Padme's Library: Monday's Montage Mantlepiece: Don't Try This at Home

Monday, July 13, 2015

Monday's Montage Mantlepiece: Don't Try This at Home

Summary:
Bonked heads. Rough carpet. Burned dinner. Awkward silence. Bitten lips. Startling length. Spilled wax. Pinched fingers. Shattered wineglass. Closet quickie. Flat souffle. Broken bedframe. Shower sex. Overzealous spanking. Embarrassing ex. Lost wallet. Terrible taste. Sore shoulders. Noxious odor. Absent date. Unbelievable girth. Kitchen canoodling. New toy. Stained sheets. Backward compliment. Stifling pillow. Locked handcuffs. Aching ass. Missing keys. Torn seams. Wrenched back. Angry cat. Overeager pass. Uncooperative zipper.

Something always goes wrong in real life. Fortunately, in these stories love blunts the edges so that romance always triumphs over adversity.

Stories included are:
Midnight Caller by Anna Birmingham
Snapshots by Rena Butler
Basil's Luck by Henrietta Clarke
Boys, Toys, and Carpet Fitters by Taylin Clavelli
Outbursts by Bell Ellis
Tyler Wang Has a Ball by Kim Fielding
Boy Next Door by Ellee Hill
Gremlins in the Works by Kiernan Kelly
Good Food Gone Bad by Venona Keyes
Attack of the Hedgehogs by Kate Pavelle
It's Not What You Think by Teegan Loy
Slippery When Wet by K. Lynn
Desperate Measures by E.T. Malinowski
Gordon's Cat by Aundrea Singer
Photo Finish by AC Valentine

Midnight Caller by Anna Birmingham
Aaron's career as a legal advisor often has him working late hours, but it's nice, safe, and respectable—three words that can't be applied to his new neighbor, Daniel. Whether he's locking himself out of his apartment, hosting loud parties, or knocking over Aaron's potted plant, Daniel is definitely disturbing—in ways Aaron is sure he shouldn't be noticing.

Snapshots by Rena Butler
Alex, a tightly-wound IT professional, never expected to find love--or even lust--passed out on the floor of a men's room in a Miami nightclub. But Bryce, a freelance photographer who's had a few too many, immediately sparks Alex's interest, though the two part ways without exchanging phone numbers or even names. A few weeks later, Alex gets a second chance when he runs into Bryce at a bar... to less-than-ideal results. Is it a sign they aren't meant to be, or is it worth a few bumps in the road if Bryce can see the best there is in Alex?

Basil's Luck by Henrietta Clarke
If it weren’t for bad luck, Basil Caraway Watkins would have no luck at all—or so he thinks until he runs into handsome stranger Tom John in his local grocery store. The attraction is instant, but when one accident after another threatens to halt their relationship before it has started, can Basil’s unexpected good luck hold out long enough for him to hold on to Tom?

Boys, Toys, and Carpet Fitters by Taylin Clavelli
Moving into his own apartment gives Michael the chance to enjoy his freedom, his friends, and the collection of sex toys he'd never felt comfortable using around his parents. When hard partying and an enthusiastic dog leave his carpet in dire need of replacement, Michael is stunned to discover the installer is his teen crush, Andrew, now grown into an even more delectable man. But not as stunned as Andrew is about to be….

Outbursts by Bell Ellis
Matt is brilliant at his IT job, but hopeless in social situations. He's precipitated so many office disasters that his co-workers have nicknamed him the Mattastrophe. So when he meets Roe, the gorgeous and suave addition to the company sales department, Matt knows he faces two terrible dooms: to fall madly in love, and to make an ass of himself, repeatedly.

Tyler Wang Has a Ball by Kim Fielding
A vegetarian at a testicle festival? Berkeley graduate student Tyler Wang should have known better than to allow his flaky friend to lure him way out to the country for such a bizarre event. As if the friend’s failure to show up isn’t bad enough, Tyler ends up getting accidentally whacked in the face by a cowboy—a very handsome cowboy. And that’s not the end of the day’s disasters. But despite the mishaps, maybe things won’t end so badly after all.

Boy Next Door by Ellee Hill
Kyle moves back into his childhood home after his parents retire to Florida. When a good deed for a family friend leaves Kyle in an embarrassing situation, his hot new neighbor, Shane, comes to the rescue. Kyle's been lusting after Shane ever since he moved in next door, but jumping the guy in his mother's kitchen five minutes after they meet leaves him so guilty he kicks Shane out. It will take another near-disaster to convince Kyle that Shane's as obsessed as he is.

