Welcome to the inaugural issue of Spill the TEA: Trustworthy Earthling Advice—the Alliance’s new advice column for all of the recently or soon-to-be Earth-relocated, and those just simply coming for a visit!
I’m River Sullivan, aka KirklovesSpock4eva, the author of The Tentacular Tales of Captain Starblade and newly minted member of the Alliance on Earth—but here I’m your advice guru for all things Earthling related. Just call me Dr. TEA! I’m ready to answer all of your questions about humans, their customs and beliefs, and life on Earth in general.
Today, we’re covering an important communication topic: confusing euphemisms and double entendre. You know, where someone says one thing, but what they really mean is S-E-X.
And now, to our very first exciting query!
Dear Dr. TEA,
I’m new to Earth and finding it hard to acclimate to some of the customs here. A human coworker invited me to “Netflix and chill.” I thought this meant watching something entertaining on the Earthling Netflix channel together in a relaxing and “chill” environment. Side note: “chill” is a very intriguing word with so many different meanings I was unaware of. Case in point—imagine my surprise when I quite shockingly learned that the Netflix and chill expression is a euphemism for sexual congress! Needless to say, I was baffled when my colleague put the moves on me. I politely declined and hightailed it out of there like I had a Temerengi squadron on my tail. I’m not ready to try romance, let alone sex with Earthlings just yet. I mean, where does everything go, and how?!!
Now I’m nervous about facing my coworker again because it’s going to be very awkward. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Nopeing out of Netflix and Chill
Dear Nopeing out of Netflix and Chill,
Let me start off by saying I’m super proud of you for handling a situation like this so well! I can imagine how surprising that would be, and I certainly hope your coworker was cool when you said no. Consent is always essential when it comes to sex, but I’m sensing this was more of a cultural misunderstanding gone awry. No doubt your colleague thought you understood what they meant. If they weren’t aggressive or coercive about things, then my suggestion would be to have an honest conversation and tell them you didn’t understand what the term meant. You have several options here to make this believable.
You could claim that you’re from a foreign country. The downside to this is that they may want more details about that, which could prove tricky. Or, you could claim to have been raised in a sheltered environment of some kind. Now, this is where you need to decide whether you want to maintain a friendship with this person or have them stay away from you. If the former, you can say you only recently moved to Las Vegas after living your whole life in a very small rural community with spotty internet access. If the latter, tell them you grew up in a cult but you can’t share details without the Dark Order coming after you. That should send them packing!
Okay… now I’m second-guessing myself. There are some major weirdos out there for real who might really be into the whole “raised in a cult” thing. Hell, they might be starting their own cult! You don’t want to mess with any of that. Less is more and often best, so whatever way you go—keep it simple and easy to remember in case you have to tell it to multiple people!
Rainbows and good vibes,
Dr. TEA
River
“Come on, baby. Open wide for me,” I purr.
Kai flushes and tries to scowl but fails. “Not here.”
My sweet hubby-boo may try to resist, but I have him right where I want him. After all, I’m privy to all his deepest, darkest secrets.
“Of course you can. I know you want a mouthful of all this cream I have ready for you. You’re going to swallow it all down and beg me for more.”
Kai’s eyes turn molten amethyst and he licks his lips, unable to resist the temptation I’m offering him. I can see him starting to cave.
I leer. “That’s right. You can take it alllll for me, can’t you?”
Lips glistening and cheeks flushing, Kai slowly opens his mouth for me.
Heh. Score one for Sexy River.
I lovingly shove the entire chocolate-covered, cream-filled mini éclair I’m holding into my man’s mouth.
Kai bites down and lets out a filthy moan, his eyes fluttering shut with pleasure.
Do I know my boo, or do I know my boo?
“This birthday bash is turning out to be much kinkier than I expected,” Iris Genaro, Kai’s grandma, cackles around a large mouthful of chocolate lava cake. “I like it!”
My hubby-boo and his father inherited their sweet-tooth tendencies from this wild and wily woman, that’s for sure.
