Thursday, May 22, 2025

πŸ—½⏳Throwback Thursday's Time Machine⏳πŸ—½: The Sinner and the Saint by RJ Scott



Summary:
Ellery Mountain #8
The hero is a sinner. The bad guy is a saint. And agreeing to sex for just a month turns everything else upside down.

Ben Rockwell, a former military medic, arrives in Ellery with a mission to establish a specialized unit for post-trauma care at the Veterans Center. Driven by a strong desire to rectify past battlefield decisions, he pours all his focus into this endeavor, disregarding everything else. However, his world takes an unexpected turn when a stranger moves in next door, throwing him off balance. Despite being hailed as a hero, Ben feels burdened by the weight of concealed truths, and knows he is anything but.

British actor, Nicholas Merrick, accused by the media of cheating on his fiancΓ© and then coming out as gay flees from London, and seeks refuge in his friend’s house in small town Tennessee. He intends to remain hidden until the chaos in his past subsides. The choices he made in his life were motivated by protecting his best friend, but everyone has painted him as the villain. The moment Ben and Nicholas cross paths, they fall in lust, but is love possible for the sinning hero and the saintly bad boy?




Original Review May 2018:
Ben Rockwell comes to Ellery to work with the Veteran's Center his friend Daniel Skylar started to help make amends for battlefield decisions by working with the Center's residents.  Nick Merrick has come to Ellery to escape the paparazzi and the scandal he created back in England.  Ben and Nick find themselves in each other's orbits and despite their plans will a couple of hook-ups lead to more?

I've missed the Ellery universe and the men within its city limits and the thought that this is the last time we'll visit the area saddens me but if that truly is the case than RJ Scott left the city with a winner.  Was The Saint & the Sinner as good as the other entries? Maybe not. Would I have liked to know more of Ben's Army pain? Sure.  Would Nick's family's input made an impact? Probably.  HOWEVER!  As much as I may have liked to know more of Ben's battlefield pain I didn't need to know to feel his heartache.  As much as I wanted to hear from Nick's family, it really wasn't about them, its about Nick and his need to find himself as well as help his friend Heather so it makes sense to hear from her dad and not his.  Would I have added these things if this was my story? Maybe, but its not my story, it's RJ Scott's story and no one does it better.

As for the characters, I loved them both from the very beginning.  I have to say that as much as I love the men together, one of my favorite scenes is Ben telling the one woman off in the checkout line.  Despite the anger I felt at her words I found myself laughing as I pictured her face as Ben walked away.  Its scenes like this that probably don't have much bearing on the main story that make RJ Scott's work so real and connectable for the reader.  The same goes for Nick, his scene with Norma Jean shows us that he isn't just the spoiled son rebelling against the family grain, he is his own person trying to find his place.  We may not meet these people every day but the author has a way that makes us want to know them.

As I said above, if this is truly the end of the Ellery men than it is a lovely exit.  Who knows, maybe if we ask nicely we'll see them all again in one of RJ's lovely holiday stories, Christmas Comes to Ellery Mountain? πŸ˜‰*hint hint* πŸ˜‰ Whatever happens to the men, The Saint & the Sinner is a lovely read that brightened my day and I'm already looking forward to re-reading and re-visiting Ellery for years to come.

RATING:





Chapter 1
Loud banging, with added yelling, pulled Nick out of a nightmare. After a restless, irritable, crunchy-messy night of tossing and turning, he had finally fallen asleep some time before dawn, and now at fuck o’clock in the morning there was knocking at the front door. And some asshole shouting words that he couldn’t make out. Was this part of his dream? He couldn’t tell.

For the longest time he lay flat on his back, unwilling to move. The sheets were wrapped around him like a mummy, the quilt on the floor, and he was still in that half world between nightmare and reality. Even closing his eyes didn’t help dispel the vivid images of him walking up to the Oscar podium completely naked and with the Queen pointing and laughing at him.

Naked as the day he was born, hanging loose and free, and no one saying a thing. Apart from the laughing that was. Like it was okay that one of the Oscar nominees was walking up the steps free of any and all clothing.

Not to mention no one commented on the Queen throwing popcorn at him.

Yep, it had been that kind of nightmare, and it wasn’t the first time he’d had it. And where the Oscar fear came from he didn’t know. There would never be a chance of an Oscar for. Not for the guy whose acting career had happened by accident and formed only because of a personal rebellion against his straight laced family. His resume included two sequels to the highly profitable, but formulaic, shit-bad, Angels of Bedlam franchise, with his entire fee going charity because he didn’t need the money.