Gremlins in the Works by Kiernan Kelly
Kevin and Jamison have just moved into a new house together when they suffer a string of bad luck. One thing after another goes wrong, and superstitious Kevin is convinced gremlins are the cause of it all. In between bouts of hot sex, he tries to find a way to rid the house of its unseen villains.

Good Food Gone Bad by Venona Keyes
Scott and Colum, partners for five years, rarely see each other between their busy work and post-grad schedules. They decide there's no better way to get reacquainted than a four-day weekend exploring some ancient and uncommon aphrodisiacs. Uncomplicated food and body exploration—what could go wrong? There's no chance the bad luck from past getaways would repeat itself… could it?

Attack of the Hedgehogs by Kate Pavelle
Ricky runs into Sam in the supermarket—literally, with a shopping cart. Smitten, he coaxes Sam out for a “feel better” dinner, and the evening evolves into days spent together. The two men are so compatible, it almost feels too good to be true—until Sam tries something that cools Ricky’s ardor.

It's Not What You Think by Teegan Loy
Micah is having a run of bad luck when it comes to meeting guys. Hooking up used to satisfy him, but now he's looking for something more. The problem is that he thinks he may have found it—in his best friend’s new boyfriend. And if he values his life, he needs to stop crushing on Cole before Jenna figures it out.

Slippery When Wet by K. Lynn
David and his husband Jake love their older house and have set out to make it truly a home. One morning David has an idea to spice up their somewhat vanilla sex life by joining his husband in the shower for a bit of pre-breakfast fun. What's supposed to be a kinky venture into first-time shower sex turns into a trip to the emergency room when they forget the warning "slippery when wet."

Desperate Measures by E.T. Malinowski
Parker Devereaux is calm, cool, and collected. A talented architect at an international firm, he's no stranger to wooing clients. So when his boss tells him he’s hosting a dinner party at his house, he has no choice but to agree, even though he can’t cook to save his life. Luckily his lover Gregorio Montesano can—except Parker can't reach him to let Greg know what's going on.

Gordon's Cat by Aundrea Singer
Mitch and Gordon have just started a relationship, and it's going wonderfully—until Mitch meets Gordon's cat, Chelsea, who hates Mitch on sight. When their every attempt at a romantic tryst ends in disaster, Mitch begins to despair. He loves Gordon, and Gordon loves him, but Gordon also loves Chelsea—and Mitch isn't about to make him choose between them....

Photo Finish by AC Valentine
Skylar is ready for a night of passion with his boyfriend. He has his list of everything he needs and he’s checked it twice. Roses (check), wine (check), lube (check), condoms (check), toys (check), handcuffs (check), handcuff keys... Uh oh. Then his boyfriend dumps him by text while Skylar's stuck handcuffed to the bed. He needs his best friend Ari to get him out of the fix he’s in. The only problem is, Ari finally has Skylar right where he wants him.

Author Bios:

Anna Birmingham

Hello fellow readers and writers! I'm originally from the UK but currently living in and loving the USA. I have been reading and attempting to write m/m stories for around three years. It's a not so new guilty pleasure. I used to work in finance but am currently a stay at home mom to two young children under the age of four, so free time doesn't come along that often. When it does, writing about hot guys doing sexy things is the perfect antidote to the 'terrible twos'!

Rena Butler

Born and raised in Florida, Rena Butler has long been in love with the written word. She discovered the joys of writing M/M romance several years ago, and her Muse likes to visit very late at night. She has worked as everything from a seamstress to a theme park character to a graduate teaching assistant, but dreams of becoming a full-time writer. When she gets a little spare money, she likes to travel, and would one day like to return to Australia, where she spent a memorable semester studying abroad. In addition to reading anything she can get her hands on, she also enjoys sniffing clean laundry right from the dryer and filling out crossword puzzles with a freshly-sharpened pencil.

Henrietta Clarke

Henrietta Clarke is a quirky Yorkshire lass who had the misfortune to discover the path she was actually meant to take in life three days into an intensive postgraduate course. Now free from the hell of law study, she divides her time between working as a lunchtime supervisor in a primary school, training as a fiction editor, and writing her own stories. When she’s not working, Henrietta can usually be found in the kitchen, hanging out with her parents and eccentric dogs or baking cupcakes. Every remaining second is spent reading or sleeping—sometimes simultaneously.

