Showing posts with label xmas july 2025. Show all posts
Showing posts with label xmas july 2025. Show all posts
Sunday, August 3, 2025
🎅🎆🎄Christmas in July 2025 At A Glance🎄🎆🎅
🎅💕🎅🎆🎄🎇🎄🎆🎅💕🎅
7/17/25: The Hell You Say by Josh Lanyon
🎅🎆🎄Sunday's Sport Stats-Xmas in July🎄🎆🎅: A Star-Crossed Christmas by VL Locey
Summary:
Cayuga Cougars #5.5
Being the new man in the crease can be tough. Mitch Adams, former back-up for the Cougars is now the main man in goal, replacing August Miles, who was recently called up to the pros. There are lots of new things happening in Mitch’s life and not everything is because of hockey.
Two years ago, he shared an explosive kiss with his childhood friend, Olympic snowboarder, Shaun Sandbeck. Since then, Mitch has been more than a little confused about a multitude of things pertaining to who he is, his sexuality, and the fact that he can’t stop thinking about that kiss and how he wants more.
For Mitch, going home for Christmas is a chance to find his focus and face the man who caused all this confusion. Is it possible for the two men to untangle lust from love, and find a future together that works?
Previously published in the Hockey Holidays Anthology
I originally read this as part of the Hockey Holidays Anthology a few weeks ago and loved it, as a matter of fact I loved Mitch and Shaun's story so much I re-read it already. Now I haven't read the author's Cayuga Cougars series but I was by no means lost, if anything its made me want to bump this series up on my TBR list a few notches. Sweet, sexy, and sassy: my favorite s-words when it comes to reading and being a holiday setting just makes it that much better.
RATING:
Chapter One
During my firstseason with the Cougars, I’d learned a lot. One thing was that no matter what the veterans tell you, there’s no honor in sitting right beside the bathroom on the bus. Also, overseeing the can of air freshener to use after one of the other players exits the bathroom is not exactly a privilege. They may tell you that it is, but it’s not. It’s just gross having to spray the bathroom with your tie held over your mouth. Being a rookie on an AHL team is tough. It’s great too, but there are some horribly pungent times.
So far, the hardest part for me has been stepping into the crease to replace August Miles. Augie had been super loved on the team. His skills had gotten him a call up to Boston, the pro team we Cougars fed into. Trying to fill his shoes—or skates, I guess I should say—has been the most difficult part of becoming the starting goalie. Aside from being the holder of the air freshener. That was for sure the worst.
All that aside, it was an amazing job because I was doing what I loved, what I had dreamed of since I was old enough to stand on skates. Growing up in Liberty Springs, Connecticut, had almost guaranteed an energetic kid like me getting into some sort of winter sport. They were big on winter sports back home. Hockey, skiing, figure skating, snowboarding. Liberty Springs—which was located near the base of Mohawk Mountain—had a great rink as well as killer ski trails. We also had an incredible snowboarding park that the Sandbeck clan had been instrumental in getting built. Thinking of home always led me to thinking of Shaun…
Shaun Sandbeck was an old friend of mine. Maybe more than a friend if I were being truthful with myself. What we were to each other now was kind of up in the air. We’d been inseparable as kids until college had led me to Boston U. while Shaun had taken his ability to hit a perfect half-cab quadruple backflip and turned it into Olympic snowboard slopestyle gold. Shaun had been one of three openly gay athletes at the games last year. Him, a skier, and a figure skater. They’d all gone on to win medals and the hearts of the world—or most of the world—for being out and proud.
It had been a couple of years since I’d seen Shaun. He kind of haunted me. Not in that classic Scooby-Doo ghost sort of way, following you around while you and Shaggy checked out creepy rooms while nervously eating Scooby snacks. More in the way that we’d been so close and then we drifted apart and then came back and got super close and then we lost each other again. It was as if the fates were making it purposely difficult for us to come together as adults. Adults who might have some sort of attraction thing maybe? Or maybe not. It was such a—
“Mitch, are you done in here?”
I glanced up from the sweater in my hand to see Sander March, our first line center, standing in the doorway, shoulder on the jamb, eyebrows raised in expectation, clad only in his boxer briefs. The hotel bathroom was still steamy from my morning shower. I’d pulled on some underwear and my jeans and then had a long walk down memory lane. I’d been doing that a lot lately, mentally slipping back to that last time Shaun and I had been together. Maybe my meandering mind was due to the knowledge I’d be back in Liberty Springs soon. Walking down Main Street, stopping at the Liberty Springs Café for coffee, and then heading to Sashing and Scrim, the quilt shop that Shaun’s grandmother ran. We’d both worked there every summer as kids, helping with the heavy bolts of material, and being fed Grandma Sandbeck’s cinnamon butter cookies. If I closed my eyes and concentrated, I could smell cinnamon and vanilla and hear Shaun’s mischievous laughter. Shaun and I had our first and only kiss in that quilt shop basement…
Sander cleared his throat.
