Sunday, April 21, 2024
Sunday's Safe Word Shelf: What They Deserve by EM Denning
Desires: New Beginnings #3
Jade has spent years searching for a place that feels right. After years spent circling the block with just about every Dom at Desires, they're finally wondering if they've reached a dead end.
Angelo moved to get a fresh start, post breakup. But the only thing he's done is sling drinks at the local kink club, Desires, and watching Jade burn through partners like fire. Angelo has never stepped foot into a playroom there with a submissive for himself, but that hasn't stopped him from thinking about it. And those thoughts all center on Jade.
His crush on the non-binary beauty turns into serious concern when Jade has a scene end with a safe word, and their mutual friend Steve is wary about letting Jade continue down their self-destructive path. In response to their friends' worry, Jade ghosts everyone, which only sparks more of the untapped dominance that has been simmering just beneath Angelo's skin. When Jade stops coming around altogether, Angelo takes it upon himself to do something about it. After all, the whole point of moving was to move on, and it's high time that Angelo did just that.
Can a rusty Dom like him be the soft landing that a jaded submissive like Jade is looking for?
1
JADE
Their shoulders ached from the way their arms were tied behind their back. The stretch was good, though. It settled Jade into themself and made everything quiet. If they shifted too much, the ropes tugged the hook that was buried deep in their ass. Jade let out a breath as slow as they could.
“Having trouble, cub?” Dave’s deep voice reverberated through Jade, making them tremble. Dave pulled on the rope that was attached to the anal hook. They cried out, rocking on the balls of their feet, feeling suddenly and deliciously unstable. Sweat beaded on the back of their neck and they felt a drop slide down between their shoulder blades.
“I asked you a question.”
“Sorry, Sir.” Jade took a deep breath. They could tell the scene was ending. Dave was an amazing dom and Jade half hoped to renegotiate a longer contract when this one came to its end in a month. Dave was gentle but firm. Rough without being brutal. He knew how to rig a rope and swing a flogger. He had hands made of steel and Jade loved being put through their paces by him.
“Your mind is wandering. Are you bored?”
Jade’s head snapped up, and they looked Dave in the eyes. “What? No.” Their chest suddenly felt too tight when Dave’s gaze softened. Until that point it felt like part of the game. Then Jade saw it, the same look they’d seen on the face of every Dom they’d ever had a scene with. The expression of impending doom.
They knew what was going to happen before Dave said another word. It was always the same. Jade, you’re a lot of fun, but I don’t see this going further. Jade, you’re a remarkable submissive, but you’re not bratty enough. You’re too bratty. Too much. Not enough. Too into the lifestyle.
Jade lowered their gaze and took a deep breath. They tried to get their head back in the scene. Dave even gave them a few minutes. He gently massaged Jade’s arms. He caressed his bare skin, but Jade’s willingness to submit had evaporated.
Jade lifted their head and looked Dave in the eyes. There was no point in prolonging the inevitable.
“Red.”
Dave nodded once and grabbed the safety shears. Jade was about to argue that he didn’t have to ruin perfectly good rope, but it was still Dave’s job to look after Jade for a few more minutes. Until Jade was free of the ropes. Then they could get the fuck out of there.
The anal plug popped loose, and the sudden emptiness was jarring. Another length of rope was cut and Jade could separate their arms and move them back down to their sides.
“Here, let me,” Dave carefully unwrapped Jade’s arms. He rubbed his hands over the rope marks and made Jade do a grip check by having them squeeze his fingers. “Let’s sit and talk, okay?”
Jade gathered their simple black shorts off the floor and stepped into them. Whatever arousal they’d built up had faded to nothing, leaving Jade feeling cold and unwelcoming.
“No thanks, Dave,” they faked a smile. “I know how this conversation is going to go.”
“Jade, sit,” Dave pointed to the bed. “Please.”
Jade shook their head. Had they worn a shirt? They couldn’t remember. Sometimes they did. Sometimes they didn’t. It was a sex club, clothing was optional, really. Jade fought the urge to reach for the doorknob. They knew they owed Dave the decency and the respect of having this conversation, but it didn’t change the fact that it was going to feel like rolling around in glass, then jumping in a pit of lemon juice.
“I’m fine standing, but maybe some water?” Jade wrapped their arms around their torso. They had a hoodie in their locker, and they couldn’t wait to slip into it. The club normally didn’t feel this cold. Maybe they were coming down with something. Or maybe they were just a big fucking baby who couldn’t hold on to a relationship or a dom.
Dave gave Jade a bottle of water and they cracked it open, drinking half like a good little submissive.
“I think you know we’re not a match, Jade.” Dave said softly. “It shouldn’t have to be this much work.”
Jade flinched like someone had slapped them. “That’s a new one.” Anger and sadness mixed in their stomach. They flushed all over, feeling weak and slightly sick.
“Maybe that came out wrong, but I just mean that it should be easier between us. More natural. Less forced.”
