Sunday, September 21, 2025
Sunday's Safe Word Shelf: No Fear by Nora Phoenix
No Shame #3
Confused puppy seeks owner…
Aaron is lost.
He’s lost his parents’ approval.
He’s lost his job.
He’s lost his sense of identity.
At least he’s out as gay, but all that has brought him is more confusion. He feels like a freak who doesn’t fit in anywhere. Even his own brother doesn’t want anything to do with him.
Sexy jiu jitsu teacher Blake makes Aaron feel things he’s never felt before. Things in his body. Things in his heart. Things he didn’t even know he craved, like being cared for, having decisions made for him.
Like being a puppy.
But Blake doesn’t want a relationship, so how can he want Aaron?
No Fear is a steamy gay romance with mild puppy play elements. It’s the third book in the No Shame Series that needs to be read in order. Please note the trigger warnings in the front of the book.
1
The yellow stickynote on the kitchen counter left little room for misinterpretation.
“Aaron: clean your shit up. Now.”
Aaron Gordon didn’t need a name to know who wrote it. Blake. Aka Professor Kent, the Brazilian-jiujitsu teacher who’d kindly taken Aaron into his home, a home he shared at the moment with two women and an older guy—all victims of domestic abuse. And apparently, Aaron had repaid his kindness by making a mess. Again.
He looked around the well-used kitchen and winced. His stuff was everywhere. He’d left his backpack on the floor, his shoes next to the back door, and his dirty dishes on the counter. He’d even forgotten to throw the carton and plastic from the microwave meal he’d devoured for dinner yesterday in the trash.
A check of the living room revealed the same. The sleeve of the Xbox game he’d played was still on the table, as was the magazine he’d been reading, and the wrapper of his candy bar. He’d even discarded his dirty socks on the floor, right under the coffee table.
The kitchen and living room were common areas, meaning everyone could use them. It also meant you weren’t supposed to leave personal stuff lying around. Aaron had his own cabinet in the kitchen where he could store food and china—if he’d had any. His room also had a large closet for his stuff. It wasn’t even half-full. All he had left were his clothes. He’d sold his furniture and everything else when he’d lost his job and had to cancel the lease on his apartment in a DC suburb. His clothes and his car were all that remained from the up-and-coming lifestyle he’d once had.
He needed a job. Desperately.
But first, he needed to clean up his stuff. His shit, as Blake had put it, though words like that still did not come easily to Aaron. It was the result of a conservative Christian upbringing, strict parents who did not tolerate that kind of language. He’d never even uttered curse words till a few months ago.
He cleaned up the kitchen first, making the extra effort of wiping down the entire counter after doing his dishes. The living room was little work, which made him feel even guiltier he’d left his stuff there.
It was hard to think of things like that when he’d never had to. His mom had always cleaned up after him, and when he’d lived on his own, nobody else had been around to see. He’d cleaned up maybe once a week, once every other week if he’d been busy. He couldn’t do that here, not in a house he shared with others—as Blake had patiently explained to him multiple times in the last couple of weeks. He felt like such a kid when the guy did that, even though they were only ten years apart. And the fact that Aaron had forgotten again, had received this publicly visible reminder from Blake, man, it made him feel like a total loser. A fuck-up, was the better word.
He tasted the foreign, rude word on his tongue. Fuck-up. Yup, that was exactly what he was. An utter and complete fuck-up. And he’d managed to disappoint Blake once again, the man who’d taken him in weeks ago and had asked for nothing in return. Not even rent—which Aaron wouldn’t have been able to pay anyway, but that was beside the point. Blake deserved better.
Aaron looked around the living room. It could do with a bit of cleaning, actually. The kitchen too. It wasn’t gross, but there was dust, and both the tile floor in the kitchen and the hardwood floors in the living room could use a good mopping. Should he? Yeah, that would make up for his slovenliness.
It took him two hours, but by the time he was done, the kitchen was sparkling and smelling of the lemon-scented cleaner he’d used, and the living room was dust-free. He’d even vacuumed the couch cushions, finding a condom packet when he did. Was it Blake’s? He’d never seen the guy with a woman so far, but who knew.
He admired his cleaning work, satisfied he’d done a good job. At least Blake would be happy with him now. He checked his watch. Two o’clock. That late already? Huh, he must have slept in again.
