Showing posts with label inman. Show all posts
Showing posts with label inman. Show all posts

Thursday, October 30, 2025

πŸ‘»πŸŽƒ⏳Throwback Thursday's Time Machine⏳πŸŽƒπŸ‘»: The Hike by John Inman



Summary:
Ashley James and Tucker Lee have been friends for years. They are city boys but long for life on the open trail. During a three-hundred-mile hike from the Southern California desert to the mountains around Big Bear Lake, they make some pretty amazing discoveries.

One of those discoveries is love. A love that has been bubbling below the surface for a very long time.

But love isn’t all they find. They also stumble upon a war—a war being waged by Mother Nature and fought tooth and claw around an epidemic of microbes and fury.

With every creature in sight turning against them, can they survive this battle and still hold on to each other? Or will the most horrifying virus known to man lay waste to more than just wildlife this time?

Will it destroy Ash and Tucker too?

Original Review October 2017:
When Ash and Tuck decide to go for a hiking adventure, there is no half measures when it comes to their devotion to make it fun but they are definitely determined to research it thoroughly, which can only keep them safer, right?  There is one thing they forgot and that is nature is not always predictable.  Will they survive the journey but more importantly, will their friendship survive when it becomes more?

First of all I just want to say that John Inman is King of Macabre.  Holy Hannah Batman!  If you doubt that Mother Nature can be frightening I highly suggest you read The Hike because it will keep you on the edge of your seat in ways you never expected.  "Edge of your seat" may be a clichΓ© but it's clichΓ© for a reason, when a story grabs you like The Hike did me, you know you're reading something special.

I won't go into the plot too much but I will say that if you think the duo will meet furry and fuzzy little creatures along the way then you are reading the wrong book and the wrong author.  Don't get me wrong there is plenty of friendship, love, and heart in this story that will warm your heart but its the anticipation of what is lurking around the next bend in the trail that will keep your page turning(or swiping) finger busy.

I'm just going to say it: if you love Stephen King, well then you'll love John Inman and personally, I will read Inman over King any day.  King is good but Inman will take the most mundane and every day situation and turn it into the most frightening scenario imaginable.  I am no hiker or camper and frankly after reading The Hike, I'm not sure I want to be πŸ˜‰ This is definitely going in my re-read and my creepy/freaky library.

RATING: 




Chapter One
I STARED at the pile of shiny new stuff in the trunk of my car, then tore my eyes away long enough to gaze—for the umpteenth time—at the two-foot-long sales receipt in my hand.

“Ahem,” I said. “Did we really just spend $637? I mean, seriously?”

“And that’s just the beginning,” drawled Tuck, who was also standing there staring into my trunk. “We have to come back tomorrow to choose sleeping bags and pick up our two three-season tents, which they didn’t have in stock. That’s another $500 and change. Then we have to buy enough supplies to keep ourselves fed for three weeks, not to mention the loss of wages we’ll suffer heading off into the bush and trying to stay alive for damn near a month, or at least long enough to come back and brag to everybody how we bravely faced nature head-on, fighting off wolves and hopping over rattlesnakes every five feet, and at the same time trying not to fall victim to the Zika virus after being stabbed by some asshole mosquito who flew all the way up from Brazil for the sole purpose of expanding his diet by chowing down on us.”

“Lord, Tuck,” I said. “How you do blather on. And just so you know, there’s probably not a wild wolf anywhere this side of Montana.”

“Thank God for that. But what about mountain lions? They scare the poop out of me.”

I reached into the trunk and pulled out a brand-new garden trowel with a seven-dollar price tag on it. “Which is why we bought this,” I preached. “Never forget the trail hiker’s sacred motto: Leave Nothing Behind. Even poop needs to be buried. Remember?”

Tuck blessed me with a vaudevillian shudder. “Yes, I remember, and I’m still horrendously appalled by the idea.”

We stared down yet again at the mound of very expensive stuff crammed into the trunk of my car. Two CamelBaks that held three liters of drinking water each, pots and pans, a skillet, tin plates and flatware, two tiny Coleman lanterns, four walking sticks, new boots, new hiking shorts, several packs of two-ply socks to prevent blisters, sunhats, rain gear, sunblock, insect repellants, leather anklets to guard against snakebite, boxes of baby wipes for bathing, a bag of dog food, a water filtration system, a couple of throwaway cameras, a book on how not to get killed by wildlife on the trail, and a quart of scotch (which I bought in case we almost get killed by wildlife on the trail and need something to calm our nerves afterward). And we still, as Tuck said, had to come back tomorrow and purchase everything else we needed for the trip. In spite of all this, we were having the time of our lives. Go figure.

We slowly swiveled our heads around to stare at each other. Even more slowly, two grins started spreading across our faces. Tuck’s eyes crinkled merrily. My mouth fell open around a gaping smile. We grabbed hands.

“We’re going camping!” we screamed in unison.

Some butch-looking guy in biker boots and a lumberjack shirt, balancing a brand-new kayak on his head, ogled us askance as we stood there in the REI parking lot jumping up and down like a couple of Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. All we needed were pom-poms and tits. Tucker and I ignored the guy. We’ve been stared at before, and for much more egregious offenses. This Paul Bunyan wannabe barely made a blip on our radar.

Maybe this is the point in the story where I should introduce myself. My name is Ashley James. Everybody calls me Ash. My fellow cheerleader is Tucker Lee. Everybody calls him Tuck. He’s my best friend in this cold, cruel world, and not too long ago, by some weird mixture of hormones and alcohol, he became an unexpected bedmate as well.

That sort of sneaked up on us, don’t think it didn’t. Being bedmates, I mean. There we were, toddling along since high school, best chums, each knowing the other was gay but never really acting on that knowledge until one day a few months ago when we drank too much tequila in a dive in Tijuana and woke up the next morning snuggled up naked in a bed inside a Motel 6 about fifty feet north of the US/Mexican border with our clothes strewn everywhere, my ass hurting that good kind of hurt, some very enjoyable memories swirling around inside my head, and Tuck snoring and drooling against my shoulder while one of my hands rested on his furry butt and my other hand cupped the back of his neck, holding him close.

It was a funny thing too. Tuck isn’t my type. I like tall, smooth-skinned, eel-thin guys with brooding eyes and big feet. Tuck isn’t eely at all. In fact, he’s shorter than me and frankly husky. Sort of stocky, you know? He also has a fuzzy chest. Well, no, he’s fuzzy everywhere, except on the top of his head, where with him at the ripe old age of twenty-five, his brown hair is already receding. And his shoes are a size seven and a half. Ballerina feet.

So here I am all of a sudden amorously attracted to my best friend—the last guy I should be attracted to if you judge me by past exploits. Me, the guy who rarely returns calls after one hookup, now can’t seem to be around this husky, short, small-footed, fuzzy best friend enough.

As if all this isn’t truly irksome, I’m also a bit disturbed by the fact that every time Tuck and I get together for some reason or other, which is almost daily, we expend a great deal of energy pretending that night in Tijuana never happened. Not once has Tuck mentioned it. And since he hasn’t mentioned it, neither have I. Now how do you suppose that makes me feel?

By the way, in case you’re wondering, like Tuck, I’m also twenty-five. I stand an even six feet, have reddish-blond hair, a smooth torso—which is in pretty good shape if I say so myself—and I like to surf and jog, work out at my gym, and run an occasional marathon. Tucker likes to sit on his ass and read books. I mean, what the hell kind of a guy does that?

But all that is another story altogether. Right now we’re in the REI parking lot, jumping up and down like morons, and I’m telling myself not to pull Tuck into a bone-crushing hug for the sole purpose of sticking my tongue down his throat.

Yep. I’ve got it bad. And Tuck doesn’t seem to care at all. Although he is excited about the camping trip; I’ll give him that.

He slammed the trunk shut. We were still beaming at each other. If Tuck had any inkling of the thoughts going through my head about how cute I thought he looked standing there, he didn’t let on. He merely reached up and flicked a speck of dust off my shoulder.

“Where to now, bwana? Lunch?”

“Sure,” I said. “Lunch.”

“How about Lettuce Entertain You.”

“That place that serves nothing but salad? Are you nuts? I need grease. I need cheese. I need great flat wheels of dough. I need pizza.”

He frowned but said, “Okay.”

So off we went.

At our favorite wood-fired pizza joint in downtown San Diego, Tuck prissily nibbled away at a single slice while I consumed six slices in the same span of time.

“What the heck is that all about?” I asked, pointing at his empty plate.

Tuck had the cuteness to blush. “I’m trying to lose weight. I look fat next to you.”

Boy, did I have an answer for that. I wanted to say, “Next to me, you look sexy as hell naked and hungover and humping my leg. Period. All other considerations are moot.” But I didn’t. What I said was “What brought this on?”

He blushed redder and shrugged.

I tried harder. “You weigh the same as I do, Tuck.”

“But you’re six inches taller.”

“Okay, but your dick is bigger.”

A smile, finally. “Yeah,” he said. “There is that.”

We were sitting at an outside table with the whole of downtown traipsing past. I felt the weight of his foot against mine under the table. Tuck didn’t seem to notice, but I did. Disconcerted by how much I noticed, I snagged another slice of pizza from the box between us while a crocodile of grade-schoolers marched past single file on their way to kiddy time at the San Diego Public Library, all the while casting envious glances at our pizza, or what was left of it. Don’t they ever feed those kids?

For about the gazillionth time, I opened my mouth to ask if Tuck remembered that night in TJ at all, then chickened out and kept right on eating. I stared at his strong, meaty hand resting on the table in front of me. It had a brush of dark hair sweeping across the back and also a sprinkling of hair adorning the skin between every single knuckle. How sexy is that? I seemed to remember that very hand doing things to me under the covers in that room at the Motel 6 that could get you strung up by your neck from a baobab tree and stoned to death on most of the African continent.

Again I opened my mouth to bare the elephant in the room (or the elephant in the street-front cafΓ©) but chickened out a second time.

“Should we pack a snakebite kit?” Tuck asked out of the blue.

“We’ll ask the REI guy tomorrow when we pick up the tents.”

“How about one of those foghorn things to scare off the wildlife?”

“Are you expecting an errant T. rex to chase us down the trail?”

“Black bears,” he said. “And don’t tell me there aren’t any of those within a thousand miles, because I know there are.”

“The only bear I expect to see on the trail is you, Tuck.”

At that he coughed up a wry chuckle. “Am I a bear?”

“You’re hairy from the bottoms of your feet to the top of your head.” I glanced at his receding hairline and amended my statement. “Almost. So yes, that makes you a bear.”

I don’t know if it was the way I was looking at him or because he suddenly entertained an unexpected flashback concerning our one and only night of carnal explorations just north of the Mexican border, but Tuck blushed again.

He tried to cover it up by wiping a napkin over his forehead. “It’s hot out here.”

“And getting hotter by the minute,” I said before I could stop myself.

Maybe because he didn’t know what else to say, Tuck grunted, “Fuck it,” grabbed the last slice of pizza out of the box, and poked it into his mouth with one of those hairy-knuckled fingers I couldn’t seem to take my eyes off of. Seeing me watching him, he smiled. It was a good smile too. Very expansive.

