Chapter 1
There is no name, no website, no building. You won’t find an ad in the classifieds anywhere. No one knows who owns and operates the business. All that exists is a phone number passed on in hushed, reverent tones to those who need it. This isn’t an escort service. It’s about fantasies, having them fulfilled. Customers pay to have their every sexual fantasy realized. For one night only, no rules apply. Between consenting adults, anything goes.
We’re here, Mr. Yune.”
Hayden’s fingers spasmed on the handle of his small overnight bag. He could tell by his driver’s tone that he’d been trying to get his attention for a while. He blinked and lifted his gaze, meeting Drew’s in the rearview mirror. The driver wore sunglasses, even though it was well past dusk. Despite his covered eyes, Hayden still felt Drew’s gaze, wondering, considering.
Six months he’d felt Andrew Sparkes’s gaze on him. Hayden pretended he didn’t, but he did. Of course he wouldn’t acknowledge it. He glanced away, looking out the tinted window of the car, heart clamoring inside his chest. He gripped the bag as he remembered where he was.
And why.
Was it too late to turn back? To cancel the date he’d signed up for in a moment of unspeakable loneliness?
“Mr. Yune?”
Hayden licked his lips and jerked his head in what he hoped his driver understood was a nod. “Th-thank you, Andrew.” Drew’s lips twisted. He didn’t like when Hayden called him by his full name.
“Call me Drew” he’d said the first time he’d come to the house. Hayden did, but only in his mind. He made it a point to always address his driver by his full name out loud. Drew’s sunglasses had been nowhere in sight back then, and his eyes had sparkled at Hayden, for Hayden. Heat had darkened the blue-gray. Hayden had been tempted to ask for another driver then. He didn’t want to be wary of Drew, but he’d kept the driver on, making sure to give him a cold shoulder. He was good at that, and before long Drew had donned the sunglasses and kept their dialogue to a minimum.
Didn’t help, though. Hayden still felt his gaze.
He didn’t want to feel it, but he wanted to feel. So for one night, he’d unclench his resolve long enough to let a stranger fuck him. He didn’t think about what his husband would have said at that. Before Brandon Ross, Hayden had never settled for a one-night stand, and after getting married, he figured he’d never have to. But Brandon was gone, and Hayden was here. Still.
Damn it. If he allowed himself to go down that path he’d never escape the noise in his head.
He took a deep breath and gazed out into the parking lot. Upstairs, in one of the hotel’s luxury suites, a stranger waited for him. He’d signed up for one night with Garnett McKaye through an unnamed fantasy hotline he’d heard about at one of Brandon’s get-togethers. One night to be rid of everything he’d been holding on to. His guilt and loneliness, not to mention the attraction he damn well shouldn’t have for the man who sat mere inches from him.
Enough stalling. He nodded to himself then spoke to Drew without looking at him. “I’m ready.”
The driver was out of the car before Hayden could blink. His door opened, and Hayden got out, a fine tremor running through his limbs. He waited until Drew closed the car door.
“Are you okay?”
Shit. Drew’s low question made Hayden’s stomach tighten. He straightened his shoulders. “Fine. I’m fine.”
His driver wanted to ask more. Hayden saw it on his face, but aside from a tightening of his jaw, Drew didn’t do anything else.
Did he know Hayden’s plan? No. Hayden had simply asked to be taken to the hotel. But Drew wasn’t dense, and Hayden was acting like a freaking idiot, he recognized that, gripping his bag tightly. He didn’t owe Drew a thing, but God help him if he didn’t want to explain why he’d never act on the unspeakable thing that arched between them.
“You don’t have to wait around for me,” he said. “I don’t know how long I’ll be.” Although, how long could it take to strip, get fucked, and then dress again?
“I’ll be here whenever you’re ready for me.” Drew sounded stiff. Disapproving. Angry, too, if Hayden allowed himself to care. He didn’t care.
He nodded brusquely. “I’ll call you when I’m done.” He did not imagine the muscle that leapt at Drew’s left temple.
“Should I accompany you inside?”
Hayden turned up the collar on his lightweight trench coat. “I’m good.” He didn’t need Drew in his space, didn’t want Drew to know what he was about to do. Sure, the driver could guess, but unless Hayden specifically told him his plans, Drew could only speculate.