“Sorry, yeah.” I tugged the sweater over my head, rammed my fingers through my hair, and called it good. Shaving could be skipped. I was glad that I’d cut my hair short and stopped dying it. The bright yellow had been cool for several months, but the upkeep was time-consuming. Now all the dark brown was in and the touch-up days were history. I could push my fingers through it and that was that. “You in a hurry to get home to Mat and Noah?”
“Yeah, I am. You heading home for the holidays?” Sander asked and moved aside to let me through.
“Soon as we get back to Cayuga, I’m packing and flying home to Liberty Springs.” I turned to look at my roommate. “The whole family will be there. All my sisters and some old friends I was kind of hoping to see.”
He glanced over his shoulder as he tugged his briefs down over his ass. I only saw one taut cheek before I glanced away. Sander was spoken for. Twice over. He was in a solid poly relationship with two men that he adored. Our team was incredibly inclusive. We had a bi coach married to a gay player, another bi player living with a transgender woman, and our previous goalie was gay and in a monogamous relationship with a man who was HIV positive. People outside our city constantly asked if there was something in the Cayuga water.
And while I’d had a sort-of thing with Shaun—if a wet kiss was considered a thing—a couple of years ago, I’d been mostly dating women because it was easier, and no man that I’d ever met or seen could compare with Shaun Sandbeck.
“Yeah? Going to head home and kiss on Shaun the snowboarder again?”
Sander was the only guy on the team that knew I was bi or about my one-time smooch with Shaun. It had been him that had kind of led me to the knowledge. Guess I’d never thought of myself as bisexual since I had only ever wanted one guy.
“I’ve been thinking about him a lot. Just…I don’t know. Maybe. I just feel like… maybe I’m not sure.”
“Nothing ventured, nothing gained as they say.” Sander gave me a wink, closed the door, and turned on the shower. The memory of that kiss with Shaun heating my thoughts, I padded over to the window of our hotel room, pulled the blind aside, and pressed my nose to the cold glass, smiling deep inside as I recalled how Shaun and I would do this very thing every morning as we waited in my mother’s van for the bus. Snow and Shaun. They went together like ice and Mitch.
Could we find each other again after all this time? Would the feelings be the same? Or was I just dreaming about something that was a youthful moment of shared passion?
* * *
Home. No matter what or how much time passed, Liberty Springs remained the same. Riding beside my father through the small town, I smiled at the tiny shops, their windows filled with blinking lights that threw rainbows of color on the new snow dusting the sidewalks.
“The more things change, the more they remain the same,” Dad said, pulling my attention from the darkened window of Sashing and Scrim, the quilt shop that held so many memories. Grandma Sandbeck had probably turned in early to rest up for the baking that she would do tomorrow on Christmas Eve Day. The theme to Top Cat played in my ear. I paused the old Hanna-Barbara cartoon and tugged my ear buds free.
“Yeah, I kind of love how this town never changes.” I gave Dad a smile. He was crawling along, letting the ride drag, and I knew why. My sisters had arrived last night. And with them their seven children. All girls. The husbands would arrive late tomorrow.
Now, don’t get me wrong; my father loves his daughters and his granddaughters. He’d worked hard to give us all college educations and heaps of love and support. It was just kind of overwhelming at times to be the only male among all that femininity. I studied his profile and wondered how he would handle me telling him that I was kind of crushing on Shaun, the man who had been like a second son to him. Would he support his only male child if that man was with another man?
“You seem kind of distracted, Mitch. Is there something wrong?”
We pulled up to the one traffic light at the end of Main Street, waiting for the red to turn green and waving at Bailey Harper who drove the township truck as he passed by spreading salt.
“No, nope. Just tired, I think. Season is long. It’s nice to get four whole days off.” I gave him a smile then eased into the question that had been nipping at me for weeks. “Any idea if Shaun is home?”
“Oh yeah, he’s been home for a couple weeks. I thought you and he were in constant contact like back in high school.”
Dad gave me a fast look then made the left leading out of town after the red turned to green.
“Not really. With both of us traveling…” I let that hang and added a shrug.
“Yeah, I can see that would make staying in contact tricky. I’m sure he knows you’re here. Mom and Patrice are still thick as thieves. You can probably catch up with him tomorrow at home or over at the park.”
“Yep, probably so.”
Dad then asked about the Cougars, our chances at the Calder Cup, and if I’d seen the new season of some western he assumed everyone in the world watched. The climb up the side of the mountain was gradual but still felt in your inner ear. The spattering of homes on this lonely stretch of road all sat on inclines, which was perfect for a kid with a snowboard and a dream. The Sandbeck ranch was higher than our place. Pulling into our driveway, I glanced up the road, saddened in a way that it was night and I’d not seen Shaun ripping down the road on that old four-wheeler of his.
Dad grabbed my bags from the back of the SUV. I tossed the duffel with all the presents over my shoulder, and we entered the sprawling ranch house. My mom was there at the door, pulling me in for a hug and kiss, followed by my sisters in order of age with Deanna, Tracie, and Rhonda. Deanna was forty and had twin girls, Trinidad and Tampico, who were thirteen. Tracie was thirty-eight and had three girls Ruby, twelve, Kayla, ten, and Anna who was eight. And rounding out the female Adams children was Rhonda who was thirty-five and had two girls, Allison who was seven and Robin who was five.