“Wow,” I said, honestly startled. “You’ve got dimples.”

Tuck stopped chewing and stared at me. As soon as he could swallow the glob of pizza crust in his mouth without choking to death, he said, “I’ve always had dimples, Ash. You’ve known me for ten years and you never knew I had dimples?”

I came this close to reaching out and stroking his hand, but at the last moment I didn’t. God knows what sort of can of worms that would have opened up. I did, however, allow myself to take a teeny tiny stab at flirting. “Your dimples are nice,” I said. “Very cute.”

Tuck stared at me. His foot nudged mine beneath the table. An accident? He opened his mouth to speak, closed it, then opened it again, but still no sound came out. Finally he said, “We’d better go,” and after checking the bill the waitress had left on the table, he slipped a twenty under it and scraped his chair back so he could stand.

“Let me pay the bill,” I offered.

“Too late. It’s paid.”

“Let me give you half.”

“Stop it,” Tuck said with a dour expression that came out of nowhere.

“What’s wrong?” I said, more hurt by that look on his face than I wanted to admit. “What did I say?”

Tuck shook his head, tapped his pockets to make sure he had his wallet and cell phone and everything else people lug around with them these days, then cast his eyes toward the gate in the fence that led out onto the street.

“You ready to go, Ash? I need to get home and walk Hannah.”

“I guess,” I said. Standing, I did my own pocket patting routine, then followed Tuck as he weaved his way between the tables and headed out into the throng of noontime pedestrians milling back and forth along Broadway.

Since we’d arrived in my car, we headed for the high-rise parking structure where I’d parked. By the time we got there, the awkward moment had passed, and we were joking and kidding around, getting excited all over again about our upcoming hiking trip.

“Are we really taking the dogs?” I asked.

“Hannah and Cho? Hell yes. What else are we going to do with them? They’ll love being in the desert with us.”

Cho is my beagle, named for Margaret Cho. Hannah is Tuck’s Irish setter, named for his old-maid aunt, who died of a fatal bowel blockage twelve years prior. Tuck wasn’t particularly imaginative when it came to naming his pets. Somehow they always ended up being named after a dead relative who had died in some bizarre fashion, which Tuck’s family seemed to be prone to. Poor bastards.

Once settled in the car, I cranked up the engine, but before I could pull out of the slot, Tuck’s hand shot across the space between us and landed lightly on my arm, like a bird.

“We could save money by using one tent on the trip instead of two,” he said softly.

When I turned to him, our eyes met in the way I had been wanting them to meet for a very long time. “That would save us a lot of money,” I said.

For just an instant, his warm fingers brushed through the hair on my forearm, as if he was testing the way it felt. He was still staring at my face, our eyes remaining pretty much locked together.

With the flash of one tiny dimple, he said, “Plus, I’m a city boy. I’ll feel safer having you close.”

My voice wasn’t much more than a squeak. “Really? You’ll feel safer?”

His other dimple made a brief appearance. “Yeah, Ash. I will.”

“Uh, just so you know, I’m a city boy too. I’ll probably be worthless in the wild.”

“I’ll feel safer anyway.”

“Oh, well good, then, Tuck. I want you to feel safe.” I gave him a smile and that was that.

After a tick, he removed his hand from my arm and turned to stare through the windshield while dragging his seat belt over his chest and clipping it snug across his lap. For some reason, he was whistling.

I put the car in gear and started steering it through the confusing tangle of ramps and switchbacks, seeking the exit to the parking structure, shooting off this way and that like a lab mouse working his way out of a maze. Tucker tuned my radio to a country music station, which he knew I hated, and left us to be blatted with an old Merle Haggard hit that set my teeth on edge.

Not that I much minded at the moment.

“I’ll feel safer having you close,” Tuck had said.

“I want you to feel safe,” I’d answered back.

All the way home, I chewed on my lower lip, wondering what the two of us really meant by that little exchange, and what it would be like for the two of us to sleep in the same tent on the trail. Would we be too tired to do anything? Did he even want to do anything? Tough questions, but like I said, all I could do was wonder.

And all the time I was wondering, Tuck kept right on whistling.


John Inman

John Inman is a Lambda Literary Award finalist and the author of over forty novels, everything from outrageous comedies to tales of ghosts and monsters and heart stopping romances. John Inman has been writing fiction since he was old enough to hold a pencil. He and his partner live in beautiful San Diego, California. Together, they share a passion for theater, books, hiking and biking along the trails and canyons of San Diego or, if the mood strikes, simply kicking back with a beer and a movie.

John's advice for anyone who wishes to be a writer? "Set time aside to write every day and do it. Don't be afraid to share what you've written. Feedback is important. When a rejection slip comes in, just tear it up and try again. Keep mailing stuff out. Keep writing and rewriting and then rewrite one more time. Every minute of the struggle is worth it in the end, so don't give up. Ever. Remember that publishers are a lot like lovers. Sometimes you have to look a long time to find the one that's right for you."


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Thursday, January 23, 2025

🍾⏳Throwback Thursday's Time Machine⏳🍾: Best of 2024



πŸ‘€I'm later than typical for my Best of postings but with my mom's passing last week everything was thrown upside down but it was always important to her that I had my blog as an outlet for "me time" so though it seems odd to do it right now, I'll continue because that's what she'd want.πŸ‘€

Back in 2023 I started a weekly Throwback Thursday post featuring stories I've read and loved in the past.  These 9 books were the most viewed of my TBT posts in 2024 and were included in my Best Reads of the years originally read and reviewed.  Follow the links to see my original reviews.  It's possible the purchasing links may have changed since the original posting , in those cases check out the authors' websites for the latest purchasing information.











Thursday, October 31, 2024

πŸ‘»πŸŽƒ⏳Throwback Thursday's Time Machine⏳πŸŽƒπŸ‘»: Spirit by John Inman



Summary:
Jason Day, brilliant designer of video games, is not only a confirmed bachelor, but he’s as gay as a maypole. One wouldn’t think being saddled with his precocious four-year-old nephew for four weeks would be enough to throw him off-kilter.

Wrong. Timmy, Jason’s nephew, is a true handful.

But just when Timmy and Uncle Jason begin to bond, and Jason feels he’s getting a grip on this babysitting business once and for all, he’s thrown for a loop by a couple of visitors—one from Tucson, the other from beyond the grave.

I’m sorry. Say what?

Toss a murder, a hot young stud, an unexpected love affair, and a spooky-ass ghost with a weird sense of humor into Jason’s summer plans, and you’ve got the makings for one hell of a ride.

Original ebook Review October 2018:
When Jason Day agreed to care for his four year old nephew, Timmy, while his sister and her boyfriend went on a month long vacation he had no idea what he was getting into.  Between the man in the basement Timmy meets and his uncle showing up from Tucson, Jason has his hands full.  Wait, what man in the basement?  In the middle of mystery, unexplainable noises, and Timmy's limitless energy will Jason find time for a little romance too?

How I haven't read Spirit before is beyond me, it's as unexplainable as the man in the basement first appears to be.  Who knew creepy ghost stories could be so lighthearted and humorous?   Grasping a child's limitless energy can be a difficult thing to write without them coming across as brats that need more than one timeout but somehow John Inman has made Timmy not only spirited, energetic, a handful, but he's also made him cute, adorable, and exactly what Jason needs.

Now I won't really touch on the plot of this incredibly fun, creepy, and wildly addictive mystery because so many little things give just too much away.  I will say that having read some of John Inman's work before, I knew it would be more than just an uncle caring for his nephew while the mother is on vacation and I wasn't wrong.  Spirit really does have a little bit of everything(okay there's no sci-fi), it may sound cliche to say its got so much going on but in this case it really does.  Jason is incredibly likable and Sam from Tucson has a secret or two in the beginning but he too is absolutely delicious.  As I said above Timmy is a rambunctious little boy who despite being a bit sassy at times he really is a sweet little guy you just want to protect.

Spirit has it all and more, it hooked me from the first paragraph and when I reached that final page I was not ready to close it down.  If you are like me and already a fan of John Inman than you'll love this story and if you haven't checked out his work before, than Spirit is a great place to start.  He has a way about his work that blends edgy, creepy, mysterious, humorous, and of course romantic in just about a near perfect way.  I may not get the opportunity to read all his work as it is released but he has certainly earned his place on my "Automatic 1-Click" list.


Original Audiobook Review September 2020:
I don't know why it took me so long to originally read Spirit and I'm even more clueless why it took me so long to listen to the audiobook.  John Inman is definitely tops in my book when it comes to creepy, scary, romantic, frightful gems that are perfect for Halloweentime.

The only thing I'm going to say for this listen/re-read is that putting a child into a ghost story adds so many elements to the fright factor.  From wanting to do everything possible to protect Timmy to his child-sized brand of humor making me smile, I spent the whole book wanting to wrap him up in a Mama Bear hug.  As for what his presence does for Jason, well he brings something into his uncle's life that not even Jason knew he was missing.

Wrap all that emotion into a ghost mystery and you have a story that will suck you in and keep you hooked till that very last page(or narrated line).  Speaking of narration, I've never listened to John Anthony Davis before but he brings John Inman's characters to life that keeps you mesmerized all most as deeply as Inman's words themselves. All around perfectly haunting read.

RATING: 




Chapter One
SALLY’S SUITCASE was dusty rose with little Alice-blue primroses on it. Very pretty. It was also big and bulky and weighed a fucking ton. I grunted like a caveman and broke out in a sweat simply hefting it into the trunk of the taxi. I wasn’t sure, but I thought I felt a couple of sinews in my back snap like rubber bands.

“What do you have in here? A dead body?”

“Oh, pooh,” Sally said, slapping my arm. “You gay guys gripe about everything. Just suck up the pain and try to be butch. Fake it if you have to.”

Since butch doesn’t always work for me and since I was never very good at faking anything, including maturity, I stuck my tongue out at her instead. “Blow me, Sis.” Since I knew it irked her, I cast a critical eye at her ash-blonde hair. It was bleached to within an inch of its life, and it had been that way since high school. “And stop bleaching. One of these days you’re going to wake up bald.”

She flipped her long hair back off her shoulder. “I don’t bleach, I tone.”

“Whatever.”

“Jason, you’re such a brat.” She smirked, sticking out her own tongue and waggling it around in midair, just as she had when she was nine and I was six and she was trying to freak me out. My sister could even now, at the ripe old age of thirty-one, touch the tip of her nose with her tongue. I had always admired that remarkable ability. Being a gay man, I’ve used my tongue extensively over the years in a number of scenarios, and in a number of dark moist places, but I still haven’t acquired that skill.

“Bitch. Floozy. Slut,” I mumbled under my breath, making her smile.

During this exchange, the cab driver stood way off to the side glowering, smoking a cigarette, and looking worried that someone was going to ask him to lift something. Since I had dealt with cab drivers before, I knew better than to ask.

The driver was a stodgy old guy who peered out at the world through a perpetual squint, or maybe he was just trying to keep the smoke out of his eyes. In any case, he now made it a point to stare at his wristwatch and clear his throat as he stomped out his cigarette underfoot.

