Friday, August 26, 2022

πŸ“˜πŸŽ₯Friday's Film AdaptationπŸŽ₯πŸ“˜: The High Window by Raymond Chandler



Summary:
A wealthy Pasadena widow with a mean streak, a missing daughter-in-law with a past, and a gold coin worth a small fortune—the elements don't quite add up until Marlowe discovers evidence of murder, rape, blackmail, and the worst kind of human exploitation.

"Raymond Chandler is a star of the first magnitude."-- Erle Stanley Gardner

"Raymond Chandler has given us a detective who is hard-boiled enough to be convincing . . . and that is no mean achievement." -- The New York Times



ONE
The house was on Dresden Avenue in the Oak Noll section of Pasadena, a big solid cool-looking house with burgundy brick walls, a terra cotta tile roof, and a white stone trim. The front windows were leaded downstairs. Upstairs windows were of the cottage type and had a lot of rococo imitation stonework trimming around them.

From the front wall and its attendant flowering bushes a half acre or so of fine green lawn drifted in a gentle slope down to the street, passing on the way an enormous deodar around which it flowed like a cool green tide around a rock. The sidewalk and the parkway were both very wide and in the parkway were three white acacias that were worth seeing. There was a heavy scent of summer on the morning and everything that grew was perfectly still in the breathless air they get over there on what they call a nice cool day.

All I knew about the people was that they were a Mrs. Elizabeth Bright Murdock and family and that she wanted to hire a nice clean private detective who wouldn't drop cigar ashes on the floor and never carried more than one gun. And I knew she was the widow of an old coot with whiskers named Jasper Murdock who had made a lot of money helping out the community, and got his photograph in the Pasadena paper every year on his anniversary, with the years of his birth and death underneath, and the legend: His Life Was His Service.

I left my car on the street and walked over a few dozen stumble stones set into the green lawn, and rang the bell in the brick portico under a peaked roof. A low red brick wall ran along the front of the house the short distance from the door to the edge of the driveway. At the end of the walk, on a concrete block, there was a little painted Negro in white riding breeches and a green jacket and a red cap. He was holding a whip, and there was an iron hitching ring in the block at his feet. He looked a little sad, as if he had been waiting there a long time and was getting discouraged. I went over and patted his head while I was waiting for somebody to come to the door.

After a while a middle-aged sourpuss in a maid's costume opened the front door about eight inches and gave me the beady eye.

"Philip Marlowe," I said. "Calling on Mrs. Murdock. By appointment."

The middle-aged sourpuss ground her teeth, snapped her eyes shut, snapped them open and said in one of those angular hardrock pioneer-type voices: "Which one?"

"Huh?"

"Which Mrs. Murdock?" she almost screamed at me.

"Mrs. Elizabeth Bright Murdock," I said. "I didn't know there was more than one."

"Well, there is," she snapped. "Got a card?"

She still had the door a scant eight inches open. She poked the end of her nose and a thin muscular hand into the opening. I got my wallet out and got one of the cards with just my name on it and put it in the hand. The hand and nose went in and the door slammed in my face.

I thought that maybe I ought to have gone to the back door. I went over and patted the little Negro on the head again.

"Brother," I said, "you and me both."

Time passed, quite a lot of time. I stuck a cigarette in my mouth but didn't light it. The Good Humor man went by in his little blue and white wagon, playing Turkey in the Straw on his music box. A large black and gold butterfly fishtailed in and landed on a hydrangea bush almost at my elbow, moved its wings slowly up and down a few times, then took off heavily and staggered away through the motionless hot scented air.

The front door came open again. The sourpuss said: "This way."

I went in. The room beyond was large and square and sunken and cool and had the restful atmosphere of a funeral chapel and something of the same smell. Tapestry on the blank roughened stucco walls, iron grilles imitating balconies outside high side windows, heavy carved chairs with plush seats and tapestry backs and tarnished gilt tassels hanging down their sides. At the back a stained-glass window about the size of a tennis court. Curtained french doors underneath it. An old musty, fusty, narrow-minded, clean and bitter room. It didn't look as if anybody ever sat in it or would ever want to. Marble-topped tables with crooked legs, gilt clocks, pieces of small statuary in two colors of marble. A lot of junk that would take a week to dust. A lot of money, and all wasted. Thirty years before, in the wealthy close-mouthed provincial town Pasadena then was, it must have seemed like quite a room.

We left it and went along a hallway and after a while the sourpuss opened a door and motioned me in.

"Mr. Marlowe," she said through the door in a nasty voice, and went away grinding her teeth.

TWO
It was a small room looking out on the back garden. It had an ugly red and brown carpet and was furnished as an office. It contained what you would expect to find in a small office. A thin fragile-looking blondish girl in shell glasses sat behind a desk with a typewriter on a pulled-out leaf at her left. She had her hands poised on the keys, but she didn't have any paper in the machine. She watched me come into the room with the stiff, half-silly expression of a self-conscious person posing for a snapshot. She had a clear soft voice, asking me to sit down.

"I am Miss Davis. Mrs. Murdock's secretary. She wanted me to ask you for a few references."

"References?"

"Certainly. References. Does that surprise you?"

I put my hat on her desk and the unlighted cigarette on the brim of the hat. "You mean she sent for me without knowing anything about me?"

Her lip trembled and she bit it. I didn't know whether she was scared or annoyed or just having trouble being cool and businesslike. But she didn't look happy.

"She got your name from the manager of a branch of the California-Security Bank. But he doesn't know you personally," she said.

"Get your pencil ready," I said.

She held it up and showed me that it was freshly sharpened and ready to go.

I said: "First off, one of the vice-presidents of that same bank. George S. Leake. He's in the main office. Then State Senator Huston Oglethorpe. He may be in Sacramento, or he may be at his office in the State Building in L.A. Then Sidney Dreyfus, Jr., of Dreyfus, Turner and Swayne, attorneys in the Title-Insurance Building. Got that?"

She wrote fast and easily. She nodded without looking up. The light danced on her blond hair.

"Oliver Fry of the Fry-Krantz Corporation, Oil Well Tools. They're over on East Ninth, in the industrial district. Then, if you would like a couple of cops, Bernard Ohls of the D.A.'s staff, and Detective-Lieutenant Carl Randall of the Central Homicide Bureau. You think maybe that would be enough?"

"Don't laugh at me," she said. "I'm only doing what I'm told."

"Better not call the last two, unless you know what the job is," I said. "I'm not laughing at you. Hot, isn't it?"

"It's not hot for Pasadena," she said, and hoisted her phone book up on the desk and went to work.