Jade snorted and twisted the cap back onto the bottle a little harder than necessary. The plastic crinkled in protest. “Right. You said that.”
“I’m fucking this up.” Dave stroked his fingers through his hair.
“It’s fine, Dave,” Jade said, feeling the furthest thing from. “It’s not like I can legally compel you to fulfill a kink contract. You’re free to go.” Their eyes cut to the door. “Am I?”
“I want to make sure you’re okay.” Dave took a step toward them, but Jade held up their hand, motioning for him to stop.
“I’m no longer your difficulty.”
“Jade, wait. Don’t leave upset like this.” Dave started after them, but they slid out the door and pulled it shut. The last thing Dave would do would be to follow them through the club, begging and pleading and making an ass of himself.
Jade hurried down the stairs, going as fast as they dared without drawing attention to their hasty exit. When they reached the bottom, they slowed their pace even more, skirting past a few familiar faces without being seen. They were nearly home free. The locker room entrance was only a few feet ahead. They were so close they could practically feel the softness of their hoodie.
“Jade, stop.”
Jade’s footsteps faltered, and their shoulders drooped. Steve stepped into view, broad, imposing, and unhappy.
“I’d like a word with you,” Steve said. He waited for Jade’s response; a solemn nod that might’ve been missed had he not expressly been looking for it. “Take them to my office, Matty. Get Angelo to bring some orange juice and grab a blanket for them.”
Jade scowled. The last thing they wanted was to be made to feel like an idiot in front of half the club. But it wasn’t half the club. Steve and Matty had seen Jade in all manner of states of emotion and arousal. The rest of the club was completely unaware of what was going on, except for a dejected-looking Dave, hovering off to the side, looking guiltier by the minute.
But Angelo would know. He’d see Jade all tied up in emotions and not pretty ropes, and they hated the way that made them feel. But they followed Matty anyway. They didn’t have a choice. Matty was like a golden retriever puppy, impossible to not like.
Matty slid his arm around Jade and tugged them expertly through the room in such an unassuming way that no one paid them any mind. He was good at it.
They came to the bar and Matty beckoned Angelo over. Jade might not be able to read Angelo, but it was clear from the look on his face that he could read Jade. Concern passed over his face, just a flash before his usual aloof indifference slid into place. Jade added another tally to the list of people who didn’t think they were worth thinking about and averted their eyes. Anything was better than staring at Angelo’s impassable expression.
“Two OJ’s please, Angelo. And can you have the kitchen make a batch of disco fries for Jade?”
Jade looked at Matty, who had somehow learned their weakness. “I’m not hungry.”
“That’s fine. I am.” Matty grabbed the bottles of orange juice off the bar-top and tugged Jade down the back hallway and into Steve’s office.
Had it not had a computer sitting on an oversized, sturdy desk, it wouldn’t have looked like an office at all. The furniture was leather and comfortable. The walls painted a dark green, rather than the usual office eggshell white. Framed kinky pictures hung on the wall.
Matty pressed the glass of orange juice into Jade’s hand. He lifted the top of the ottoman and pulled out a humongous fuzzy blanket, and draped it around Jade’s shoulders before burrowing in next to them.
“Dave called us with the emergency phone.”
Jade whipped their head around and looked at Matty. “There wasn’t an emergency. He…” Jade cleared their throat. “We weren’t into it tonight, so I ended the scene. He cut me down and then we both agreed that we shouldn’t see each other in a dom/sub capacity anymore.”
“He said you were argumentative and refused aftercare. He just wants to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m fine,” Jade’s voice cracked. Because of-fucking-course it did. They cleared their throat and looked away from Matty. “I’m okay. I just didn’t feel like a post, it’s not me, it’s you, break up snuggle. I want to go home.”
“It’s Dave’s duty, as the dom you were in a scene with, to look out for your safety. That’s all he was doing. It’s also Steve’s job to make sure his submissives are cared for. He’s interrogating Dave right now, making sure he didn’t cross any lines with you.”
Jade rolled their eyes. “Dave was fine. He didn’t do anything wrong. He’s good at what he does, we’re just not a good fit. Too bad we didn’t realize that before he had the anal hook in me and my arms strung up behind my back. It would’ve made getting out of there a lot easier.”
“I’m sorry, Jade.” Matty rubbed circles on Jade’s back. They almost asked him to stop, but then they realized they didn’t hate it. They believed Matty was sorry for the situation and not sorry for them. That Matty didn’t feel pity, but empathy was important.
Someone knocked softly on the door and Matty gave permission for entry.
Angelo walked in with a plate of steaming disco fries. Green onion and cheddar cheese, all melted dumped on top of a side of fries, heavy on the salt, super bad for you, and Jade’s favorite food.
Angelo set the fries down on the ottoman in front of Jade. “I had extra cheese added.”
Before Jade could formulate a response, Angelo was out the door. It opened a second later and Steve appeared. Thankfully without Dave. Jade understood why he did what he did, from the ending of the contract to tattling on him to Steve. That didn’t mean they had to like it.