We’re celebrating Kai’s thirty-sixth birthday at a brand-new, all-you-can-eat dessert buffet, appropriately called Sinfully Sweet, that just opened downtown on The Strip.
Nothin’ spells lovin’ like feeding my man all the sugary and chocolatey goodness he could ever imagine.
I swear, the moment we entered this establishment and I took his blindfold off—cuz I’m all about the grand reveal—he started skipping from one buffet table to the next like Homer Simpson in the “Land of Chocolate” episode.
Only much sexier, of course.
Who’s a better partner than me? Nobody, that’s for fuckin’ sure!
Naturally, I’ve been helping him out by piling desserts onto little plates, lining them up in front of us, and then feeding him by hand.
Because I can.
And because he fucking loves it, no matter what feeble protests he might offer to the contrary.
I know how much of an aphrodisiac dessert can be for Kai. But we’re behaving for now—we are in public, after all. We’ll satisfy our other needs when we go home, and I have plans for my man once we get there. Ah, that’s what true love is all about—being comfortable enough to be weirdly kinky with your partner in ways you never would have imagined.
The supreme diva Cher would probably agree with me.
I select a chocolate-covered strawberry and hold it up to Kai’s eager lips. The simmering lust in those stunning eyes of his assures me that all my orgasmic wishes will be fulfilled when we get home.
Bow-chicka-wow-wow.
When I glance down the table, I’m not surprised to catch Ellie feeding Maddox big forkfuls of a slice of turtle cheesecake covered in gooey caramel, chocolate, and nuts. He looks just as blissed out as his son.
Ellie and I know how to keep our men satisfied.
I give her a covert thumbs-up and she returns it with a wink.
“I have a feeling I know who’s going to keep this new buffet in business,” Roxy says from where she’s seated across from us and basically planted right in Lu-Ren’s lap.
My former backup-bodyguard-turned-new- Team-ANAL-member wraps a possessive tan arm around Roxy. “The only dessert I’m interested in is you, sexy lady, when we head back to my place.”
Roxy practically dissolves into a puddle of glittery-eyed goo in Lu-Ren’s arms.
They haven’t been together long, but I have a good feeling about them. I’ve never seen Roxy this happy, and I think Lu-Ren’s pretty perfect for her. The multi-gendered alien—the universe is so freaking cool—treats Roxy like the queen she is and appreciates her for the fabulous, capable, and super talented woman she is. Seeing them together and all lovey-dovey fills me with all the warm fuzzies.
On my other side, Mal makes a pained noise and runs his hand over his face. “Your place? Don’t you mean my place? Gah! You two better not be getting your bodily fluids all over my precious, and might I add, expensive furniture.”
Roxy gives him a wicked grin. “Too late.”
I snort and send her an air high five.
Lu-Ren’s been staying at Mal’s house ever since they arrived to help keep me safe from my former—and now very dead—would-be assassin, Shilgar the Deadly.
Things were tense and I came a little too close to death that time for comfort. I owe my life to my badass mom, who basically came back from the grave, so to speak, and lopped off old Shilgar’s head.
Anyway, while Lu-Ren’s crashing at Mal’s house, Kai’s brother’s been living with my Uncle Benji and helping him out.
It gives me peace of mind because Benji kind of needs a keeper, and I already hung up my hat in that role after I flew the coop and created my own love nest with Kai. It also doesn’t hurt that Mal looks at Benji the way Kai drool-stares at a box of donuts.
Benji, who’s sitting on Mal’s other side, reaches out and pats Mal on the hand, making Kai’s brother do a good imitation of Roxy’s earlier goo-puddle transformation. “It’s gonna be okay, man. Bodily fluids are natural, after all. Besides, you can always have somebody steam-clean your furniture if you need to.”
Mal whimpers. “But my designer furniture…”
Benji side-hugs him and the look on Mal’s face turns blissful.
It’s kind of adorable, but I do feel for the guy.