“Time to roll,” he seemed to be saying. “Things to do, places to go.”

Sally and I gave each other a perfunctory peck on the cheek, and only then did we gaze around, wondering where Timmy had gone. Mother of the year, and babysitter extraordinaire, we weren’t. I quickly realized I hadn’t seen the kid in over a minute. He could be in Texas by now.

With a sigh of relief, I spotted my four-year-old nephew on his hands and knees by the foundation of the house, trying to peer through one of the tiny ground-level windows that looked into the basement. He had his little hands on the glass, with his face stuck in between them to shut out the glare, and he was talking to himself and snickering.

“Look, Sally,” I intoned. “The kid’s insane already, and you’ve only had him four and a half years.”

She slapped my arm again. “Oh, shut up.” Glancing at her wristwatch, she said, “Where the heck is Jack? He said he’d be here by now.”

“Jack comes when Jack comes.” I rolled my eyes when I said it. I didn’t much care for Jack.

Sally gave me a devilish grin. “Don’t get pornographic.”

“What? I didn’t mean it that way!”

But Sally wasn’t listening. We were already traipsing across my tiny front yard to fetch the kid. Since I got there first, I scooped Timmy into my arms. His hands and face were muddy brown where he had pressed them against the dirty window.

Sally stuck her fists on her hips and scowled at him. “You look like a miner,” she said.

“He is a minor,” I said. “He’s only four.”

“Oh, shut up,” Sally said again.

Timmy stuck his dirty finger up my nose and laughed. “You guys are funny.”

Sally stared at the two of us as if wondering what she had been thinking, bringing us together like this. “You’re going to ruin him, aren’t you, Jason? When I get back in four weeks, I won’t know my son. He’ll be lost to me forever.”

I shrugged and snapped and snarled and tried to bite Timmy’s hand off, which made him laugh even harder. “That’s the chance you take, Sis. Free babysitters don’t come cheap, you know.”

Sally just shook her head and headed back to the cab, mumbling under her breath, “That makes a lot of sense.”

A car horn in the distance snagged our attention. It was Jack, barreling down the street in his stupid MINI Cooper with the British flag on the roof. Jack was about as British as an Ethiopian famine. He gave a cheery wave out the window and pulled up to the curb with the warbling of a coloratura wailing from his tape deck. Jack liked opera.

I set Timmy on the lawn, and Sally and I watched as Jack jumped from the car, suitcase in hand. Sally was smiling. Remember when I said I didn’t like Jack? Well, Sally did.

“Isn’t he gorgeous?” she asked the tree beside her. She couldn’t have been asking me. She knew perfectly well how I felt about the twit.

Although I had to admit, Jack was immensely easy on the eyes, with his tall, hunky frame and broad shoulders and wavy black hair. I also suspected he was a homophobe, though, since he couldn’t say two words to me without making a snarky comment about my being gay.

“Hey, Sally!” he called out to my sister. “Hey, Rosemary!” he called out to me.

He thought that was funny. I merely turned and scooped a surprised Timmy off the ground and held him in my arms so I wouldn’t have to shake Jack’s hand.

Did I mention I didn’t like Jack?

Jack tossed his bag into the back of the cab beside Sally’s, overflexing a few muscles while he did it just to prove he could.

He walked up to Timmy, who was firmly perched on my arm, and tweaked his nose. Me, he ignored.

Timmy said, “Ppffthh!” and turned away from the guy. He didn’t like Jack either.

Jack didn’t even notice. He gave Sally a smooch on the mouth and said, “Ready, babe?”

The driver tucked himself in behind the wheel and started the engine, all the while making a big show of buckling his seatbelt and fiddling with the meter like he was the busiest guy on the planet. He hadn’t even closed the trunk, so while Sally and Dipshit climbed into the backseat, I set Timmy down on the edge of the lawn for the second time, laid a finger on his nose, and told him to stay put. In a brilliant flash of insight, I realized he wouldn’t do any such thing, so I immediately snatched him up in my arms again. Then I slammed the taxi’s trunk lid closed myself—one-handed, I might add, since Timmy was dangling from my other arm like a wiggling stalk of bananas.

Jack’s hand came out of the window and pointed across the roof of the cab. He clicked his car keys at the MINI Cooper at the curb, which beeped in response and locked itself up tighter than a drum. Sort of like the Batmobile.

“Don’t tip the driver,” I whispered, as Sally leaned out the other window to give me a final good-bye peck. Timmy laughed. He had his finger up my nose again.

“Don’t worry, I won’t,” Sally said, stretching her neck out a little farther to give Timmy a good-bye kiss as well. Then she took one look at the kid’s filthy face and settled on a friendly pat atop his head instead. She wagged a finger in his face. “You be good. Obey your uncle while I’m gone.”

Timmy really laughed at that. “Yeah, right.” He giggled and, squirming out of my arms, he took off running back to the basement window, where he once again dropped to his knees and peered inside.

“Maybe he got my brat gene,” I said, not entirely joking.

Sally didn’t even pretend to find that statement untrue. “No maybes about it,” she said, ruffling through her purse, making sure she had her money, her plane tickets, and whatever else women scramble around for in their purses when they’re trying to be efficient.

I stepped away from the cab, molding my face to look trustworthy. “Don’t worry about the kid. I’ll lock him in the closet if I have to.”

“Just don’t scar him emotionally. I spend enough money on my own therapy.”

“Very funny.”

Then Jack chimed in with, “Don’t turn him gay either. We can’t afford all the makeup you boys use.”

I blushed. Had he noticed I’d used a cover stick on a zit that morning, or was he just talking out of his homophobic ass again?

I couldn’t help myself. I leaned back in the window and crooned, “Don’t worry, Jacqueline. I’ll try to restrain myself. And we won’t listen to opera. I promise. I read that a lot of closeted gay guys listen to opera. Oh, and we won’t use napkins when we eat either, and we’ll blow our noses directly onto the ground just by pressing our thumb to the opposing nostril and blowing the crap out that way. Either that or we’ll wipe the snot on our shirtsleeves. You know. Like you do.”

Sally giggled, Jack turned away unamused, and the driver gave the lot of us an odd look in the rearview mirror, which made me blush again. Sally didn’t give a crap what the driver thought, and Jack was too busy being a prick and trying to look important to notice. He was studiously ignoring me as he checked his airline tickets, plucking them out of his pocket, flipping them open, perusing the contents. They weren’t going to Mars after all. It was just a four-week vacation. After a week in New York to catch a few shows, enjoy a few restaurants, and gain a few pounds, they were then going to diddle up and down the Eastern Seaboard on a train. Several trains, in fact. Personally, I would rather set myself on fire than trap myself in a rumbling metal tube for three weeks with Dipshit; but hey, that’s just me.

Sally reached out, patted my head like she had Timmy’s, then poked it back out of the window with the heel of her hand.

“Stop causing trouble,” she said with a merry sparkle in her eyes. Then she turned to the driver and said, “Airport.”

I heard him mumble, “Well, there’s a surprise,” as the cab backed out onto the street.

I waved, watching the yellow cab hustle off into San Diego traffic, and when I turned to find Timmy, he was gone again.

Holy crap! The kid was a gazelle. What had I gotten myself into?

His disappearance was solved when I found him around the corner of the house in the backyard, peeking through a different basement window. Jeez, he was like Gollum, seeking out the world’s deepest, darkest places.

When I scooped him into my arms, he sang out, “Daddy!”

And I thought, Well isn’t that sweet.


I HAD toddler-proofed the house as best I could. The basement door was securely latched so the kid couldn’t tumble headfirst down the flight of stairs leading into the bowels of the house, snapping a myriad of youthful bones along the way. Electrical wires were safely coiled and taped up and tucked under furniture in case Timmy got the inexplicable urge to chew on them. Electrical outlets were covered. All breakable knick-knacks were raised out of reach and all dangerous objects securely stashed away—switchblades, rolls of barbed wire, plastic explosives, bobby pins. (Just kidding about the bobby pins. I’m not that nelly.)

My dog, Thumper, who was a mix of Chihuahua, dachshund, miniature poodle, and quite possibly a three-toed sloth, was no threat to Timmy at all. The poor thing was almost twenty years old and hardly had any teeth left. I hadn’t heard her bark in three years. She only moved off the sofa to eat and go potty, and once her business was done, she stood in front of the sofa looking up like the Queen Mother waiting for the carriage door to be opened until I scooped her off the floor and redeposited her among the cushions. Poor thing. (I mean me.) She lay there all day long watching TV: Channel 9, the Mexican channel. Don’t ask me why, but that was the only channel she would tolerate. Couldn’t live without it, in fact. The one benefit to this annoying habit of hers was that, while I didn’t understand my dog at all, I was pretty sure I was beginning to comprehend Spanish.

Timmy was at that happy stage of child rearing where he could pull down his own pants and climb onto the commode without any help from squeamish gay uncles. He had brought an entourage of toys with him that would have kept an orphanage entertained. The first thing I did after finding a trail of little black skid marks on my new oak flooring was to confiscate his tricycle, allocating the thing to outdoor use only, which Timmy accepted with stoic resignation, although I did hear him mumble something about chicken poop and peckerheads. I’m not sure if his watered-down-obscenity-strewn mumbling was related to the tricycle announcement but fear it was. While the kid might have gotten my brat gene, there was also little doubt he had inherited my sister’s sarcastic-foulmouthed-snarky gene. God help his teachers when he started school.

With his mother and his mother’s twit of a boyfriend safely out of the way, Timmy and I settled into a routine. The routine was this: he ran around like a cyclone, and I ran around behind him trying to keep him alive. It took my nephew a mere two hours to wear me out completely, and while I dozed for five minutes on the sofa to recoup my strength, using Thumper for a pillow (she did have a few uses), Timmy managed to find a screwdriver somewhere and proceeded to climb onto a chair in the kitchen and remove the back panel from the microwave. Don’t ask me why. What took him five minutes to take apart took me thirty minutes to put back together. I’m not handy with tools. Timmy, on the other hand, seemed quite proficient. If I hadn’t been afraid he might actually succeed, and consequently make me feel even dumber than I already did, I would have asked him to change the oil in my Toyota.

In the middle of the afternoon, Timmy and I found ourselves in the backyard picking oranges off my orange tree for the next day’s breakfast. (Well, I was picking the oranges. Timmy was stuffing them down his shorts. Who knows why?) He was squealing happily and running around with oranges dropping out of his trouser legs and rolling merrily across the yard. I was busy trying to be masculine like a proper hunter/gatherer, climbing up into the orange tree to get that one beautiful orange on the tippy-top limb that I couldn’t quite reach to whap with the broom handle, when I was suddenly stunned by the sound of silence. God, it was lovely. Lovely and suspicious. I peeked through the foliage toward the ground and saw Timmy sprawled out like a dead thing, sound asleep in the grass.

I could only assume it was naptime.

