“Has anyone seen my sneakers?”
“Which ones?” Ben asks without looking up from his iPad.
“Green.” The word is heavy with the kind of exasperation only really used by teenage boys forced to deal with unhelpful parents. Jamie yanks open the pantry and begins rummaging within.
“I doubt they’re in there.” Ben watches with amusement as Jamie withdraws, narrowly misses tripping over Bart, and starts toward the laundry room – with the Labrador in pursuit. “Where did you leave them last?”
“If I could remember that, I wouldn’t be looking for them.”
Ben snorts. He has vague memories of similar conversations with Allie when he was in his teens and knowing Jamie, the shoes are either somewhere in his bedroom or out on the sand. The answer to which is dependent on where he and Leo made out last. Resting his chin on his hand, he waits until Jamie turns around.
“Here’s an idea for you: you could pick some of the crap up off your bedroom floor. They might be in there.”
As the words leave his mouth, the kitchen door flies open.
“Papa said cwap.” Lucy, at four, is tall for her age with long chestnut ringlets that tumble past her shoulders and caramel colored eyes framed by long sooty lashes. Still in her footie pajamas, she clambers onto the chair next to Ben and waits for him to shake some cereal into a bowl for her and add milk.
“Daddy said that’s a naughty word, so you have to put a dollar in the jar.” Ally slides into her seat, rubbing her eyes and yawning.
“Do I just?”
“Mmmmhmmmm.” She giggles and tries to squirm away as he covers her cheek with kisses.
“Ally have you seen my green sneakers?” Jamie’s voice has an edge to it now. Ally shakes her head, pushing Ben away with one hand and picking up her spoon with the other.
“They’ll be where ever you last left them, probably under the mess on your bedroom floor.” Alex leans against the door jamb, arms folded, and Ben can’t help chuckling. He has a fair idea of the reaction that statement will get.
“Your husband already made that comment.” Jamie glares at them both.
“My husband huh?”
“Dad, come on! Have you seen them? I’m going to be late.”
“For what exactly?” Alex crosses to the counter and pours himself a cup of coffee. Brushes a kiss over Ben’s cheek when he returns to the table. “It’s only seven-thirty. I’m amazed you’re even upright.”
“Leo’s picking me up.”
Ben raises an eyebrow. “At seven-thirty in the morning? Why?”
Jamie drops onto a chair with a huff of frustration. His black hair, currently tipped with platinum, sticks out in every direction from dragging his hands through it. “Because we’re going to help decorate the hall for the spring dance, remember?” He reaches for the cereal and fills his bowl. “And now I can’t find my shoes.”
“Lulu use your spoon.” Ben catches Lucy’s hand before she plunges it into her food for a second time and hands her a spoon. She scowls, then begins eating, and he turns his attention back to Jamie. “Is there a reason you can’t wear your other sneakers?”
“I left them in Leo’s car last night.” Jamie freezes, spoon halfway to his mouth, seemingly aware that his answer might generate even more questions and his bright blue eyes, carefully lined in black, grow wary.
“And the reason you took them off in Leo’s car would be?”
“Uh…”
Ben nods. He can’t wait to hear this.
“Did you get wet and have to take your shoes and socks off?” Ally asks. Ben opens his mouth to speak. Yelps when a sharp kick lands on his ankle and he glares at Alex.
“Uh….”
Ben leans across the table and crooks his finger toward Jamie.
“From now on, everything stays dry. Got it?”
Scarlet, Jamie nods.
“Got it.”
Satisfied, Ben sits back ignoring the look he knows he’s getting from Alex. He’s about to continue when Leo appears in the courtyard, holding a pair of bright orange sneakers in one hand. Bart bounces out to greet him, tail wagging, followed closely by Jamie who, to Ben’s amusement, manages to snatch both the shoes and a quick kiss at the same time.
“Hi Leo. You had breakfast?” Alex butters a slice of toast, slices it into strips, and holds one out to Lucy as Leo nods and assures him, he’s fine. “Jamie, finish eating please.”
For the space of a second, Ben thinks Jamie is going to argue, then he sits back down, pulls his sneakers on and picks his spoon up again. “We have to go.” He shoves a spoonful of cornflakes into his mouth.
“Mmmmhmmmm.”
Ben can’t help grinning. It’s become some sort of unwritten rule. Ben is in charge of dealing with things like why someone, at seventeen, might be undressing in their boyfriend’s car. Alex covers whether it’s okay to wear eyeliner and nail enamel to school - yes – or if two spoons of cornflakes count as breakfast – no.