Nick hadn’t been in the first UK funded Bedlam film. Said film had been praised for its ingenious twist on a dark horror romance. No, he was the handy British villain in the next two, the studio cashing in on any money that was left out there in a saturated market by ticking all the boxes. Explosions, tick. Strong, but mostly naked, female lead, tick. Sexy down on his luck, in te wrong place at the wrong time, male lead, tick.

And him, the ubiquitous bad guy with the English accent.

The follow up were certainly not Oscar material, and once Nick pulled his fragmented sleep-addled thoughts into line, he focused on the statistical likelihood of even being nominated for an Oscar in the first place, let alone accepting it naked.

“Fuck me,” he muttered to the empty room and rolled onto his front. The banging had stopped and no one actually knew he was here, so, he wasn’t going to answer the door in a place that wasn’t even his.

Jason McInnery and his husband, Kieran, lived in this stunning home, in the small town of Ellery, Tennessee. Glass floor to ceiling, wide open rooms, a pool in the garden, and the most comprehensive jungle gym he’d ever seen for Jason and Kieran’s son, Jonas. Even the damn guest room was beautiful, a huge wood carving took up nearly one wall, and the view from the window out to the mountain was stunning. At least that was the adjective he was supposed to use for what he could see. Objectively, he could see it was spectacular, but was too lost in confusion since he got here to think about it too much. A quick glance at the clock showed him it was five am, like midnight or something back in London, and still dark in the shadow of the mountain, so he rolled over and pulled the covers up to his neck.

Even in the middle of the chaotic remnants of his nightmare he welcomed the heat that cocooned him and willed the knocking to stop. Which it did. The mess of dreams forgotten, he drifted on as many good thoughts as he could muster and was very nearly asleep when the banging started up again. He groaned and hid his face under the pillow, willing the person creating the noise to go away. Then it ceased again, and he closed his eyes, but didn’t remove the pillow. Dawn was too close now and the room would fill with light because he hadn’t even taken the time to pull the drapes.

Unfortunately, his bladder had other ideas about what he needed to do, and cursing, he grabbed the sheets and untwisted himself. Feet planted on the floor he scrubbed a hand over his face, the untamed beard was just another reminder of everything that was horribly wrong about his life right now. Normally he would have just the right amount of stubble, but the last instalment of Angels of Bedlam, cunningly entitled, Bedlam Adrift, called for him to be a castaway, hence the beard, which he’d left to tangle.

No point in worrying about it anyway. He’d left London to get away from paparazzi, and their incessant need for more, and he was in unofficial hiding. Therefore, no one would see his beard, or his bloodshot eyes.

He caught sight of himself in the mirror.

“Jesus, you look fucked.”

Bedhead. Bags under his eyes. Beard. It was a whole cacophony of B-shit. Yawning widely, he padded across the bedroom to the half bath, emptying his bladder and washing his hands. He’d gone to bed as nature intended. Well, warm nature anyway, completely naked, which probably led to nightmare. Packing back home had been done in less than five minutes, his priority was money, passport, his phone, his laptop and associated chargers. It seemed like his messed-up head hadn’t thought any kind of pajamas were needed, or indeed underwear.

The next choice was shower or bed, and the exhaustion of the past few days, the media attention, making sure Heather was okay, fleeing the UK, ending up here in the middle of rural Tennessee, it was all too much and he sighed.

“Bed it is,” he muttered to his reflection. As soon as he woke up he was going online to order everything he’d forgot to pack. Jason had said to help himself to anything he needed but helping himself to his friend’s clothes didn’t feel right.

He yawned again, and stepped out into the cooler bedroom, eyes only half open.

“Hands where I can see them,” someone shouted, and Nick, startled, his heart pounding, fell backwards into the bathroom, catching himself on the jamb as best he could. He blinked to focus on the man in front of him.

The cop.

The gun.

The cop holding a gun on him. Immediately he raised his hands, and then lowered them to cover his junk, and then raised them again when the cop didn’t move.



Ellery Mountain—a series of books set in the town of Ellery in the Smoky Mountains focusing on heroes as they navigate the barren landscape of being gay in a small town. Read stories of men like Finn the cop, Daniel the ex-marine, Kieran the carpenter, Marines, SEALs, teachers, soldiers, and a town that embraces them with love.