The other man didn’t say anything, just crossed his arms and leaned against the car. Hayden allowed himself a glimpse of the muscles in Drew’s arms as they bunched and flexed under the white shirt he wore. The sleeves were rolled up, exposing the dark hairs on his arms. He was a beautiful man who wanted Hayden, but no way in hell could he go there again. He wasn’t built for it. This was why a stranger worked best. One night then they go their separate ways.
Drew didn’t want one night. He wanted more, and Hayden had nothing left. He shied away from thinking about the incident that had occurred about a month ago between him and Drew, though it had been the catalyst into Hayden being here, tonight.
Mentally shaking off those sweat-inducing images, Hayden walked off in hurried steps without a backward glance. The weight of Drew’s stare itched between his shoulder blades until Hayden entered the hotel. He heaved a sigh and tugged on his collar.
His chest ached. If only Drew didn’t remind him so much of his dead husband.
At the front desk, he showed the receptionist his ID and was handed a key card. His knees shook, palms damp as he rode the elevator closer and closer to the twelfth floor and Garnett McKaye. As the floors flew by he went over what he knew about the man he was about to have sex with. He’d insisted on emailing Garnett back and forth, getting to know a bit about each other before tonight. He’d learned that Garnett was divorced and owned a chain of coffee shops with his business partner. He was born and raised in Florida to Jamaican parents, but had moved to New York after his divorce. For a fresh start, he’d said. He was also not bad to look at. Well built, with close cropped dark hair and brown eyes.
Hayden was definitely attracted to him, but he’d picked Garnett because despite his size and towering height, his eyes were gentle.
Soft. Hayden needed that.
The signing up process for the fantasy hotline had definitely felt weird. Everything was conducted over the phone via an automated female voice. Press or say one for a female partner. Press or say two for a male. He’d cringed but pressed two nonetheless. He’d also had the option of choosing some physical characteristics, which was a welcome surprise.
If you want your partner to be completely hairless, please say or press three. For some hair, say or press four. Hayden didn’t care one way or the other, but he did choose four.
The elevator doors opened, and he glanced up. Twelfth floor.
Moment of truth. He steeled his spine and stepped out. He didn’t remember the few steps that took him to his destination, but Hayden licked his dry lips and knocked before he remembered he had a death grip on the key card.
“Shit.”
The door opened. He gasped, looking up and up until he peered into Garnett McKaye’s startled face. “Um. Hi.” He sounded breathless even to his own ears.
Garnett blinked hazel eyes at him. “Hayden?”
He nodded. “Hel-hello, Garnett.”
The other man’s face broke into a wide smile, brightening his dark skin as he stepped aside. “Come in.”
Hayden only hesitated a second before following Garnett inside. He knew the fantasy hotline had done a thorough background check on both Garnett and him, but it still felt weird to be meeting a stranger. He didn’t move further into the suite. With his back to the locked door, He dropped his bag to the floor. “Garnett.” God, did he sound as lost and helpless as he felt?
Garnett paused on his way to the little bar area and looked over his shoulder at Hayden. His feelings must have shown on his face because Garnett stumbled, and his smile fell away.
“Hey. It’s okay.” He turned, steps unsure as he walked back to Hayden. “We don’t have to. Not if you don’t want.”
Hayden winced. “I am.” He gazed up into Garnett’s eyes and shrugged off his coat. “Sure, I mean. I’m sure.” No wonder he didn’t do this shit on the regular, he wasn’t built for it.
“I know it’s weird. Trust me, I know.” Garnett flashed a crooked smile. “This is also my first, if you recall.”
Right. Their emails. Garnett had confessed to being a newbie to this as well. Another reason Hayden had picked him. He sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m one hundred percent certain of this.” He made sure his voice was firm and clear before chancing a grin. “But I can’t deny I feel so out of my element.” To be fair, nowadays simply stepping outside his house was out of his element.
Garnett’s expression turned solemn quickly. “We’re in the same boat, Hayden. So just remind yourself of that when the nerves begin to intrude.”
Already he was treating Hayden a thousand times better than his dead husband did during their last year together. His throat clogged at the memories, and he shook his head. “Thank you.”
“Why don’t we take things slow?” Garnett smiled. “I ordered us some dinner. It should be here soon.” He glanced at the watch around his thick wrist then back at Hayden. “In the meantime, why don’t we get comfortable? We can get to know each other even better over lobster.” His teeth flashed, the grin lighting up his face.