While she was looking up the numbers and telephoning hither and yon I looked her over. She was pale with a sort of natural paleness and she looked healthy enough. Her coarse-grained coppery blond hair was not ugly in itself, but it was drawn back so tightly over her narrow head that it almost lost the effect of being hair at all. Her eyebrows were thin and unusually straight and were darker than her hair, almost a chestnut color. Her nostrils had the whitish look of an anaemic person. Her chin was too small, too sharp and looked unstable. She wore no makeup except orange-red on her mouth and not much of that. Her eyes behind the glasses were very large, cobalt blue with big irises and a vague expression. Both lids were tight so that the eyes had a slightly oriental look, or as if the skin of her face was naturally so tight that it stretched her eyes at the corners. The whole face had a sort of off-key neurotic charm that only needed some clever makeup to be striking.

She wore a one-piece linen dress with short sleeves and no ornament of any kind. Her bare arms had down on them, and a few freckles.

I didn't pay much attention to what she said over the telephone. Whatever was said to her she wrote down in shorthand, with deft easy strokes of the pencil. When she was through she hung the phone book back on a hook and stood up and smoothed the linen dress down over her thighs and said:

"If you will just wait a few moments--" and went towards the door.

Halfway there she turned back and pushed a top drawer of her desk shut at the side. She went out. The door closed. There was silence. Outside the window bees buzzed. Far off I heard the whine of a vacuum cleaner. I picked the unlighted cigarette off my hat, put it in my mouth and stood up. I went around the desk and pulled open the drawer she had come back to shut.

It wasn't any of my business. I was just curious. It wasn't any of my business that she had a small Colt automatic in the drawer. I shut it and sat down again.

She was gone about four minutes. She opened the door and stayed at it and said: "Mrs. Murdock will see you now."

We went along some more hallway and she opened half of a double glass door and stood aside. I went in and the door was closed behind me.

It was so dark in there that at first I couldn't see anything but the outdoors light coming through thick bushes and screens. Then I saw that the room was a sort of sun porch that had been allowed to get completely overgrown outside. It was furnished with grass rugs and reed stuff. There was a reed chaise longue over by the window. It had a curved back and enough cushions to stuff an elephant and there was a woman leaning back on it with a wine glass in her hand. I could smell the thick scented alcoholic odor of the wine before I could see her properly. Then my eyes got used to the light and I could see her.

She had a lot of face and chin. She had pewter-colored hair set in a ruthless permanent, a hard beak and large moist eyes with the sympathetic expression of wet stones. There was lace at her throat, but it was the kind of throat that would have looked better in a football sweater. She wore a grayish silk dress. Her thick arms were bare and mottled. There were jet buttons in her ears. There was a low glass-topped table beside her and a bottle of port on the table. She sipped from the glass she was holding and looked at me over it and said nothing.

I stood there. She let me stand while she finished the port in her glass and put the glass down on the table and filled it again. Then she tapped her lips with a handkerchief. Then she spoke. Her voice had a hard baritone quality and sounded as if it didn't want any nonsense.

"Sit down, Mr. Marlowe. Please do not light that cigarette. I'm asthmatic."

I sat down in a reed rocker and tucked the still unlighted cigarette down behind the handkerchief in my outside pocket.

"I've never had any dealing with private detectives, Mr. Marlowe. I don't know anything about them. Your references seem satisfactory. What are your charges?"

"To do what, Mrs. Murdock?"

"It's a very confidential matter, naturally. Nothing to do with the police. If it had to do with the police, I should have called the police."

"I charge twenty-five dollars a day, Mrs. Murdock. And of course expenses."

"It seems high. You must make a great deal of money." She drank some more of her port. I don't like port in hot weather, but it's nice when they let you refuse it.

"No," I said. "It isn't. Of course you can get detective work done at any price-just like legal work. Or dental work. I'm not an organization. I'm just one man and I work at just one case at a time. I take risks, sometimes quite big risks, and I don't work all the time. No, I don't think twenty-five dollars a day is too much."

"I see. And what is the nature of the expenses?"

"Little things that come up here and there. You never know."

"I should prefer to know," she said acidly.

"You'll know," I said. "You'll get it all down in black and white. You'll have a chance to object, if you don't like it."

"And how much retainer would you expect?"

"A hundred dollars would hold me," I said.

"I should hope it would," she said and finished her port and poured the glass full again without even waiting to wipe her lips.

"From people in your position, Mrs. Murdock, I don't necessarily have to have a retainer."

"Mr. Marlowe," she said, "I'm a strong-minded woman. But don't let me scare you. Because if you can be scared by me, you won't be much use to me."

I nodded and let that one drift with the tide.

She laughed suddenly and then she belched. It was a nice light belch, nothing showy, and performed with easy unconcern. "My asthma," she said carelessly. "I drink this wine as medicine. That's why I'm not offering you any."

I swung a leg over my knee. I hoped that wouldn't hurt her asthma.

"Money," she said, "is not really important. A woman in my position is always overcharged and gets to expect it. I hope you will be worth your fee. Here is the situation. Something of considerable value has been stolen from me. I want it back, but I want more than that. I don't want anybody arrested. The thief happens to be a member of my family--by marriage."


Private detective Michael Shayne is hired by cantankerous widow Mrs. Murdock to find a valuable coin known as a brasher doubloon, which she believes was stolen from her collection by her daughter-in-law, singer Linda Conquest.

Release Date: December 24, 1942
Release Time: 61 minutes

Director: Herbert I Leeds

Cast:
Lloyd Nolan as Michael Shayne
Heather Angel as Myrle Davis
Doris Merrick as Linda Conquest Murdock
Ralph Byrd as Lou Venter
Richard Lane as Lt. Breeze
Sheila Bromley as Lois Morny
Morris Ankrum as Alexander Morny
Ethel Griffies as Mrs. Murdock
James Seay as Leslie Murdock
Ted Hecht as George Anson Phillips
William Pawley as Mr. Hensch
Syd Saylor as The Mailman
Lester Sharpe as Elisha Washburn
Charles Williams as The Dentist
LeRoy Mason as Rudolph








Author Bio:
Raymond Thornton Chandler was an American novelist and screenwriter.

In 1932, at age forty-four, Raymond Chandler decided to become a detective fiction writer after losing his job as an oil company executive during the Depression. His first short story, "Blackmailers Don't Shoot", was published in 1933 in Black Mask, a popular pulp magazine. His first novel, The Big Sleep, was published in 1939. In addition to his short stories, Chandler published just seven full novels during his lifetime (though an eighth in progress at his death was completed by Robert B. Parker). All but Playback have been realized into motion pictures, some several times. In the year before he died, he was elected president of the Mystery Writers of America. He died on March 26, 1959, in La Jolla, California.

Chandler had an immense stylistic influence on American popular literature, and is considered by many to be a founder, along with Dashiell Hammett, James M. Cain and other Black Mask writers, of the hard-boiled school of detective fiction. Chandler's Philip Marlowe, along with Hammett's Sam Spade, are considered by some to be synonymous with "private detective," both having been played on screen by Humphrey Bogart, whom many considered to be the quintessential Marlowe.

Some of Chandler's novels are considered to be important literary works, and three are often considered to be masterpieces: Farewell, My Lovely (1940), The Little Sister (1949), and The Long Goodbye (1953). The Long Goodbye is praised within an anthology of American crime stories as "arguably the first book since Hammett's The Glass Key, published more than twenty years earlier, to qualify as a serious and significant mainstream novel that just happened to possess elements of mystery".