A hopeless romantic who is as much in love with the English language as with all the delicious fictional men it creates, Henrietta suffers from abibliophobia and has a serious book-buying addiction as a consequence. The day there are no unread items on her Kindle will be the day the Earth stops turning. Her other addictions include bad TV and chilli in any form, and she collects everything from books and DVDs to china elephants, keyrings and photo frames—most of which stay empty far too long. She has a minor obsession with rainbows, and plots everything in purple Sharpie.

Taylin Clavelli

Taylin Clavelli lives in the United Kingdom, about fifteen miles south of Birmingham, with the world famous Cadbury’s Chocolate just about a neighbor. She’s married with children and loves her family with all her heart.

Her love of books has been a long-standing affair. Taylin likes nothing better than to lose herself in an imaginary world. Favorite authors include Wilbur Smith, David Gemmell, and David and Leigh Eddings.

Outside of writing, her interests include martial arts (she’s a 2nd Degree Black Belt in Tae kwon do), horse riding, and movies, all of which facilitate her love of a variety of genre movies. Her action heroes include Jet Li and Tony Jaa. If pressed, she’ll admit to thinking the first appearance of Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl to be the greatest screen entrance ever. Her all-time favorite movies are Star Wars and Lord of the Rings.

Bell Ellis

Bell Ellis made her writing debut at the age of eight with a series of truly dreadful stories about unicorns. She continued to happily produce abysmal fiction until she was distracted by several college degrees, a social life, and a steady career in software design. By the time she returned to her writing again, several of her acquaintances informed her that she'd fallen into the terrible habit of actually writing readable stories. She never recovered from this. Now she produces tolerable fiction at a furious rate in a tiny little house in the woods, to the dismay of her two cats, various family members, and legions of abandoned unicorns.

Kim Fielding

I have lived in Illinois, Oregon, Nebraska, and Croatia, but for a long time now I've called the boring part of California home. I have a husband, two daughters, a day job as a university professor, and a passion for travel. I write in many genres--contemporary, fantasy, paranormal, historical--but no matter when and where my stories are set, I love complex worlds and complicated characters. I think that often it's a person's flaws that make him stronger and more beautiful.

Ellee Hill

I am a native New Englander who has dreamed of seeing my stories in print ever since winning the Young Authors contest in the fourth grade. My love of books, and my father’s way with words, began my journey into writing. A lover of travel, French fries, and my smartphone, I got over the fear of rejection by posting fan fiction while creating original works on the side. It’s thanks to the support of my friends and family, and their amazing examples of courage and determination, that I made that final push to get my first short story published. When told the good news, my mother said happily, “Honey, it’s about damn time.” I couldn’t agree more.

Kiernan Kelly

Kiernan Kelly lives in Florida among the alligators and palmetto bugs with her husband and a Shar Pei-Labrador puppy who thinks she's a person (the dog, not Kiernan. Kiernan knows she's a person. At least, she is after she's had her daily dose of caffeine). Kiernan spends most of her time writing gay erotic romance while chained to a computer in the dark recesses of her office, which her children have dubbed, "The Gay Cave."

Venona Keyes

VENONA KEYES is a modern woman who believes in doing it all; if doing it all is only in her head. She amazes people that she can be wholly unorganized yet pack a perfect carryon suitcase for a ten-day trip to Paris. She is a believer in the “just in time” theory and can be seen sprinting in airports to the gate before the plane door closes.

She has experienced love and loss at the deepest levels and is thankful for writing and daydreaming, for it kept—and still keeps—her sane. Writing also introduced her to some of the most supportive and wonderful people, for which she will always be grateful.

Venona is a voracious reader, loves her two feline boys, volunteers at an animal shelter, is an accomplished speaker, and enjoys swimming, biking, skipping, and her beloved overgrown garden.

Kate Pavelle

Just about everything Kate Pavelle writes is colored by her life experiences, whether the book in your hand is romance, mystery, or adventure. Kate grew up under a totalitarian regime behind the Iron Curtain. In her life, she has been a hungry refugee and a hopeful immigrant, a crime victim and a force of lawful vengeance, a humble employee and a business owner, an unemployed free-lancer and a corporate executive, a scientist and an artist, a storyteller volunteering for her local storytelling guild, a martial artist, and a triathlete. Kate’s frequent travels imbue her stories with local color from places both exotic and mundane.

