Title: Nicki's Fight
Author: Mellanie Rourke
Series: Twin Peeks Bookstore #2
Genre: M/M Romance
Release Date: December 9, 2019
KAINE
A lifetime of abandonment leaves its mark on a person. So much so that when Nicki left, it made a twisted sort of sense. After all, everyone else I had loved in this world had left me, why should he be any different?
Six years later and he’s back in my life. He’s still the same Nicki. Still the same sensitive, intelligent, loving and compassionate man he was years ago. Except…there are shadows in his eyes that were never there before. How do I love him again, trust him again? If he disappears now, there’s no way I’d survive.
NICKI
I love Kaine Devereaux. I always have. But sometimes love just isn’t enough. When my family moved thousands of miles away to chase the dream of a cure for my mysterious illness, Kaine and I had no idea that more than distance would end up separating us.
How do I ask Kaine to trust me again when I almost destroyed him? How do I ask him to love me again, when I’m still haunted by the specter of my past?
Nicki’s Fight is a M/M Romance with danger, heat, and a snarky cat who saves a life. This story does include explicit sex scenes and descriptive domestic abuse. Please pay heed to the Trigger Warning: Scenes of domestic violence and abuse.
“Nicki… What happened?” he asked. “I can’t help but feel like there is something major you haven’t told me. Something more than just your parents breaking up kept you away for six years.”
I jerked away from Kaine and headed for the door. Why had I thought I could do this? He deserved so much better than me. He deserved someone stronger, someone who would have fought, who would have found a way to escape. Someone who wasn’t sick, who wouldn’t die and leave him, like so many other people had left him…
Through the dark storm raging in my head, a little voice tried to convince me that I could tell Kaine the whole story, that he’d understand what I’d done to protect my mother. To protect him. That voice was drowned out by the flood of vile words I’d absorbed from my father like a sponge.
I made it to the door before I was able to force myself to stop running. I leaned against it, shaking my head in the vain hope that I could shake off the sound of my father’s voice. I saw my palms flat against the wooden door, the hated tattoos staring at me.
How was Kaine going to react when he found out about the deal I’d made with my father? Would Kaine agree if he knew my dad hated me? What if he thought being sick was some kind of punishment, that I was an abomination? A worthless waste of human flesh, who had caused my parents to split and humiliated my father…
I felt like I was standing on a precipice. To either side of me a yawning chasm that threatened to swallow me whole. My terror of Kaine’s judgment made the breath in my lungs freeze and I stood leaning against the door. Then I felt it… a touch, feather light, gently running over my back. I tried to pull away. I didn’t want him to feel my scars, to know… Fuck!
To know how fucking weak I was.
I made myself turn back around and I took a deep, hoarse breath that turned into a cough that rumbled through my chest. Nausea swirled in my gut as I tried to get the words out, to tell him what had happened…
“I—My dad, he— he was—” I saw Kaine’s eyes narrow and his jaw clench. I tried to choke out an explanation, but the words still wouldn’t come. I felt the censure in his gaze. “Fuck, Kaine! I’m so sorry…” I doubled over with a sob, my hands grabbing my hair in a punishing grip, the pain anchoring me in the midst of my emotional storm.
I couldn’t speak, just shook my head wildly in frustration as Kaine tried to talk to me, but the words were just noise roaring in my ears. I couldn’t get the words out to tell him, so I did the only thing I could do. I showed him.
I stood up quickly and ripped the shirt off over my head and turned my back to him, head bowed. I could feel my whole body flushing with humiliation, my face scarlet as I faced the closed bedroom door. A full-length mirror hung on the back of it, and I could see the look of horror on Kaine’s face. I knew what he’d see, and the shame of it stung through my body like a million angry bees. I’d seen it hundreds of times in my own mirror.
Sound returned slowly, and I heard him gasp as he saw my back. Then I heard a whispered, “What the fuck…”
I just shook my head as I showed him my secret, my shame.
If I’d just done better, been better, Dad wouldn’t have done it. If I hadn’t been gay, I could have been a better son, a better man, and he wouldn’t have been pushed to this extreme. It was all my fault.
I jerked away from Kaine and headed for the door. Why had I thought I could do this? He deserved so much better than me. He deserved someone stronger, someone who would have fought, who would have found a way to escape. Someone who wasn’t sick, who wouldn’t die and leave him, like so many other people had left him…
Through the dark storm raging in my head, a little voice tried to convince me that I could tell Kaine the whole story, that he’d understand what I’d done to protect my mother. To protect him. That voice was drowned out by the flood of vile words I’d absorbed from my father like a sponge.
I made it to the door before I was able to force myself to stop running. I leaned against it, shaking my head in the vain hope that I could shake off the sound of my father’s voice. I saw my palms flat against the wooden door, the hated tattoos staring at me.
How was Kaine going to react when he found out about the deal I’d made with my father? Would Kaine agree if he knew my dad hated me? What if he thought being sick was some kind of punishment, that I was an abomination? A worthless waste of human flesh, who had caused my parents to split and humiliated my father…I felt like I was standing on a precipice. To either side of me a yawning chasm that threatened to swallow me whole. My terror of Kaine’s judgment made the breath in my lungs freeze and I stood leaning against the door. Then I felt it… a touch, feather light, gently running over my back. I tried to pull away. I didn’t want him to feel my scars, to know… Fuck!
To know how fucking weak I was.