The only niece who was waiting at the door for me was Allison, Rhonda’s oldest. She and Uncle Mitch were athletes, the only ones, and so we had this crazy bond.
“Mom said you’d take me to the snow park tomorrow,” she whispered as she hung off my back like a skinny monkey. There was so much talking going on that I could barely hear myself speaking. Dad took my bags to the basement, which was his man cave but had been my room at one time. The women kind of carried me into the kitchen, all of them saying something about one thing or another. The room was packed with bodies and food. Girls ran in and out, most with earbuds in their ears, smiling up at their uncle then disappearing again.
“Uncle Mitch, you didn’t answer me,” Allison said when I backed up to a counter, and she slid off me to sit on it. I turned from the madness of four women in one kitchen and looked right into Allison’s blue eyes, eyes that were exactly like all the Adams clan, mine included.
“Sorry, I was overwhelmed with all the food.” I grabbed a couple warm cookies from a wire rack, handed her one, and shoved the whole sugar cookie into my mouth. Allison’s eyes widened and then she giggled. My mother patted me on the back, reminded me of my manners, handed me a glass of milk, and then fell back into a four-way conversation with my sisters.
“Want to go play a video game?” Allison asked after we’d washed down our cookies.
The console was in the basement where Dad was hiding.
“Yep.” I lifted her from the counter, and she scrabbled over my shoulder to resume her monkey position. We snuck away from the women and wine, slipping into the basement where it was warm and quiet. Dad was sitting on an old recliner reading a copy of the Liberty Lantern, our weekly newspaper. He peeked over his reading glasses at us, blue eyes sparkling.
“That didn’t take long,” Dad commented.
“They talk too much after the wine bottle is opened.” Allison sighed dramatically, releasing the small hands clasped around my shoulders and dropping to the floor. “And I wanted to kick Uncle Mitch’s ass in NHL ’17.”
Dad and I both chuckled at the bad word.
“Okay, little girl, this is so on.” I peeled off my coat and boots, flopped down on the sofa that used to be in the living room, and patted the cushion next to me. “Prepare to be annihilated.”
She beat me fifteen to four. At my own game. We won’t even get into how she wiped up the basement with me on a Wii snowboarding game.
I ended up following her upstairs while she sang some lame song about beating me so bad I stank like a rotten potato.
“Tomorrow we’ll go snowboarding?” she asked when we stopped outside the room all the girls were sleeping in. You could hear the whispers and giggles leaking around the door and into the hall. Just thinking of seeing Shaun made my skin feel hot.
“Tomorrow we snowboard.” I kissed her head and nudged her at the door with my hip. She pumped the air with a small fist and ran inside to tell her sisters and cousins that she was hanging out with Uncle Mitch all day tomorrow.
“So, who cares? He’s a weird goalie with dumb ears,” One of the twins replied as the door shut in my face.
Ouch. Man, teenage girls are brutal chirpers. My ears weren’t dumb. Were they?
V.L. Locey loves worn jeans, yoga, belly laughs, walking, reading and writing lusty tales, Greek mythology, the New York Rangers, comic books, and coffee.
(Not necessarily in that order.)
She shares her life with her husband, her daughter, one dog, two cats, a flock of assorted domestic fowl, and two Jersey steers.
When not writing spicy romances, she enjoys spending her day with her menagerie in the rolling hills of Pennsylvania with a cup of fresh java in hand.
EMAIL: vicki@vllocey.com
A Star Crossed Christmas #5.5
Point Shot Trilogy Box Set
Cayuga Cougars Series
Saturday, August 2, 2025
🎅🎆🎄Saturday's Series Spotlight - Xmas in July🎄🎆🎅: Wishing Tree, Vermont by RJ Scott Part 1
Summary:
It takes an impossible Christmas wish for Bailey to find forever love with his brother’s best friend.
Turning twenty-five and still a virgin, Bailey has barely dated, let alone acted on the private fantasies featuring his brother’s best friend, newly retired hockey star, Kai. All he wants is for Kai to love him, but after a summer when Kai’s anger drove them apart, love doesn’t seem possible at all.
When Kai goes home to Wishing Tree, he knows he owes everyone an apology, not least of all to the man he loves. He’s convinced he can be the man Bailey deserves, and he needs to show Bailey how much he’s changed.
The only problem? Bailey has secrets he’s scared will drive Kai away, and Kai is running out of time to convince Bailey that falling in love starts with a wish, and can end up in forever.
The Wishing Tree is a standalone small-town Christmas MM romance with perfect snow, twinkling lights, a first real kiss, a shy virgin with a silken kink, a retired hockey player, and all the Christmas feels.
A Christmas for Holly #2
Summary:
Trapped in a snowstorm, Paul and Lucas find that unresolved feelings from a single, impulsive kiss could spark something deeper, leading them toward the most magical Christmas miracles.
