Torrent program that I used to download movies when I went by Nancy’s to use their free Wi-Fi.

It was business as usual, tile, tile, wadded-up piece of paper, someone’s used gum, gross, tile, tile… and then something new.

A set of size twelve Converse sneakers, once green, now mud-stained green, were directly in front of me. My automatic stay-as-far-away-from-people-as-I-could program kicked in, and I swerved sharply left. The sneakers moved to intercept me. As I tried to pull right, I heard his voice say, “Hey,” and mentally, I lost it.

There is nothing worse than your body reacting to someone before your brain can even recognize who it is. It is a Pavlovian response when you run into someone you are attracted to and aren’t ready for it. There is something that runs up your spine, as if every particle of your being is being magnetically pulled to the other person. Every single autonomous function my body possessed stopped. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, my mouth hung open, I was struggling to stay upright, and I think I peed a little.

And not to be crude, but other things happened down there that had nothing to do with urine.

I forced myself to focus on a spot between his eyes and tried to replicate the heterosexual male head nod that all teenage boys except me seemed to know, and responded with a “Hey” that was a few octaves higher than I initially intended. My right hand was still gripping the history book and folder I had just retrieved from my locker, so as he began to talk, I tried to shift the folder in front of my groin as unnoticeably as possible.

“So you’re kind of smart, right?” His question was far more rhetorical than an actual inquiry, since he kept talking without waiting for an answer. “Because Gunn is a cool coach, but he is a dick about grades.”

This only made sense if you knew how our high school worked.

Coach Gunn was a bulldog of a man who spent his day coaching baseball and teaching history. That would seem to be a godsend to our school’s jocks, who had to maintain a grade point average of 2.75 to stay on the team. They thought that since he coached them, his history class would be a breeze. So every year the new group of jocks would do everything they could to make sure they got into his class.

And every year a fresh group of boys found out that Coach Gunn did not believe in a free ride. In fact, from what I heard, Coach Gunn didn’t believe in a free ride, free lunch, discount coupons, or anything that would make something easier for the players.

Brad had paused to wait for some kind of response from me, which was his second mistake; his first was expecting me to be normal in the first place. I wasn’t used to talking to actual people, much less people waiting for me to respond to them. My gaze had moved from the space between his eyes and drifted to the almost luminescent green of his irises and had stayed lost there for a few long seconds. His eyes led me to the ruddy blush of his cheeks, which, upon closer inspection, seemed to hide pale freckles that made his skin seem that much more perfect with its newfound imperfections. His freckles led down to what I could see of his muscled neck. It was hidden by the collar of his jacket on either side, and I saw the first Adam’s apple I was ever transfixed by. His neck led my eyes down to a thin white T-shirt that seemed to accentuate the hard muscles that made up the twin curves of his pecs instead of covering them. The way the cotton seemed to dip between them almost invited a person to see how deep the space between them actually was. I could see the impression of a chain underneath, and when he shifted his weight and I spotted the glint of silver between the white T-shirt and the jacket, I felt like I had almost seen the band of his underwear.

“You okay?”

My head jerked up so fast it was a blur as I realized I was still standing in the middle of a high school hallway instead of running toward him in the middle of a field while music played around us. On second thought, that sounds more like a fabric softener commercial than actual love, so never mind. “Yeah,” I said quickly, not sure exactly what question I was answering.

Obviously he wasn’t either, because he cocked his head like a dog and asked, “Um, to which one?”

“What?” I asked, as confused as he was, if that was possible. And then whatever buffer that had frozen in my head freed itself, and time started moving normally again. “Yes,” I said again, now answering his question, followed by a sharp “No.” Which didn’t sound good. “I mean, I don’t… what do you mean by smart?” I could see in his eyes that whatever hopes he had that I possessed any superior intellect were dwindling quickly as it became apparent I couldn’t even string together a sentence. “I mean, there is street-smart, and there is, like, math smart, which I am but it’s all done my head so I couldn’t teach it, so not really, but if you’re talking about….” The words just kept tumbling out of my mouth like a broken water main and I couldn’t stop it.