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The High Window

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Tuesday, August 23, 2022

πŸ“šMonday's Musical Melody(Tuesday's Back to School Edition)πŸ“š: Social Skills by Sara Alva



Summary:

Music is the only form of communication Connor Owens controls. No matter how badly he wishes to fit in, friendly banter and casual conversations have never been his thing. College is yet another social universe he has no clue how to navigate—until he meets Jared, a football player with chestnut eyes and a cocky grin that holds the power to shatter his self-imposed prison.

Jared's attention opens Connor up to a new realm of emotional and physical intimacy. But as Connor's self-confidence grows, so does his fear that everything will fall apart. Because in this socially stratified world, how long can a relationship between an introverted violinist and a closeted football player really last?



Chapter One
Connor Owens stepped onto the newly waxed floor, and a rare moment of calm settled over him. The sweet scents of resins and polish, the gently curving stage, the warm weight of his violin in his hands—all of it comforting and familiar in the midst of a tumultuous few weeks. 

He tightened his bow and fished out his rosin, smiling at the simple pleasure he took in making long, even strokes to coat the horsehairs thoroughly. 

This, he knew. This felt right. 

In a college life full of unknowns, orchestra would be his sanctuary. He could already feel it as the hum of tuning instruments filled the air, as the winds broke into arpeggios, as the rustle of sheet music on stands alerted him to the new piece they’d be playing: Rimsky-Korsakov’s Scheherazade. 

He was itching to play it. He wouldn’t have the solo, of course, but the entire piece was lovely, and really at that moment it didn’t matter what he played so long as he could play, surrounded by the myriad of sounds from all the other instruments. This was the kind of group in which he could belong without having to try so hard it literally made his head hurt. This came naturally.

“Hi!” A female voice greeted him, and he followed a peasant skirt up to the face of a tall, willowy girl with hair that hung to her waist. “I’m Rebecca.” She gathered the dirty-blond wisps behind her head and tied them into a low ponytail as she sat next to him. “Looks like I’m your stand partner. You must be Connor.” 

He nodded, extending his hand for her to shake and battling a blush when her grip was much firmer than his. 

“You’re a first year, right?” she continued. 

“Yeah.” 

“Must be pretty good, then, to be up here in the first violins already. It took me two years to fight my way up here.” 

He shrugged. Praise never sat well with him, no matter how many times his mother chastised him for not politely accepting compliments. 

“Well, when we have sectional practice, don’t let Vidar intimidate you. He’s a bitter, bitter, Scandinavian man. I bet he thinks he’s too good to be hired staff for a college orchestra, but I would guess that he’s not, or else he’d have found another job.” 

Connor let out a low chuckle with a nervous glance to where the man in question sat five stands away, running scales with a pinched expression on his face. 

Rebecca followed his eyes. “You see what I mean, right? You can totally tell he’s got a stick up his ass.” 

This time Connor laughed openly, and when Rebecca joined in it gave him an instant shot of elation. Maybe music could be more than just the solace he was looking for. Maybe it would give him the chance to form a new friendship as well. It shouldn’t be so hard—even for him—to build upon the connection between stand partners, on the way they learned to play as one, moving and bowing in complete synchronization. 

“We can practice together, if you like.” Rebecca tightened her bow. “You know, try our best not to incur his wrath.” 

Connor opened his mouth slowly. “Oh…um…” 

Tap-tap-tap from a baton interrupted, and a hush fell over the assembled crowd. The conductor raised his arms, and as if an invisible string tied his tiny stick to every instrument, all rose in unison. 

Rebecca smiled at Connor one more time, and he returned it. Maybe Rebecca, older—and wiser, no doubt—could become his liaison into the world of college…provided he could beat back his shyness long enough to give her a chance. 

It was a good thing she was a girl. 

******

He headed back to his room in a better mood than usual, letting Scheherazade’s melodies play through his head. If he kept up the tempo, he’d have time to make it through the first movement and at least part of the second by the time he reached his building. Hereford was a lot further out than the regular first-year dorms, but the newer construction meant air conditioning, something his mother had uncompromisingly demanded for her asthmatic son. 

Just as well. He wouldn’t have fit in at the first-year dorms, anyway. 

Of course, there really wasn’t a practical way to avoid passing by those hubs of social interaction. He averted his eyes from the gaggles of students lounging about the quad, laughing and sharing food, gossip, and in quite a few cases, saliva. Scheherazade picked up speed with his footsteps. With any luck, he’d look like someone who needed to be somewhere in a hurry, and not like an outcast who simply didn’t know how to belong. 

As he neared Alderman Road, a blue and orange Frisbee with the familiar block “V” for Virginia landed by his feet. 

“Hey!” An olive-skinned boy waved at him. “Toss it here, will ya?” 

Connor picked up the Frisbee and turned it over in his palm. He contemplated throwing it, but by now a group had formed around the boy, and he had no desire to make a public display of his weak throwing arm. 

He crossed the distance between them and offered the disc with an outstretched hand. “Um, here you go.” 

From the gathered crowd, a familiar-looking face with a popped-collar polo shirt stepped forward. “Hey, you went to my high school. You’re that violin player, right?” 

Connor blinked rapidly. Had someone popular actually recognized him? But then he returned to his senses and felt the strap of his violin against his shoulder. It didn’t exactly take a brilliant deduction to pin him as that violin player. 

He nodded. “Uh, yeah. Connor.” 

“Tim,” the former classmate said, though that was unnecessary because Connor already knew his name. He was good about affixing names with faces, even if hardly anyone ever did the same for him. “Hey, you wanna join us?” 

Connor forced a smile. He didn’t, really, but there probably wasn’t another way to go about making friends. “Um, maybe I’ll just…watch.” 

Tim and his friend exchanged bemused glances. “Sure. Okay.”

Connor sat down on a patch of grass by a small cherry-blossom tree, and a few other onlookers planted themselves beside him. A girl with tight blue shorts announcing their school across her bottom—UVA—turned to him with a friendly smile. 

“So, you play the violin. What’s that like?” 

“It’s…it’s fun, I guess.” 

“Cool.” The girl nodded, and continued to stare at Connor until his pulse raced. His turn to speak. He tried to open his mouth and force more words out, but nothing happened. 

Tim jogged over and tagged someone sitting by the sidelines. “You’re in man, gonna take a break.” Then he grabbed the UVA-bottomed girl and yanked her into a kiss. 

“Get a room!” someone shouted. 

“Maybe we will!” Tim shouted back, and he and the girl took off. Connor watched them go with a knot growing in his stomach, because with Tim went his very tentative connection to the group currently surrounding him. 

“Hey, I’m gonna go grab a snack at the Treehouse,” another unknown person announced, and suddenly the entire mass of people began to rise and shift away. 

“Yeah, sounds good.” 

“Me too.” 