Jamie pushes his chair back and stands. A cornflake is stuck to the corner of his mouth and his cheeks are bulging.
“Juice.” Alex’s holds a spoonful of yogurt in mid-air while he waits.
Ben sees Jamie’s shoulders slump as he swallows. “Dad, we’re going to be late.”
Ignoring the whined protest, Alex points at the glass of juice, then at Jamie. The teenager grabs the glass, drains it in one mouthful, and puts it in the sink. Swipes the back of his hand over his mouth and takes a step toward the door.
“History assignment?” Alex finds a banana from the dish of fruit in the middle of the table and holds it up.
“Yes, got it.” He pushes Leo through the door, then comes back. Grabs the banana with a small smile. “Thanks.”
Shaking his head, Ben watches them disappear around the corner of the house then turns his attention back to Lucy. He’s not sure how much cereal she’s eaten, considering how much of it is on the floor being snuffled up by Bart. As if reading his mind, Lucy offers the last of her toast to the Labrador before turning a wide grin back to him.
“Bart likes toasties.” She picks her plastic tumbler up with both hands and slurps down the last of her milk. Holds it out to him. “More.”
“Please.”
“P’ease.”
“Daddy, I’ve finished. Can I go watch cartoons while you have coffee?” Ally puts her empty juice glass down and inches toward the door. “Please?”
Ben watches as Alex checks the time, then her plate and glass and nods. He leans over to wipe Lucy’s face and hands before helping her down from her chair. She runs after her sister and a few seconds later they hear the television. Gathering up the discarded plates, Alex nods when Ben holds the coffee pot up.
“Everything stays dry?” Alex’s eyes dance with amusement as he accepts the cup, leaning against the counter, long legs stretched in front of him.
“Mmmhmmm.”
“And you always stayed dry at his age?”
“Of course. I was very sensible and well behaved.”
“Not what I’ve heard.”
Ben rolls his eyes and starts stacking the breakfast plates in the dishwasher in silence.
“You know, I always kind of thought I’d be the parent who was uptight about sex.” Alex’s mouth twitches and he rubs Ben’s arm. “What’s wrong?”
Ben sighs. “Nothing. It’s just …” His voice trails off and he drags a hand through his short hair. “I know I’m being a bit of a hypocrite and I know that I’m not the kid’s father, but I just don’t want him to get hurt.” When Alex remains silent, Ben steps between his legs. Rests their foreheads together. “When I was a kid, about the only way someone could find out was if they actually caught you parked up or your mother walked in on you in the bedroom …”
Alex sniggers. “Do I want to know how often Allie walked in on you?”
“Probably not.” Ben grins, catching his tongue between his teeth and waggling his eyebrows. “The point is that these days everything’s out there for everyone to see. Facebook, Twitter, all of the social media shit. All it takes is one narrow minded son of a bitch or someone like your m…” His voice trails off.
“Like my mother, yes. I hear you. But Ben, have you seen any evidence of that around here? Has someone said something about Jamie and Leo?” His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. Ben tracks the movement knowing what’s coming next. “About us?”
He shakes his head. “No, baby. Nothing like that. It’s just that Leo’s eighteen and Jamie isn’t. That’s statutory rape in the eyes of the law and before you say it, yes, I’m being extreme. But do you want them to have to face a trumped-up charge because some homophobic dick head stumbles across them up in the park or sees a pic of them snuggling in bed on Facebook?”
“No, of course not.” Sadness replaces the confusion in Alex’s eyes and Ben sighs. Wishes he could say something to wipe it away. He strokes his thumb over Alex’s cheek and tries to reassure him.
“Look, I’m not stupid. They’re obviously… playing around for want of a better term, and that’s normal and natural. But… fuck I hate this.” Scrubbing at the stubble on his chin, Ben stares over Alex’s shoulder and out the window. Alex’s hand is a comforting warmth on the small of his back, his lips soft on his neck. “I don’t want him – them – to hide but I don’t want them to get hurt either. I don’t know maybe I’m overreacting.”
“You know something?” Alex asks. The words are muffled and Ben smiles, shaking his head. “The fact that you’re worried is exactly what makes you his father. It might pay to talk to him about it though.”
Before Ben can reply Ally’s voice floats in from the other room.