After all, Benji is still mostly ignoring Mal’s interest in him or pretending to. However, I know for a fact Benji isn’t totally oblivious anymore. I’d say he’s shifted toward willful denial, but I don’t think that’s working as well as he thought it would. I’ve noticed subtle signs that Benji’s letting his walls down and getting closer to Mal on an emotional level. There’s definitely hope for the clear spark between them to blossom into something beautiful.
That is, if Mal can just be patient and go at Benji’s pace.
A few seats down, Iris cackles with laughter as she starts chowing down on a piece of chocolate cream pie, the lava cake now long gone.
I’m still having a hard time thinking of her as Kai’s grandma though. I mean, I know she’s elderly in terms of human years, but she looks barely older than Ellie since Iyarans live so much longer. She has some gray streaks in her dark hair, but her face shows hardly any lines. Needless to say, Iyarans age really fucking well.
I’m stoked that Kai’s going to stay smoking hot for ages. I mean, I’m certain he’s gonna be a silver fox with tentacles one day and I’m here for it—hell yeah. But knowing we can have more time together than most, given how much longer Iyarans and Quintharians live, fills me with all the happy feels. My only concern is how aging will actually work for me. Being half-Quintharian and half-human, I don’t know how much of my mother’s alien genetics will be dominant. We think I’ll have a lifespan nearly as long as Kai’s, but we don’t know for sure. All I know is that I don’t want to end up in a tragic Heather and Connor MacLeod situation like in Highlander, where I age and Kai stays eternally young and has to go on without me when I end up dying long before him.
That would just be cosmically unfair and I won’t allow it!
I turn to study my mom at the far end of the table, where she’s seated with my dad and smiling brightly.
Every time I see her, it still feels kind of unreal—but I’m also weirdly conflicted. For half my life, I believed she and my father had died in a car accident when I was ten. Now they’re both back after being on the run from intergalactic assassins for over a decade, and I don’t entirely know where I stand on all that.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m overjoyed that they’re alive and well and that I get to have them back in my life again. But at the same time, I have a lot of complicated emotions over the whole thing—anger, sorrow, and maybe a bit of lingering teenage emo-esque angst—that haven’t fully resolved themselves yet.
Benji and I are definitely in the same boat on that one, although I think I’m a lot closer to the shore of forgiveness than he is. After all, the poor guy raised me when we thought my parents were dead. We struggled to find our footing and survive their loss. It upturned both of our lives and left us with a lot of emotional baggage. We got through it all and things turned out well for the most part, but we had some difficult and challenging times over the years when we only had one another to rely on. And, of course, the grief over him losing his brother and me losing my parents never fully disappeared.
I’ve had some good heart-to-hearts with them, and I can honestly say the hurt is slowly starting to fade. For the most part anyway. Benji’s another story though. I can tell he’s holding on to a lot of anger and resentment. Someday, he’s going to have to air out some of his grievances with my parents and find a way to move past the lingering pain and sense of betrayal their fake deaths caused him and his parents. Purging all that negativity is necessary so that it doesn’t fester and eat away at him.
However, tonight is not that time. I’m one hundred percent focused on filling my boo full of dessert and making him blissfully happy on his birthday.
And in making sure he’s in the mood to reward my efforts with a good, hard fucking when we get home.
After all we’ve been through lately, from thwarting an intergalactic assassin to preparing for the Iyaran Sanctioning Ceremony, we deserve this.
I dip a donut hole on a stick in the chocolate fondue I ordered and bring it to Kai’s mouth. He grips my hand and studies me with hooded eyes as he lasciviously goes down on the donut hole, never letting his gaze leave mine.
Slowly, he sucks it into his mouth and begins to chew, licking his lips and moaning as he does so.
“Fuck yeah,” I whisper. “Swallow it whole, baby.”
I never thought watching a man eat dessert could make me so hot. But Kai revs my engine with just about everything he does.
Further indisputable proof that we are meant to be, baby!