“I’m gonna head in, catch you guys later.” 

Connor said nothing, and within a few seconds he found himself alone. For all his efforts, he’d wound up making friends with a tree. 

******

His door clicked into place and he leaned heavily against it, letting the worst of the anxiety drain from his body. He was safe now; the world and all its strange rituals of socialization were locked away on the other side of the wall. 

Here it was only him—his books, his music stand, his metronome, his bed…and the barren mattress across the room. 

Life would have it he didn’t even have that friendship-of-convenience to fall back on, because his college roommate had dropped out without notice. And despite all the meet-and-greets and the unmistakable air of camaraderie during orientation, he still hadn’t been able to make any great strides in socializing. How could he, when the cliques he had so detested in high school had made their way to college after all? Maybe they weren’t as overt, but they were still there. The pretty girls still held fast to each other, the jocks still slapped each other’s backs and guffawed loudly at inappropriate jokes, and the misfits had redoubled their efforts to find a way to fit in. Worse, many of them seemed to be succeeding where he clearly was not. 

As was usually the case, a hundred options for what he could have said to keep the conversation with the friendly girl alive flooded his mind. Do you play an instrument? Have you ever wanted to learn one? What kind of music do you listen to? 

But those thoughts were never available when he needed them. 

With a sigh, he grabbed one of the textbooks off his desk. Might as well throw himself into acquiring knowledge instead. 

******

“All right.” Rebecca flexed her fingers and twisted around in her chair, stretching her long back. “I think we’ve covered everything Vidar’s gonna bug us about in sectionals. When’s your next class?” 

Connor gathered his bag from the corner of the tiny practice room. The closet-like space felt far too sterile for music, but at least Rebecca’s presence brought life to the otherwise stale air. 

“Uh, I have my Theory and History of Anthropology class in New Cabell at two…I should probably go finish the reading for it. I didn’t get a chance to last night.” 

Rebecca raised one of her pale eyebrows at him. They were so fair, in fact, that if he didn’t look closely he might have missed them against her light skin. “You do know that no one does all of the reading for their classes, right?” 

“Yeah, I know. But I took a summer course with this professor before I started school here, and she seemed to really like me. I kinda don’t want her to have a reason to change her impression…” Connor trailed off. Of course he just had to sound like the giant geek he actually was. 

Rebecca laughed, though she was good about not mocking him with her laughter. 

“A summer course before you were in college? Wow, slow down! You’re supposed to slack off a little, while you still can. Pretty soon you’ll have to think about real-life things, like finding a job.” She groaned and tossed a rust-colored knit scarf around her neck with a dramatic flourish. “Anyways, let’s enjoy the freedom we have left, okay? You have an hour—let’s go grab lunch at Newcomb. A bunch of my friends eat there around this time.” 

Connor rearranged his bag at his hip so he could slide his violin across his other shoulder, buying himself time to consider his response. This was exactly the kind of opportunity he’d been looking for, but it still took an extra burst of effort to put aside his nearly automatic desire for solitude. 

“Okay. Sounds good.”

Newcomb meant noise. Shouts, laughter, rattling trays and clanking silverware. Too many people, too much movement. And plenty of chances for Connor to make a fool of himself. He scanned the crowded tables, some filled with students grabbing a quick bite, others whose occupants were enjoying a more leisurely paced meal. The clusters reminded him of the groups that dominated the high school cafeteria, though lines were slightly blurred and labels not quite so easy to place. 

Rebecca touched his shoulder lightly and led him to a table. A couple of blond girls already sat there with pretty smiles and tight tank tops, chatting with a brunette who seemed to share Rebecca’s bohemian taste in clothing. Two guys with longish hair and oversized t-shirts joined them as Rebecca and Connor walked up. 

“Hey guys,” Rebecca called out cheerfully. “This is Connor, my new stand partner. Do us a favor and watch our violins while we grab some food?” 

“Oh.” Connor instinctively wrapped his arm around his instrument. “Uh, that’s okay, I’ll hold onto it.” 

Rebecca waved off his protest. “I swear to God, you can trust these guys. They’d die protecting my baby, so they’ll do the same for yours. Isn’t that right?” 

One of the t-shirted guys at the table rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say, Becca.” 

Connor flushed, anxiety crawling along his skin. It wasn’t as if his violin was a Stradivarius, but he’d grown accustomed to never letting it out of his sight. Over the past four years it had become like a fifth limb—the substitute for the best friend he’d never found. The thought of having to develop that level of intimate knowledge with some other instrument made his heart skip several beats. 

But this was college, after all, and he was supposed to be going with the flow. He drew in a deep breath through his nostrils and dropped the strap from his shoulder. “Thanks.”

A quick scan of the day's offerings led him to the line for chicken parmesan. Rebecca chose the salad station, and her long blond ponytail swung its way back to their table before he'd even received a plate. Restless, Connor drummed his fingers against a plastic tray and considered jumping ship. Maybe a simpler meal, like a bowl of cereal, was in order. 

Someone bumped into him as the line started moving again. “Sorry,” a voice above him said. 

He shifted his gaze to the speaker and quickly looked away after a brief nod. Though he’d never gotten a name, he recalled the face from his anthropology class. Black curly hair, full lips, warm chestnut eyes. 

In his peripheral vision, he caught the guy stretching and was momentarily lost in the lean but sharply defined muscles along his tall frame. Was he an athlete? Either that, or he just took really good care of his body. Prone to people-watching, Connor kept his eyes lowered but intensely focused. 

“Son?” A warm plate of chicken parmesan, the oil bubbling away from the melted cheese, shook in front of his face. 

He mumbled an, “Oh, sorry,” even if no one with human ears could’ve heard it. Dish in hand, he stepped away from his classmate, who continued to stare ahead without a second glance in his direction. 

It was for the best. If the guy had tried to talk to him, he was pretty sure he’d have turned into a stammering idiot. That was just how things went for him. 

When he reached Rebecca’s table, the two preppy girls had left, and he now clearly stood out from the group as the only one wearing an undeniably new button-up shirt and crisp khakis. He probably needed to start shopping at a local thrift store, so he’d blend in a little better with his crowd. 

If this was to be his crowd.

He made certain his shirt was at least untucked and set his tray down, foolishly pleased to see his violin right where he’d left it, its gray case looking slightly dirty alongside Rebecca’s earthy brown one. 

“So, a fresh soul ripe for the picking.” The brunette across from him leaned forward, dragging the sleeves of her coarse knit tunic across the table. 

Blushing, Connor took his seat. By the time he realized he should have said something in response, it was too late, and he floundered with his fork while opting for a shrug. 

“Connor’s already in the first violin section. I bet if he wanted to, he could beat out the Scandinavian Devil in a few years,” Rebecca chimed in for him. 

“You and your hatred of tall, thin, very white men. Methinks the lady doth protest too much,” responded the taller of the t-shirted males, running a thumb over his own pale cheek. 