The festive season offers nothing but despair for Paul ‘Holly’ Hollister, the once-proud captain of the Albany Harriers. His once-glittering hockey career has crumbled, leaving him crippled with anxiety and without a sense of direction. After a stint in rehab, Holly is desperate for peace—something his best friend Kai seems to have found in the snowy town of Wishing Tree. Despite his hatred for the cold, Holly is drawn there by friendship—and by the unsettling dreams of Lucas Haynes, the man he drunkenly kissed at Kai and Bailey’s wedding and hasn’t been able to forget since. The only problem? Lucas is determined to keep him at arm’s length.
Lucas Haynes has never felt a romantic pull toward anyone—until that unexpected kiss with Holly at his brother’s wedding flipped his world upside down. Finding out Holly was already in a relationship afterward had only fueled his frustration and his decision to avoid the hockey star. But now that Holly is in Wishing Tree, single and adrift, Lucas can’t deny the attraction that still simmers between them. When a snowstorm traps them together, Lucas’ sarcasm and distrust slowly crumble under Holly’s vulnerability. As secrets come to light, old wounds are reopened, and the undeniable spark between them grows into something more, Lucas starts to wonder if this closeness could be the love he never thought he’d find—and if Holly might get the second chance at happiness he so desperately needs.
A Christmas for Holly is an opposites-attract, hurt/comfort, Christmas romance featuring a retired hockey captain with crippling anxiety, a guarded gift store owner grappling with unexpected attraction, unresolved tension from a drunken wedding kiss, a charming small town blanketed in snow, meddling but loving family, and a snowstorm that brings honesty and vulnerability to light—leading to a heartwarming holiday happily ever after.
Original Review January 2022:
As always, RJ Scott's talent for romance is spot on, she has never let me down yet and The Wishing Tree is another great holiday story that I've come to expect from her. Don't get me wrong, no matter how many stories an author has written that I loved I always go in with an open mind so my past story love doesn't cloud my judgement.
Bailey and Kai's journey is an amazing balance of love, friendship, drama, romance, and holiday festiveness. No one element overshadowed the others and I think that was one of the things that really spoke to me here. Having grown up in a small town I can honestly say the author captures the feel that comes with a smaller community, good and bad, it's spot on.
Another factor I really loved was how this story is a combination of on page and off page love. What do I mean by that? Well Bailey's kink is made known but not so much the exploration of it. Stories with kinks to any degree can be great fun, be incredibly passionate both in discovery and execution but sometimes I don't need to have said heat in graphic detail and when done right, off page heat will pull me into the story even deeper. You ask "how?" well the author is leaving it up to the readers' imagination and that can actually be immensely fun, by letting my mind write the scene I feel like I'm part of the story. So Kudos to RJ Scott for letting me be part of this holiday story.
The Wishing Tree is definitely a winning holiday gem and has me already missing Bailey and Kai but also has me wondering what creative holiday story Miss Scott will bring us when Christmas 2022 nears.
A Christmas for Holly #2
Original Review Book of the Month December 2024:
Due to some family health issues this won't be as long a review as I typically do. Also, due to those health issues it took me a bit longer to read A Christmas for Holly than usual as well but don't for a minute think if was because RJ Scott's 2024 Xmas story wasn't as good as any of her others, because it was brilliant. Not only was the story full of love, friendship, chemistry, family, drama, healing, and all around heart it also included some Thanksgiving talk which is hard to find in the LGBT genre.
There are early moments where you want to give Holly a smack but at the same time it is pretty obvious he is dealing with some internal issues so despite the hurt he causes you just want to wrap him a huge Mama Bear Hug. As a caregiver, I appreciate the patience Lucas has, probably more than I would have in that situation. There is just so much packed into this holiday fare, you can't help but feel completely enveloped by the emotions of the season and connected to all the characters. Truly an all around holiday entertaining gem.
And if you've read The Wishing Tree(book 1), you get a glimpse of Kai and Bailey as well and their story was such a lovely read that getting to see them again was just the bow on the package. If you have yet to read Wishing Tree, Vermont book 1, you won't be lost as they are separate couples with their own stories but I think knowing their journey helps paint a more complete picture.
The Wishing Tree #1
Chapter One
BAILEY
Back then
The Wishing Tree is beautiful, a dark shape towering over me against a pale dawn sky in the middle of the park. It was magic to me as a child, a place to leave Santa a wish for the gift I wanted the most, which then appeared magically on Christmas Day. It had stood here longer than this town, the streets built around it, with room for the small park where the fountain ran with spring water, and for the bandstand, which was lost in the snow in the far corner. No one really knew the history of the huge, spreading oak, only that at some point in the past the people who lived in Buchanan Springs had decided to start tying ribbons to the branches in winter and make wishes.
It became something more— a tourist mecca. So much so that the town changed its name in 1952, and the thriving existence of Wishing Tree, Vermont, owed everything to this silent witness of the changing years.
“I don’t know what to wish for,” I murmured, the words echoing in the hush of the blanket of snow that had fallen overnight. Dawn painted the sky with the first blush of sunrise, and I was early enough that I was the only one there, staring up at the branches and then down at the blank card in my hand, not knowing what to write.
This could be the most important wish I’d ever make.
More important than the make-your-own-jewelry set I’d asked for when I was ten, or the paints and sketch books I’d requested at eleven, or even the theatrical makeup set I’d wanted when I was twelve. I was fifteen, gay, searching for meaning in my small-town life, and desperately in love with my brother’s best friend.