“So, River,” Iris pipes up, interrupting the decidedly NC-17 direction my mind was going, “how is your preparation for the Sanctioning Ceremony going?”
My stomach does a good impression of the falling elevator scene in Speed, and I gulp. “Uh, it’s going well…” I trail off, and Kai reaches over to wrap an arm around me, squeezing me reassuringly.
He leans down and whispers in my ear, “We’ve got this. Trust me. Everything will be fine.”
That’s easy for him to say. Now that I’ve learned more about the three-day ordeal I have to go through for this Sanctioning Ceremony, I can’t help but think it’s some kind of bizarre test from the universe—or a weird version of alien hazing—to determine whether Kai and I have what it takes to stick together or not.
He’s promised me one can’t really fail the Sanctioning Ceremony per se, but Iris has definitely been putting the pressure on me to pass with flying colors. She has high hopes for me and her grandson. I only hope I can live up to them.
Since I’m not an Iyaran, I’ve had to solicit some outside assistance from various friends to prepare for the alien matrimonial trials I’ll be undergoing very freaking soon. I refuse to let Kai do all the work for this. After all, I fully believe in being an equal partner to him, and I intend to hold up my end of the bargain when it comes to our union.
No matter how weird things are undoubtedly going to get.
Thankfully, both Evan and Nirblob have come through in critical ways for me. With their help, I’m now feeling more confident I can make it through the ceremony and shine like a motherfucking superstar!
I totally want to wow everyone with how perfect I am for Kai, show them that he made the right decision in choosing me as his mate. Look, I’ve already had to deal with Fuckface Fabio, who thought they could snatch Kai from me. Anyone else who wants to mess with me better think twice before trying to get between us, or worse yet, put their skanky tentacles on my man. Not on my fucking watch!
Iris narrows her shrewd eyes at me. “The Sanctioning Ceremony is a sacred, ancient tradition among our people. I hope you will do the Genaro family proud.”
Despite her words, Iris has actually been a huge help to me too. She spent several sessions with me going over the details of the three-day ceremony and explaining what is expected from Kai and me during the events.
Let’s be real. I know I’ve never exactly won any popularity contests among humans, but I have a good feeling that I can win over the alien crowd that will be in attendance at this event—and I plan to pull out all the epic stops.
I grin at Iris. “Yes, sensei. I’ve taken all your education to heart, I promise.”
Kai immediately jumps in to further defend me, even though he doesn’t need to. Knowing her, I suspect Iris is just trying to get a rise out of both of us. She’s a bit cheeky like that.
“River will always make me proud and I don’t care what anyone else thinks. I don’t need a ceremony to validate what we have together.”
My chest gets all warm and tight as I gaze deep into Kai’s earnest eyes. Fucking hell, I love this man so goddamn much!
“Lighten up, Iris,” Ellie says, sprawled half across Maddox’s lap and rubbing up against him like a contented cat. “River’s the most amazing grandson-in-law you’ll ever have. Don’t doubt him and his total fucking epicness.”
I’m getting teary-eyed now, for reals.
I seriously lucked out in the in-laws department.
Sitting up straighter in my chair, I look directly into Iris’s slightly intimidating eyes and grin. “Don’t worry, Grams. I’ve got this.”
Her nostrils flare and her lips twitch in a faint grimace. “Grams…?”
I flash her my biggest, brightest smile. “As Ellie noted, you’re going to be my grandma-in-law soon. I figured I should give you a loving nickname, especially since you’ll be my only living grandparent. Well, the only one I have contact with anyway.”
My Quintharian grandparents can get fucked. After all, they tried to have me and my parents killed. To say they suck would be an understatement.
I bat my eyelashes at Iris. “Don’t you think that’s an awfully sweet gesture from your future grandson-in-law?”
She stares me down for a long moment and then throws her head back and laughs. “I like your moxie, River Sullivan. I haven’t known you for long, but I’m beginning to see why my grandson chose you for his mate.”