Oh, crap!He was supposed to meet Blake at the jiujitsu studio at two to help him with some stuff. He’d completely forgotten.
He got changed in a hurry and ran out the door. The studio was close, but he still didn’t arrive till fifteen minutes past the agreed time.
“You’re late,” Blake greeted him when Aaron hurried in. He was dressed in tight gray training pants and a form-fitting black shirt, looking good as always.
Aaron’s shoulders slouched. “I’m sorry. I lost track of time. I cleaned the living room and the kitchen?”
Blake’s face softened. “I appreciate that, Aaron, but we had an agreement you’d be here at two.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” He stared at the floor. Even when he wanted to do the right thing, he still messed up. Yup, total fuck-up.
“Look, I know things haven’t been easy for you, and I get that you needed some time to figure things out. Time’s up. You need to get your shit together, Aaron, because I have no patience for people who don’t keep their promises. I need to able to count on you, trust that your word means something, you feel me?”
Much to his embarrassment, Aaron felt hot tears burning in his eyes. Life sucked so very badly at the moment. Would it ever stop? He swallowed, determined to fight back the tears. “You’re right. I’m trying, but I don’t know where to start. It’s all so overwhelming.”
“Do you want my help?”
His head jerked up. “Of course I do!” What kind of question was that?
Blake’s expression was kind. “You haven’t asked for it, so far.”
Aaron frowned. Why would he have to ask for help? Couldn’t Blake see he needed it? Why would he make Aaron go through the humiliation of having to explicitly ask for it? “I didn’t realize I had to,” he said.
“And there is arrogant Aaron again.” Blake shook his head. “Boy, you know how to push my buttons, don’t you?”
Aaron shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans, feeling infinitesimally small. “I don’t mean to,” he said softly.
“I know, which is the only reason I let you get away with it. What you need more than anything is an attitude adjustment. You have this sense of entitlement that rears its ugly head all the time. Until you get rid of that, you’re not gonna get far, boy.”
“I’m not a boy. I’m twenty-four.” It was all he could say when his soul felt like it had been cut to shreds. He’d never realized how much Blake didn’t like him.
Blake’s eyes narrowed. “Then fucking act like it. You’re entitled to exactly shit, and the sooner you realize that, the better. If you want something, anything, you’re gonna have to work hard for it. And you’d better learn how to ask for help, because people aren’t exactly lining up to help you.”
He would not cry. He clenched his fists, biting back his tears with all he had. “I need help. Please.” It didn’t come out as nicely as Blake might have wanted, but it was the best Aaron could do right now. He even managed to look Blake in the eye, saw a flicker of something he couldn’t identify.
“All right, then. Let’s get to work. Since you seem to enjoy cleaning, why don’t you start by dusting and vacuuming the entire studio? After that, you can clean the big blue mat with a special cleaning product you’ll find in the cupboard below the kitchen faucet. Make sure it’s all done and dry before five because that’s when the kids’ lesson starts.”
Aaron’s mouth dropped slightly open. When Blake had said he could use Aaron’s help, this was not what he had in mind. He’d thought it was a quick job, like hanging up a picture or something. Not hours and hours of cleaning, and especially not after he’d already done the kitchen and living room at home. Besides, he’d asked the guy for help. How did cleaning help him?
“I don’t get it. How does this help me?”
Blake sighed. “Remember what I said about you not being entitled to shit? You’ve lived in my home for almost a month now, without paying rent. Think that’s what you’re entitled to? Think again. Until you’re able to pay rent, you can work it off. Now, get your ass to work, because I have more to do.”
* * *
As he satin his tiny office, updating the financial data for the previous month, Blake wondered if he’d been too hard on Aaron. It was always a tricky line between confronting the folks he tried to help with a truth they needed to see, and hurting them so much it rendered them completely passive. He could only hope he’d gotten it right with Aaron. He wasn’t a bad kid, not by any means. Simply spoiled, as far as Blake could tell.
It was hard, because Aaron often behaved in contradicting ways. Self-assured and cocky one second, insecure and hurt the next. Entitlement and arrogance were followed by confusion, helplessness, and social ineptitude.