Rebecca rolled her eyes and the banter continued, right over Connor’s head. He chewed and swallowed methodically, nodding and smiling when he felt it appropriate, and silently wishing he were a more interesting person so he could quit being a shadow on the sidelines of his own life. 

******

Laptops unfolded, instant-messaging windows flew open, and classmates began chatting all around Connor. They didn’t even stop when his anthropology professor began her lecture. 

Connor didn’t join in. He never joined in. Instead, he opted for a plain spiral bound notebook where he furiously scribbled notes if things interested or confused him, and doodled in the margins when he already knew the material. Although today, he was allowing his thoughts to wander a little. Wander all the way to the side of the room, where he could observe one particular classmate from a safe distance. 

It was actually pretty easy to stare, because the guy was looking up, as if he could see the sky through the ceiling tiles of the small room in New Cabell Hall. With practiced peripheral vision and the cover of bangs, Connor watched him lean against the window, where he always sat. A beam of sunlight hit his hair. 

Dark brown…not black. 

Connor’s visual target yawned and shifted down in his seat. His lids began to droop, his blinks became longer and more frequent, and then his eyes shut completely, showing no signs of opening any time soon. His lips parted as he slept. 

Connor smiled to himself. Now he could really stare. 

A slight snore and resulting giggles eventually startled the guy from his slumber. He looked around sheepishly and wiped his mouth clean of the tiny bit of spittle that had gathered in the corner. 

“Connor, could you stay and talk with me for a minute?” 

Turning abruptly, Connor faced his professor, embarrassed he’d been distracted enough to miss the last few minutes of class. But as the rest of the students filtered out she perched on the end of her desk, smiling warmly enough to quell any fear that he was about to be chewed out for his inattentiveness. After all, it wasn’t like he had fallen asleep. 

“You’re doing really top notch work.” Professor Abrahms gestured to the written assignment on his desk, which bore an “A” as well as “excellent” in red ink across the top. “You have wonderful insights into the reading material, and your theories are quite well reasoned.”

Connor blinked. Should he thank her for her contribution as his teacher, or keep quiet to avoid sounding like a brown-noser? 

He chose quiet. Or ended up with it by default, anyway. 

“I wanted to ask you whether you have any interest in tutoring.” 

“Oh…” He took several seconds to process her request. “Why, does someone need help?” 

Professor Abrahms smiled again, but it seemed less than genuine this time. “The athletic department has asked me to recommend someone they can hire as a tutor. There are a few students on the football team who could use help in this course, and unfortunately the Anthropology 101 tutors are too swamped this semester to cover the specific reading material.” 

He nodded slowly. He’d worked with little kids before, volunteering as a reading coach for elementary students during summer school. But he’d never considered working with someone his own age, mainly because he assumed his social ineptitudes would get in the way. And working with athletes, cool and confident and completely unlike him in every way, seemed like an even more disastrous idea. 

“It’s ten dollars an hour, and for now they’re only looking for a commitment of about two hours a week, but if it works out they could hire you for other subjects as well.” 

He couldn’t stop nodding, mostly because he was using the time to think of a polite way to suggest she find someone else. 

“I usually don’t recommend first years, but in your case, you showed me such maturity in your work over the summer…I really think you could be of assistance.” 

A sinking feeling in his stomach told him he was already stuck, and over his head at that, unless he wanted to prove to himself he really was a coward—and worse, disappoint Professor Abrahms. Would she hold it against him for the rest of the semester? He hated how much he cared what she—or anyone—thought of him, but the idea that her friendly eyes might one day hold him in contempt made his insides squirm. 

Dazed, he nodded yet again. “Yeah, okay.” 

Professor Abrahms beamed. “Great. I’ll call them and let them know you’re interested. They’d like you to start tomorrow, if possible. Here’s the contact info.” 

He took the offered paper and mumbled his thanks, praying he hadn’t just made the worst mistake of his life. 

******

For the first fifteen minutes of his maiden tutoring session, no one showed up. Connor sat in a small, barren room with a rectangular table and four burgundy-cushioned chairs. On one of the bare walls, a large clock worked away audibly. 

He would have been perfectly content for the next forty-five minutes to have gone by the same way, since he was making decent progress on his assigned reading, but a quiet knock at the door meant that would not be the case. 

Curly brown hair and chestnut eyes greeted him. “Hey, you’re the tutor? Cool, dude. I’m Jared.” 

Jared. Finally, a name to the face. 

Jared stuck out his hand. “Michael’s on his way in. Kinda had to drag his ass. He needs this class for his major, in case you’re wondering why you got hired. Though why anyone would major in anthro is beyond me.”

Connor was already shaking the offered hand by the time Jared flashed him a contrite look. “Sorry. Maybe you were planning on it?” 

“Uh…” Connor’s doomed attempt to come up with a response was cut short by the arrival of another classmate, this one a little taller than Jared and much bulkier. 

The new arrival—Michael—planted himself in a chair without a greeting. “All right, dude, let’s see if you can help me figure this shit out. Because right now, it all seems like a waste of my time.” 

The blood drained from Connor’s face, but a furious blush quickly replaced the pallor when Jared smirked at him as if they shared some sort of inside joke. 

Suddenly aware he hadn’t said a word since Jared and Michael had arrived, Connor sat down heavily and grabbed the book in front of him. He couldn’t think of any pleasantries to utter that wouldn’t sound completely useless, so he launched right into the text, where he felt safe, carefully explaining the main points from their assigned reading. 

Every so often he tentatively made eye contact with his tutees, and was greeted with a bored expression from Michael and a tired one from Jared. He made sure to stop after each page to check if there was anything they didn’t understand or to see if they had any questions, and each time they both answered in the negative. 

Of course, when he got to the end of the chapter and asked for either one to reiterate the main ideas, he received blank stares. 

Michael finally shook his head. “I gotta be honest with you, man. I don’t know why I picked this major. I think it’s ’cause everyone was saying it was easy, and it wouldn’t be too much extra stress on me since our schedule is so rough. But this shit ain’t easy. I mean, not if you’re really trying to learn it. I guess I could just coast on through and buy papers off people and shit, but what’s the point of even getting a degree then?” 

When Connor didn’t respond, because, as usual, he found himself at a loss for words, Michael continued. “Take it from me, dude. If you’re not into this, pick something else.” 

That last comment was directed at Jared, who gave a little shrug. “Yeah, I haven’t really decided what I’m gonna major in yet.” 

“Huh. Well you better think of something, ’cause the way you play, you’d never make it pro,” Michael jeered, and Connor was surprised when Jared just scoffed. 

“Yeah, well, at least I have my youth. You’re getting pretty old there, fifth-year.” 

“I’ll show you old.” Michael retaliated with a swift jab to Jared’s ribs. 

Only ten minutes of their session remained—which meant Connor should be doing something to rein them in and return them to the tenets of Boasian cultural anthropology. Unfortunately, telling two large athletes to stop their bickering and get back to work was just not within his abilities. 

He waited until the two had had their fill of fake-fighting before hesitantly glancing back at his book. 