I glance at Kai, who flushes with obvious pride and puffs out his chest. “River is simply the best.” He speaks those words with so much conviction, and a hint of Tina Turner-inspired sass, that my heart starts to gush with feelings even more sticky-sweet than the caramel coating on a bite of cheesecake I feed him lovingly.
While he munches contentedly, I lean my head on his shoulder and sigh contentedly. “I love you too, hubby-boo.”
Iris crosses her arms and gives me a mock glare. “That said, while I appreciate the offer, a lady doesn’t care to be reminded of her age, and your nickname violates that sacred boundary.” Her eyes narrow. “You’ll call me Iris or get your ass whooped, you cheeky brat.”
I snort and lean down the table to pinky swear. “Okay, deal. But in exchange, you must tell me more about Kai when he was little. I want to know everything.” I waggle my eyebrows. “And I’d especially love to see any and all adorable photographic evidence.”
Iris returns my pinky-shake with enthusiasm. “You strike a hard bargain. Done!”
We grin at each other in perfect accord.
Kai makes a strangled noise and buries his face in his hands. “Save me now.”
Iris ignores him. “You’ll have to come over to Maddox and Ellie’s house sometime soon and I can show you all my holographic photo albums. I just so happened to bring them with me.” She winks at me conspiratorially. “There are some pictures of Kai’s first swim time that are my personal favorites. He was too cute with his little tentacles splashing about.”
Kai moans, and it isn’t the happy kind from earlier.
I rub my hands together gleefully. “Heck, yeah. I will definitely take you up on that.”
Mal sniggers as he sips his coffee. “Good luck with that, big brother.”
Kai narrows his eyes at him. “Your time will come. I’ll be more than happy to share childhood photos of you with your mate someday.”
Mal darts an automatic glance at Benji, who’s enjoying a donut and getting powdered sugar in his beard.
When he realizes Mal’s gawking at him, Benji blinks and gives him a dopey smile, his eyes still a little glassy from whatever edibles he indulged in earlier. “I bet you were real cute as a little kid.”
Mal blushes and sputters. “I… that is… well…”
Ellie sighs loudly, a fond expression taking over her face. “Both my boys were simply adorable when they were little.” She shakes her head sadly. “And now look at them. Where did I go wrong?”
I snort with laughter.
My mom suddenly pipes up. “Don’t worry, Kai. I’ve got plenty of pictures of River when he was a sweet little munchkin.” She winks at him. “I’m happy to share. After all, fair’s fair.”
Kai’s expression brightens, and I shrug with total unconcern. “I’m cool with that. After all, I was super stinkin’ cute as a kid. I have nothing to be ashamed of.” I arch an eyebrow. “Although, my hair was even wilder then. I just know you’re going to lose your mind over my baby curls.”
The dreamy look on Kai’s face is way too adorable.
I know him so freaking well.
Eventually, after we all finish our dessert, I stand up and get everyone’s attention. “Ahem! Thank you, everyone, for being here today and for indulging me in this little surprise party for Kai. We’ve been through a lot lately, but I wanted to make sure we were able to celebrate his birthday in style. He deserves to be celebrated every day—because he’s freaking awesome—but especially today. So, raise your voices, and let’s all serenade the birthday boy now!”
My sweet hubby-boo sits there, fidgeting in his chair, his expression reflecting ten kinds of awkwardness, as everyone at the table loudly sings an enthusiastic chorus of “Happy Birthday” to him.
He only has to endure this particular torture once a year, so he can suck it up.
Half an hour later, the festivities are over and we’re back at home.
Fortunately, my former royal bodyguard Chewy moved out not too long after we dealt with Shilgar the Deadly, which has made it a lot easier to do things like seduce my man in any room I want again! For now, he’s off on a much-deserved intergalactic vacation after over a decade without any time off.
In the kitchen, I push Kai back against the island and drop to my knees. Looking up at him, I lick my lips. “I do believe the birthday boy deserves another present.” I waggle my eyebrows. “Screw blowing out candles, I want to blow you.”
His pupils dilate and his breath quickens before he nods enthusiastically.