“History,” he said, cutting me off. “Coach Gunn teaches history, and you seem good at it.” He was talking slowly now, as if he were trying to communicate with an alien. “Are you?”

“Yes,” I answered, trying to swallow.

We stood there staring at each other for about five seconds before he just shook his head. “You know what? Forget it.” He began to walk away.

“You do know he was asking you for help?” my intellect said as it pushed my horniness out of the way. “The guy you’ve been drooling over for exactly six years, five months, and an odd number of days just asked for your help and you stood there drooling because of him.”

My brain jerked a thumb at my sex drive, who was just staring at Brad’s ass with its mouth open.

I don’t have to describe the drool, right?

“What do I do?” I asked myself.

“Leave him alone,” my insecurity said. “It will only lead to sorrow.”

Go get him! my brain and libido screamed at me.

“Wait,” I said, turning around after him. He paused and looked back at me, and I felt my mind begin to get lost in the lines of his chin, so I blurted out, “I can help you.”

He raised an eyebrow as the people walking past us stared, no doubt wondering what exactly that meant. I realized I had broken another cardinal rule of surviving high school besides “never look up” and “always bring your own lunch”: never talk to someone else loud enough for other people to hear. I was talking way too loud.

I took several steps toward him and said in a quieter tone, “With your history—I can help you with that.”

“I need to pass the midterm,” he said in the same conspiratorial tone I was using. “If I don’t, I’m toast.”

I nodded to both the spoken and unspoken sentiments. I could indeed help him study for the midterm, and I was aware he would be tossed off the team if he failed it. And in a culture that is completely popularity-driven, like high school, being stripped of his letterman jacket was akin to being cast from the pantheon of high school gods and forced to wander the barren earth with us commoners.

The ironic part is not once did I consider not helping him simply out of spite.

He was one of those golden boys who somehow seemed to deserve the spotlight of attention they received. Resenting or even trying to deny him that kind of adoration just seemed a cruel and unusual form of punishment. Imagining him not being one of the most popular boys in school was like picturing a beautiful golden retriever caked with mud or a masterpiece of a painting covered with years of grime and dust or any Britney Spears album after Circus. I think that was his secret, the reason he was so well liked even though he didn’t seem to try. People naturally wanted to help him, and I’m sure the fact that he resembled the lead of a CW show didn’t hurt.

“It’s before Christmas break. We’d need to study pretty hard,” I said, wondering what exactly I was getting myself into. “We could meet after school at the library—”

He shook his head, cutting me off. “I have practice, has to be after that.”

I paused. “But the library closes at five.”

He shrugged. “Then come over to my house, and we’ll study there.”

I froze.

“Or we could go to yours….”

“We’ll go to yours!” I blurted out, not letting my overactive imagination have even a second to envision the horror of my mother stumbling out of her room, hungover and wondering why there was someone else in the house.

“Cool,” he said, nodding to himself. “You need a ride, or do you have a car?”

“I do not have a car,” I said tonelessly, still in shock as I realized that by not wanting him to come to my house, I had agreed to go to his.

See what happens when you talk to people.

“Cool,” he said with an easy smile. “Meet me by the locker room after five; I can drop you off at home afterward, okay?”

My head nodded all by itself.

“Awesome. Thanks, Kyle,” he said, turning around and then pausing. “That’s your name, right?” He seemed contrite and embarrassed all at once, which made him about a thousand times more attractive in my eyes.

I paused for an impossibly long moment as I realized I didn’t know my name either. “Yes!” I blurted out as the memory of my given name stumbled across the tip of my tongue. “My name is Kyle!” I tried again, reinforcing it by saying it out loud again.

His smile turned into a wide grin as he held out his hand. “I’m Brad.”

“I know,” I said before I could stop myself. His hand closed on mine, and his head tilted to the right a bit as his eyes locked on to mine, as if he were considering those words carefully. I felt my stomach fall out from under me as I realized what the hell I had just said. “I mean, everyone knows you,” I amended, and I followed that up with a nervous little serial killer chuckle that would convince absolutely no one I wasn’t crazy.