Hayden couldn’t help but to respond to that with a smile of his own.
He shouldn’t stare. He knew that. It was fucking rude, but Garnett couldn’t help it. Hayden Ross-Yune was his fantasy date.
Of course, they didn’t discuss the reason they were both there, in a hotel suite, but the truth hovered between them as they dined on lobster and pasta. He’d ordered champagne, too, but Hayden didn’t drink, so it sat off to the side. Instead they washed down their meals with sparkling water in silence.
Hayden seemed wary, though, not downright sacred. Hayden had mentioned being a widower of three years, and that this would be his first time getting intimate with another man since then. Garnett was proud to be chosen for that honor. But Hayden didn’t look like a widower. Although, how should a widower look? Hayden was twenty-nine, and about a foot shorter than Garnett with short dark hair and a slim build. He was Japanese-American and had mentioned being an only child and losing his parents at an early age. As Garnett stared at him over the small table, he couldn’t help but think that Hayden looked in desperate need of someone to talk to.
Talking wasn’t in tonight’s description of things that were supposed to happen, but Garnett wanted to get to know Hayden, wanted to know about the sadness that cloaked him. His hands trembled slightly as he put his fork down and cleared his throat.
Across from him, Hayden tensed, but didn’t look up.
“Why did you sign up for this?” Garnett asked. He knew why he did; he didn’t have time to date, and cruising the bars at night to get laid didn’t appeal. He wanted to lose himself in a warm body and have the freedom to walk away the next morning without his partner expecting anything in return. That had been his reasons for signing up. Now, he wondered if he’d simply been waiting for someone like Hayden.
Hayden met his gaze with a cautious one of his own. “I’m not interested in dating.” He spoke the words, but for some reason Garnett got the impression Hayden wasn’t being forthright. “I want one night where both parties are on the same page, where my partner doesn’t want anything beyond the one night, and I want to do it in a safe and controlled environment.”
Garnett chuckled. “Not sure about the controlled part.”
Hayden’s gaze softened. “Maybe not, but at least this isn’t one of those dark, loud clubs.”
Garnett nodded. They did have that one thing in their favor, and it was up to them to move things forward at their own pace. Hayden leaned forward, lips closing around a forkful of creamy pasta, and Garnett stared. He couldn’t tear his gaze away from Hayden’s lips. They begged to be kissed.
His dick grew hard as he watched Hayden chew, watched him lick his lips. He wanted Hayden, of course he wanted him, but he also wished he could take away the aura of sadness that clung to the other man like expensive cologne. The thought alone stunned him. He pulled himself back mentally. This wasn’t a first date. He couldn’t forget that. They’d spend one night together then go their separate ways. Nothing more. Which was precisely why he’d signed up for this fantasy when his business partner, Jaden, told him about it.
Hayden sipped his water then eyed Garnett. “So you own coffee shops, huh?”
Garnett grasped the topic change with both hands. “Yes. We—myself and Jaden, my business partner—have two already and plan to open the third in a few weeks.” He couldn’t hide the pride in his voice, and he knew he was beaming. He loved what he did, and after years of struggling, they were finding the success they so wanted. He’d sacrificed a lot for his dream.
“I can tell how much you love it.” Hayden’s gaze was speculative where they rested on his face. “Why are you divorced?” he asked.
Garnett blinked, and Hayden back-tracked.
“Sorry. I—I shouldn’t have asked. It’s none of my business.”
“No.” He held up a hand. “It’s okay.” He didn’t mind talking about his divorce at all. “Nadine and I parted amicably after I finally accepted the truth about myself and my sexuality.” He couldn’t say the same about his parents or three older siblings, though. Seven years since he’d told the family he was gay, and seven years since he’d laid eyes on, or spoken to, anyone in his blood family. He told Hayden that, and the other man flinched.
“That must hurt. I’m sorry.”
“It did.” He’d thought he’d collapse under the pain of his parents’ rejection. “Still hurts, to be honest, but they showed me who they really were, and that their love was conditional.”
Hayden pursed his lips. “People can be cruel. They never think about the fallout of their actions.” The pain in his voice said he was talking about more than Garnett’s experience. Silence fell again, and Garnett didn’t like it.
“Can I touch you?” he asked. Hayden’s lips parted. “Your hand,” Garnett said. “Can I touch your hand, Hayden?”