And today was the day I told my family everything. Not about who I loved, but who I was. Gay. Different. Wrong.
“Just write the words, Bailey,” I admonished, but the words wouldn’t come.
I was terrified of what my family would say, how things might change, and worst of all if they would ever love me again.
I wish that my family won’t hate me. I wish I didn’t feel so wrong in this world.
The wish had to be perfect. What did I want more than anything else?
Kai Buchanan. That was who I wanted.
An image of Kai slipped into my head, and I just let it stay there, used to thinking about him because he consumed my waking thoughts and followed me onto heated dreams. It didn’t help that he was in town for a couple of days— a quick visit with his family before heading back to the Albany Harriers and his professional hockey career. I’d seen him three times— managed to avoid him on two of those occasions, never knowing what to say to him. I huddled further into my coat as a cold breeze collected fallen snow and flung it at my face.
The sound of approaching footsteps on the icy trail made me shuffle forward a few inches to hide, vainly hoping no one would notice my bright yellow coat, but I’d been spotted. In horror, I saw that it was one person I didn’t want to see who’d caught me there so early. Kai.
“Angel! Hi!” He bent at the waist, stretching, but turning his face as he did, so he could send me a smile. His eyes were such a beautiful shade of caramel, just this side of topaz, and his lips were lush and pink and pillow soft. He called me Angel because, according to him, my hair, all blond curls and long, made me look like an angel. I secretly loved him calling me that, and he was the only one who did.
“Hey.” I sketched an awkward wave, the card obvious in my hand and, embarrassed, I shoved it deep into my pocket, hoping he didn’t notice.
“Are you adding a wish?” he asked, then he jumped over a mound of snow and headed my way. I swear I was going to die on the spot. “I should do that before I go.” He lifted the lid to the sheltered card box, and picked up a pen, which he proceeded to tap on the surface. “I’ll have to owe the tree a dollar. I’ll bring it back later.” He glanced up at the tree as if he was apologizing to the skeleton of branches. “I don’t know what to wish for.” He side-eyed me. “What are you wishing for?”
Oh god, my tongue was a hundred times too big for my mouth. I couldn’t tell him all my secrets; I wouldn’t have known where to start. I let out what sounded like a squeak, and same as my brothers, he didn’t pause to let me answer because he knew as well as they did that I didn’t talk much, that I was shy.
He tapped the pen on his lip, leaned on the small table next to the honesty box, and crossed his legs at the ankles, staring up at the branches and frowning. “I guess I could wish for the Harriers to go all the way to the Cup, but I don’t want to tempt fate.” He glanced at me, and smiled, and my chest got so tight I forgot how to breathe, my greedy inhalation of air so dramatic.
He frowned at me. “Are you okay?”
I nodded. He was so beautiful, and I was so besotted that talking was hard. Talking was impossible. He smiled at me, and his smile was my undoing. I edged deeper into my shaded hiding place— just a small shuffle step— but everything was too loud, and the peace I’d found under the tree had gone. My safe space was more like a prison because I was frozen to the spot, and what had started out as a simple act of putting a wish on the tree was now me not being able to breathe.
Fuck. That happened fast.
Cold sweat trickled down my spine, and I shivered, clutching my arms to my chest, and not looking up at Kai in case I gave too much away. He’d been a witness to these short panic attacks since I was a toddler, and wouldn’t think anything of it, but I didn’t want to be this stupid thing. I wanted to be confident. I stared down at the snow and waited for him to comment, but he was focused on the wish, and I had space to try to settle the panic. I hadn’t slept at all last night, knowing what I was going to do today How I was going to tell my family I was gay and how I might lose everything if they didn’t understand.
Kai tapped his pen against the card, and I focused on the rhythmic tapping and the husky depth of his perfect voice. “Maybe I should wish that I get called up for the All-Star team?” The last comment, he phrased as a question. I made a humming noise to indicate I agreed, and all I could wish for at that moment was for the ground to open and swallow me.
“Nah, that’s not likely. I think I’ll just go for winning the next game,” he announced with added jazz hands, then scribbled on the card with his tongue poking out from the corner of his mouth, before threading a ribbon through a big hole and tying his wish to one of the higher branches. “There.” He patted the wish and held his hand out for my card. “You want me to tie yours up?” Not only was he six years older than me, but he was also a foot taller, sexy, and confident with cropped dark hair, and so handsome it made me want to cry. I’d known him my entire life— his sister Brooke, was dating my oldest brother, Callum; he was best friends with brother number two, Lucas; and he played pool with brother three, Duncan. He knew me better than most, and this was where it was going to go to shit because when I didn’t say anything, he rested a hand on my shoulder and squeezed.
“It’s okay, Angel, you do it on your own time.” He stretched away from me, touching his toes. “I’ll see you after Christmas.”
“You’re going already?” Did I sound desperate? I think I sound desperate.
“Yeah, later today.”
“Oh.” Words had long since fled. Shit. Shit. Shit!