He held my hand for a second too long as he said nothing and then slowly nodded. “Okay, Kyle. Cool.” He let go, but I could still feel the warmth of where his skin had touched mine. “So, after five?” My head did the bobblehead nod as I agreed. He laughed a little to himself as he turned away. “Awesome, see you then.”

I tried not to stare at the way his jeans hugged his ass as he walked away.

I tried but failed pretty badly.

“Well, this is going to end in tragedy,” my fear said as the first bell rang.




End of the Innocence #2
KYLE
THERE IS an old French quote that goes: Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose. It’s usually translated as: The more things change, the more they stay the same. Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr wrote it in the 1800s, and it has become a common phrase people use when they are complaining about life or by adults who want to instill the feeling that no matter how weird things get, they have seen it all before.

Have I lost you already? Like one paragraph in and you’re all, “I just can’t with this kid.” But bear with me. I’m going somewhere with this, okay?

So the French quote, the actual translation is: The more it changes, the more it’s the same thing. And that, my friend, is completely different.

See, the one we use, the more they stay the same, that really isn’t true, is it? I mean when something changes, that shit is changed. It’s like diffusion. You know, the process that happens when you add a drop of red ink to a glass of water. At first the red drop is super obvious and you can see it is clearly different than the rest. So if we go by an inaccurate translation, the more red we add to the water, the more it stays the same.

But that isn’t true.

Sure, the water is still water, but it isn’t what it was before. One, no one wants to drink it. People want crystal clear water, and if you have some weird red water that has ink it, you’re going to pass real quick. Two, you can’t get the ink out of the water either. What was once pristine water is now ruined with ink, and everyone knows it. You can’t hide the red; you can’t pretend it isn’t there. What was a glass of water is now ruined, so what use does it have anymore?

So the more things change, the more they are not the same.

So let’s try the actual translation, okay?

You have a glass of water, sitting there on the table. You’re either going to drink it or not. That is determined in your mind by looking at it, and there are a lot of factors that will influence that. How thirsty are you? Are you hot? Did you just work out? So many things that have nothing to do with the water.

Now someone comes by and adds a drop of red ink into the glass and it’s changed. Changed forever, never to be that clear glass of water again. The question is not what’s wrong with the water or why did someone put ink in it. The question is, how thirsty are you?

See, people didn’t know me before all this. I had spent so much time being invisible that I was used to not being considered a person. So I was a glass of water sitting on the table, being ignored because who gives a damn about a lone glass of water. But then Brad kisses me and suddenly I’m seen, and I’m not just seen, but they figure out I’m gay.

And one drop of ink falls.

Nothing has changed. I am still the same person I was before he kissed me, but am I? I am now gay and will always be gay. I could get struck with a lightning bolt sent by Brocules, the patron god of heterosexuals, and have my entire brain rewired. I would wake up and like boobs and stuff, care about the color of girls’ panties, and spit more. And fart I guess, I don’t know. I’d make a bad straight.

But the point is, even after that lightning bolt, I’d still be the gay guy to those people. They’d go, “Did you hear Kyle got struck by lightning?” and then ask, “Who?” and they’d say, “You know, the gay guy.”

I haven’t changed. Brad hasn’t changed. Yet we can never be the people we were before last week.

And here comes more of the same thing.

I was still ignored because no one wanted to be caught talking to the gay guy in public, only this time they were doing it on purpose. They knew I was there, they knew who I was, but they made a point not to even glance at me. Completely changed, more of the same crap.

Brad had always been the center of attention. People talked about him, watched him as he walked by. He was someone everyone knew. But he had always been envied and scorned by the people who were never going to be as cool or handsome as he was. They thought about how much they disliked him; they talked among themselves about how fake he was and why people couldn’t see through his bullshit. They just didn’t say it to his face because he was that guy, and no one wanted to talk shit about that guy.