He nodded, but Garnett noticed that his lips trembled. Hayden’s right hand remained on the table between them, and Garnett slid a finger over his knuckles. He heard the other man’s sharp intake of breath, felt the slight tremor under his soft skin.
“I don’t have to tell you how gorgeous you are,” he said softly. “I’m sure you’ve heard it a million and one times.”
Hayden’s lips curved, though his eyes remained disbelieving. That hit Garnett in the gut, because the man opposite him had to know how beautiful he was. He deserved to know just how much simply looking at him made Garnett want.
“I’m going to tell you how much I want to touch you, Hayden.” His zipper bit into the tender flesh of his erection, and he swallowed a groan. “I want to taste your skin, sink my fingers in your hair.”
Hayden ducked his head and panted, mouth open.
“How long has it been, Hayden?” They’d talked about it, but Garnett wanted to hear it from Hayden, wanted to keep his gaze on Hayden’s pink lips when he spoke.
Hayden lifted his head, his mocha-brown liquid gaze searing Garnett despite the hesitance. “Four years,” he whispered. “It’s been four years, and six months.”
His husband’s death had been three years ago, according to Hayden. Which raised the question: Why was a married man going without sex when his husband was right there with him?
Garnett cleared his throat and sat back. “Did you bring what I asked?”
Hayden ducked his head again. “Yes.”
He sounded soft, breathless with anticipation. That notion shot to Garnett’s groin, and he squirmed in his chair. He licked his lips and motioned to the bag Hayden had dropped on the floor next to the door. “Get it.”
Hayden might have made a sound, but Garnett didn’t hear it above the ringing in his ears. Hayden got up and walked over to the bag. He moved sensually. As if anticipating what was to unfold. That made two of them, then. Garnett didn’t think Hayden put much thought or effort into the way he moved. He was sexy naturally. He was casually clothed, black t-shirt fitting him close, faded jeans, and black and white sneakers. The hem of his t-shirt shifted when he moved, and Garnett caught a glimpse of pale skin when Hayden walked back to him. With all the thoughts of sex his body brought to mind, Hayden’s expression was different. The insecurity in his gaze was different. He didn’t know how delicious he was. He needed to be taken care of, this man. Pity Garnett couldn’t sign up for the job permanently.
Hayden stood in front of him, the bag in his hand. Chin resting on his knuckles, Garnett just watched him. His chest tightened at the different emotions flashing in Hayden’s eyes. Hesitation and wariness, for sure. Insecurity, yes. But hunger was there, too. Lust. Need. Hayden needed desperately, and Garnett wanted to be the one to provide.
He held Hayden’s gaze as he asked, “If I were to dip my fingers between your ass cheeks would I find you plugged?”
Heat flared in the depths of Hayden’s eyes. He jerked a nod. “Yes,” he whispered as if it was dirty secret.
Garnett wanted to smile, but instead he licked his lips. “Show me.”
The bag in his hand dropped to the floor. Hayden hesitated, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip. Finally, he stepped closer until their knees brushed and unbuckled then unzipped his jeans. He pushed the jeans and black underwear down his thighs, and then turned, giving Garnett his back as he bent and pulled apart his cheeks.
Holy fuck. Garnett’s cock twitched as he stared at Hayden’s hole, the flat, round end of a red plug visible between those pale globes. Hayden’s balls looked heavy, and Garnett clenched his fists to refrain from touching them. “I actually meant show me what’s in the bag.”
Hayden’s body flashed red, the color sweeping from his nape and down to his ass. Embarrassment. He straightened quickly and faced Garnett, jeans still bunched around his thighs. Eyes averted, Hayden took a step back. Reflex made Garnett want to lunge at him, catch his wrist and yank him onto his lap, but Garnett held himself in check.
“Come back here, Hayden.” He counted to ten in his head before Hayden actually shuffled forward. When their knees brushed again, he said, “I want you to remove the plug, then lick your fingers and fuck yourself with them.”
Hayden blanched. “I—I can’t.”
Garnett lifted an eyebrow. “Why not?
“I’m—I just…It’s been a long time.”
He was beyond embarrassed, Garnett saw it in his gaze. “Then it’s about time you did it again,” Garnett said. “Do it.” The words were barely decipherable growls. He knew that. “Slowly.”