Heh. I am the king of birthdays.
With deliberate slowness, I unzip Kai’s pants, then pull them down to his knees, keeping him restrained and at my mercy. Just the way I want him.
Mwahahahaha!
Whoa. I totally channeled some of my inner Lord Vardox just then.
Kai’s eager erection is already standing at attention and just waiting for my tender, loving care.
But I take my time.
I gently fondle his balls first and Kai groans, his hips involuntarily humping the air. In response, I reach behind him and give his right ass cheek a light smack. “Patience, baby.”
Letting go of his balls, I wrap my hand around the base of his shaft, holding it steady for me. My eager tongue licks a stripe up the impressive length of him, and the tip of it traces the underside of the sensitive head just the way he loves. Kai clutches some of my hair with a sexy gasp. Fighting back a grin, I circle the glans, then flick my tongue against his wet tip and savor the salty taste there.
“Fuck,” Kai moans, and his eyes flutter closed.
Damn but he’s gorgeous.
“Later,” I promise.
Eventually, I decide I’ve teased him enough. That’s when I lick my lips, open wide, and swallow him down like a motherfucking champ.
“Dark matter and dammit!” Kai roars.
It’s taken me some time to get used to deep throating my hubby-boo, but I’m rather proud of the progress I’ve made. I put my hard-earned skills to use and swallow convulsively around him once his length is as far down my throat as I can handle. My reward occurs when Kai clutches my hair almost to the point of hurting and his thighs tremble with the effort to remain still. Bringing him to the edge of his control like this is a heady rush I savor fully.
With loving care, I worship his cock with my mouth until he’s wild with need. That’s when he pulls me off him and into his arms. I wrap my legs around his waist while he ravishes my mouth with relentless hunger, leaving me breathless and trembling too.
“Bedroom?” I ask, my voice hoarse.
Deep throating alien dick will do that to a man, but I’m not complaining.
He moves to take a step forward and nearly trips over his pants still bunched around his knees.
I can’t help it. I giggle.
He gives me a warning look before he reaches down with one hand to pull them up while his other keeps a firm hold of my ass. We shuffle a bit awkwardly up the stairs to the bedroom, and Kai tosses me on the bed, making me sigh happily.
I watch as he gets undressed and stalks toward me, his eyes giving off sparks of desire.
We’ve been married for two weeks and our passion for one another hasn’t waned one bit. In fact, it just keeps getting more intense with every day.
I fucking love it.
It also helps that Kai’s episode of Tentaculum Calefaction has passed and he’s back to his normal self. Everything we do together now is something he wants, not something needed to sate his Mating Fever. Having control over himself again has made Kai’s desire for me supernova hot.
Let’s do the math. I’m a gay twenty-two-year-old man and in my sexual prime, I have a supersexy husband with a dick and tentacles to keep me hella satisfied, and we recently escaped a brush with death. All this adds up to me deliberately finding every possible opportunity to experience life-affirming lovemaking with Kai.
Marvin Gaye sang about sexual healing, and let me tell you, I am a believer!
I let Kai undress me, which I know for a fact he loves to do, and sprawl out like the wanton, willing husband—and geeky sex god—that I am.
Kai growls. “You drive me wild. I need you more than anything in this universe.”
Feeling especially naughty this evening, I sit up and provocatively position myself on my hands and knees, waving my fabulous ass at Kai. “Right back atcha, babycakes. Now, how about you fuck me from behind? I want you to pound me good and hard.”
He moans long and loud when he sees the butt plug I’ve been wearing for the last few hours. I wanted to be prepared for some hardcore fucking after I got my man all riled up with sugar, chocolate, and a blow job.
Like I said—King. Of. Birthdays.
Period.
Three tentacles burst out of Kai’s abdominal pouch with horny intent. He grabs one, its tip covered with its own natural, slick lube, which he uses to help coat his cock.
Kneeling behind me, he traces the tip of a tentacle around the plug in my ass. “You did this for me?”