“W-would…would you like to go over the prompt for the next writing assignment?” 

Michael sighed, making no effort to hide his displeasure, but Jared regarded him with a raised brow and a grin. “Yeah, sure, Connor. You’re the boss.”


Author Bio:

Sara Alva is the author of best-selling New Adult novel Social Skills and Rainbow Award Winner Silent. Always a daydreamer, Sara finally decided to sculpt the thoughts banging around in her head into stories of self-discovery, heartache, personal growth, friendship and love. Read them as an escape, or as a window into understanding your own world.

When she isn’t writing, Sara is pursuing her other passions in teaching, music, and dancing.


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Sunday, August 21, 2022

🎑Sunday's Sport Stats🎑: The Quarterback by Tal Bauer



Summary:

The Team #2
Falling for his friend's straight dad might be the worst mistake Colton Hall has ever made.

Colton's best friend is gay. He's not: he's never been attracted to men. So why the hell is he fantasizing about his friend's dad? Besides, Nick Swanscott is straight. A devoted father and the best man Colton's ever known. He deserves more than to be the object of Colton's crush.

The NFL is waiting for Colton, but he decides to stick it out for his senior year in college before joining the league, a decision that proves disastrous when an injury tears him from the game. In the blink of an eye, Colton goes from being a top draft pick to potentially never playing football again.

But Nick is there through his recovery. He takes care of Colton every day and shows him a future that might hold something more than being a superstar quarterback. Maybe Colton's life isn't over.

And Colton's crush explodes: full-on, head over heels, hopelessly falling in love.

He's so screwed. He's got to get these feelings under control. All those dreams of kissing Nick can never become reality. And there's no way Nick could ever love him back.

Right?

A slow burn, friends to lovers, bi awakening, age gap MM romance.



Chapter One
Tuxedos and tablecloths. Flickering candlelight. A big band in the corner, pouring out tunes. 

Justin looked amazing in his tuxedo. Wes, too, but Justin was his son, and it was the first time Nick had had the chance to see him dressed to the nines. The two of them were on the dance floor, Justin’s right hand over Wes’s heart, the fingers of his left twined with Wes’s as they swayed to the Glenn Miller cover. They were beaming and gazing into each other’s eyes. This is what their wedding will look like. 

Wes was shy about what he’d done on the field after the national championship game. He’d turned scarlet when Nick had asked him if that, him on the ground and offering Justin a football, was his marriage proposal. He’d fumbled his way through explaining that he’d wanted to commit to Justin in front of the whole world, and whether Justin called him his fiancΓ© or his boyfriend, he was Justin’s for as long as Justin would have him. Then he’d fidgeted on the couch as Nick stared at him, the Texas wind coming up and over Nick’s balcony. 

“Dad, stop interrogating the love of my life,” Justin had said that night, and he’d winked at Wes, smirked at Nick, and not clarified a damn thing. 

It would happen, though. All Nick needed to do was spend three seconds watching Justin and Wes, and he could see the love between them. He’d never seen his son as happy as he was with Wes. Never in his whole life had Justin radiated such joy. Not even Christmas mornings as a child, or the birthday when Nick had surprised Justin with his first bicycle. 

It made his heart ache, seeing Justin so in love. 

Had he been that in love with his ex-wife all those years ago when they’d first fallen for each other? He thought he had been. He’d been in love enough to decide to propose. Marry, and forge a life together. A life that brought Justin into the world. 

There was nothing he cherished more than being Justin’s father. 

Hopefully he wouldn’t screw it up this time. 

He and Justin had had a close relationship… until Justin was about ten years old. Nick had been a good dad, he’d thought. Bicycle riding and Little League. Playing catch in the backyard, Lego in the loft. Trick-or-treating together every Halloween. And then Justin grew older, and… Nick hadn’t worked as hard as he should have to keep them close. Justin turned inward, hiding his secret until he’d exploded. Keeping his sexuality concealed had carved him off from his parents, put an impenetrable wall between them, one that stood for too many years.

If he’d realized, if he’d suspected, he would have said something years ago. Would have tried to let Justin know, even if he had to take him by the shoulders and force his chin to raise, that there was nothing, not a single thing in the whole world that would end his love for his son. 

But he hadn’t realized, and Justin had withdrawn, and they’d lived separate lives in the same house, living around each other instead of together. Justin going off to college had seemed like the slow end to a long goodbye that began in middle school. 

And then things changed. 

Nick watched Wes twirl Justin in his arms, then tip him backward for a dip as the song came to an end. Wes beamed. Justin laughed, and as he rose, Wes’s arms wrapped around Justin’s waist and Justin’s hand cradled Wes’s cheek. They kissed, still smiling, as the crowd clapped. For the band, and maybe for Justin and Wes, too. 

They were, after all, the guests of honor. 

It was an evening celebrating Wes and his team’s national championship victory, along with the personal victories of all the other out college athletes who had played that season and any past season. LGBT+ organizations, ESPN, and even the NCAA had joined together to honor Wes and his fellow LGBT+ athletes—present and past—and memorialize those who had passed away in a first-of-its-kind reception. Out former professional athletes mingled with college athletes across the major sports: football, baseball, basketball, and hockey. Rainbow lights dazzled off rainbow bunting, strung in arcs across the high ballroom ceiling. Rainbow-dyed roses clustered in low vases on the dinner tables. 

“This is so wild, isn’t it?”

The voice came from behind Nick. It was deep, but with a young man’s cadence. He turned and saw Colton Hall, the Texas quarterback and Wes’s best friend. Now, too, Justin’s good friend, after a shaky start. 

“I never imagined this is how our season would end.” Colton passed Nick a fresh beer and held his out for a toast. 

“Didn’t think you’d be national champions?” 

“I mean, I thought that.” Colton grinned, rolling his head sideways to Nick. One hand jiggled in the pocket of his tuxedo pants. “C’mon, we’re the best.” 

Nick laughed. 

“This is amazing,” Colton said, his voice softer. “I don’t think this could have happened four years ago. It should have, but…” He frowned, and his gaze found Wes and Justin, dancing still. “He deserves this. All of it.” 

“Justin?” Nick asked, sipping his beer. 

“Uh, I mean, of course, him, too.” Nick smiled as Colton stuttered, flushing. “I mean, he deserves to be recognized, of course, for who he is and supporting—” 

“I’m teasing you.” He clapped Colton on the shoulder. Colton grinned, relief crossing his face in a tidal wave. “They both do. Wes is an amazing player, and he’s been an exceptional leader on your team. And he’s a role model for other young gay athletes.” 

“Yeah. Justin is, too, though. He’s a great guy. Just the best.” 

Colton was still trying to fix his little slip. “I happen to think so.” Nick took another sip of beer, then turned back to the ballroom. “Where’s your date? Who’s here with you?”

“No one.” Colton shrugged. “I’m not dating anyone. And my mom couldn’t make it up. She’s a lawyer, and she’s got some big case to prepare for. What about you? Where’s your date?” 