“Bye.” He picked his way over the snowdrift, and I wish he’d jump it again because that was sexy. But then, I didn’t want him to go. I wanted him to stay here and tell me what to wish for. I didn’t know how to word it so that people would understand who I was and wouldn’t hate me for my secrets. I didn’t want to lose everything. I had to tell someone, I had to try to see if I could still be loved if my secrets were out in the world.
“I’m gay,” I blurted, and wished I hadn’t spoken at all when the words drifted toward him.
He turned to face me, as I blundered ahead with the list of things I wanted people to know. “I’m gay, there, I said it. Gay. And I like wearing… I mean, I have this silk that I like to have with me all the time, and I hold it tight, and it makes me feel…” sexy, special… “good. I want to have it next to my skin. I want to wear silk panties like I’ve read about, and I want to get a corset, so it’s real tight, but soft, and it’s the only way I can get off… fuck… I want to love all those parts of myself, and I’m terrified my family will hate me, and that the town won’t understand, and that I will never get anyone to get the real me.” I tipped my chin and stared at him. “And worst of all, I love you.”
Kai’s mouth dropped open— he didn’t look shocked at my outburst, or disgusted, or any of a million hateful, hurtful things I assumed I’d see. But as I watched him unpick all the words, he didn’t immediately pull me into his arms and kiss me senseless either. If anything, he seemed confused and wary.
“Oh, Angel,” he sounded resigned, overcome, and after a moment’s hesitation he picked his way back over the snow to me. He wasn’t exactly throwing himself at me and answering with vows of undying affection. Humiliation began to curl inside me. “It’s okay,” he added.
“It’s not okay,” I managed to force out in desperation, then pressed my hands over my chest. “I’m all wrong, it’s all wrong. You don’t love me, and why can’t I just be normal. I’m not right inside…”
To my shame, hot tears spilled over, and coursed down my cold face, and I couldn’t catch a breath.
“Come here, Angel.” Kai stepped into my space and held me tight, comforting me as if I’d had a nightmare and had just woken up. He rocked me and told me all kinds of things. “It’s okay to be who you are, and to love anyone you want to. Just don’t waste your time on me, okay?” My heart cracked then, and I tugged myself away. “As for your family? They’re good people, and you know that they’ll one-hundred-percent have your back.”
He patted my shoulder as if I was a dog who needed a reward. “Nothing has to change— but you know, you might want to keep some of your secrets for a while, like thinking you have feelings for me, and the silk, yeah? But the big stuff, being yourself, being gay, that’s just you, and they’ll know that.”
“I don’t think I have feelings for you, I know I do.”
I wish my heart wasn’t breaking. I wish Kai was mine. I wish I was more the kind of person that Kai might hold and love.
“I have a girlfriend,” he began carefully.
“But you’ve kissed a boy, too.” I know I sounded desperate.
“What?” he glanced around us, and he looked scared. “Who told you that? It’s not true.”
I lowered my voice. “Yes it is. A man in a nightclub; I heard you and Lucas talking about it.” My heart was pounding.
“Shit. You can’t tell anyone that,” he said with urgency, leaning close so he could whisper his fears. “No one but Lucas knows; it’s a secret, okay? No one on the team knows, okay? You can’t tell anyone. Swear to me.”
“I won’t, I wouldn’t…” He looked so accusing, as if I’d done something awful, and I hated the way it made me feel.
“Sorry, I know you wouldn’t. Fuck!” He clenched his hands into fists at his sides, clearly fighting something I couldn’t understand. “I have to keep my secret, but you don’t need to keep yours, okay. I know that’s double standards, but…” He ran out of words.
“We both have secrets,” I said softly, tears pricking my eyes.
“But mine could ruin my career, and I’m not going there.”
“I’ll be sixteen soon, and I could come to Albany with you and—”
“We’ll always be friends, Angel.” He made as if to touch me but then thought better of it and dropped his hand. “I can’t be anything else. I have to go.”
Kai shivered. He wasn’t wearing a coat like me, the only concession he’d made to the weather was the woolen hat that covered his hair and ears. He made as if he was going to ruffle my hair, and I ducked and would have toppled back into the snow if he hadn’t caught me. He was so close. All I needed to do was reach up and press my lips to his, and that would’ve been my first kiss, and then he’d see that he could love me the same way as I did him. But he set me away from him and patted my shoulders all the while looking around us as if he expected someone to notice us.
“Bye, Angel.” I usually loved that he called me Angel, but right then it felt like an insult as I watched him leave.
“Bailey. My name is freaking Bailey,” I murmured as he reached the path. He must have heard me, because he turned to face me, and I couldn’t read his expression at all.
“You’ll always be Angel to me,” he said clearly. “My Angel,” he tagged on those two words wonderingly, and with hesitation, and that made me furious.
“I’m not your anything!” I whispered brokenly.
For a moment, I thought he might come back to me, but I realized how wrong I was when he winced, and then ran off along the trail, disappearing around the corner in the blink of an eye.
I wished he loved me, I wished he’d wanted to kiss me. I loved him with all my heart and tears blurred my vision as I pulled out the wishing card. Somehow my poor bruised heart helped me to know exactly what I wanted to say. It was everything I wanted.