Saturday's Series Spotlight

RJ Scott
Writing love stories with a happy ever after – cowboys, heroes, family, hockey, single dads, bodyguards

USA Today bestselling author RJ Scott has written over one hundred romance books. Emotional stories of complicated characters, cowboys, single dads, hockey players, millionaires, princes, bodyguards, Navy SEALs, soldiers, doctors, paramedics, firefighters, cops, and the men who get mixed up in their lives, always with a happy ever after.

She lives just outside London and spends every waking minute she isn’t with family either reading or writing. The last time she had a week’s break from writing, she didn’t like it one little bit, and she has yet to meet a box of chocolates she couldn’t defeat.


EMAIL: rj@rjscott.co.uk



The Sinner and the Saint #8



Monday, May 19, 2025

πŸ—½Monday's Mysterious MayhemπŸ—½: Into the Fall by RJ Scott



Summary:
Whisper Ridge, Wyoming #4
In small-town Wyoming, a tough sheriff and a former Navy SEAL are thrown together by circumstance. Their fiery chemistry leads to constant clashes, but as they work to solve a mystery, they can't ignore the growing feelings between them.

Sheriff Neil Windham has one mission: to protect Whisper Ridge. But when human remains surface at the Lennox Ranch, the town’s past comes back to haunt it. As Neil dives deeper into the investigation, he’s torn between his duty, his father’s declining health, and the fire ignited by the relentless, unpredictable former Navy SEAL, Connor Mason.

Connor didn’t come to Whisper Ridge looking for trouble—or a future. He never intended to fall in love, least of all with someone like Neil. But with every heated encounter, Neil and Connor’s attraction escalates into something undeniable, a force of nature they can’t resist. Now, with an offer to rejoin his old team, Connor must choose between a future in Whisper Ridge or leaving behind the only man who’s ever made him feel like he belongs.

Into the Fall is an opposites-attract, enemies-to-lovers M/M romance featuring a battle-hardened former SEAL and a dedicated sheriff. Duty and desire collide, old ranch secrets come to light, and a hard-earned happily-ever-after awaits.


Original Book of the Month Review September 2024:
Note: I'm going to start my review off with a little personal feelings because I can't think of a better way to put voice to how this book effected me, I understand if that makes you uncomfortable so just scroll down a couple of paragraphs.

Can't believe we've reached the end of Whisper Ridge, Wyoming but truthfully, I can't think of a more emotionally charged and beautiful send off.  I rarely cry while reading, the tears well up but rarely fall, mostly due to location and time.  As my mom's 24/7 caregiver I tend to read when I can and I don't want her to see my crying when she needs something and I also do a considerable amount of reading in Mayo Clinic waiting rooms.

Back to "rarely crying while reading", Into the Fall was one of those rare times.  As mentioned above, I'm my mother's fulltime caregiver so I'm also very aware when it comes to stories with caregiving elements and willing to be critical if the author misrepresents something.  Well, RJ Scott does it right and Into the Fall hasn't been her first story to have a caregiver element and her other stories have also been the rare times the tears fell.  I have not had any personal experience with dementia or Alzheimer's diagnosis, both of my parents had aunts that were dealt the dementia blow but we didn't have much contact with them(not for the dementia reason just the way it worked out with timing and location) I have however dealt with short term memory issues.  My grandmother was diagnosed that although even as her caregiver I was not made aware of that until she was admitted into the hospital for the last time. 85% of the time she was the grandma I grew up knowing and 15% of the time she was the kind of person you crossed the street to avoid, the problem was you spent that 85% walking on eggshells trying not to trigger the 15%.  I'm sorry for digressing into personal experience but the point of sharing this is to express how amazingly accurate RJ Scott brings Neil's family heartache to life and to explain why Into the Fall was one of those rare crying books for me because her accuracy tugged at my heart so deeply and though it brought back a few heart-hurt memories it all gave me a chance to release some that I had boxed away these past 13 years since my grandmother passed.  So Thank You, RJ Scott for once again going that extra mile to make the emotions real, to respecting the heartache.

Okay let's talk Into the Fall.

I was so hoping we'd get to see more of Conner when he was introduced back in book 2, Summer Drifter and I was not disappointed. Conner is a man who needs to be in control, needs something to do and that puts him in the path of Neil, the town sheriff.  Not in a malicious way but because he does a few things that a civilian shouldn't.  But as a former SEAL Conner cannot stand by when assistance in required, at least that's how he sees it, Neil on the other hand has other thoughts on the matter.