Hayden did, reaching behind him with a ticking jaw. Garnett held his gaze, didn’t even blink when Hayden’s face morphed into an aroused grimace and the plug dropped to the floor between them. Breath left Hayden in a rush then he brought his fingers to his mouth. Garnett groaned out loud when Hayden’s lips closed around the digits. He held his gaze, watching Hayden’s cheeks hollow. Hayden made a wet, needy sound. So fucking obscene, Garnett stroked his cock through the rough material of his jeans, hips thrusting up.
Hayden sucked his fingers, eyes at half mast, nipples hard and poking against the t-shirt he wore.
“Tell me, Hayden.”
Hayden peered at him, gaze questioning.
“Tell me how you feel.”
Hayden released the fingers with a sound of regret. “Achy.” He was hoarse. “Needy.” His tongue poked out, swiping across his bottom lip.
“You like it.” That wasn’t a question, but Hayden cocked his head.
“Yes.” He sounded surprised by that admission, looked it, too. Married for how many years and still learning about himself and his body. Garnett got no small amount of satisfaction in knowing he had a hand in it.
He tapped a booted foot at the bag Hayden had dropped. “Take it out.”
Hayden didn’t hesitate this time. On his hands and knees, he dug around the bag until he found what he was looking for and pulled it out. A dildo that more matched Hayden’s skin tone than Garnett’s. The toy had a touch of realism to it with the thick veins and balls attached.
Hayden sat back on his haunches, put the silicon dick on his lap, and watched Garnett with hungry eyes. Waiting for his next move.
“On your back.” Garnett pointed to the floor in front of him. “Here.”
Hayden finished kicking off his jeans and underwear and stretched out, his legs pointed to Garnett, his head away from him. The cock lay beside him as he looked up at Garnett, expectant, parted lips moist.
“Take off the t-shirt.” Garnett unzipped his jeans, freeing his erection with a sigh of relief. He stroked himself as Hayden tugged off his black t-shirt. His cock snagged Garnett’s attention, held him fast. A long, thick cock, the tip blushed and wet, was nestled in a bush of dark hair trimmed short.
“Open wider.” Garnett panted when Hayden did. “Fuck.” He was gorgeous down there, balls swollen, pre-cum beading at the gaping slit, showing off Hayden’s arousal. As Hayden shifted restlessly on the floor, his cock lay atop his belly, throbbing visibly under Garnett’s perusal. “Use the dildo, Hayden. Fuck yourself with it.”
Hayden moaned. His fist clenched and unclenched before he broke their gaze and picked up the fake dick.
“Lick it,” Garnett said hoarsely. He anticipated it, but still flinched when Hayden did, wrapping his lips around the toy and sucking. “Yes.” Pre-cum dripped onto his knuckles, slicking his hold. He teased his slit with his pinky, shuddering at the sharp pleasure. “Now, Hayden. Let me watch you sink that cock into your tight ass.”
Hayden dragged the dildo down his body, over his contracting stomach and paused with it poised at his already lubed and stretched entrance. Garnett held his gaze as Hayden sank it in, slow.
“Oh.” He bucked.
“Shit.” Garnett pulled on his shaft, teasing the tender area on the underside of his balls. “That’s it.”
Hayden gave up on slow mighty quick, thrusting the dildo in and out with quick flicks of his wrist. His hips lifted off the floor with each thrust, legs wide, hips slamming upward. Garnett licked his lips. Hayden’s lashes fluttered closed, concentration and arousal etched into the gorgeous lines of his face.
Garnett bit his tongue, squeezed the base of his shaft to prolong the orgasm. Hayden knew his body, knew what worked for him because his free hand lifted, fingers plucking his nipples even though Hayden didn’t open his eyes.
“Yess.”
Garnett grunted at the sight. “What do you think about when you do this in your bed at night?”
Hayden’s movements stuttered, and his eyes flew open.
Dead giveaway right there. “Tell me.”
Hayden closed his eyes then opened them just as quickly. “Not what,” he said softly. “Who.”
Ah. “Who?”
Hayden started moving again, hips rolling slowly as he sank the dildo in and out of his ass. His scent floated in the air and wrapped around Garnett. Intoxicating.
“Drew.” Hayden spoke the name so low, Garnett had to lean forward.
“Who is Drew?” Hayden didn’t look at him, nor did he answer, so Garnett pressed. “Tell me, Hayden.”
“Andrew Sparkes. My driver.”
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