Blake wondered what the story was with Aaron and his brother Josh. As far as Blake knew, they hadn’t seen each other since Aaron moved in. Aaron hadn’t even seen him for Christmas, had spent it alone as far as Blake could tell.
It could be because of personal stuff. Blake still hadn’t been able to figure out what Noah and Josh were to Indy, and to each other, let alone what that cop’s role was, but they were obviously tight. Noah had apparently been in the hospital, and Indy had been on the run for some reason, so Josh likely had more on his mind than hanging out with his brother. Plus, from the little interaction he’d witnessed, they weren’t exactly close. Josh had seemed happy to be rid of him.
A soft buzzer alerted him someone had come in. Aaron was vacuuming the main floor, so he couldn’t have heard it. Blake got up and walked into the hallway.
“Indy!” he said, surprised to see the young man by himself. “How are you?”
Indy was dressed in his gi, proudly wearing his brown belt. He was a natural, exactly like the letter from Matt Fox had said. Blake had no idea what Indy’s story was, but if Matt Fox requested you’d train him for free and keep his identity a secret, that’s what you did. The guy was the highest-ranking Brazilian-jiujitsu professor in the country, a true guru of the sport. Blake had met the man twice, had seen him fight once, and was still in awe of his skills.
“Good. Thank you again for being a go-between for me and Connor.”
Blake nodded. “No problem. You here to train?”
Indy looked apologetic. “If possible. I wasn’t sure I would be able to come, so I didn’t call.”
“You here by yourself?”
“Yeah. Noah is still recuperating from his surgery, and Josh is taking care of him. Connor’s at work.”
Blake marveled at the casual way Indy suggested the four of them were together. They couldn’t be, could they? Fuck, what did he care? He’d seen stranger things, and if they loved each other and it made them happy, it was fine with him. He honestly didn’t care, as long as it was all consensual.
“No problem. I need to finish something in the office, so why don’t you get warmed up?”
Indy nodded. “Thanks, Professor.”
Blake smiled as he went back to his office. He loved grappling with Indy, as he was so ridiculously talented. He was at most five foot six, so Blake had a good five or six inches on him and at least fifty pounds, but the guy simply never gave up. He did not know the word defeat.
It didn’t happen often to Blake that he misjudged people, but he’d been completely off about the interaction between Noah and Indy. When the boy had shown up for the first time with that big guy in tow, his body language had been uncomfortable. Blake was a trained observer, and he’d spotted tiny moments of hesitation and flinching on Indy’s part, followed by deliberate contact initiated by Indy. Blake had concluded Indy wasn’t comfortable with Noah, was afraid of him on some level.
He’d been wrong.
Indy was uncomfortable with anyone touching him, though he tolerated it during grapples and practice and it was getting better. Blake could only guess the cause, but he didn’t want to. It wasn’t his place, and by now he was confident that whatever the relationship was between Indy, Noah, Josh and even Connor, Indy was safe and loved.
It had been unfortunate that Josh had concluded Blake had an issue with gays. He didn’t, not even close. How could he, when he himself was gay? Not that he was broadcasting it. Brazilian jiujitsu was still a bit of a macho sport, and he didn’t want to deal with the inevitable homophobic reactions from some people. Also, not all parents were okay with a gay man teaching their kids.
But his brothers knew and so did his close friends, and of course the one-night stands he fucked at a gay club twenty miles away. He only went once a month or so, but he rarely left without finding a suitable guy willing to bottom for him. It wasn’t ideal but it worked. For now, at least.
He quickly finished his bookkeeping so he could move on to more fun stuff. He changed into his gi, preferring to be on equal terms with Indy. It could be a disadvantage when one person was wearing one and the other wasn’t, since it made gripping and pulling your opponent down easier.
When he walked into the main room, Aaron had shut off the vacuum cleaner and was talking to Indy. Oh, fuck. He’d completely forgotten Aaron was there. Damn. He’d wanted to keep him away from Indy, not sure if Indy wanted Josh's brother to know him. Well, too late now.
Aaron had his back toward Blake, but Blake had no trouble picking up his words.
“Maybe we could go out some time?”
Blake’s eyes went big. What the fuck? Aaron was asking Indy out? Shit, the kid really had no self-preservation instinct, did he? Anger rose up in him. What the hell did Aaron think he was doing, asking strangers out like that? Fucking moron.