Nick felt his smile fall short of his eyes. “No date for me, either.” 

Colton raised his beer bottle for another toast. “Bachelor life. Right on.” 

He clinked, and then they fell silent, watching Wes and Justin on the dance floor. 

So deeply in love. Would he find that again someday? He wasn’t ready to look yet, not so soon after separating from Cynthia. The hurt was still too fresh, like a deep bruise or an ache he couldn’t stretch out. The long, slow death of his marriage was worse than a quick gut punch. If Cynthia had gone out and had an affair, he could have ended things cleanly, used his anger to package up his past and then move on. But the gasping way they’d hung on even as they grew further and further apart, until Cynthia was a stranger to him, made it feel like he’d been torn in half from top to bottom. 

It was the betrayal that hit him hardest: the betrayal of who he’d thought Cynthia was as a person. He’d thought there was no way she could ever choose anything or anyone over her son. That she could never look at Justin and think he wasn’t wonderful, the best parts of the two of them combined. He was a handful, to be sure, but a good person, the kind of man Nick had lain awake at night and prayed his son would turn out to be. 

There was nothing in his entire life that matched the stab to his heart when Cynthia told him she thought their son was broken and needed to be fixed. 

There wasn’t any coming back from that moment. He loved Justin exactly as he was. Cynthia didn’t. And he wasn’t willing to share his life with someone who didn’t accept Justin. Cynthia wasn’t willing to change her beliefs, so there was nowhere for them to go but apart.

He wasn’t ready to let anyone else in yet. Wasn’t ready to open himself up. The only thing that mattered to him now was the happiness he saw in Justin’s eyes every day. 

“You know,” Colton said, rocking back on his heels, “I tore up the gym in fifth-grade PE class when they made us learn swing dancing.” 

The music shifted to a faster beat, and couples began flying around the dance floor. Wes spun Justin in and out of his arms, pulled him close, laid him out in a back-bending dip. 

“Did you? My ex and I used to dance when we were dating. Swing, blues, ballroom. We were pretty good, way back in the day.” Then Justin was born, and there wasn’t time for dance nights or even dates anymore. But, huh. Was it any wonder Justin was a dancer now? 

“I won the Sugar Land Elementary All-Fifth-Grade Swing Championship,” Colton bragged. “You can’t top that.” 

Nick set his beer down behind him and held out his hand. “Put your money where your mouth is, and show me those skills.” 

Colton blinked. 

Colton, like Wes, had one of the most recognizable faces in college football. His picture was plastered on ESPN weekly. Almost daily. Everything he’d said, everything he’d done since Wes had been outed had been turned over, examined, dissected. After the national championship game, Wes and Colton had sat down for one joint interview with ESPN. More than what they said, how they’d interacted, the obvious connection between them, had solidified their public identities as inseparable brothers. And while support for Wes had been significant, and seemed to grow larger with each passing month, there were still those who despised Wes for who he was, who accused him of trying to change the culture of football. Who hated Colton, too, for his unwavering, unflinching public support of Wes and his place on the team. 

There had also been whispers and hateful rumors passed along internet forums and message boards: that Colton was Wes’s bitch, that he was as gay as Wes was, that the whole team was a bunch of pansies. That Colton was on his knees for Wes and he’d do anything Wes told him to do as long as they kept winning. 

None of it was true, but that didn’t matter. Hate didn’t need truth to spread like wildfire. 

But Nick still should know better. Stakes were higher for Colton than for him. And there was a difference between supporting your best friend on the field and on ESPN and by standing beside him at banquets, and taking the hand of another man and dancing with him in public. Nick was established, successful, and as secure in his identity as a recently divorced middle-aged man rebuilding his relationship with his formerly estranged son could be. He didn’t have newspapers and columnists following him, dissecting his grades and the beers he drank and the words he said, trying to pick out his personality through bits and pieces of his life. 

What was a simple, lighthearted, and friendly joke to Nick could be gasoline on the flames that consumed Colton’s reputation. Weeks of online fury. Eyebrows raised on ESPN. Maybe NFL teams looking past him in the draft. “Sorry,” he said, pulling his hand back. He shook his head, smiling an apology. “I was playing around, and I didn’t think that through. Maybe I’ve had one too many beers.” 

Colton downed the rest of his beer, holding Nick’s gaze. He dropped the bottle on the table, cleared his throat, and held out his hand. “Let’s do it,” he said. “Fuck ’em.” 

“Colton, I don’t want—”

Colton waggled his hand in front of Nick. “Fuck the haters. It’s just for fun. And I’ve got my fifth-grade reputation to uphold.” 

Nick laughed again and took Colton’s hand, letting the younger man lead him to the dance floor. If it had been any other event, maybe people would have turned and stared, watching Colton walk hand in hand with another man. But they were among hundreds of same-sex couples, and no one batted an eye. Later, surely, the ripples would hit the internet. 

“Let’s go show Wes and Justin what real dancing is,” Colton said. 

They made their way over to Justin and Wes. Justin’s head whipped from left to right as he tried to keep his gaze on them while Wes spun him in a tight circle. He tap-tap-tapped Wes’s chest, jerking his chin at Nick and Colton as Colton held out his arms, assuming the lead dancer position. 

“I might step on your feet,” Nick said. “I’ve never danced the lady’s part before.” 

“Well, you know what they say.” Colton set his hand at the small of Nick’s back and pulled him close. They were almost eye to eye, but not quite. Colton was slightly taller and a lot broader than Nick. His tuxedo fit him like a second skin, flowing over the taut, thick lines of his muscled shoulders and arms. His narrow hips slotted against Nick’s, their thighs brushing as Colton took the first step. His body gently guided Nick, leading him to step back with his left foot as Colton moved forward with his right. “Nobody puts Baby in the corner.” Colton winked and they spun around Wes and Justin, mimicking their twirls and dips and flares, laughing so hard they sometimes missed a step. 

“Switch!” Colton called out to Wes, and he and Wes spun Nick and Justin outward, then let go, letting each man spin into the other partner’s arms. Nick ended up in Wes’s hold, one hand on Wes’s hip and the other in Wes’s hand. Wes kept his body a respectable distance from Nick’s. 

“Having fun?” Nick asked, breathless.

Wes’s beaming smile said it all. His gaze drifted over Nick’s shoulder to where Colton was twirling Justin around and around and around, and Justin was laughing so hard he was almost hiccuping. “It feels like a dream,” Wes said. 

“Good answer. Loving my son should be a dream come true.” 

Wes barked out a laugh so loud it broke over the ballroom like a thunderclap. Justin pulled out of his endless twirls in Colton’s arms and called out to switch again. Wes spun Nick outward, and he passed Justin in a blur of smiles, ending up back in Colton’s embrace. Colton pulled him close as the trumpets blared, and then Colton dipped Nick on the final beat of the song. 