Being the ever-conscientious uncle, I climbed quietly down the tree, gently scooped the kid into my arms, and carried him into the house. The moment I laid Timmy on the bed in the guest room upstairs—since Thumper was hogging the couch—Timmy popped his eyes open and stuck his finger up my nose again. In two seconds flat, he was wide-awake, tearing through the house and screaming like a banshee.

Note to self. Next time the kid goes to sleep, no matter where it is, leave him there. Edge of a cliff? No problem. Middle of the street? Don’t worry about it. Just put up a couple of safety cones to redirect traffic and let him be.

Timmy was making so much noise, and his voice was so annoyingly high-pitched, that Thumper had buried her head under the sofa cushions. I longed to crawl under there with her, but being the adult in charge, God help me, I couldn’t. I rummaged through the mound of clothes Sally had supplied for Timmy’s four-week stay, hoping to find a tiny straightjacket and a soundproof muzzle in among the T-shirts and shorts and Daffy Duck underpants, but she must have forgotten to pack them, dammit.

For my headache, which was quickly blossoming into an epic doozy, I popped four aspirins and chewed them dry. How’s that for butch? And to distract Timmy from doing whatever the hell it was he was doing, I asked him if he’d like to help me fix dinner.

“What are we having?” he asked. There was a rope of snot dangling out of his nose that looked like a bungee cord. I watched, fascinated, as he sucked it back in. A moment later, it made another appearance, flapped around for a minute, then he snorted it back up again. It was a fascinating thing to watch. Fascinating and disgusting.

“Salmon and green-bean casserole,” I finally answered, trying not to barf.

He made a face. “Blechhh! I want hot dogs.”

“Hot dogs.”

“And ’roni.”

“What the heck is ’roni?”

“With cheese,” he said. “’Roni and cheese.”

“Oh. Macaroni and cheese. No way. Do you know how many calories are in that? I have to watch my figure.”

Timmy giggled. “Jack says you’re like a girl. He says you even like boys.”

“I do like boys. But not that one. Jack’s a twit.”

Timmy giggled again, but it was a crafty giggle. “If you make ’roni and cheese and hot dogs for dinner, I won’t tell him you said that.”

“Ever hear of extortion?”

“No,” he said, “but if you make hot dogs tonight, we can have ’stortion tomorrow.”

“Fine,” I said. I wasn’t a complete idiot. I’d serve him salmon tomorrow and tell him it was extortion. The kid was four years old, for Christ’s sake. He’d believe anything I told him, right?

With the uneasy feeling I was in over my head, I stuck the beautiful slab of salmon back in the fridge for another day and rummaged through the freezer until I found a package of hot dogs buried under the edamame and brussels sprouts. The hot dogs had been there since some long ago Fourth of July celebration. Wonder of wonders, I found a box of macaroni and cheese in the pantry off the garage. Gee. I didn’t even know I had it. Maybe the kid was not only annoying, but psychic as well. That was a scary thought. A prescient four-year-old.

Later, while sitting at the kitchen table consuming our 50,000-calorie dinner, Timmy didn’t shut up once.

“The man in the basement is nice,” Timmy said around a mouthful of hot dog.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” I said.

“He said to tell you he’s glad you live here.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m glad he approves.”

“He hates Mommy.”

“Well, she can be annoying sometimes. Don’t tell her I said that.”

Timmy shrugged. “Can I have another hot dog?”

“You haven’t finished the one you’ve got.”

“I only like the middles. The ends taste funny.”

“That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard.”

“Thank you.”

“How’s the ’roni and cheese?”

“Good, but it needs more butter. Mommy uses two sticks.”

It was my turn to shrug. “It’s making my ass grow as it is. I can feel it ballooning underneath me in my chair even as we speak. Both cheeks. Mommy’s ass will be ballooning soon too. Watch if it doesn’t. One day she’ll wake up and she’ll be all ass. No head, no arms, no bleached-blonde hair, just ass, with maybe a few toes sticking out. And if you count the man she’s with, it’ll be two asses.”

Timmy giggled. “You’re funny.”

“And you’re nuts,” I said, building him another hot dog. “Mustard?”

“Ketchup.”

“Yuk.”

“It’s good. Here, try it.” He leaned over the table and squirted ketchup on my hot dog.

“Jesus, kid, you’re killing me here.”

“Eat it,” he said.

I took a bite of my ketchupy hot dog. Damn. I liked it.

Timmy grinned at my expression. “See?” he said. He scooped up a big ladle full of macaroni and cheese and glopped that on my plate next to the teeny pile I had placed there myself.

“Eat,” he said, sounding like every overworked mother of every finicky-ass kid that ever walked the face of the planet since the beginning of time.

So I ate. Every noodle. Every fat-saturated glob of cheese and margarine. Then I had another hotdog. With ketchup. And two glasses of chocolate milk. I hadn’t drunk chocolate milk for fifteen years. Damn. I liked that too. Blasted kid.

Tomorrow I’d diet.

When we were stuffed to the gills, Timmy stood on a chair and dried the dishes while I washed. I didn’t own a dishwasher. Timmy seemed slightly astounded by that fact.

“Is this how they did dishes in the old days?”

“Yes,” I said. “Later we’ll take the laundry down to the river and beat it on a rock.”

“Oh, goody. I like rivers.”

“That was a joke. I have a washing machine just like Mommy.”

“Shit.”

“Watch your mouth.”

“There’s a scary movie on TV tonight, Uncle Jason. If you’re good, I’ll let you watch it.”

“Screw you, kid. I’ll let you watch it.”

Timmy clapped his hands and almost dropped a plate. “Yay, we’re watching a scary movie!”

I stared at my nephew for about fifteen seconds. Had I just been tricked into telling him he could watch a scary movie? He wasn’t that smart, was he? Good lord, I’d have to be on my toes for the next four weeks or this kid would be leading me around like a poodle on a leash.

Speaking of which. “Wanna help me walk Thumper?”

Timmy’s eyes got big and round. “You mean the dog?”

“No, my pet anteater. Of course the dog.”

“Can she walk? I thought she was dead.”

“She’s not dead. She’s just old.”

“But she hasn’t moved all day.”

“Like I said, she’s old. One day you’ll be old and you won’t move all day either.” And God, wouldn’t that be a blessing.

Timmy craned his neck back and looked through the kitchen doorway into the living room, where even now I could hear Thumper snoring like a sawmill.

Timmy stood there on the chair, the plate forgotten in his hand, his face agape with wonder like one of the shepherd kids in Fatima, Portugal, eyeballing the Virgin Mary popping out of a stump. “I wanna see her walk. Are you sure she’s not dead?”

“Yes,” I said, molding my face into a phony smile, a la used car salesman trying to sell a clunker to anybody who’d listen. Shooting for camaraderie, I waggled a finger in Timmy’s ribs. “And just to make it more fun, it’ll be your job to pick up the poop.”

Timmy turned and stared at me. Then he guffawed. It’s a little disconcerting when a four-year-old guffaws. “She’s your dog,” Timmy said, his face scrunched up in concentration while he dug a booger out of his nose. “You pick up the poop.”

Damn. I thought I had him that time. I handed the kid a tissue, plucked the plate from his hand, and tossed it back in the dishwater in case it had a booger on it—and decided on the spot if Timmy ever managed to stay alive long enough to grow up, he’d probably be president. Two terms. Hell, even I’d vote for him. Both times.

Timmy seemed properly astounded that Thumper truly was alive. He even insisted on holding the leash as we traipsed out into the night. Of course, we were traipsing at a snail’s pace since Thumper’s arthritic joints were not conducive to scampering.

“She’s awful slow,” Timmy whined.

“When you’re old, you’ll be slow too.”

“Then I won’t get old.”

“Fine, Peter Pan. Just walk the frigging dog.”

The night was gorgeous and balmy. It was June, and June in San Diego is perfect. With a younger dog, we might have enjoyed the evening for hours, but with Thumper, we barely got around the block. In fact, we didn’t. We were halfway around the block when Thumper gave out and insisted on being carried the rest of the way home.

“Will you carry me too?” Timmy asked.

“No.”

“Can I wear the leash?”

“Sure,” I said. I unclipped the collar from Thumper’s throat and clipped it around Timmy’s neck. He followed along behind me on the leash like a good little puppy until we passed Mrs. Lindquist, who lives down the block. She was walking her Pomeranian, and when she spotted me with the kid on a leash, she felt it her duty to intervene.

She bent over Timmy and patted his head. “Is this man hurting you?” she asked.

“Woof!” Timmy said.

Mrs. Lindquist straightened up and nailed me with a piercing stare. “Is he normal?” she asked.

I smiled and said, “Define normal.”

Mrs. Lindquist simply shook her head and walked on, dragging the poor Pom behind her. Lucky bitch. At least her dog could walk.

Back at the house, we deposited Thumper in among the sofa cushions, and she promptly fell asleep, worn out completely by all the excitement. Timmy didn’t want to take the collar off, so I merely unhooked the leash and left the collar in place around his scrawny neck. He looked like a tiny submissive, waiting for his Dom to come along and whap him with a whip.

I ran a couple of inches of warm water into the tub and laid out a towel and my favorite rubber ducky. Don’t ask.

“We have twenty minutes before the movie,” I said, handing him his pajamas. “Go take your bath.”

“Mommy only makes me take a bath once a month.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Nice try, Timmy. Get in the tub.”

He glowered and snatched the pj’s out of my hand. “Don’t watch. I know you like boys.”

At that, I laughed. “Jesus, kid, just go take your bath, and I’ll make us some popcorn for the movie.”

He brightened up. “With butter?”

“No. I thought I’d just dip it in lard.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Timmy skipped off to the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

He skipped back out of the bathroom three minutes later. His hair was a little damp, but that was probably just for show. If any other body parts had seen moisture, he couldn’t have been long about it. Unfortunately, I was too worn out to care. His pajamas had little rocket ships on them. I found myself sort of wishing I had a pair.

We settled onto the sofa on either side of Thumper and tuned in to the movie, switching the sound from Spanish to English. Thumper raised her head and growled, so I switched it back to Spanish. Timmy thought it was funny, watching the movie in Spanish. We had English subtitles of course, but he couldn’t read them. At least I didn’t think he could. Still, he didn’t seem to mind.

The movie was so bad I found myself giggling halfway through it. Then it got scary, and I found myself chewing on a cushion and squinting through the gory parts, trying not to look. Timmy and Thumper both sat there wide-eyed and breathless, taking in every spurt of blood and every dying moan from the poor helpless citizens of Burbank being devoured by zombies on the screen.

The movie wasn’t yet over when Timmy doubled over like a pocketknife and fell sound asleep. This time when I oh so carefully carried him in my arms up the stairs and deposited him in his bed, he stayed there.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

I toddled downstairs, as happy as I had ever been in my life, poured myself a healthy dollop of scotch, and settled in to finish the movie. Thumper was still watching it. I guess she liked it too. Her tail was wagging. Or maybe she was just as elated as I was that Timmy had finally crashed.

“What did I miss?” I asked.

Thumper ignored me. Too wrapped up in the movie to respond, I supposed.

After three scotches and the demise of upwards of a hundred movie extras, all torn to shreds and devoured by the scary-ass zombies, I was ready for bed myself.