Brad kisses me and suddenly their thoughts became words and their words became weapons, and instantly, Brad was the center of attention in a completely different way.

Nothing in his life stayed the same, nothing at all. He was kicked off the baseball team, and though they were willing to let him play to save face, he wasn’t going to go back unless they changed the rules about how they treat gay people at Foster High. The people who used to be his friends openly scorned him, and a few were very vocal about it if they ran into him in the halls or whatever. He used to date the prettiest girl in the school, and now he was dating me, who was not the prettiest anything in the world. He was no longer the person people thought he was, although he hadn’t changed one thing about himself.

Yet according to Brad, this was all just more of the same.

He had always known these people didn’t really like him, and the only thing that had changed was they were being honest about it. I thought he’d miss being popular and everything that came with it, but he said he honestly didn’t miss it. He did say he hated being spit at in the hall, but besides that, he was relieved he was out.

The more it changes, the more it’s the same thing.

So as another week passed, the next part of our diffusion happened.

People stopped seeing the red ink and started seeing red water.

Brad explained that most of the people he knew didn’t have the attention span to dislike someone for very long. It didn’t sound right to me, and one night, at his house, he laid it out for me.

“See, you think everyone is like you,” he explained as we lay on his bed. “You think that people have the ability to focus on something and not let it go. You have that crazy elephant memory, so once you dislike something, you keep disliking it for… well, forever, I guess.”

“You know elephants do have great memories, but they forget stuff.”

“Fine, but you’re elephant-like in more than just your memory.”

He glanced down at my crotch, and I blushed instantly.

“Brad!” I whined.

“Okay, but my point is, these people don’t have the endurance to care about anything for long. I mean, look at memes. They are everything for, like, five seconds, and then they’re gone. You know why? Because people find something else and move on. They hate me—”

“Us,” I interjected.

“Us,” he added. “But that was like two weeks ago. We’re gay. Who cares? They all hate us and that’s a law now, so going out of their way to show it is too much for them. They’ll never like us, but they will start to ignore us.”

“Well, that’s normal for me,” I said, going over what he said in my mind. It was scary how smart Brad could be about people. It was like he had access to the machine code of people’s minds. He didn’t know the formality of psychology or the technical terms for things, but he understood the motivations of people like no one I had ever met.

He scooted over toward me. “And I still don’t understand how anyone could ignore you.” He moved closer. “You’re just too cute for words.” He leaned in to kiss me.

“Knock it off, Romeo,” his dad said, walking by the open door, a rule his parents had insisted on once they accepted we were dating.

Brad smiled and gave me a quick peck as he pulled back. “Sorry, Dad.”

“You’re going to get us in trouble,” I scolded him.

Another grin that could charm the pants off a nun and he adds, “You’re worth the trouble.”

And sure enough he was right. As we headed into the third week, things just… stopped.

People stopped yelling things at us at lunch, people stopped moving as far away from me as possible in the hall, and Brad said he hadn’t had his books knocked out of his hands two days in a row. And then I made a friend.

I think.

Well, let me explain.

See, normally when I walk into a class, I take my backpack off, sit down, pull my notebook out, make sure I have a clean page ready and have the textbook on hand if I have to read out loud or something. I sit near the side of the classroom, next to a wall, and usually in front since I want to actually hear the teacher instead of a bunch of idiots drooling on their desks.

No one ever really talked to me unless they were in deep shit.

Maybe once a month since I had been a freshman. someone would come up to my desk and beg to see my notes on whatever since they were dead fucking asleep when we covered it. I knew with my memory I didn’t need them, but I liked making detailed notes because it gave my brain another way to memorize the stuff and pass the time in class. So I was used to someone wanting me to share what I wrote down now and then.

When I walked into trig, the blue-haired girl from the drama club waved at me.

Yes, I turned around to see if she was waving at someone else, and she nodded and said she was waving at me. I walked over and pulled my notebook out. “This is everything this week. For anything older, I’d have to check my locker.”