I made myself turn back around and I took a deep, hoarse breath that turned into a cough that rumbled through my chest. Nausea swirled in my gut as I tried to get the words out, to tell him what had happened…“I—My dad, he— he was—” I saw Kaine’s eyes narrow and his jaw clench. I tried to choke out an explanation, but the words still wouldn’t come. I felt the censure in his gaze. “Fuck, Kaine! I’m so sorry…” I doubled over with a sob, my hands grabbing my hair in a punishing grip, the pain anchoring me in the midst of my emotional storm.
I couldn’t speak, just shook my head wildly in frustration as Kaine tried to talk to me, but the words were just noise roaring in my ears. I couldn’t get the words out to tell him, so I did the only thing I could do. I showed him.
I stood up quickly and ripped the shirt off over my head and turned my back to him, head bowed. I could feel my whole body flushing with humiliation, my face scarlet as I faced the closed bedroom door. A full-length mirror hung on the back of it, and I could see the look of horror on Kaine’s face. I knew what he’d see, and the shame of it stung through my body like a million angry bees. I’d seen it hundreds of times in my own mirror.
I just shook my head as I showed him my secret, my shame.
If I’d just done better, been better, Dad wouldn’t have done it. If I hadn’t been gay, I could have been a better son, a better man, and he wouldn’t have been pushed to this extreme. It was all my fault.
Who are some of your favorite authors and/or books to read when you need to relax?
When I need to relax, I generally need to laugh, and be able to recognize the absurdity of life. So I read authors who make me smile: Aimee Nicole Walker and K.M. Neuhold are some of my favorites for that. If I need pure escapism, I love Patricia Briggs and Faith Hunter’s paranormal books.
If you were approached to have your book made into a film, who would you cast?
Oh man… This is a tough one! For Nicki’s Fight, the main characters are Nicki and Kaine. For Nicki, I’d like a red haired Ezra Miller. Kaine is pretty much a young Chris Hemsworth.
Mama K and Mama D are both Mixed Martial Artists… so a little older Ronda Rousey and Danica Patrick with curly hair are the images I have in mind.
It's often asked what is your favorite part of being a writer but what is the easiest or most natural part of the creative process for you?
The actual writing is the easiest part for me. I will struggle and struggle to get started with writing something…. Then, once it starts, it just GOES. I often don’t even know what’s going to happen in a story, it just takes off. Sometimes I will look back the next day at what I’ve written, and be really surprised.
Is there any one character you've created that is most like you? If yes, who and why?
Lee Devereaux, I think is the most like me. He has a strong urge to take care of people, and that is something I’ve always had. The challenge for me, though, was that I was the baby of the family, (younget of four) so everyone else wanted to take care of me! I ended up finding an outlet for this by bringing home strays. Stray animals, stray people… my parents were the most incredibly generous folks in the world. In college, I don’t know how many times I would ask to bring home a new friend for the holiday, or some extra money to help someone I knew.
If you could go anywhere(finances, time, & obligations not an issue) where would you go and why?
I would love to see England. I’ve always been fascinated by the history of the UK, the monarchy, and medieval times. I’d love to visit a real castle! I would always look at miniatures of castles, and make up stories for myself of the people that would walk the halls or be going up and down the stairs. Maybe someday I’ll write a historical novel!
When I need to relax, I generally need to laugh, and be able to recognize the absurdity of life. So I read authors who make me smile: Aimee Nicole Walker and K.M. Neuhold are some of my favorites for that. If I need pure escapism, I love Patricia Briggs and Faith Hunter’s paranormal books.
If you were approached to have your book made into a film, who would you cast?
Oh man… This is a tough one! For Nicki’s Fight, the main characters are Nicki and Kaine. For Nicki, I’d like a red haired Ezra Miller. Kaine is pretty much a young Chris Hemsworth.
Mama K and Mama D are both Mixed Martial Artists… so a little older Ronda Rousey and Danica Patrick with curly hair are the images I have in mind.
It's often asked what is your favorite part of being a writer but what is the easiest or most natural part of the creative process for you?
The actual writing is the easiest part for me. I will struggle and struggle to get started with writing something…. Then, once it starts, it just GOES. I often don’t even know what’s going to happen in a story, it just takes off. Sometimes I will look back the next day at what I’ve written, and be really surprised.
Is there any one character you've created that is most like you? If yes, who and why?
Lee Devereaux, I think is the most like me. He has a strong urge to take care of people, and that is something I’ve always had. The challenge for me, though, was that I was the baby of the family, (younget of four) so everyone else wanted to take care of me! I ended up finding an outlet for this by bringing home strays. Stray animals, stray people… my parents were the most incredibly generous folks in the world. In college, I don’t know how many times I would ask to bring home a new friend for the holiday, or some extra money to help someone I knew.
If you could go anywhere(finances, time, & obligations not an issue) where would you go and why?
I would love to see England. I’ve always been fascinated by the history of the UK, the monarchy, and medieval times. I’d love to visit a real castle! I would always look at miniatures of castles, and make up stories for myself of the people that would walk the halls or be going up and down the stairs. Maybe someday I’ll write a historical novel!
Mellanie Rourke lives in Akron, Ohio with her loving (and long-suffering) husband, two snarky children, and furry menagerie.
She has been writing since she was a child but never had the impulse to publish until she was introduced to the world of M/M Romance. Now her husband has to put up with a variety of new ways to describe a penis, and her children aren't allowed to tell their teachers what she writes.
For more information on Mellanie's upcoming work, join her Facebook group "Misfits & Malcontents”.
To stay informed about upcoming releases, special events and fun contests, join her mailing list.
Nicki's Fight #2
Mason's Run #1
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