I peeked into Timmy’s room to make sure he was still sound asleep, and he looked like a little angel lying there in his rocket-ship pajamas. Of course, I had spent the day with him. I knew better.

I brushed my teeth, then switched on the newly acquired baby monitor I had bought myself before Timmy’s arrival and which now sat like a tiny guardian angel on the nightstand insuring me a little peace of mind that Timmy wouldn’t dismantle the house while I slept. The baby monitor exuded a comforting fuzz of sound, filling up the shadows quite nicely. I rather enjoyed hearing it. I tucked myself naked into my bed, since it’s the only way I can sleep, then tucked Thumper under the covers beside me like a hot water bottle. I lay there all snug and secure with the crackly sound of the baby monitor and those three or four scotch and waters coaxing me into dreamland. Thumper rested her chin on my leg and was snoring in less than a minute. It took me a little longer. Just before my eyes and brain happily shut down for the night, a thought hit me in the head like a line drive, jarring me awake.

I bolted straight up in bed, suddenly remembering what Timmy had said at dinner.

“The man in the basement is nice.”

I blinked.

What man in the basement?


John Inman

John Inman is a Lambda Literary Award finalist and the author of over forty novels, everything from outrageous comedies to tales of ghosts and monsters and heart stopping romances. John Inman has been writing fiction since he was old enough to hold a pencil. He and his partner live in beautiful San Diego, California. Together, they share a passion for theater, books, hiking and biking along the trails and canyons of San Diego or, if the mood strikes, simply kicking back with a beer and a movie.

John's advice for anyone who wishes to be a writer? "Set time aside to write every day and do it. Don't be afraid to share what you've written. Feedback is important. When a rejection slip comes in, just tear it up and try again. Keep mailing stuff out. Keep writing and rewriting and then rewrite one more time. Every minute of the struggle is worth it in the end, so don't give up. Ever. Remember that publishers are a lot like lovers. Sometimes you have to look a long time to find the one that's right for you."


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Wednesday, June 5, 2024

🌈Happy Pride Month 2024🌈: Top 20 LGBT Rom-Com Reads Part 1



πŸ’–πŸ’™πŸ’šπŸ’›πŸ’œπŸ’—πŸ’œπŸ’›πŸ’šπŸ’™πŸ’–

Here at Padme's Library I feature all genres but followers have probably noticed that 95% of the posts and 99% of my reviews fall under the LGBT genres, so for this year's Pride Month I am showcasing 20 of my favorite M/M Rom Com reads in no particular order.  Most fall into full on romantic comedy, some more dramedy, but there are some where humor is the highlighted emotion and they all generally lead to a perfect blend of romance, drama, healing, and heart, creating unforgettably fun entertaining reads.

One Last Note:
Some of those on my list I have read, reread, & even listened/re-listened so I've included the review posted in my latest read/listen.  Also, those that are read/re-read as a series the latest review may be an overall series review.  If any of the purchase links included here don't work be sure and check the authors' websites/social media for the most recent links as they can change over time for a variety of reasons.

πŸ’–πŸ’™πŸ’šπŸ’›πŸ’œπŸ’—πŸ’œπŸ’›πŸ’šπŸ’™πŸ’–


Part 1  /  Part 2  /  Part 3  /  Part 4




The Prince and His Bedeviled Bodyguard by Charlie Cochet
Summary:
Paranormal Princes #1
Prince Owin
Being a fierce predator—not at all adorable, despite my graceful stature—the last thing I needed was a bodyguard. Especially a wolf shifter, whose presence alone was an insult to my princely principles. As Prince of the Ocelot Shifters, I prided myself on my infallible feline instincts, uncompromisable dignity, and flawless fashion sense. If having a canine follow me around at all times wasn’t bad enough, I now faced the most important moment of my entire life. The time had come to prove I was worthy of my crown. If only I could find a way to get rid of the pesky bodyguard.

Grimmwolf
When the King of All Shifters asked me to guard Prince Owin, I admit I had no idea what to expect. Cat shifters tend to be a little intense, not to mention kinda cranky. Owin was no exception, though he seemed crankier than most. Being his bodyguard was proving to be one of the greatest challenges of my life—but not nearly as great as convincing him there was something special between us. When Owin is faced with a perilous quest to prove his worth, I was determined to keep him safe, even if the same couldn’t be said of my heart.

Original Review October 2019:
Charlie Cochet has done it again!  Are there authors who might do the whole scary side of shifter stories better? Sure, but personally I have not a read an author who is better at blending paranormal, romance, AND humor than Cochet.  The Prince and His Bedeviled Bodyguard is an A-Freakin'-Mazing introduction to her new series, Paranormal Princes.  The danger and angsty levels are pretty low but the meshing of paranormal and rom-com is  . . . well . . . heavenly, I can't think of a better word other than perhaps old fashion fun!

Owin and Grimmwolf are about as mismatched as you can get: a spoiled prince cat shifter and a dedicated but carefree bodyguard wolf and yet you know where the pair will end up(and that's not a spoiler because this story is about the journey getting there not the destinationπŸ˜‰).  Knowing where they'll end up doesn't make you not want to whack Owin upside the head a time or two though or better yet throw a bucket of water on him(we all know how much cats hate getting wet despite how much time they spend cleaning themselvesπŸ˜‰).  How Grimmwolf can be so positive and smiley when he's around Owin all the time is beyond me, I guess he's better than I.  Are they enemies? No but I certainly wouldn't call them friends in the beginning, at least from Owin's viewpoint.  Watching them together is magical though and for a story that made me laugh so much I just couldn't put it down any more than I could a heart-pounding nailbiter, that's how addictive this pair is and I look forward to seeing more of the Paranormal Princes and what makes them all tick.

As I stated above The Prince and His Bedeviled Bodyguard is a beautifully scripted paranormal rom-com, okay you might not find it on the Hallmark channel but if it was I can promise you I would be watching the channel a lot more.  Humor isn't exactly the first thing that comes to mind when talking paranormal shifter stories but it definitely fits here.  Shifting, romance, fantasy, humor, fairytale, friendship - it's all here making this gem an all around heartwarming fun experience.


Audiobook Review February 2020:
I really don't think I can say anymore than I did in my original ebook review to the story itself.  Even only a few months since that original read and I still loved the book just as much.  The adrenaline rush I get from reading a book the first time may not have been there having only been a few months but knowing what was coming didn't take away from the awesomeness either.  I still want to whack Owin upside the head a few times and I still marvel at Grimmwolf's knack for positivity considering he's dealing with Owin.  The Prince and His Bedeviled Bodyguard is still simply put: old fashioned fun and that's not an easy thing to do in a shifter tale so I tip my hat to Charlie Cochet's ability for meshing paranormal, romance, and humor.

As for the narration, well Greg Boudreaux just makes the world of Paranormal Princes come alive.  As I said above, I still wanted to whack Owin upside the head and Greg's narration made me feel if I had a frying pan handy I could just reach out and swingπŸ˜‰.   His portrayals may not have exactly matched what was in my head when I originally read the story last fall but honestly I can't imagine anyone doing a better job.

RATING:





You're the One by Davidson King
Summary:
Thomas Vale is one of Hollywood’s most sought-after actors. He’s as humble as they come and adores his family. This Christmas he wants to give his dying grandfather the only thing he’s ever asked Thomas for: for Thomas to fall in love.

Noah Berry has worked for Thomas since before he was a household name. He doesn’t have a close-knit family, but he’s fine with the way things are as long as he has Thomas. After all, Noah has been secretly in love with the man for years.

Thomas gets the crazy idea to bring a fake boyfriend home, but Christmas approaches and nobody is worthy enough to fulfill the task. Noah steps in—if he can’t have Thomas in real life, he can pretend for a little while and make an old man happy.

Original Review December 2021:
Davidson King does the holiday!!  YUMMILICIOUS!!!!

Fake boyfriends✅
Unspoken love✅
Friends to lovers✅
Holiday-loving family✅
Romance✅
Humor✅
Heart✅

You're the One ticks all my holiday romance boxes.  Thomas and Noah's Christmas journey may not have the mystery, violence, and action that Davidson King often brings to the page but that doesn't make it any less brilliant.  Personally, I think those missing elements speak volumes to the incredible talent the author has for storytelling.  

Knowing King's penchant for giving her couples a HEA, I think we can all guess where the men's journey ends up but the road they travel getting there is so much fun, so full of holiday spirit, so many edge of your seat smiles that I won't spoil it for anyone.  Just know that you won't be bored, you won't be Bah Humbugging, you'll be Santa HO! HO! HO-ing! many hours after the final page.

If you're a fan of Hallmark Christmassy romances, not only will you love You're the One but you'll be blown away because IMO, King's holiday fare is 200% better.  Some may call it "holiday schmaltz" but I call it "holiday heart". Davidson King may regret having written such a holiday gem because I am already highly anticipating next year's holiday story.

RATING:




Piece of Cake by Mary Calmes
Summary:
Matter of Time #8
After years of domestic partnership, Jory Harcourt and Sam Kage are finally going to make it official in their home state of Illinois. It’s been a long and rocky road, and nothing—not disasters at work, not the weather, not a possible stalker, not even getting beat up and having to attend the ceremony looking like he just got mugged—will make Jory wait one more day to make an honest man of the love of his life.

Should be a piece of cake, right?


Original Review August 2015:
What a great treat for fans of Jory and Sam. Loved seeing them get married now that they would be recognized nationwide but more than that, I just loved seeing everyone in a new story. This is a wedding done in the only way Jory could possibly be part of, trouble magnet extraordinaire. Hannah and Kola are still precious and definitely their fathers' children. I won't lie, I would have loved it to have been longer but I was just over the moon to just have Jory, Sam, and everyone back. A short but amazing addition to the Matter of Time series.


Overall Series 5th Re-Read 2019:
Again there's really nothing new I can add that would express how much I love Jory and Sam.  Not everyone likes the kind of alpha male that Sam Kage is and I too don't always appreciate that element but when the dynamic between the two men is so powerful as Sam and Jory then I completely fall in love.  Just because Sam is so alpha don't think Jory is a pushover, oh no he definitely has no problem voicing his opinion either and I think that is what makes them work for me because its an even balance of push and pull from both.

Now as for the audios, there are four different narrators, three for Jory/Sam and one for Duncan/Aaron in Parting Shot.  Some might find that off-putting but I actually found it fitting.  Just why there is different narrators I don't know but as a listener, I found each one did a brilliant job and yes they are noticeably different but they bring the perfect nuances for where the characters are in their journey, we all change as life goes and Paul Morey, Jeff Gelder, and Finn Sterling showcase that wonderfully.  Tristan James brings Duncan and Aaron's story to life that is a perfect fit for the Matter of Time series.

RATING:





The Poodle Apocalypse by John Inman
Summary:

With the world suddenly teeming with zombies, Charlie and Bobby are fighting to stay alive. Being about as gay as two people can be, they insist on doing it with panache.

Even with the planet throwing up its legs in submission, there is no reason a couple of style-conscious guys can't look good while saying good-bye to the age of man and ushering in the age of… God knows what. Amoebas, maybe. With their loyal zombie poodle, Mimi, at their side, they bravely face the apocalypse head-on.