She glanced at my notebook like I had offered her a dead bird or something.

“What’s that?” she asked.

“My notes.”

“On?”

“On trig. Hurry before the teacher comes in.”

She laughed. “Kyle, I’m not asking to see your notes.”

I looked at her, completely confused. “Then what do you want?”

“I was saying hi?”

Confused.

“You know, like a human being?”

More confused.

“Trying to be nice?”

Yeah, something was off.

“You can sit here,” she said, gesturing to the seat next to her.

“What’s wrong with it?” I asked, giving the seat a stern look.

“Um, nothing? What do you think would be wrong with it?”

Sighing, I explained, “It’s just this is my last good pair of pants, and I can’t get them torn on a tack or stained with something.”

Now it was her turn to be confused. “Who would put those things on your seat?”

“Tommy Lopez, seventh grade. It was some kind of soda that made my pants stick when it dried. I had to go home and change and miss the rest of the day.”

She looked horrified.

“So what’s with the chair?”

“I was just offering you the seat, to sit together? Like, I don’t know, people?”

Yep, not understanding one word.

“Jeremy was an asshole to you guys and I wanted to say sorry. I didn’t know you’d be this paranoid.”

My confusion turned to ire. “Three different people spit gum into my boyfriend’s hair last week because they were having a contest on who could make the bigger mess. It’s not paranoia if they’re out to get you.”

Now she was completely shaken. “I didn’t know. I am so sorry.”

And she did seem sorry. I didn’t see pity on her face or even just sympathy. She really looked like she was distressed by the way we were being treated.

“The chair is safe. I’ll sit in it if you don’t believe me.” She started to stand up.

“Okay, I believe you,” I said, sitting down gently, just in case.

“I’m Sammy,” she said, holding her hand out.

“Kyle,” I replied, shaking it.

“I knew that.”

That made me smile. “Sorry, habit. I’m not used to people knowing my name.”

She shook her head. “Well, they know it now.”

I got my books out. “Tell me about it.”




151 Days #3
Kyle
FOR EVERY action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

This is Newton’s Third Law of Motion, and it is a pretty standard concept that is universally accepted in science. It’s a cornerstone of physics since forever. Well, not actual forever, but before color television, so close enough for what I’m talking about. It states that whenever object A interacts with object B, they exert forces on each other that forever changes the trajectory of both objects. Everything in the universe can change anything it comes into contact with. No one escapes unscathed.

I’m pretty sure you know I am not talking about physics.

There is no way to exist in this world without affecting it. Trust me, I tried. Most of my life, I tried to place myself outside the world. A boy in an emotional bubble, never touching anything, never letting anything touch me, just my own little island of nothing, trying my level best to just move forward.

I didn’t want friends.

I so desperately wanted friends. I mean, in the same way that boy bands wanted to stay relevant past their third album desperate. But I had no idea how to make friends. Hell, I didn’t even like myself. What were the odds someone else would like me? No, better not to engage and ignore all that socializing.

I didn’t want love.

Now, this is complete bullshit and we all know it. I mean, who doesn’t want love? I wanted love the same way people who believe in UFOs want to be abducted. Both of us would be completely shocked by it and then find ourselves utterly unprepared for the actual occurrence. I wanted to be loved, but I had no idea what it would feel like if someone did.

I didn’t want to be seen.

This one is true. I hated everything about me, which seemed like it wasn’t really a big deal because I hated almost everything else, but it was. See, I hated myself for all the things I wasn’t, and I hated everyone else for being everything I could never be. Things like normal, cool, and chill were beyond my grasp, and I grew up loathing all the reasons why I couldn’t be like that and hated the people who were.

I wanted not to exist, I wanted a pain-free life, I wanted to get out of high school in one piece.

Turns out I was better off wishing to be abducted. At least then all of my failure would have been contained to a spaceship.

Let me show you the chain of events that led to this clusterfuck of a life I live.

Brad Graymark’s dad was a douchebag and didn’t use protection in high school when he had sex.