I wiggle my butt. “Uh-huh. All for you, sexy.”
Well, and for me, but you get the idea.
His tentacle wraps around the base of the plug and slowly pulls it out of me, making me gasp at the momentary pressure and then the sensation of fullness leaving me.
“So beautiful,” Kai murmurs. “So perfect.” His cock presses against my very ready hole. “And all mine.”
He enters me in one long, smooth thrust that has me seeing stars.
“Ahhh!”
Two tentacles encircle my already shaking thighs and hold me steady as Kai starts to move inside me. The third one sneaks around my hip and circles around my cock to stroke me the way I like while Kai pounds my ass just how I wanted.
Nay, needed.
He changes his angle slightly and nails my prostate. I clench around him tight.
“Fuck yeah, baby!”
Kai grunts and continues to fuck me good and hard. No one’s ever been able to take me to the same dizzying orgasmic highs as this man. With his big cock inside me and his dexterous tentacle playing my cock like a Stradivarius, it isn’t long until my balls start to draw up.
“Gonna come,” I gasp.
“Yes,” he hisses between clenched teeth as his movements grow wilder.
Everything around me fades away and all I can focus on is the tight grip of his tentacle around my aching cock and the way his cock fills me just right. My orgasm builds inside me, and I strain to reach that magical finish line. I arch my back and cry out when I finally come, and my cock explodes with my release in several thick spurts.
Kai’s quick to follow. He lets out a loud shout of satisfaction as he comes.
His tentacles release their hold and retract as he collapses on top of me. I listen to his two hearts beating as I stroke his back lovingly.
“That was fucking epic. Or should I say, epic fucking.”
Kai snorts and nuzzles my neck. “You just can’t help yourself, can you?”
I reach a hand down and pinch his delectable ass. “You wouldn’t have me any other way and you know it.”
He draws back enough to stare down at me. I see our future reflected in his gorgeous amethyst eyes. “This was the best birthday of my life. Truly. Thank you.”
Lifting my hands, I cup his face with them. “This is just the beginning. There’ll be many more to come.” I grin. “And I’ll try to top each and every one!”
He chuckles and kisses me softly. “I’ve no doubt, my love. I look forward to it.”
With the tender care he always shows me, Kai carefully pulls out of me and I gasp as his come starts to trickle down my thigh.
“Fuck, I love that,” I tell him.
After all, I’ve never been shy when it comes to sex.
He repositions himself next to me and reaches a hand down to stick a finger in my tender, slippery hole.
I moan.
“Still sensitive, hmm?” Kai murmurs in my ear, then nibbles the lobe in a way that starts to wake up my spent cock.
His fingers play with me and gently stroke in and out of my body.
Once his Tentaculum Calefaction had finally passed, we stopped using condoms again. I’ve discovered I really fucking love the feel of his jizz leaking out of me. It makes me feel even more connected to my man. I’m not entirely sure why, but let’s just say it gets me stupidly hot.
“I like you dripping with my come,” Kai growls, his voice full of masculine satisfaction.
I arch an eyebrow at him. “I like you dripping with mine, too.”
He grins at me. “We’ll do that again soon. But for now”—he taps the tip of my dick—”it appears that you could go for a second round.”
There are advantages to being twenty-two, almost twenty-three. My cock is starting to harden again.
Kai’s lips brush against the sensitive shell of my ear. “Want me to tentacle fuck you?”
I shudder with need. “Oh, hell to the fucking yeah.”
Seriously, if you haven’t tried it, tentacle sex will blow your mind.
For reals, I could totally be a brand ambassador. Sign up now for Tentacle Temptations and boldly go where your holes have never gone before!
I’m sad far too few humans will ever get to experience the magic of multiple pleasure-giving appendages. But my hunky tentacled boo is all mine!
Kai shifts me to my side, so my back is to his front. He lifts my right leg up and behind his hip, leaving my entrance easily accessible to his eager tentacle.
I’m still soft and slick from our fucking, so his questing appendage slips inside me easily, wriggling around happily once inside my channel.