Neil has his hands full dealing with Conner but he has so much more on his plate, short staffed, Mother Nature, and his family learning to live with his father's aggressive form of dementia.  How much can one man take?  Perhaps if he lets Conner do his thing Neil won't find himself spread so thin?  Mother Nature's plans throw a new hurdle in his path as bones are discovered on the Lennox Ranch after a mudslide and once again Conner jumps in to action, quite literally as the landscape beneath the bones threatens to erode even more.  Neil's answer: cuff him and arrest him.  So much for lightening the loadπŸ˜‰.

I'm not going to spoil further, just know that Conner and Neil find themselves dealing with not only their attraction and chemistry but also family, friends, bones, and potential murder mystery. Now I know I made Into the Fall sound like a highly charged heart-breaking drama and there are those elements of course but there is also plenty of love, humor, romance, and heat to make this an all around enjoyably entertaining read that may hurt the heart at times but always warms and heals too.

If you are new to Whisper Ridge, Wyoming and are wondering about reading order, yes each entry is a new couple but there are story points that carry over as well as characters that play a part.  I suppose technically you could call it a standalone series with new couples at the forefront but I can't imagine reading out of order, friendships deepen and characters grow that would seem odd to see said connections go backwards if read differently than released. However you read it, this is a series that will warm your heart and fill you with hope.

RATING:




Chapter One
CONNOR
I braced myself as a gust of wind tried to take my feet from under me. I couldn’t believe I’d gotten talked into heading out into the most dramatic storm I’d witnessed since the team’s last Red Sea deployment. Not when I had a good book waiting in my apartment.

Thunder rumbled in the distance, and lightning split the sky, illuminating the town in brief, eerie flashes as the rain hammered the streets of Whisper Ridge, turning them into slick, glistening rivers.

I shouldn’t have been going out tonight.

I should’ve used the weather as a reason to stay in my lovely, cozy apartment, not headed up a damn mountain in this deluge for Quinn’s birthday party.

I locked the diner door, pulled my long coat jacket tight, and headed towards my SUV. The relentless downpour muffled all other sounds as my boots splashed through the puddles.

“Connor Mason!” The furious yell cut through the rain as Sheriff Neil Windham—six feet of sexy, blustering, temper-driven man—blocked my way. His face was a thundercloud matching the sky, and my adrenaline spiked when he bunched his fists. I thought for a moment he was going to slam me to the ground.

I’d been waiting all day for him to challenge me, but the party and the storm had derailed my concentration, and here I was caught on the back foot, in the rain, and there he was, a man filled with rage. This was a definite step up from his typical sarcastic irritation with me, straight to DEFCON 1—the kind of anger that made me brace for impact and reach for a weapon I wasn’t even carrying.

I’d been expecting this visit all day. Still, I was hoping the confrontation would happen when it was dry.

In my apartment.

In my bedroom.

Preferably naked and post-sex.

My pulse quickened, not just from anticipating a confrontation but from something deeper, something hidden where all my secrets lay. I couldn’t explain my visceral reaction to this intense man, but I craved his sharp tongue pulling me up on any and all chaos I had caused. My therapist would have a field day analyzing my brain—if I ever went back to therapy. She’d tell me I craved all his attention, even if it was negative, and probably go deep into why I loved pushing his buttons. Facing Neil head-on was a challenge that sparked something deep inside me. I lived for these moments when Neil was angry and when his presence in my space made me feel something.

Not that I ever told him that. I pushed and pushed, and when he snapped, I soaked up his passionate temper and loved every freaking moment of it because he made me feel…

Alive.

I squared my shoulders, ready to meet whatever he was bringing in the madness of the storm.

“Tell me you didn’t threaten Abraham Wild!” The fury in his tone was like catnip.

Rain dripped from the brim of my cap, and I pulled up the hood of my coat—not that it helped, given it wasn’t completely waterproof. “I didn’t threaten Abraham Wild.”

I did.

“Witnesses tell me you took his gun from him and shoved him to the ground.”

“He had a rifle, yeah, I disarmed him, but he was drunk and about to fall over anyway.”

“You took his gun and assaulted him.”

“He tripped,” I replied, raising my voice to be heard over another rumble of thunder.