That created Brad. He’s object A.

Brad desperately wanted to be loved and accepted by his father, but couldn’t get it because, and again I refer back to, his father was a colossal douchebag. For Brad that meant playing baseball the very best he could. Because Brad was so good at baseball, he became one of the most popular guys in school. Because he was so popular, he didn’t think he needed to do anything except play baseball.

Turns out he needed to maintain a GPA above a negative number.

So to keep playing baseball, which would keep him popular, which would magically change his father to show emotion and say he loved his son, Brad had to find a tutor.

That’s me, object B.

We met, he kissed me, I had a stroke and kissed him back, and then all sorts of shit started to happen.

The school decided to say very loudly that they didn’t like gay people, which then caused our parents to rise up and threaten to sue them if they kept it up.

See? Action to reaction.

Since the school couldn’t openly be hostile toward us, it allowed everyone else to be hostile, which meant it was open season on gay people at Foster High.

Action to reaction.

Being openly attacked forced Brad and me to make new friends—well, new ones for him, my first ones. Those people had been treated shitty for just being different, so we all kind of came together.

Can you see how every single thing has caused a completely different thing to occur?

That led to us crashing a popular-people party, which led Kelly, a friend of Brad’s, to admit he had feelings for Brad, which led to Jeremy, don’t ask, to film it and put it up on YouTube, which led to Kelly shooting himself in the head.

You know, that makes it sound like Brad being born is at fault; let me start over again.

If I had never been born then Brad would have found someone else to tutor him, Kelly could have gone on crushing on him in silence, and none of this would have happened. So if I was dead, Kelly would be alive.

We all got that?

So now we are here, 151 days left in this school year and we’re a man down. I know that sounds flippant, but think about it for a moment. Our senior year had a literal body count; that’s how bad it had gotten. But the clusterfuck that was this year wasn’t done yet.

Because Kelly killing himself caused people to lose their minds. They wanted someone to blame. Some found that blame in the school, some found it in Kelly, and most of the people at school found it in me.

See, to everyone else, I was object A, the first kid in school to stand up and say, “Yeah, I’m gay. What’s your problem?” which led to Kelly being object B and killing himself. Sure, there were a lot of steps in between, but in their head the line from me to him was pretty simple. Gay guy to dead guy. End of story.

But they’re wrong. It isn’t the end of the story. In fact, it’s the start of a whole new one.

Because Kelly killing himself was object A, and trust me in this:

I’m object B, and I am pissed.

This town killed Kelly, this attitude that normal is a religion and anyone who doesn’t worship under it is a sinner who deserves to get punished. Maybe you shun them, maybe you hurl derogatory comments at them, and maybe you hold them down and beat the shit out of them in an empty gym. Well, if that’s the case, I am not a sinner, I am the fucking devil, and I refuse to stand by and let anyone else end up being sacrificed on the altar of normal.

I have 151 days left in the school year before I blow out of this town like a cartoon roadrunner. That leaves me a little under five months to fix Foster and make sure this never happens again.

So if I were you, I’d buckle up, because I’m not playing around anymore.


Author Bio:

John Goode is fifty years old and was found in his floating crib by a strange man… wait, no that’s Baby Yoda. I am a cat that gets constantly screamed at by a blond woman while I’m trying to eat… wait, no, not me. I am inevitable, nope. I am Iron Man? More no. I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way? I can’t pull that dress off. Okay, I am and shall always be your friend. Sigh, I think I stole that from somewhere. Let me try again. WHEN I WAS A YOUNG WARTHOG! Too much? I agree. Okay, how about a little Fosse, Fosse, Fossee, a little Martha Graham, Martha Graham, Twyla, Twyla, Twyla and then some Michael Kidd, Michael… I lost you, huh? Well whoever he is, I can assure you he isn’t a black cat that wears glasses. Okay, how about this? 

He is this guy who lives in this place and writes stuff he hopes you read. 


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Tales From Foster High #1
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End of the Innocence #2
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151 Days #3
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