Death, destruction, and the undead they can deal with. But without electricity, it's the depressing lack of blow-dryers and cappuccino machines that really pisses them off—until Bobby goes missing! Suddenly Charlie has more than fluffy hair and a good cup of coffee to worry about….

Original Review October 2017:
Charlie and Bobby find themselves to be the last two humans left on earth, except for the roaming zombies of all shapes, sizes,and species.  They make their way day in and day out, surviving and loving each other.  Then comes along a little poodle named Mimi, although the pup is a zombie Bobby doesn't have the heart to kill her.  How will Charlie survive though when one day Bobby disappears?  Will he and Mimi find Bobby or is Charlie destined to be the last man alive?

I have only read a few John Inman books but I have absolutely loved them, he has a way of turning even a love story into an absolute fear-inducing nailbiter.  So when The Poodle Apocalypse crossed my path I knew it would be wonderful, I also had an inkling that it would be a bit different from the other Inman works I've read simply from the name and the cover.  Let's face it, how fearful can a tale be if its titled The Poodle Apocalypse, right?  You'd be surprised.

Okay, maybe fearful isn't the right word but it is fun, entertaining, humorous, and of course there is lots of love between Bobby and Charlie.  I won't give away any specifics because I don't want to ruin the ending but I will say that I loved this little zombie tale and though humor may be the main element, the idea of being one of the last two on earth scares the beejesus out of me.  The clichΓ©, "you'll laugh till you cry" is the perfect way to describe this little Inman gem.

RATING: 





A Villain for Christmas by Alice Winters
Summary:

Vexing Villains #1
“I want you to help me rob a bank.”

The moment I heard those words, I should have slammed the door in my brother’s face and cracked open a book. Though if I had, I wouldn’t have run into August, the city’s main superhero… and the man of my dreams. He’s sexy, kind, and sweet—everything I’m supposed to dislike.

You see, I’m a villain… well, kind of. Honestly, I’d rather curl up and read than commit crimes, but life doesn’t always go the way I want it to, especially after being raised by some cut-rate villains who can’t even steal toilet paper without getting caught.

Suddenly, I find myself spending time with August and realize that maybe there is more to life than petting my hairless cat, but the issue is… what happens when he figures out that I’m Leviathan, an extremely powerful villain? Can he still love me regardless of who I am?

When actual supervillains start targeting August, I might be forced to show everyone who I truly am, but villains and heroes aren’t supposed to save each other, let alone fall in love.

Although, I’ve never been one to do what I’ve been told.

Original Review January 2020:
There is just not enough superhero/supervillain(or in the case of Landon's family not-so-super-supervillians) stories in the LGBT genres.  A Villain for Christmas was the first book of 2020 for me and what a way to kick off the year!

This is another one of those stories that I'm not going to say too much about because you really do need to experience Landon and August's journey to fully appreciate the magnificence that is Alice Walker's storytelling.  There is so much goodness in this story and the genuine-ness of the characters, whether they fall on the good or bad side of the scale, is what makes them stand out.  You'll have moments of shaking your head and saying "WTF is wrong with that person?" and you'll have equal moments of "OMG how can one person be so understanding?"  It's these emotions that make this story so hard to put down.

This is only the second Alice Winters book I've read and it definitely cemented my desire to read more of her backlist this year.  She has a way with what I like to call "snark and cuddle" that make her characters not only fun(even if you want to shake them or smack them upside the head with a kitchen appliance) but that much more real, which isn't easy to do in the fantasy world of superheros and villains.  Being a holiday setting only makes the magic of the story that much sweeter.  Definitely a win win for both my holiday and superhero shelf.



Original Audiobook Review October 2020:
I'll admit that with everything going on in 2020 that I forgot it had only been about 10 months since I read this delightful gem.  Now I didn't forget just how delightfully genius and fun A Villain for Christmas was just that it had been only 10 months since reading it.

Having re-read my original review, I don't think I can add much more without giving anything away because even though this was from last year's Christmas releases I have a feeling there is still plenty that have yet to experience it's greatness.  There still isn't enough superhero stories in the LGBT genres for my liking so I know this won't be the last re-read/listen I enjoy of this Alice Winters gem.

I'll just add that this is the first audiobook with Michael Lesley as narrator for me, personally new-to-me narrators can be almost as "scary" as new-to-me authors. I needn't have worried because he does a wonderful job bringing this holiday fantasy to life, making Landon and August even more real than the author's words already did.  I could almost feel the jarring sensation in my arm when I wanted to smack a couple of characters with a frying pan, that's how into the story the author and narrator make the reader/listener, which is a mark of true talent.

RATING:




The Prince and His Bedeviled Bodyguard by Charlie Cochet
“What the—” Grimm dropped the orb, and we both jumped back. To my utter disbelief, it spread upward and sideways until it was roughly the size of a large doorway, a forest appearing inside. “Hmm. What do you know? A portal that will take us where we want to go.”

How cross would the king be with me if I accidentally pushed Grimm off a cliff? Or left him with the CΓΉ SΓ¬th? Not like he didn’t have plenty of wolf shifters. What was one less in the grand scheme of things?

Grimm narrowed his eyes at me. “You’re not leaving me behind.”

How did he do that? “Are you sure you’re not a seer wolf?”

Grimm didn’t look impressed. “You’re right. I’m a seer. My curse is that I’m limited to visions of you being a jerk.”

I opened my mouth to respond, then thought better of it. “Can we just go?”

“As you wish, Your Highness.” He bowed and motioned for me to go ahead. Clearly, he thought I was an idiot.

“What if it’s a trap and I step through and burst into flames? You go first.”

“Your generosity knows no bounds, my liege. Fine. I’ll go first, but if I meet my demise, my blood is on your hands.”

I shrugged. “I’ll get over it.”

“So mean.” He shook his head at me and stepped through. On the other side, he turned and held his arms out. “See? All good. Wait….” He gasped and clutched at his chest. “What’s happening to me? It burns!”

“Grimm?” My heart lurched in my chest, and I stepped up to the portal.

“I can’t,” he gasped, falling to his knees. “I can’t….”

“Can’t what!” Oh my Goddess, oh my Goddess. I never expected him to actually burst into flames! I flailed around feeling utterly helpless. “What do I do? Is it flames? Are you bursting into flames?” I frantically looked around. “I don’t see a fire extinguisher!” Not that I knew how to use one. I’d just have to toss it at him and hope he could do it himself.

“I can’t….” He gasped for breath. “I can’t… believe you fell for that,” he said with a laugh.

“I’m going to kill you!” I darted into the portal, ignoring his laughter as he took off, his long legs putting him out of my reach in a heartbeat. “I hate you!”

“Admit it! You were worried about me,” he called out from across the field.

“Worried you’d die and I wouldn’t be able to pry the magic purse off your cold, dead, dog-smelling corpse!”

“It’s a satchel!”





You're the One by Davidson King
CHAPTER ONE
Noah
“You need to calm down, Miss Thing.” I narrowed my gaze at the blond bombshell standing in front of me who thought she was getting in to see Thomas. 

“He’s expecting me.” She tried to push past security, toward me, thinking we’d roll over because she was Chantel Morrison, a box-office draw. 

“No…no, he is not. Shoo.” I made a sweeping motion with my fingers, and her ivory skin flushed red. 

“Listen, you little gnat—” 

“Nope.” I covered my ears. “Bye.” I spun on my heel and went into the room she was desperately trying to enter. 

When I shut the door, Thomas was sitting on the couch, a small smile on his face as he looked at me. “She’s relentless.” 

“Why, Thomas? Why did you have to take her to the Oscars with you? Now she thinks you’re going to have babies with her.” After locking the door, I went and sat beside him. 

“I didn’t know she’d turn into a face-hugger, Noah. She was actually quite relaxed and calm at the show. Then the next day it was bam, let’s get married.” 

Thomas Vale was everything in Hollywood, and I was his personal assistant. I’d been by his side since the days he could only get a minor role on a soap opera. When he skyrocketed to fame, he’d made sure I was holding on. We were friends…and I was madly in love with him. Not that he knew that—no, he could never. The trust Thomas had in me was worth never telling him that little fact. 

“Might I suggest going solo to the next award show?”

He chuckled. “Noted.” His phone buzzed and he sighed. 

“What’s wrong? Did she get your number? I will go out there right now and—” 

“No, she didn’t, and if she had, I’d have blocked her. No reason to summon your inner Bruce Lee on my account.” 

Yeah, I was only five foot seven, and the only exercise I got on the daily was swimming laps at night…well, when I could. Sure, a swift wind could blow me over. But I was spunky. I had defensive skills, thanks to many bullies while growing up. 

“Fine. Explain the frown and sigh and dejected body language?” I eyed him, then his phone, which he was scowling hard at. 

“Christmas is next month.” 

“Oookaaay? I’ve never known you to be a scrooge, Thomas. You’re actually a festive fella.” I laughed when he rolled his eyes. 

“I love Christmas. You know I always go home. Spend it with my family in the mountains. It’s the only time all of us are together for the year.” 

“And, what, it was canceled?” Getting him to tell me things sometimes was like pulling teeth. 

He turned his body slightly, folding his leg so he was now sitting on his foot, staring at me. “My grandfather—” 

“Victor or—” 

“William.” 

“Okay, continue.” 

“He’s dying.” Thomas’s shoulders slumped, and as if his pain were mine, I gasped. 

“Thomas, why didn’t you tell me?” I knew his family as if they were my own. Sure, I’d never met them because Thomas barely even had time to see them himself. But I’d practically memorized everything about them. Birthdays, anniversaries, where they lived, the pets they owned…all of it. 

“I was well aware you’d do this thing you’re doing right now, had I told you.” He waved a hand at me. 

“I’m concerned; how is that a thing?” He shrugged. “Just is. You’re dramatic.”

“Says the actor,” I huffed. 

“I know my grandfather is old…like really old. It was going to happen eventually.” 

“Yes. Life is funny that way.” He slapped my leg. “What? I’m agreeing with you.” 

“Anyway. Last Christmas, he knew he was sick. Lung cancer.” 

“Seriously, Thomas, why did you never tell me any of this? You said your grandfather had the flu. I sent flowers from you saying get well soon…to him…and he had lung cancer.” 

“I didn’t want anyone to know. I’m sorry.” 

Here I was making him feel bad for not telling me when his grandfather was dying… I suck. “No, forget it. I’m a brat. Go on. I assume the cancer is back?” 

He nodded. “Thing is, last year he and I were sitting outside, watching my nieces play in the snow. He took my hand, Noah, and pleaded with me that before he died, he wanted me to fall in love. Of course I swore to him I was fine, but as his dying wish…he made me promise to try and let someone in.” 

My eyes widened. “He made you promise to fall in love with someone?” 

“No. He just said it would be his dying wish. And I really thought he was going to be okay, and I’d have time but…” He sighed again. 

“But time is running out.” 

He nodded. “I wish I could give him that. Show him I have someone in my life to love and I’ll be fine.” 