“I don’t have time for your shit!” Neil’s eyes blazed with anger; his hands clenched into fists at his sides. “You told him that if he didn’t stop waving his gun, then you’d shove the gun up his ass.”

“Yep, that was me. Now, are you mad I said that, that he tripped, or that there were witnesses?”

A muscle in his jaw ticked, and I could see him reining in his temper. “He’s accusing you of being armed.”

I tapped my lip in exaggerated thought. “Well, I was armed after I took his rifle.”

“Give me strength.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and swiped away a face full of water.

I snorted a laugh, then spread my hands wide, a smirk playing at the corners of my mouth. “Anyway, you know I don’t need to carry.”

Neil’s glare was icy. “You took his gun⁠—”

“I emptied the chamber and gave it back to him.”

“You can’t just go around threatening people in my town. If you see something wrong, you call me.”

“I neutralized a threat. What could you have done that was any different?”

I saw the conflict in his eyes, the frustration of understanding his job’s limitations, and the temper riding his ass. We both knew Abraham Wild’s issues, but without a formal report, there was nothing the sheriff could do. Yeah, if I’d called Neil in his official capacity, then maybe there’d be something on record, but what if, in the meantime, Abraham had shot someone? Like his wife or that skinny kid with the braces who worked there after school.

No one dies on my watch.

Neil’s jaw tightened, and then he cursed. “You come to me, Connor. You don’t threaten him.”

I scoffed, crossing my arms. “So, you can write him a stern letter after the fact? A warning won’t stop him if the posturing and drinking escalates.”

“I know that family.”

“Do you?”

Neil’s eyes flashed with anger and frustration, maybe a hint of agreement that he didn’t know Abraham as well as he thought. Word in town was that Abraham had been fine until he’d lost his job and fell into what his wife called a midlife crisis, which seemed way too soft for the darkness surrounding him. He hadn’t hurt anyone—yet—but he was less likely to hurt someone without bullets.

Logic for the win.

Neil stepped so close I imagined I could feel the heat of his breath despite the chill of the rain. “You’re not the law here, Connor. I am. And you need to let me do my job.” It seemed he wanted to say more, and I waited, but his lips thinned.

I shook my head, exasperated. “People like Abraham need to know there are real consequences to waving a gun around.”

Neil’s expression hardened again, and he stepped back into the rain. “You’re lucky I don’t arrest you.”

Hell, as much as I respected Neil and his dedication to his job, I couldn’t just stand by and do nothing when people were being hurt. It must’ve killed him not to be able to take the man down.

“Do it then⁠—”

He swiped a hand between us, cutting the conversation dead. “No more wannabe heroics, no more theatrics, no putting yourself in front of a gun, Connor. No. More.”

A deluge of water spilled from where it had collected in the door canopy above, just about soaking us both, and I grabbed Neil’s arm, pulling him closer under the shelter. Not one forecaster had warned that this storm was going to throw the contents of a damn lake or gusts of wind down the mountain, but its snarling arrival matched the dark and desperate mood I’d been in all day. The scent of the thunderstorm lingered in the air—a heady mix of ozone and rain, earthy and electric, amplifying the tension between us, and the sudden proximity to Neil made my heart race. We were close enough to kiss. And damn it, but I wanted one taste of the irritable, yet sexy, sheriff. The tension between us was tangible, a mix of frustration, admiration, and something deeper that made me want to hold him and silence his shouting.

“Why are you doing this to me?” His eyes flicked to my lips for a split second, and I almost leaned in, tempted to steal that kiss I’d wanted for so long.

The storm raged around us. The rain was a relentless curtain that hid us, and every nerve in my body was alive with the possibility of what could happen next. This was the moment we’d kiss at last, hidden from the town, giving in to the spark of attraction. God, I could nearly taste him already⁠—

Neil stepped away, moving out into the rain. He marched across the road, heading straight for the sheriff’s office, his shoulders stiff with anger.

Disappointment made my stomach swoop, but I couldn’t help but call out, “Night, Sheriff!”

He ignored me, not even a glance back, and as he walked off, I couldn’t shake the feeling this argument was far from over. The tension between us had been thick enough to cut with a knife—unresolved lust on my part, a hefty dose of anger and disgust from him. I knew the tension between us wasn’t volatile frustration because I’d seen it in his expression.

Naked want and need.

The same as mine.

One day, I’d push him too far, and he’d grab me and show me what he wanted to do to me. Punch me, shake me, hurt me…

Kiss me.