Sure, the first time we did this, the sensation was kind of weird. Different. But now I can’t get e-fucking-nough of it!
His tentacle moves deeper inside me, massaging my prostate on a mission from the galactic gods to give me an unforgettable happy ending.
I moan and start to stroke my cock.
Kai bats my hand away and takes hold of me in his much bigger, hotter fist. “Let me.”
I reach my arms up and back, wrapping them around the back of his neck as his tentacle fucks into me and he jacks me, already well attuned to the pressure and movements I prefer.
“You feel so fucking good. Don’t stop.”
“I’ll give you what you need. Now and always.”
And I believe him. I don’t know if I ever really believed in soulmates before I met Kai. But now I’m a full-fledged member of the cult, so to speak. This man is it for me. My perfect match and lifelong partner. I can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together.
If only we didn’t have things to worry about, like the Sanctioning Ceremony and a possible alien invasion of Earth.
But those worries drift away as my body gives in to pleasure.
My second orgasm of the night isn’t as strong, but it’s still deeply satisfying. Kai’s tentacle continues to undulate inside me until my sensitive nerve endings can’t handle any more. Only then does he slowly withdraw it.
We kiss languidly for a long while. Kai’s tentacles pet me all over, showing me in their own way just how precious I am.
When we both start getting sleepy, we shift positions so Kai can spoon me from behind. We snuggle contentedly, his arms and tentacles wrapped around.
It’s when Kai starts to trail whisper-soft kisses along the back of my neck that I know he’s working up to discussing something with me. By now, I’ve learned his tells.
“So… uh… I want to do something for you. For us.”
Aww. My hubby-boo sounds nervous.
I turn in his embrace so we’re facing each other. “What’s that?”
He swallows. “I want to plan our honeymoon.”
I blink at him. In all honesty, I wasn’t expecting this.
“It’ll have to be after the Sanctioning Ceremony. And after we’ve dealt with other… pressing matters.”
I sigh and can’t hold back a scowl. “I’m real tired of others trying to fuck with our marital bliss.”
Aka, Layne Fucking Madison.
“Agreed.”
“Our honeymoon, huh?” I ask, getting back to the issue at hand. “You don’t want me to help you plan it? We could do it together like we did for the wedding.”
“I know that it is a very illogical desire I’m experiencing, but I feel compelled to do this for you. I won’t be able to rest easy unless I can.” He frowns to himself, clearly perplexed.
My heart starts overflowing with love like it’s a chocolate fountain.
Kai has always had a teensy bit of Vulcan about him. So stoic and serious. So by the book about everything. Knowing I’m the one person in this universe who can make him flustered and inspire such powerful emotions in him fills me with all the happy feels.
Kai flushes a charming shade of pink and lowers his gaze almost shyly.
Fucking hell. How does he just keep getting more and more adorable?
“I want to make it a special surprise for you. You deserve a honeymoon that is, as you would say, utterly epic.”
I grin. “I’m all about the epic. And not that I’m not honored by this desire of yours, but shouldn’t our honeymoon be something fun for you too?”
He considers this for a moment. “Iyarans don’t really have a tradition when it comes to honeymoons. It’s more of a custom among Earthlings. So I want to make it truly special for you. I’ll enjoy it because you will, I promise.”
The look he’s giving me is so hopeful and earnest I can’t possibly say no.
No one can melt my heart like Kai Genaro.
“Okay, hubby-boo. I’ll leave the planning in your very capable hands—and tentacles.” I kiss his chin. “But if you need help, don’t hesitate to ask.”
His answering smile is so bright it’s almost blinding. “Thank you. I won’t let you down.”
It’s a small thing for him to ask and I’m happy to agree. After all, I’d give this man almost anything he could ever want from me, and I know he’d do the same. Soulmates for the win!
Besides, I’ll find my own way to pay him back for whatever awesome honeymoon he’s planning.
I’m a competitive romantic like that.
HL Day