I wish my first kiss was with Kai Buchanan and that one day he’ll love me back.
A Christmas for Holly #2
Chapter 1
Lucas
Last Christmas
With fresh snow falling and everyone’s breath turning to mist in the cold, I watched my little brother Bailey marry my best friend Kai. I never imagined seeing them exchange vows would hit me this hard, because I wasn’t swept up in romance or fairy-tale moments. But there was something about how Kai’s eyes lit up when Bailey slid the ring onto his finger, about how they looked at each other as if nothing else mattered. It wasn’t jealousy that I felt—just a pang of… something.
Of what, I couldn’t say.
As one of four boys—Callum, Duncan, me, then Bailey, the youngest—Bailey had plenty of choices for best man, and Callum had gotten the honor by default. He was doing an admirable job, standing tall and proud, as if he’d waited his whole life to usher his kid brother into marriage. I already had my role as shared best man—Kai’s. It was a title I co-owned with Paul “Holly” Hollister, current captain of the Albany Harriers, the team Kai had just retired from.
Holly was bright, loud, and always on, and today was no different. He flirted with everyone and made so many people smile.
Including me.
And, for some reason, whenever he smiled at me, it made my heart do strange things, as it had done since I first met him when we were both eighteen. I’d gone to the draft in Winnipeg with Kai, and the Harriers took him and Paul, or Holly as he was nicknamed for obvious reasons. I was thirty-two now… fourteen years in the making, but my affection, for want of a better word, for Holly got stronger with every interaction. I dated here and there when the mood struck me, but it always felt more like an obligation than something I wanted. I didn’t spark easily. With all three of my brothers now married, I sometimes wondered if I ever really would.
But then there was Holly.
It had started at the draft. He’d gone first round, the media darling of the event, and as a diehard hockey fan, I couldn’t help but be in awe of him—the boy the media had dubbed the savior of whichever team landed him.
From that moment, Holly became part of my world. At first, it was through Kai, given I was Kai’s best friend from small-town Vermont, and Holly was Kai’s best friend in the city. We shared the best friend title, and Holly became woven into my story through that.
Over time, though, things shifted. Holly wasn’t just the captain of the Harriers, the two-time Stanley Cup champions, the guy who’d led his team to back-to-back wins in his early twenties. He wasn’t only Kai’s best friend or the player who pulled in millions while dazzling the media with his bright grin and quick charm. He was… Holly. A guy who winked at me across the ice the second time he lifted the Cup, handed it off to Kai, and celebrated with a laugh that echoed in my chest long after the moment had passed.
Maybe the wink had been for me. Perhaps it had been for the whole family, sitting behind the bench and cheering for the team. But something had sparked that day, and I hadn’t been able to let it go since.
It never became anything tangible, not really. A few moments of gentle flirting here and there, nothing more than teasing smiles and stray glances that confused me about what they meant—if they meant anything. But it was enough to plant the seed, to make me start noticing things about him I’d never noticed about anyone else. The way he carried himself was confident but never cocky. The way his laugh could light up a room. He seemed to draw people into his orbit effortlessly as though he was the center of some unseen source of gravity.
And now, here at the wedding when I caught sight of him across the crowd, laughing at something Duncan had said, my heart leaped. It didn’t make sense. I wasn’t supposed to feel this way about someone like Holly—a star so bright he seemed untouchable. But somehow, without me realizing it, I’d been drawn in, caught in his orbit. And now, I wasn’t sure how to untangle myself, or if I even wanted to.
But the man who’d come to the wedding wasn’t the same Holly I’d slowly fallen for. He’d still winked, flirted, laughed, teased Kai, and hugged Bailey, but there was something off in him.
Broken. Remote.
Was I the only one who could see it?
“Great wedding!” he’d shouted in my ear, already halfway to sloppy drunk, leaning on me, then moving on before I could answer, loud and showboating and grabbing everyone around him for a laugh. He was as smooth as ever in his Armani suit, polished to perfection, all show, and not much more, so where was the real Paul Hollister who made my heart skip and my cock go hard?
“What’s going on with Holly?”
I’d been asked the same question by way too many people, as if I was the knowledge keeper of all things Holly. Callum was confused when Holly swept Brooke from his arms and dipped her so low they ended up on the floor. Then Duncan told me Holly had scared some of the kids by making lion noises from the bushes. Finally, Mom asked me to help when Holly tried to limbo under the cake table, nearly causing the whole thing to fall.
I was the best man to Kai, not a watchdog for a drunken idiot, but still, I followed him at a distance.
“Always next to me, sexy!” he shouted at me again, then yanked me onto the dance floor as though he were possessed. I managed to wrangle him so we ended up at the edge of the room, far enough away from the bar that he couldn’t get another drink.
“What is wrong with you!” I whispered for his ears only. “Calm the fuck down!”
He laughed at me, then I couldn’t hold onto the slippery sucker, and he was away faster than the fastest fast thing.
By the time they’d cut the cake, which was still in one piece, Holly was already down several more glasses of champagne, laughing louder than anyone, avoiding me at all costs. I saw the stares he was getting. Some disapproval—how could he disrupt a cozy winter wedding? Some fondness—aww, he doesn’t do quiet or contained.