One day I’d crack his stoic exterior, but tonight was not that night, and disappointment piled on top of the resentment because I didn’t want to be out in this rain anyway. I went from lustful and snarky to moody and pissed again.

I loved Whisper Ridge, working with Quinn’s foundation and running his security. I lusted after Sheriff Windham—Neil—and I actually loved storms if I was inside with a good book and a coffee.

I wished the high of confrontation and temper stayed, and that I didn’t feel so lost.

Fuck. How far do I need to push him to get what I want?



Saturday's Series Spotlight

Monday's Morning Menu

September Book of the Month



RJ Scott
Writing love stories with a happy ever after – cowboys, heroes, family, hockey, single dads, bodyguards

USA Today bestselling author RJ Scott has written over one hundred romance books. Emotional stories of complicated characters, cowboys, single dads, hockey players, millionaires, princes, bodyguards, Navy SEALs, soldiers, doctors, paramedics, firefighters, cops, and the men who get mixed up in their lives, always with a happy ever after.

She lives just outside London and spends every waking minute she isn’t with family either reading or writing. The last time she had a week’s break from writing, she didn’t like it one little bit, and she has yet to meet a box of chocolates she couldn’t defeat.


EMAIL: rj@rjscott.co.uk



Into the Fall #3
AMAZON US  /  AMAZON UK  /  B&N
iTUNES  /  SMASHWORDS  /  GENI US
KOBO  /  WEBSITE  /  GOODREADS TBR



Sunday, May 18, 2025

🎭Week at a Glance🎭: 5/12/25 - 5/18/25

















Sunday's Safe Word Shelf: What He Fears by EM Denning



Summary:
Desires #4
For years Andrew warred with himself; if he went so long without realizing he was bisexual, what other things are inside of him that he has yet to discover? When he lands in the arms of Nick Young, the hottest cop he’s ever seen and Andrew is determined not to let his fear hold him back anymore. But Nick is a complicated man and Andrew’s pursuit of happiness will change both their lives in ways he never dreamed possible.

Nick Young
Nick would love nothing more than to settle down with Rory, his Dom, but his need to switch has been in the way of that ever happening. When a lost, confused, and very drunk Andrew slams into his life, Nick’s inner Dom wants to help the lost soul and soon a friendship develops into something more. As a switch, Nick has always struggled to reconcile the two halves of himself, just like he struggles to reconcile his two different relationships. But Rory sees a solution through the added complication of Nick’s feelings for Andrew.

Rory Gallagher 
Rory has loved Nick for years, and for years he's feared losing the man he loves. But solidifying a relationship with a switch wouldn’t be fair because Rory won’t give up top spot for anyone. When Nick confides in him about his feelings Andrew, his heart nearly breaks. He hates seeing Nick so conflicted. Rory would do anything for Nick, including enter into the most complicated relationship of his life. 

Can a Dom, a switch, and a man who is just now discovering all the truths about himself find a way to make a relationship work, or will Rory's scheme make his greatest fear come true, costing him two men he cares about?

Please note, this book has been previously published. No changes were made to the cover or the content. If you already own it, there is no need to repurchase.





1 
Andrew 
Andrew sat at the bar with his back to the room. He stared into his beer and watched the bubbles dance around. He’d already checked out every single person in the bar and no one stirred any interest. And that was the problem. No one interested him. Almost no one. He did have some pretty unfortunate feelings for his best friend, Everett, but he would never like Andrew like that. He was all wrong for Everett and he knew it. That didn’t lessen the sting when he found out his kid brother, Xavier, had fallen for Everett and Everett fell right back. 

He should be happy for them. Somewhere down inside himself, he was happy for them. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t be miserable for himself. Andrew finished his fourth beer and ordered a fifth. A pretty brunette with doe eyes tried to flirt with him, but he wasn’t interested. She did everything by the book, too. Stroked his arm, leaned in toward him. Flashed him her cleavage, but there wasn’t an atom in his entire body that took an interest in her. 

He could count the number of women he’d been sexually attracted to on one hand. Four. In his twenty-eight years, he’d been with four women. Andrew wasn’t the kind of guy who liked to play the field. He liked being in relationships. He liked the process of getting to know another person. His preferred snail’s pace in relationships didn’t always sit well with his would-be partners. Those four women were the only ones who had stuck with him long enough to break through his frosty defenses as one of his exes had put it. 