Indy found his eyes over Aaron’s shoulder and shot him an apologetic look. Blake sent him a reassuring smile back. Nothing to apologize for. Definitely not his fault. There was not a sliver of doubt who had initiated this. The concept of Indy flirting was too absurd to even consider.
“Look, I’m sure you’re really nice, but you’re skipping a few steps.”
Aaron jammed his hands into his pockets, which seemed to be his go-to thing when he was insecure. “I just want to get to know you better.”
“You could’ve started by asking my name. Then I would’ve told you that my name is Indy, and I am Noah’s boyfriend. It would’ve saved us both this highly uncomfortable conversation.”
Aaron’s posture froze. “How did you know who I was?”
“Dude, you look enough like Josh to make it obvious. You guys have the same build, the same eyes, and you even sound the same. I know you recently came out as gay, but Aaron, you really need to learn how to do this. You cannot walk up to men you’ve barely met and ask them out. Somebody will take offense and beat the shit out of you.”
Blake stepped in. “They already have, and I’m starting to see why.”
Aaron blushed fiercely. “Can’t blame a guy for trying.”
“Actually, I can,” Indy said. “It’s offensive to be asked out simply because you can tell I’m gay. It reeks of you wanting to lose your gay V-card, and while I’m sure there are guys more than happy to help you out, it doesn’t appeal to me at all. You’re not even close to being my type, as any gay man would’ve been able to tell you, and I’m damn sure I’m not yours, either.”
Indy wasn’t pulling any punches, and Blake almost felt sorry for Aaron. Almost, because Blake’s anger was still bubbling below the surface, and there was no doubt in his mind Aaron needed to hear this. He might not realize it now, but Indy was doing him a massive service. “Why would I not be your type?”
Indy deserved credit for not rolling his eyes at that question. Blake totally would have, no doubt in his mind. “You’ve met Noah, right? That’s my type. Big, strong, bossy as fuck. Which would be your type as well, if I had to hazard a guess.”
Aaron’s face grew even redder. Blake suppressed a chuckle. It looked like Indy’s guess had been spot-on.
“How the f-f-fuck would you know what my type is?” Aaron sputtered, clearly embarrassed as hell. It would have come out a lot stronger if he hadn’t stuttered on the word “fuck.”
Indy merely laughed. “Experience. Now, that’s ‘How to Be Gay 101’ for today. I have a training I want to get back to.”
He turned around, but Aaron, clearly frustrated by something, stepped forward and put a hand on his shoulder. Blake winced, knowing what was coming. Within a second, Indy grabbed that hand and put his foot back, twisting his hips, effectively slinging Aaron over his hip, flat on the ground. The air left Aaron’s lungs with an audible whoosh. That had to hurt, especially since his previous injuries weren’t completely healed. Well, he shouldn’t have touched Indy.
Lesson learned. Hopefully.
Aaron groaned in pain. “What the heck did you do that for?”
Indy looked at him calmly, not even breaking a sweat. “Don’t ever, ever put your hands on me again.” He turned around and went back to his warm-up exercises as if nothing had happened.
Blake reached out a hand to Aaron, letting him pull himself up. Aaron grimaced in pain. Good. Hopefully, he’d remember this for the next time. “Can he do that? Isn’t there like a code for jiujitsu or something that you can’t use it to harm others?”
Blake mentally counted to ten. For some reason, this boy exasperated him. “Did you put your hands on him?” he asked.
“I was only touching his shoulder!”
Blake was done being patient. Apparently, the message had not been clear enough yet. He stepped in, bringing their faces close. They were the same height so he stared hard into Aaron’s eyes. “You put your hands on him without his permission. He defended himself, as is his right. The next time I see you do that with him or with anyone else, I will kick you out on your ass. Do you feel me?”
Aaron nodded, clearly intimidated. Good. Maybe a solid dose of fear would help him develop some common sense. Fuck knew he needed it.
Nora Phoenix is a bestelling author of MM romance. She writes in various subgenres of gay romance, including contemporary, mpreg, and sci fi. Nora is known for a mix of steamy romance, usually a dash of kink, all the feels, and some suspense.
Proud single mom. Book addict. Eternal optimist. Unapologetic feminist. Ace. Panromantic.
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No Fear #3
Series
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