Steve took a seat in an oversized chair opposite to Jade. “I talked to Dave. Now I want your side of the story.”
Jade took a deep breath and let out a huge sigh. Matty tried to pull him in closer, but Jade stiffened and Matty backed off.
“We were in a scene, and we weren’t into it. I called red, and he cut me down and made sure I was okay. We decided to not continue our contract. He wanted me to sit and talk, but I just wanted to go home.” Jade lifted their gaze and met Steve. The man could make people shit their pants with only a look, but he only had compassion for Jade.
“I understand that, but you freaked him out, Jade. He’s really worried about you. He wanted you to sit and talk with him for a few minutes. Aftercare is important to dominants as much as it is to submissives, even more so when something in a scene goes wrong. The protocols we have in place are to protect people.”
Jade nodded. “I understand.”
Steve raked a hand down his face. “I’m imposing a temporary restriction on you, Jade.”
The juice in their stomach soured. “What?”
“I’m not banning you. You’re free to come here, but for the next two months, you’re not allowed to play. No scenes. No negotiating for scenes once the restriction is lifted. I want you to come here as much as you do any other time, but maybe taking a step back will help readjust your perspective.”
“So, I’m not actually banned?” Jade could’ve cried in relief. It wasn’t a big deal to blow off the playrooms for a couple months. It wasn’t anything they hadn’t done before.
“No negotiating. No play rooms. You can attend public demonstrations as an observer. That’s it. Upstairs is off limits. I’ve already alerted the dungeon masters. Believe it or not, this isn’t a punishment, Jade.”
Jade scoffed and reached for the cheesy fries. Waste not, want not. The fries wouldn’t fill the empty hole inside of them, but they were salty and greasy and tasted nice. “I find that hard to believe. No offense, Sir. But you basically grounded me.”
“It’s for your own good.” Steve looked at them as though he were daring Jade to argue.
“Are you sure you’re not a daddy dom?” Jade popped another fry in their mouth. Truthfully, they felt horrible about bailing on Dave the way they did. They knew better. But Dave had looked at them with big sad eyes full of pity and they couldn’t take it. At least Steve had the decency to look stern and concerned and a little bit miffed, maybe.
“I’m positive. Eat your fries. Drink your juice. Speak to Dave before you leave.”
Jade sighed. “Could you send him in and give us a few minutes alone? I really do want to go home, but I’ll make things right with Dave first.”
Steve stood and clapped Jade on the shoulder. He gave it a friendly squeeze, like a proud dad approving of his kid’s change in behavior. “Thanks, Jade. If you need anything, you let me know.”
“I will. Thanks.” Jade watched Steve usher Matty out the door. Jade barely had a minute to gather their thoughts before Dave knocked and slipped into the office. He looked at Jade, his eyes full of sadness.
“I’m sorry, Jade.”
“Dave, sit down, please.” Jade patted the seat next to him and Dave sat down. Who said doms never took instructions? “I owe you an apology. I don’t do well with,” they waved their hand in the air. “This. You know. I’ve had a lot of doms not renew a contract with me. I’ve had some break it early. It’s fine. It’s part of this whole lifestyle thing, right? I just… I thought we’d have a few more weeks at least.” Jade sighed and took another fry. Despite the cheese, it just tasted like salty sadness.
“I really am sorry.”
Jade’s shoulders slumped under the weight of Dave’s apology. It was sincere, but it still sucked that he thought Jade was too much work. He was apologizing for not renewing the contract, but not for those words. He likely wasn’t aware of the impact the words had on Jade. They dug in under Jade’s skin like poisoned thorns.
Jade forced a smile. “It’s all right. I’d really like to get home. I’m tired and I think I’m coming down with something. Probably why I wasn’t really into it tonight.”
Dave’s face paled. “I can drive you.”
Jade shook his head. “Dave, thank you, but I’d rather call for a ride. I don’t live far.”
“At least let me pay.”
Jade acquiesced. They just wanted to go home and curl up in a bath and pretend that life didn’t completely fucking suck. “Are you going to be okay?” They asked Dave. It seemed like the right thing to do.
“I’ll be okay. I’ve just never had a submissive run out on me like that. It was alarming.”
Jade forced a smile. “I’m sorry about that.” They truly were sorrier than Dave would ever know because the reality had set in that Steve had put them on probation. No scenes for two months. No negotiating. No nothing.
After a deep breath, they reassured themself that it was nothing they couldn’t handle. They’d be fine.
Piece of cake.
Saturday's Series Spotlight
Desires
E. M. Denning is a writer from British Columbia. She loves her family and animals, and anything cute and fuzzy. She writes romance for the 18+ plus crowd because she's both a hopeless romantic and a dirty old woman.
You can find her on her website, Facebook or on her blog.
What They Deserve #3
Desires: New Beginnings Series
What He Learns #1
What He Finds #2
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