The first time he’d felt the stirrings of desire for his best friend, he’d freaked out. He’d never really thought much about men before that point. Sure, he could pick out a good-looking guy in a crowded room, but who couldn’t? The sudden interest his dick took in Everett had disarmed him. Andrew had never lusted after a guy before. It wasn’t long after that first inconvenient hard on he realized he’d fallen in love with his best friend. 

From then on, he’d been doomed. He stopped pursuing relationships with women. He knew nothing would ever come of his stupid crush, but he couldn’t help it. He needed to be around Everett so he could analyze his reactions to his friend. Fat lot of good that did him. 

There he sat, months later, with no answers and no friend because he had to go and be a jerk. Everett’s words still swirled around in his head and made his stomach lurch. Everett had been right. Andrew could be there for him after his attack, but he couldn’t be there for him now that he’d found some happiness. It was fucked up, but there it was. The bitter truth about falling in love with your best friend was that life wasn’t a romance novel and your best friend didn’t always fall in love right back. 

The last time he’d seen Everett had been a week ago. He’d climbed out of bed that morning, late, with a fuzzy tongue, a bitching headache, and a bad memory. He remembered Xavier coming home late, and he remembered going to bed. When he saw Xavier’s key sitting on the counter next to a crumpled wad of cash, the memories flooded back. God, he’d been such a jerk to his brother and for no reason. No real reason other than a case of hurt feelings. Feelings Xavier hadn’t been responsible for hurting. He had no way of knowing about Andrew’s seemingly flexible sexuality, or his feelings for Everett. 

What really hit Andrew had been seeing Everett. He saw the way Everett looked at Xavier. He saw the way they were with each other. Anyone with eyes could see that they were totally hooked on each other. It got Andrew thinking. How had Everett never realized Andrew was in love with him? Had he ever looked at Everett like that? If he had, how oblivious had Everett been to not have noticed? 

That made Andrew question himself even more. Had he ever really loved Everett? Was his attraction to him a fluke? He rubbed his temples. He tried to stop thinking about it, knowing he’d thought about it too much and had only created more questions for himself. Answers were elusive. Especially after six or seven beers. 

A warm body bumped into Andrew. He didn’t realize how drunk he’d gotten until he had to clutch the bar in an effort to stay seated on his stool. “Holy sshit.” He slurred. He turned his head to look around and his vision swam. How much had he drunk? Weren’t bartenders supposed to cut you off before you got shit-faced? 

The warm body that crashed into him belonged to some middle-aged dude who looked just as drunk and twice as lost as Andrew felt. 

“Sorry.” The red-rimmed eyes held his gaze as the sad-sack drunk helped Andrew steady himself. He almost offered to buy the guy a drink, misery did love company, after all, but the guy disappeared into the crowd before he could get his thick, drunk tongue to work.

Andrew ordered one more beer. He ordered one more beer one more time, maybe two. The room had tilted half an hour ago and he couldn’t feel his face. He gazed down at his feet. He somehow had to convince them to carry him to the bathroom. 

The room swayed when Andrew turned his head to the bartender. “One more.” He shoved the empty glass toward the bartender who threatened to divide into two people right in front of him. Andrew rubbed his eyes until the double vision ceased. His empty glass was gone, and a new one had yet to take its place. The bartender—bartenders? Was there two of him?—gave him a sad look. “Sorry, pal. You’ve hit your limit. You need a cab? We’re closing soon.” 

Andrew shoved to his feet. “I’ll walk. ‘S’not far.” That was a lie. He lived way too far to walk, especially with summer fading into autumn. Night time temperatures were unpredictable and tended to be either slightly too warm, or far too cold to be running around, drunk out of your head without a coat. 

Andrew stumbled through the bar until he found the men’s room. Relieving his too-full bladder and not piss half way up the wall or on his shoes as he struggled to stay upright was a feat and a half, but he managed. After washing his hands and splashing some water on his face to try to sober himself up a little, two men, who were obviously en route to a hook up burst in. Andrew watched through his beer goggle eyes as they stumbled, groping and kissing, into the stall. 

What would it feel like to be able to grab someone and lose himself in them? To drink in the feel of their skin under his hands and the sounds that caught in the back of their throats. What would it feel like to be pinned down and fucked within an inch of his sanity? Andrew tried not to think about Everett, but he couldn’t help it. He’d imagined Everett pinning him down and fucking him senseless. He snorted. That was never, ever, ever going to happen. 

