As we sat next to one another on the rocky river bank in silence, I watched his wild dark hair ripple in the wind. He looked so much older than me. His shoulders were broad, and he was at least two inches taller than I was. I couldnât help but notice the curves of his biceps through his fleece pullover. He was the hottest guy Iâd ever seen. He was the guy I imagined kissing when I jerked off. Well, it went back and forth between him and the High School Musical version of Zac Efron, but mostly it was Chance.
The truth was, we didnât have much in common. We both loved riding bikes, running through the woods, and playing video games. But thatâs where our similarities ended. I figured out pretty early on that Iâd rather be in the kitchen with my mom helping her bake something or working on a craft project, or reading a book, rather than being out in the front yard throwing a football with my dad. I was all about reading and science and Chance Wyrick was all about sports⊠any sport, really. He was always the best one on the team, and it didnât matter what kind of team it was.
Our differences didnât seem to matter for a long time. We were pretty much inseparable until the previous year. It was inevitable that we would eventually separate. He started hanging out with the jocks and I started hanging out with the nerds. But after school on most days, it was like nothing had changed. He would just walk through my front door, go straight up to my bedroom, and weâd start playing video games. We still knew everything about each otherâs life, we just stopped acknowledging each other at school.
Chance had his knees pulled up in front of him and was tracing some inconceivable pattern on the massive rock we were sitting on with a stick. I liked to think of it as our rock. It was the first place we came to every year as soon as we were done setting up camp. I wondered what heâd think if he knew how obsessed I was with him. I hadnât told anyone I was gay. But I knew I was. There wasnât a chance in hell Iâd ever tell him. In fact, he was the last person Iâd ever tell. He shook his head and tossed his stick in the water and looked over at me. His cheeks were red from the cold air and his big caramel eyes sparkled with golden flecks in them when he looked at me. I could feel my face turn red and I immediately looked down and started throwing pebbles in the river, hoping he couldnât read my thoughts.
âYou really going to homecoming with Marci Jenkins?â he asked.
I rolled my eyes. It wasnât something I was excited about, but she made a big deal out of asking me and I felt bad saying no. âYeah. I guess. Are you going with anyone?â
He cleared his throat. âI asked that new girl, Kara Watkins?â
âYeah. I know who she is. Blonde, big tits, dance team.â
He laughed. âYeah, sheâs fucking hot, dude.â
I rolled my eyes again and felt a pang of red-hot jealousy hit me in the chest. It was our freshman year of high school and, so far, neither of us had much experience with girls. Chance had been too busy playing every sport known to man and, well, I was just me. I shouldnât hate a girl I never talked to or met, but I did. Thatâs why I did my best in that moment to slut-shame her. âYeah. I heard she made out with two different guys at Jake Hollowayâs party. I also heard her parents caught her doing it with some older kid from Wilsonville and thatâs why she had to come to school here.â Everything I said to him was pretty much a big lie, except the part about her making out with two guys at Jakeâs party (I heard that part from Marciâs friend Shelly, a completely unreliable source). I felt a little sick to my stomach after I said it. It wasnât like me to do something like that.
I looked over at him. His face was red. He shrugged. âI donât think thatâs true. I was at Jakeâs party and she did make out with Matt Hoffner, but thatâs it. She told Kerri Sidner that she didnât like him. Supposedly, she likes me. I donât know.â
I cleared my throat and kept chucking rocks in the river. âWell, I guess she does or she wouldnât have said sheâd go to the dance with you.â
âYeah, I guess so. Iâm pretty sure sheâs gonna want to make out.â
A sarcastic snicker escaped my lips. âMost likely. So what?â I was trying not to be an asshole, but the whole idea of Chance making out with someone else pissed me off. I knew I was being completely irrational, but I couldnât help it.
âSo, Iâve never done it. Have you?â
I rolled my eyes. âWhat? Made out with someone?â
âYeah?â
âChanceâthis is me weâre talking about. No.â
âWell, do you think Marci will want to?â
I shrugged because I hadnât really thought about it. âI donât know. Maybe. Are you really worried about it?â
I looked over at him and his face was still red. âFuck no.â He ran his fingers through his wild dark hair and sighed. âI donât know. Maybe. Arenât you? What if I fuck it up or I donât know what Iâm doinâ or something and she tells people?â
My eyes were completely focused on Chanceâs lips and I donât know what came over me but before I could stop myself I blurted out, âWe could practice.â
His face was bright red and mine felt hot. I was sure I was redder than he was. Why did I just say that? He looked at me like Iâd lost my mind. âWith each other?â The way he said it sounded less like a legitimate question and more like a âAre you fucking kidding me?â rhetorical question.
But at that point Iâd said it and I couldnât take it back. âYeah. I mean, who else could we practice with? If we did it first, it wouldnât be as weird with the girls. Itâs just an idea. You donât have to get all freaked out about it.â
All of the sudden, I felt a stinging punch to my left arm. It hurt like a son-of-a-bitch, but I wasnât gonna tell Chance that. âOkay. Shit! Chill out. It was just an idea.â
Chance was quiet, and I was busy praying I could invent a time machine and go back to five minutes ago until he spoke again. âIf we do this, dude, you canât tell anybody.â
âWho the fuck am I gonna tell? Itâs not exactly something I would want to go around broadcasting.â
The next thing I knew, he had scooted closer to me. âYou be the girl. What should I do first?â
My heart was pounding. I kept wondering if the whole thing was really happening. I took a deep breath and took off my glasses and put them down on the rock beside me. âItâs not like Iâm an expert or anything, but I think girls like it if you start with a regular kiss firstâlike soft and gentle.â Chance grabbed the back of my head and pressed his soft lips against mine for a few seconds and then pulled back.
âLike that?â
I swallowed hard. That was the first time I understood what it meant to have butterflies in your stomach. I rasped, âYeah. Like that.â
His face was still red when he leaned in and kissed me again the same way. That time my lips parted and he slid his tongue inside my mouth. It was slow at first as our tongues explored, and then the kiss grew more urgent. It was the best thing Iâd ever felt. At some point, I wrapped my hand around his neck and pulled him closer to me. I donât know how long we were kissing. It could have been hours. It could have been minutes. All I knew was that I didnât want to stop. It was better than I had ever imagined. By the time he pulled away, I was out of breath and he was too. I could feel my dick straining against my jeans and I pulled my knees up to my chest, hoping he couldnât tell I had a boner.
He wiped his hand over his face. âDo you think we did it right?â
I couldnât help but grin. âYeah. I think. I mean, it felt good, right?â
He ran his hands through his incredible dark hair. âYeah. I mean⊠yeah, I think it was right.â He backhanded me across the chest. âRemember, nobody hears about this.â
I rolled my eyes and said, âDuh.â I really wanted to ask him to practice again, but I didnât want to press my luck.
I knew I made the right call as soon as he jumped up. âRace you back to camp!â I watched him take off running and I put my glasses back on, got up, and jogged after him. There was no reason to try. Even if he gave me a thirty-second head start, I never would have beat him.