“Thomas, you can’t force yourself to love someone to appease a dying man’s last wish, even if it’s your grandfather. Don’t you think it would hurt him even more if he found out you were putting on a show on his account?” 

Thomas’s eyes widened and a huge smile graced his handsome face. I knew that look. “Noah, you’re a genius.” 

“Um, Thomas, whatever you’re thinking, no. It can’t be good.” 

“Because I’m happy?” 

“No. Because something you clearly heard made you grin like the Grinch, and nothing I said was a good idea.”

He tilted his head back and laughed so hard his body shook. Carefree Thomas was the best. 

“Hear me out.” He giggled like a child, excited and quite animated. 

“As if I have a choice.” 

My sarcasm was completely lost on Thomas, or he was ignoring it. More likely it was the latter. 

“The doctor gave him three months. If I can bring someone home for the holidays, and it’s massively convincing that we’re in love, it will make his final time peaceful.” 

All I could do was stare at him, waiting for the “Just kidding.” It never came. Sweet Mother Mercy. 

“Thomas, that’s a disaster waiting to happen.” 

“I don’t think so. If I find the right person to—” 

“Lie to? Thomas, you’re going to grab someone and be all, ‘Hey, I love you, meet my family?’ ” 

Thomas huffed. “No, but I’m in an industry full of actors. I’m sure I could find someone willing to do this.” 

I had to pinch the bridge of my nose to release the pressure. “And you don’t think, at the slightest convenience, they won’t sell this story to the tabloids? Thomas, why are you acting dumb? It’s not who you are. You’re above average in the smarts department.” 

He snickered and sat back. “It has to be the right person. Someone trustworthy but who could pull it off. We can have them sign an NDA.” 

“We…oh, I’m helping?” 

“Who else would be able to find the perfect person for me other than the person who knows me best?” He beamed and fucking fluttered his eyelashes…the asshole. 

“One day I will quit.” 

He stood and went over to the vanity. He was about to go on The Tonight Show in fifteen minutes, right before Chantel Morrison, which explained why she was there. 

“You’ll never leave me, Noah.”

He looked at me through the mirror and I pouted, knowing he was right. Was it just because I loved him? No, Thomas needed protecting, and I’d never let anything happen to him. 

“Fine, let me see what my brain can come up with. Operation Fool Grandpa is in full effect.” 

They knocked and told him it was time, and with one last titter, he left the dressing room. I sat on the couch for a few moments wondering how in the hell I’d help him pull this off.





Piece of Cake by Mary Calmes
Chapter One
IT WAS my wedding day, so of course, Sam Kage, the love of my life, was standing in the middle of our quiet suburban street in a navy three-piece suit with a yellow tie and a gorgeous yellow orchid boutonniere with his foot on the jugular of a guy who’d just tried to shoot me.

The gun, equipped with a suppressor, was now in the hand of police Lieutenant Duncan Stiel, a friend and guest at my ceremony, who had picked it up using paper towels from my kitchen. He was currently standing there, also in the middle of the street, looking stunned as Sam reminded him that this was par for the course with me. Duncan’s husband—my ex, billionaire real estate mogul Aaron Sutter—was looking at me and shaking his head.

“What?”

He lifted his hands in total disbelief. “Who gets shot at on their wedding day?”

“This is not my fault.”

His squint told me he didn’t believe me.

“I—”

“Jory, goddamnit!” Sam bellowed from the road as we all heard the sirens.

I turned from Aaron to him. “How is this my fault?” I called over.

“I’m going to beat you!” he threatened, and his snarl was only made slightly less terrifying because he was in the suit we’d bought specifically for this occasion, for our wedding. The man was stunning, just the power radiating off of him making me want to run out there into the street and climb him like a tree. And since he was supposed to exchange vows with me in less than ten minutes, it was hard for me to take the threat seriously.

“We’re still getting married, right?”





The Poodle Apocalypse by John Inman
Chapter One
IT WAS so hot you could stick a chicken in the trunk of your car and two hours later it would be parboiled to perfection. I would have passed out from the heat, but the mere thought of having to pick myself up off the ground later was too much to bear. A few moments before, I had peeled off my shirt. Now I was seriously considering ripping off my baggy cargo shorts too. Sweat burned my eyes. I took a moment to wipe my brow with a sodden forearm, which did no good whatsoever. With a monumental sigh, I took a firmer grip on the shovel and proceeded to dig the goddamn grave a little deeper.

And while I was at it, I thought I might as well make the hole a bit longer too. The last visitor who’d discovered our little corner of paradise had been a tall sucker. He had probably been a real hunk back in the good old days. Not now, of course. Now he was just ugly. And tall and beefy and smelly and cranky and harder to kill because of his size. Just my luck. If left to rot beside the front porch where I had knocked his brains out earlier with a claw hammer, he would have stunk up the place in no time flat. Especially in this heat.

I don’t know why we couldn’t have our lives threatened by a nice midget now and then. Or a third-grader. Or maybe some feeble ninety-two-year-old grandmother with a walker. But no. All our homicidal visitors looked like lumberjacks. Even the girly visitors were brawny and mean. Back before the world went to shit, those girly visitors must have been cranky motorcycle chicks with leather boots and spiky hairdos, who never got laid because they were just too damned ugly, which I suppose would go a long way toward explaining their nasty attitudes now that they were, for all intents and purposes, as dead as mackerels.

I use the word “visitors” loosely, you understand. It’s just I have a real hard time admitting, even now, after the past two months of dealing with them, that what I had just banged on the head with a hammer on the front porch—rather like driving home a railroad spike—and was now trying to bury underneath the front lawn before it started to reek to high heaven, was actually a fucking zombie. One of thousands. Maybe millions. In the city. In the country. In the world. Yep. You heard me. Zombies. Just like in those annoying old horror movies. Only now they had climbed down off the silver screen and were trying to kill us in real life. And that was really annoying, don’t think it wasn’t.

Actually, when I use the word “zombies” to describe these murderous poopheads, it is more of a euphemism than anything else. They aren’t real zombies, you understand. They didn’t claw their way up out of the grave. And they don’t infect you when they bite you either. The world hasn’t gone that screwy. No, these are just people. Sort of. People who used to be our friends and neighbors. Like the guy down the street who mows his grass every Saturday whether it needs it or not, or the florist on the corner who always waves hello when you walk by, or your kid’s first-grade teacher who says she’s sorry she stood your kid in a corner for two hours but good lord that kid’s annoying. People like that. Just ordinary people. But now, of course—well, now, they’re something else.

I should also add that when I use the word “dead” to describe these creatures, that is pretty much a euphemism too. Don’t ask me what it’s a euphemism for. Because these guys sure as hell aren’t alive. They just aren’t quite dead either.

But boy, are they mean. And driven. We assume they’re trying to kill us so they can eat us, but thank God that theory hasn’t been tested yet. If I could have my druthers, I’d rather not test it.

I suppose I should introduce myself. My name is Charlie Pickett. That good looking guy lying over there in the hammock, as naked as a jaybird and acting like he’s asleep, is Bobby. Bobby Greene. Bobby’s my lover. We’ve been lovers for about three years now. And a happy three years it was, too, until a couple of months ago when the zombies started showing up.

And it isn’t only zombie people Bobby and I have to worry about now. When I say the world went to shit, I mean the whole planet. Now there are zombie bugs and zombie Chihuahuas and zombie grizzly bears and zombie cows and zombies of every size and shape and species imaginable. And if that isn’t enough, we have to deal with the screwy weather. One day it’s freezing, the next day it’s a scorcher, the day after is one continuous lightning storm, and the day after that there’s a tornado whizzing past your head. Jeez, you never know how to dress in the morning. Or what will be trying to kill you before the day is over.

I suppose you’re wondering why Bobby and I aren’t zombies ourselves. Well now, there you have me. Bobby and I have talked this over countless times in the past two months. It seems to us that if God was going to push the reset button and start all over from scratch to repopulate the world with people a little more in line with His own sensibilities—in other words, nice people, as opposed to the bungholes and politicians he had been filling it up with lately—to our way of thinking, surely God would plan ahead and not try to repopulate the joint with a couple of gay guys like me and Bobby. You see what I’m saying? Admittedly, we’re nice enough and all that, but there’s not much chance of building up a new world order with homosexuals, seeing as how homosexuals can’t breed. Not with each other, at any rate. Although, God knows we try often enough.

Plus, as far as we know, Bobby and I are the only two people left standing. We are, in toto, the only non-zombie beings we have seen. Can you believe that? We used to be known as gay people, Bobby and I, but now I guess we’re just people. Or survivors. Or remnants of a civilization. I don’t much care for the sound of that. Anyway, there’s not much need for labels when it’s just you and your lover and a couple of million zombies running around.

Here’s what happened.

A couple of months ago, we woke up one morning in each other’s arms, just like we normally do. Bobby and I have always been snuggly sleepers. We were jarred awake by the screeching of a car alarm outside our two-bedroom San Diego apartment. That car alarm just went on and on and on. Finally, after an exasperating twenty minutes of trying to stuff our pillows in our ears, we tugged on some clothes and stumbled outside to investigate. And lo and behold, that’s when we discovered we were the only two people left. Anywhere. The streets were empty. No hum of traffic or lawn mowers, no rumbling of skateboards, no distant thumping of car radios pounding out rap or golden oldies. Nothing.

And while we were standing on the street corner rubbing our eyes and wondering where everybody had gone, the power went out. What was silent before, except for that damned car alarm screeching across the neighborhood, had become dead silent. Stone silent. And then, five seconds after the power went out, the car alarm stopped screaming.

We’ve not heard another sound since that moment from another living soul that we did not make ourselves.

There had been some talk about massive sunspots before the day of the car alarm, but we’re not sure if that was the cause for everyone disappearing or not. Don’t see how it could be, really. Suffice it to say, they were simply gone. Vanished. Every single person, everywhere. And no bodies were left behind.

Bobby and I were alone. And with no electricity, no TV, no radio, no telephones, no traffic noises, no milling throngs of humanity rushing off to work on that eerie Tuesday morning, the silence was absolutely deafening. And creepy.

But enough about God unplugging and depopulating the world.

In the meantime, the goddamn grave still needed digging, and since it was my turn to dig and bury and Bobby’s turn to nap and look sexy, here I was still slaving away with the blasted shovel and occasionally leering at Bobby’s gorgeous nakedness over there in the hammock. He knew I was watching too. He had his strong, bare legs splayed wide and an arm dangling over the side of the hammock, exposing one beautiful fuzzy armpit and a neatly muscled bicep. He was trailing his fingers back and forth in the grass as he lazily swung there in the nonexistent breeze. Every now and then, I was almost sure I could see one of Bobby’s eyes peek open just to make sure I was watching. When he thought I might be, he nonchalantly readjusted his dick as if by accident. But it was no accident. And if he didn’t stop it soon, I was going to start mistaking the shovel handle for my own dick. One was getting to be just about as hard as the other, if you get my drift, and since it isn’t exactly rocket science, I’m sure you do.