He had to stop thinking about Everett like that, because now, whenever he did, he imagined Xavier with him. The images disgusted and tortured him in equal measure as Andrew drunkenly ambled his way out of the bar and into the crisp night air. 

Andrew inhaled through his nose and caught a whiff of stale beer. He reeled in disgust when he realized he was most certainly the source of the unpleasant smell. He cupped his hand in front of his face and exhaled into it, then breathed in through his nose. Bad idea. His stomach jolted and twisted. Andrew swallowed hard and dropped his hand. He’d walk home, he decided. There was no way he would get into a cab and risk the motion setting off his suddenly tender stomach. He might be drunk off his ass, but there was some scrap of humanity left in him. No one liked cleaning up some drunk asshole’s beer vomit. 

Andrew staggered down the sidewalk, dodging light poles that danced in his way. He had a nasty run in with what he thought was a newspaper box and it nearly knocked him over. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he became vaguely aware of the red and blue strobe lights that pierced the night. But home was… somewhere. Maybe close. Maybe not. Andrew stopped, swayed, and squinted at the street sign. 

“You okay there, buddy?” 

Andrew heard the deep voice and tried to turn to see who it belonged to. But somehow his legs didn’t want to work properly, and when he turned, his feet tangled and he crashed into a solid wall of muscle. Strong arms grabbed onto him. 

“Easy there, pal. How many have you had?”

There wasn’t a hint of reproach in the man’s voice, only gentle concern. Andrew forced his head to turn, and he looked up at the guy. The guy with a badge. The guy with the deep voice had a badge. A cop. His beer addled brain struggled to catch up. Shit. He’d drunkenly stumbled into a cop. 

“You okay?” 

“I’m fine.” Andrew struggled to straighten up, but his feet stopped working entirely. That’s when he realized the cop still had his arms around Andrew. He was very possibly the only thing holding him up. 

“You got a name?” 

“Andrew.” He frowned as his stomach clenched. His stomach seemed to be the ringleader in a sudden, violent mutiny. He clutched onto the cop’s arm and turned his head. Bending over, he aimed his face away from the cop as best he could before what felt like gallons of foam and stomach acid erupted like a fizzy volcano and splattered the sidewalk. Andrew stared at the steaming liquid with tear-filled eyes. He always cried when he got sick. “Sorry.” 

The cop patted Andrew on the shoulder with one hand and held Andrew’s bicep in a firm grip with the other. Andrew thought it was especially sweet that the cop wasn’t going to let him fall face first into his own vomit, which was a distinct possibility. 

“If you’re done, Andrew, I’d like to sit you down in my squad car and get you some water. Think you can handle walking ten or fifteen feet if I help you?” 

“If I can’t manage, you’ll have to carry me.” Andrew said as he straightened up. The world tilted and tried to throw him down, but hot cop held him up. He stared at the cop, which was probably rude, and decided that yes, even in his drunken state he could appreciate an attractive person. Hot Cop had dark hair, curly and cropped close to his head. His five o’clock shadow looked thick and coarse. He had an olive complexion that gave him a nice, permanently tanned look. 

The cop opened the back of the car and helped him sit down. He put a hand on the back of Andrew’s head to keep him from smacking it on the car. 

“Hang tight.” Hot Cop shut the door and Andrew leaned his head back and willed the world to stop spinning. The door opened, and a gust of cool air made Andrew snap his eyes open. 

“Here.” Hot Cop twisted the cap off a bottle of water and handed it to Andrew. “Drink this.” 

“What’s your name?” Andrew said as he took the water. He had to concentrate on getting the bottle to his mouth and tipping it without making a mess, but he managed. 

“Nick. Nick Young.” 

“Nice to meet you, Nick.” 

“Are you going to be sick again, or do you think you’ll be okay to take a short ride with me?” 

“Where are we going?” Andrew asked as he let Nick take the bottle of water from him. 

“Down town.” 

Andrew sighed and closed his eyes. “Shit.” 

His night just got a whole lot worse.



Saturday's Series Spotlight
Desires
Part 1  /  Part 2

Sunday's Safe Word Shelf
Desires: New Beginnings



EM Denning
E. M. Denning is a writer from British Columbia. She loves her family and animals, and anything cute and fuzzy. She writes romance for the 18+ plus crowd because she's both a hopeless romantic and a dirty old woman.

You can find her on her website, Facebook or on her blog.


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What He Fears #4

Desires Series

Desires: New Beginnings Series