“Daddy, Lulu needs to go potty.”
Alex pushes him away and laughs. “All yours.”
“She asked for Daddy,” Ben protests.
“Uh huh but Daddy is finishing his coffee and then getting in the shower or he’ll be late for class.”
Damn it!
♦ ♦ ♦
Ben peers over his glasses as Alex drops onto the bed with a sigh, long hair fanning out around his face. He snaps his book shut and puts it on the nightstand, then combs his fingers through the strands. Smiles at Alex’s contented sigh.
Ben spent the day working on what is promising to be a messy domestic abuse case before picking up the girls, then Jamie. Alex called to say he’d be late – the free clinic was overrun with an outbreak of flu – then the supermarket was crowded, and when they got home Lucy decided she was overdue for yet another tantrum. Ally retreated to the living room, Jamie suddenly discovered a hitherto undiscovered love of algebra homework, and Ben was left with a screaming four-year-old who wanted “the blue cup. Not that blue cup.” Just as he was considering simply opening the cupboard and letting her have all the damned cups, Alex arrived with two bags of vegetables under his arms. Handing Ben the groceries, he’d called to Jamie and Ally to get the remaining bags from the car, then whisked a shrieking Lucy to her bedroom. Nearly thirty minutes passed before the shrieks coming through the baby monitor turned to snuffles and she fell asleep, by which time Ben had started his third glass of wine. She hadn’t even woken when he went in to change her diaper and as much as he’s enjoying the peace, it will come with a price. Nobody will need an alarm clock tomorrow – not even the birds.
“I don’t know what we’re going to do when she’s too big for the crib.” The words are cut off by a yawn.
“When? Babe, she’s too damned big for it now. She should have been out of it a year ago. I’m amazed she hasn’t already tried climbing out.”
Alex shudders and sighs. “I know. The minute she realizes she can, we are so screwed.” He pushes the covers back with his feet and stretches out, one arm over his eyes. “Did you talk to Jamie?”
Ben takes his glasses off and puts them on top of his book.
“A little. I found his shoes out past the gate and put them in his room, which by the way may need to be inspected by the Health Department. I brought out six cups and three plates. We had a talk about that when I picked him up.” Alex snickers and rolls over to grope for the switch on the lamp. “Pointed out that I just want him and Leo to be safe and was told that of course they’re being safe.”
He slides down in the bed and finds himself nose to nose with a frowning Alex. “They’re being safe? What does that mean exactly?”
“Beats me. That’s when Lulu decided that everyone in the damned state should know that the blue cup is hers. I don’t know what’s got into her lately. And which blue cup? How many blue cups do we even have?”
“Being four is what got into her.” Alex sighs. “When I was seventeen, I was worrying about whether I was ever going to be kissed, not about being safe.”
Ben knows it’s more likely that Alex, at seventeen, had been worrying about staying out of his mother’s way than anything else, and tries to distract him before the conversation wanders down that track. “Fourteen.”
“Huh?”
“First kiss. I was fourteen.”
“Of course you were.”
“And fifteen when I – “
A pillow hits him in the face and Alex shakes his head. “Don’t want to know. Especially since you’re giving Jamie grief and he’s three years older.”
“I told you, it’s different.”
“I know what you told me, and I still think you need to talk to him.” Another yawn escapes and Alex claps his hand over his mouth. “Man, I’m glad today’s over.”
“I know something that will relax you.” Ben brushes his hand over Alex’s belly, smiling at the flutter of muscles beneath his fingers. Before he can slide it beneath the elastic of Alex’s green pajama pants though, Alex catches it and pulls it over to rest on his hip.
“I start placement in the morning.”
“All the more reason to be relaxed.”
“All the more reason to get some sleep. Tomorrow.”
Ben curls in against him and kisses his shoulder. He can live with that.
If Alex doesn't move, perhaps the person jabbing the small, pointy finger into his bicep will go away. Unlikely, but he can hope. Maybe if he just plays possum...
The corner of the book covering his face is lifted. “Daddy, you awake?”
“Nope.”
“How come you're talking if you're not awake?”
“Magic.”
“Nu-uh.”
He opens one eye to peer at his daughter. “Smarty paws.”
Lucy giggles.
“See? Told you. You are too awake.” She scrambles up beside him and stretches out, so they're eye to eye. “At Henry's house we saw a movie about dinosaurs.”