It was late afternoon. Maybe four o’clock or so. Since it was summer, and this was California, the sun was still high in the sky. High and hot. Hotter than usual, of course, since the world had taken a screwy turn for the worse as far as weather went too. I figure the temperature was at about 110. It was humid as hell because two days ago it was snowing. That’s right. Snowing. In San Diego. And as of this morning, the blazing sun began turning that snow into steam. For a while you could actually hear it sizzling on the street like bacon grease popping in a red-hot skillet. Digging the grave, and simmering in my own juices, I was starting to feel like that parboiled chicken I mentioned earlier.

Bobby had a full-fledged hard-on now. He was watching me from the hammock and idly stroking himself at the same time, one hand gripping his cock, the other hand tucked behind his head. He was smiling, no longer feigning sleep. Now he just looked mischievous. God, he was gorgeous.

“Need some help?” he called out.

“No,” I said, rubbing my own crotch now. I loosened my belt and eased my shorts down past my knees, watching Bobby all the while I did it just to see what his reaction would be. The open air felt wonderful rustling the hair on my balls, almost like one of Bobby’s gentle caresses. Or the way it felt when he nuzzled me there with his nose. “But it looks like you might need some assistance,” I added with a smile.

I gave my thickening dick a good shake and a nice long stroke, just to make it stand up proud. Bobby whistled softly. “Bring that over here into the shade where I can get at it,” he said.

Then I managed to get a grip on something besides myself. Namely, the situation. I reluctantly tugged my shorts back up and tucked Charlie Junior away for another time. Charlie Junior wasn’t happy about it either, I don’t mind telling you. Neither was I.

“Let me get this Neanderthal underground first. He’s already starting to stink up the place.”

Bobby gave a monumental sigh and dropped his dick too. Being the gentleman that he is, he hauled his ass up out of that hammock and came over to help. He was still stark naked, of course, and he was still a beauty to look at, don’t think he wasn’t, but to be honest, I didn’t mind putting off sex for a while if it meant I would get some help planting this latest visitor. I did take a moment to bend over and give Bobby’s boner a gentle squeeze and a kiss on the top of its firm little head, just by way of saying hello. The crystal drop of precome glistening there tasted delicious. Bobby heaved up a pretty big moan of discontent when I stopped what I was doing, but it was planting season, dammit. There was work to be done. So after we got the sex out of our heads, we went back to grave digging.

After ten minutes of shoveling and sweating and bitching about the heat, our hard-ons were history.

When the grave was at a satisfactory depth and width and length, we each took a leg of you-know-who, dragged our visitor to the edge of the hole, and with our naked feet, tipped the bastard in. He landed flat on his back with a thud that sounded pretty doggone eternal, if you know what I mean. Yessir. He was home for good. The creep.

It took Bobby and me another thirty minutes to cover the guy up. When we were finished, we were just about done in. We flung our shovels across the lawn and headed for the backyard of this magnificent San Diego property we’d commandeered a few weeks earlier, and which must have cost several mil back in the days when that stuff mattered.

Behind the mansion was an Olympic-size pool. Since Bobby was still naked, all I had to do was drop my cargo shorts to put myself in the same condition, and hand-in-hand, we cannonballed into the deep end of the pool with a humongous splash. The water was damn near hot from the sun, but still it felt fabulous.

For the first time that day, I came to the conclusion that maybe I wouldn’t really die of heatstroke, after all.

The pool had not been cleaned for quite a while, since there was no longer electricity anywhere in the city, or pool boys either, for that matter. Not live ones, anyway. As I floated there in the still water, splashing leaves away from my face, Bobby swam up behind me and pulled me into his arms. He nibbled at the back of my neck while his hands reached around to stroke my stomach. His fingers traveled a wee bit south and twiddled with my pubic hair as I tilted my head back to nuzzle his cheek.

“I love you,” he said into my ear, and with a giggle, he pulled me beneath the surface.

“Glug, glug, glug, glug,” I answered, trying not to drown.

We laughed and roughhoused and grappled with each other as we spun around in circles beneath the water, first him on top, then me on top, then him again, then me, like a couple of frenzied crocodiles rolling over and over, tenderizing their dinner. Arms and legs flailing, Bobby’s naked body felt wonderful squirming next to mine. His arms strong. His flesh hot and firm and heavenly.

The water was glorious. Our hard-ons came back to life in about six heartbeats. It was great being twenty-five and being in love and being perpetually horny. I was pretty sure Bobby felt the same way, since he was also twenty-five. God knows he was perpetually horny. Even with the world fizzling out around us, nothing could have been finer than being naked and in love on this steamy California evening.

Well, that and the fact we weren’t zombies. That was pretty much a plus too.

I wondered how long we would be able to keep it that way.


BEFORE that disastrous Tuesday morning when everything changed, I was a waiter at Mr. A’s, an upscale restaurant perched atop a high-rise office building just up the hill from downtown San Diego. Mr. A’s had a reputation for offering its customers a resplendent view of the city and an even greater reputation for overcharging them to the hilt for the opportunity to take advantage of said view. The joint was a bastion of snootiness: the food exquisite, the service spectacular, the prices astronomical, and as if all that wasn’t pissy enough, you couldn’t get in without a tie. If you don’t mind my saying so, being a waiter there was rather a plum job. I made more in tips in a year than a cousin of mine who lives in Kansas City made teaching school. Of course, she’s probably dead now. Or zombified. Who knows? Anyway, as I was saying, I had a good job and I was perfectly satisfied with my measly little existence. Being happily entrenched in a loving relationship with Bobby played no small part in that satisfaction.

Bobby was considerably less enamored of his own place in the business world than I was with mine. On that eventful Tuesday morning when God took the world and stood it on its head, Bobby was earning his keep by holding down two jobs. Neither job was what you would call stellar. He was a dog walker in the evening and a San Diego Zoo snack bar clerk during the day. As he continually pointed out in his sweetly self-deprecating way, he was not exactly on the fast track to having his mug plastered across the cover of CEO Magazine. But even with all that, I think I can safely say he was, on the whole, satisfied with his life. And I like to think being happily entrenched in a loving relationship with me played no small part in that satisfaction.

Simply put, we were nuts about each other.

If I had any lingering doubts about that belief, the feel of Bobby’s stiff dick whapping me in the leg as we wrestled around in the pool and washed away the day’s miseries would have pretty well cleared it up. And if even that wasn’t enough to demonstrate the fact that we loved each other, the stiff he helped me plant in the front yard was surely more than enough to prove it. Bobby didn’t have to help me at all, you know. I had the watch. It was my turn to do the grunt work of slaughtering zombies and sticking them underground if one should happen along. Bobby just lent a hand because he loves me. That thought made my heart swell up. Rather like my dick at the moment. Only bigger, of course. And with less drippage.

Bobby and I were a team. Period. We had been a team before the world fell apart, and we were even more of a team now. As a matter of fact, now we were the only team.

Ain’t love grand?





A Villain for Christmas by Alice Winters
“Landon, I want you to help me rob a bank.”

I try to ignore my brother, since I clearly didn’t hear him right.

“Won’t you do me a favor?” he asks after letting himself into my house without bothering to knock. Not that knocking would have done him any good since I wasn’t planning on letting him into my house at all anyway.

“No,” I say without bothering to look up from the book I’m reading.

“Just hear me out!” he exclaims.

I lower the book and look up at my older brother Brandon. Thankfully, I don’t take much after him. Not that he’s ugly or anything like that, he’s not, but just because he’s an idiot. And the one thing I don’t want to be is an idiot. “What, Brandon?”

“I want you to help me rob a bank.”

“No! You asked me last week, and I already told you I have better things to do. Like…” I look around as I try to think of something. It’s hard when my life consists of trying to avoid my family and reading every book I can get my hands on. Oh, and did I mention avoiding my family? Honestly, that’s a full-time career when they all have powers that allow them to better annoy the shit out of me. “Work.”

“Mom told me you got fired,” Brandon says as he sits down on the couch next to me.

“I got fired because Mom came in and told the boss that she needed me. When he said I was working and couldn’t just leave, she told him he looks like an overripe nut sac.”

Brandon starts laughing. “That’s so cool.”

“I hate all of you,” I decide as I lift my book back up.

“About the bank. Come on, you borrowed money from me last week.”

I stare at my brother in disbelief. “Five dollars. You honestly think the equivalent of you lending me five dollars is me helping you rob a bank? I’m not going to help you rob a bank again!”



Charlie Cochet

Charlie Cochet is the international bestselling author of the THIRDS series. Born in Cuba and raised in the US, Charlie enjoys the best of both worlds, from her daily Cuban latte to her passion for classic rock.

Currently residing in Central Florida, Charlie is at the beck and call of a rascally Doxiepoo bent on world domination. When she isn’t writing, she can usually be found devouring a book, releasing her creativity through art, or binge watching a new TV series. She runs on coffee, thrives on music, and loves to hear from readers.

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Davidson King
Davidson King, always had a hope that someday her daydreams would become real-life stories. As a child, you would often find her in her own world, thinking up the most insane situations. It may have taken her awhile, but she made her dream come true with her first published work, Snow Falling.

When she's not writing you can find her blogging away on Diverse Reader, her review and promotional site. She managed to wrangle herself a husband who matched her crazy and they hatched three wonderful children.

If you were to ask her what gave her the courage to finally publish, she'd tell you it was her amazing family and friends. Support is vital in all things and when you're afraid of your dreams, it will be your cheering section that will lift you up.






Mary Calmes
Mary Calmes lives in Lexington, Kentucky, with her husband and two children and loves all the seasons except summer. She graduated from the University of the Pacific in Stockton, California, with a bachelor's degree in English literature. Due to the fact that it is English lit and not English grammar, do not ask her to point out a clause for you, as it will so not happen. She loves writing, becoming immersed in the process, and falling into the work. She can even tell you what her characters smell like. She loves buying books and going to conventions to meet her fans.






John Inman

John Inman is a Lambda Literary Award finalist and the author of over forty novels, everything from outrageous comedies to tales of ghosts and monsters and heart stopping romances. John Inman has been writing fiction since he was old enough to hold a pencil. He and his partner live in beautiful San Diego, California. Together, they share a passion for theater, books, hiking and biking along the trails and canyons of San Diego or, if the mood strikes, simply kicking back with a beer and a movie.

John's advice for anyone who wishes to be a writer? "Set time aside to write every day and do it. Don't be afraid to share what you've written. Feedback is important. When a rejection slip comes in, just tear it up and try again. Keep mailing stuff out. Keep writing and rewriting and then rewrite one more time. Every minute of the struggle is worth it in the end, so don't give up. Ever. Remember that publishers are a lot like lovers. Sometimes you have to look a long time to find the one that's right for you."




Alice Winters
Alice Winters started writing stories as soon as she was old enough to turn her ideas into written words. She loves writing a variety of things from romance and comedy to action. She also enjoys reading, horseback riding, and spending time with her pets.


Charlie Cochet
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The Prince and His Bedeviled Bodyguard by Charlie Cochet

You're the One by Davidson King

Piece of Cake by Mary Calmes
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The Poodle Apocalypse by John Inman
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A Villain for Christmas by Alice Winters