Kate Pavelle is encouraged in her writing by her husband, children, and pets, and tries not to kill her extensive garden in her free time. Out of the five and a half languages she speaks, English is her favorite comfort zone.

Teegan Loy

Teegan Loy began writing a long time ago. Notebooks filled with ideas were stacked around the house. One day, she sat down with renewed ambition and something fantastic happened: she completed a story.

Now most of her time is spent writing, but she takes an occasional break to go to the movies, where she imagines her stories on the big screen. She also enjoys watching hockey, filling her IPod with music and driving her daughter around town to various activities.

K. Lynn

K. Lynn has been an avid reader and writer since childhood. In her youth, she could most likely be found in the local library, devouring books that covered everything from WWII History to Dr. McCoy's latest adventures aboard the Enterprise, with some X-Men thrown in for good measure. Once she had read everything that was on the shelves, she turned around and read them again. K. Lynn was also known to create elaborate adventures that more than once made it to the page. Ink-filled papers gave way to overflowing computer memory as the years went on, but the stories never ceased.

While in college, K. Lynn increased her involvement in LGBT issues and writing within the LGBT fiction genre. She has become a long-time fan of the authors that seek to explore the commonality that exists within all sexualities and genders. Most of K. Lynn's work features LGBT characters, many of whom are in established relationships and show how love perseveres through every trial and tribulation that life holds. She also has a particular interest in seeing transgender characters gain a larger foothold within the LGBT fiction genre, hoping that the market for these works expand in the future.

K. Lynn has degrees and certificates from UNC-Chapel Hill in the areas of American History, Religion, Creative Writing, Public Health, and Journalism. She is a member of Mensa and has an extensive writing and editing background. To her, life is an ongoing adventure where she seeks to learn something new every day. When K. Lynn is not writing short stories, she is working on her novels. Her interests range from erotica to education, with stops along the way in paranormal fiction, historical novels, and established relationship romance. Give her a good story and she's willing to read.

E.T. Malinowski

E.T. Malinowski is the youngest of seven girls. It was her love of reading that eventually led her to attempt writing. From there, a passion was born. She began writing romance in her early teens and, at that time, never dreamed of sharing her work with anyone. With the help of several dear friends, not to mention her ex-husband, she found the courage to take that last step towards publication.

As the single mother of three rambunctious boys, finding time to write is a bit difficult. Yet, E.T. manages to do it, even if it’s on break or lunch at a regular day job. She has found her place in homoerotic romance. To her, love doesn’t recognize gender boundaries and is always special.

An avid reader, E.T. finds inspiration in all her favorite genres, from mainstream romance by her favorite authors to Japanese manga and Anime. To her, even the classic fairytales hold that spark of motivation and if there is one thing she has learned from her many years of writing solely for herself, it’s this; Never deny the Muse, she gets cranky and pulls out the bullwhip.

Aundrea Singer

Aundrea Singer was born in Canada and spent her formative years on a hobby farm, helping her parents raise chickens, ducks, geese, and turkeys, and a plethora of cats, dogs, guinea pigs, rabbits, and hamsters. She has always had an active imagination—she enjoyed turning her Barbies into bounty hunters—and has been an avid fan of sci-fi and fantasy since her mother read Lloyd Alexander and Madeleine L'Engle to her at a terribly impressionable age.

Despite these beginnings, she was well into adulthood before giving up her aspirations to normalcy and embracing her geekatude, whereupon she naturally fell in love with an engineer and moved to Texas. She started telling stories before she could write and will always be enthralled with how words can be used to create entire universes. She is grateful to her husband that she is now able to write full time. Aundrea still lives in Texas with her much-beloved husband, three cats of varying levels of insanity, and the most wonderful little boy in the entire world. Her pen name is a small homage to her parents, her heritage, and her husband, as well as a salute to the gaming buddies she left behind.

A.C. Valentine

AC Valentine is a New Yorker who recently traded her quiet bohemian life in the Village for the wild metropolis of Vermont. She dragged with her a tattooed corporate husband, a small child, a neurotic dog, and several libraries worth of books.

She can’t clean or cook but can throw a mean party. She can always be found bemoaning the lack of a day job while happily reading or writing m/m fiction or fiddling around with some craft project to add to the pile that is threatening to take over the dining room. The newest craft project is a bouncing baby boy who believes all the other craft projects are edible.