“Yeah? Did you like it?” Alex tries to think what dinosaur movies would be appropriate for a five-year-old.
“Yeah, there was this dinosaur called Little Foot and his mommy died.”
He breathes a sigh of relief; he knows that one. It's animated. As Lucy continues to chatter about her afternoon at Henry's, he drifts off again, lulled by the sound of her voice.
“Daddy?”
“Hmmmm?”
“What dinosaurs were around when you were a little boy?”
With that, he's wide awake. What dinosaurs indeed!
He marks his place in the book and swings his legs around, lifting Lucy up with him as he stands. She's really too tall to be carried now, but he enjoys it anyway.
“There were no dinosaurs when I was a little boy, Lulubug.” Not unless you count my mother, he thinks.
“Not even trynasaws?”
“Tyrannosaurs? No, not even tyrannosaurs.” Kissing her cheek, he shoulders the door to the kitchen open. “But you should ask Papa. He's older than me and he might have seen some.”
“Some what?”
Ben leans out from the pantry, points to a bag of groceries on the counter, and makes a grabby motion. Alex passes them to him.
“Dinosaurs. Lulubug wants to know how many you saw when you were a little boy.”
Confusion clouds Ben's gaze.
“Come again? Dinosaurs?”
“Yeah.” Lucy slithers down Alex's side and follows Ben into the pantry. “Daddy said there weren't any when he was a little boy. Not even trynasaws. But he said you might have seen some 'cause you’re older than him.”
“Oh, did he just?” Ben looks over the tops of the glasses he now wears most of the time, and Alex blows him a kiss. “I hate to disappoint you both, but there were absolutely no dinosaurs when I was a little boy.”
“Awww, that's no fun.” Lucy pouts. “Can I have a cookie?”
“Nope, but you can have a banana.” Alex folds his arms and leans against the counter. “Why don't you go find your sister and Bart and we can go for a walk.”
Protesting that bananas are dumb, Lucy does as she's bid. Alex chews his lip and fights a grin when Ben comes out of the pantry and places his hands on the counter, either side of Alex's hips.
“Dinosaurs, huh?”
“Hey, not my fault you're older than me.” He dips his head and brushes a quick kiss over Ben's mouth. “They watched a dinosaur movie at Henry’s. For an awful minute, I thought she meant one of the Jurassic ones.”
Ben snorts. “You don't have to worry about that one, she'd be fine. Ally might be a little scared, but not Lulu.” He puts the milk away. “Besides, Jurassic Park is a classic now. Hardly scary at all.”
Alex rolls his eyes. Reaches for the bag of fruit and pulls out a bunch of bananas.
“Well, how about we wait a little before we introduce these particular classics, okay?” He puts four bananas on the counter and gets Bart's leash from the hook. “Next you'll be wanting to show her Jaws. Or Halloween”
“Nah, she needs to be at least ten before she watches Halloween.” Ben grins and hums the theme from Jaws. He picks up a banana and waggles it in Alex's direction. “You know, these are giving me an idea for later.”
“Everything gives you an idea for later.”
“It's why you love me.”
“Keep telling yourself that.”
Ben pulls him closer and nuzzles at the spot under his ear. Alex flinches at the tickle and laughs.
This is how weekends are supposed to be, he thinks. Quiet and happy.
The door from the living room crashes open; Bart bounds in, followed by the girls.
“Ew, Dads! Enough with the smushy stuff.” Ally wrinkles her nose and flips her blond hair over her shoulder. “I thought we were going for a walk. Can I have a cookie?”
“Banana.” Alex points to the fruit and clips the leash on Bart's collar.
“See? Told you he said no.” Lucy grabs her own piece of fruit and darts outside, followed by Ally.
Alex opens his mouth to tell them to get their jackets, that it's a little cool, but they're already gone. Sighing, he pulls his own jacket on, then grabs both garments from their hooks, and waits for Ben.
“When,” Ben tugs the zipper up, “did we stop being Papa and Daddy and become Dads?”
“About the same time that she decided she didn't want to take Mister Snuffles to bed with her anymore.” He waits with Bart while Ben steps into the courtyard. Checks he has his key, then pulls the kitchen door shut and locks it.
“Wait. What? When did she give up Mister Snuffles? Where was I?”
The girls are waiting near the water, bent over hunting for shells.
Alex kisses his cheek. “You've been busy.” They walk down to the water’s edge and he hands the girls their jackets.
“Left or right, troops?”