Holly was everywhere at once, larger than life. Except tonight, Mr. Entertainer’s laughter was too loud, his smiles forced, and it got so bad that Kai nodded at him and then me.
“Can you keep an eye on him?” he asked, his brow furrowed as he glanced over at Holly, who was now halfway through what had to be his fifth drink. “I’d do it myself, but—”
“No problem,” I replied. I got it. Today was Kai’s day, and Bailey deserved every second of his attention.
“Any idea why he’s like this?” I asked, watching Holly stumble toward the bar again.
Kai shrugged. “Team’s not doing so well.”
“Right. The fate of the world,” I muttered, rolling my eyes.
Holly captained his team as if it were a matter of life or death, and I understood why he’d be upset with a few losses—well, a lot of losses. It took many zero points to be three points from the bottom of the league.
But to act out as if his whole world was falling apart because of them…
I went to the bar where Holly was ordering another drink. “I think you’re good for now,” I told him, reaching out to steady him when he swayed.
Holly turned, eyebrows lifted. “Lucas! Sexy man!” He slung an arm around my shoulders, and I could smell the sharp tang of whiskey on his breath. “Here to join the party?”
“Here to make sure you don’t ruin the party,” I said, peeling his arm off me. “How much have you had?”
“Not enough,” he grinned, a hard edge to his voice.
“Well, stop,” I said, nodding toward Kai and Bailey. “Remember them?”
Holly’s gaze softened momentarily, and he seemed to remember where he was. “Yeah. I’m happy for them. Just wish…” He shook his head, turning away.
“Wish what?” I asked before I couldn’t stop myself from stepping around him so I could meet his dark brown eyes.
My breath hitched at the emotion I saw there, and I wanted to hug him so badly. I was the guy who was always content on his own. The guy who watched friends fall in and out of love while he focused on work, family, and a handful of friendships that didn’t come with strings or expectations.
But here I was, staring at Paul Hollister, wondering why, tonight, when he was acting like an asshole, I was still there with this tug in my chest.
“Wish what, Holly?” I asked again, hearing the softness in my voice.
He blinked at me, his gaze sharp for someone with too much liquor in him. “Nothing.” He gestured to the dance floor, where many people had started swaying to some Christmas tune. “Let’s dance,” he said, his tone half challenge, half plea.
I snorted. “Yeah, I don’t dance.”
“Then hold my drink,” he said, thrusting his near-empty glass at me before staggering toward the middle of the dance floor.
I stood there awkwardly, holding his drink as he stumbled and spun, coaxing laughter from people around him, grabbing the hands of strangers and putting on a show.
“You can sit down, you know,” I muttered when he made his way back for a refill, a sheen of sweat on his forehead, a grin plastered across his face that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“Sit? At a wedding?” he scoffed, grabbing his drink and taking a long sip. “What are you, ninety?”
“You don’t have to keep up the act, you know,” I said, the words slipping out before I could second-guess them.
For a moment, his smile dropped, and his eyes met mine, searching. Then he laughed. “What act?”
“You tell me,” I replied, my voice low.
He opened his mouth as if he were about to answer, but then he just shook his head. “You wouldn’t get it.”
“Try me.”
His bravado kept slipping, showing these quick flashes of vulnerability before he covered it up with another laugh. Or perhaps it was that, for once, I wanted to share that vulnerability, and I don’t know… fix it?
He stared at me, his eyes narrowing. “Why do you care?” His voice was rough, almost accusing.
“Good question,” I muttered. Because I didn’t know. I didn’t know why his ridiculous act, half-sober smirk, or stupid laugh didn’t stop me from feeling the pull toward him.
“You don’t know me, Lucas,” he said, his voice a low rasp, his eyes bright with emotion. “And trust me, you don’t want to.”
I held his gaze, refusing to look away. “But here I am.” I shrugged, though my chest felt tight with something I didn’t recognize.
Holly’s expression softened. He opened his mouth, and for a heartbeat, I thought he might say something real. But then he smirked, taking another swig of his drink. “Your funeral, buddy.”
As he walked back onto the dance floor, his laughter ringing out, I watched him, a familiar ache gripping my chest. Not for the first time in my life, I wanted to understand this pull toward another person—this urge to hug him, hold him close, and make things better.
And it scared me.
RJ ScottWriting love stories with a happy ever after – cowboys, heroes, family, hockey, single dads, bodyguards
USA Today bestselling author RJ Scott has written over one hundred romance books. Emotional stories of complicated characters, cowboys, single dads, hockey players, millionaires, princes, bodyguards, Navy SEALs, soldiers, doctors, paramedics, firefighters, cops, and the men who get mixed up in their lives, always with a happy ever after.
She lives just outside London and spends every waking minute she isn’t with family either reading or writing. The last time she had a week’s break from writing, she didn’t like it one little bit, and she has yet to meet a box of chocolates she couldn’t defeat.
BOOKBUB / KOBO / SMASHWORDS
EMAIL: rj@rjscott.co.uk
The Wishing Tree #1
A Christmas for Holly #2
Wishing Tree Series
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