From his upside-down position, he saw Justin and Wes kissing, Justin’s arms winding around Wes’s neck, hands threading through Wes’s sweat-tinged hair. He felt Colton’s deep breaths, Colton’s chest moving against his own. Felt Colton’s thigh bracing his as the moment, the world, seemed to still. 

Then everything was a rush, and he was back upright. Colton and everyone else were clapping for the band. The lights were twinkling, and the world was a roar in Nick’s ears, a head rush from the dance and the heat of so many bodies making his heart race and his skin flush. Colton was on his left, Justin and Wes were on his right, all of them smiling, the air humming with their joy, so powerful he could feel it all over him, could breathe it in and hold it inside himself. 

This is all I want for Justin. All I ever wanted for my son. Pure, perfect happiness. 

His own nights of happiness were in the past, but as long as Justin was smiling like that, as long as Wes was there to keep loving him, Nick’s life would be set. If his son was as happy as this for the rest of his days, that was all that mattered.


Hours later, the four walked shoulder to shoulder as they headed for Nick’s condo. Wes and Justin had their arms around each other, and Nick and Wes had pulled their bow ties loose, letting the ends dangle. Colton’s was askew, while Justin somehow still looked as manicured and put together as he had at the start of the evening. Easy conversation carried them through the lobby and into the elevator. Wes wrapped his arms around Justin from behind as Colton slouched against the back wall, his hands in his pockets. 

They went straight to Nick’s balcony, the wide stretch of concrete and glass that overlooked downtown and the college campus. Two of the three bedrooms and his living room opened to the balcony, which ran the width of the whole unit. He’d set up a grill at one end and a patio couch and wicker chairs around a low table at the other. Wes and Justin took up half the couch, even though they were practically sitting in each other’s laps, and Colton took the other half, throwing himself down in an ungainly sprawl that made the furniture creak and groan. 

While the boys shed their jackets and pulled off the remnants of their ties and cummerbunds, Nick plucked a bottle of champagne from the fridge and snagged four flutes from the bar. Laughter floated back to him through the open sliding glass door. Wes’s quiet chuckle, deep and soft at the same time. Justin’s higher, sharper, musical laugh. Colton’s boisterous, almost boyish giggles. 

“Lemme help,” Colton said, bolting to his feet and reaching for the glasses when Nick came back out. His hands were huge, calloused and weathered from years of playing football, tanned and scarred from hundreds of scrapes over hundreds of games. The four glasses disappeared in his grip, and he passed two to Wes like he was handing him pens or pencils. Nick popped the champagne and poured for each of them. 

He wasn’t much for toasts, but champagne and tuxedos and one a.m. on a starlit balcony begged for some kind of recognition, so he held up his glass and looked at his son and Wes. “To you guys.” He nodded to Colton, too. “To your guys’ future.” 

They all drank, and Justin and Wes shared a brief kiss. Justin seemed to burrow deeper into Wes’s arms, as if he could somehow be closer to him than he already was. Nick chuckled under his breath as he took another sip of champagne and turned his gaze out over the city. 

“Speaking of the future…” Wes started. 

Nick whipped his head around. Was this it? Was this the moment? He held his breath— 

“What have you decided?” Wes finished. He was looking at Colton, not Justin, as he spoke, his head tilted, his huge fingers pinching the rim of his flute. “You staying or going?” 

Colton heaved a sigh. He set his glass down and scrubbed his hands over his face. “Man… I don’t know.” 

“I think you do,” Wes said softly. 

Colton shot Wes a glare from behind his spread fingers. His palms were still over his mouth, and his hands tugged on his skin, giving him a horror-movie expression as he exhaled. 

“This about the draft?” Nick asked. 

Justin and Wes both nodded as Colton groaned. 

Most of the starting line was eligible for the NFL draft that spring, and the deadline for declaring whether they were in or out was fast approaching. Wes had been talked about as a prospective draftee all school year, but now that they’d won the national championship, his eligible teammates were being courted, too. Agents called every hour of the day, showed up at the house they shared, tried to bend the NCAA rules to woo the players into representation and declaration. 

Wes had said, immediately after the championship game, that he was sticking it out at school until he graduated. He’d play another year at Texas and then consider the NFL. But it wasn’t a guarantee, he’d said, that he was going to join the league at all. 

Most of the team followed in his footsteps, saying they were sticking around to finish their degrees, too. They didn’t want to break up, not when they were as cohesive and united as they’d become. If everyone stayed for another season, they could potentially go all the way and have a perfect record. Win the national championship—again. 

Only Colton hadn’t declared yet. 

“If I stay, that’s another year to develop my skills. Another year to improve.” Colton sent Wes a wavering smile. “Another year with you. But it’s another year of risk, too. If I’m injured, maybe no one wants me next year in the NFL. I’m a first-round potential right now. What if, next year, I’m nothing?” 

“What if you’re first round, first pick next year because you’re the best quarterback two years in a row?” Wes countered. “What if next year is even better?” 

Colton flopped backward, his hands sliding through his dark hair as he squeezed his skull. “But, like, do I even want to be a first-round QB pick? I mean… you’ve seen what happens to the guys who go first round to loser teams. Some of those teams are so desperate that they want a first-round draft pick to play like a five-year pro. But if the coaching staff isn’t there and the systems aren’t in place, the team collapses. Guys our age being told to carry an entire NFL team and bring them from Loserville to the Super Bowl?” Colton shook his head.

“You’re not like that. You know more than the spread offense or the run and shoot, which is all most college guys know these days. Most of those quarterbacks can’t hack it because the transition to the NFL is too steep. But it won’t be for you.” 

“So maybe if I join the draft this year, I’ll be picked to be someone’s understudy. I wouldn’t mind learning for five years under one of the greats.” Colton picked at the fabric stretched over his thigh. 

“What about your degree?” Nick asked. “What about graduating?” 

Silence. Colton shrugged. “I didn’t really think much about graduating when I first got here. Ergonomics is easier than general studies, you know? But what do I do with an ergonomics degree?” 

“It’s less about what you majored in than showing that you made a commitment and followed through with it,” Nick said. “That you had the discipline to complete your education. I hire people all the time with degrees that have nothing to do with my industry.” 

“If I stay, I’d need to graduate at the end of next year,” Colton said carefully. “Which means I need to find an internship. Part of my program is supposed to be a practical business internship. Maybe because real-world experience is the only way to make that degree worth anything.” He tried to laugh. “But I don’t know where to even begin with that. How would I work an internship around my athletics schedule?” 

“Find an internship that’s understanding,” Nick said. 

Colton snorted. “The line at the student center for internship applications is, like, seven miles deep. I looked last week. There’s a waiting list. If I sign up and something comes up, I can’t afford to be picky about it. But I also can’t sacrifice my football schedule.” 

“Can you bring your own internship to the school? What if you worked something out directly with a company?”

“Yeah, you can. I don’t know anyone who could do that, though. And I’m not allowed to ask Coach or the athletic department to hook me up, or to intern with them. I already tried that.” 

“You know me. My company always has interns over the summer. I can easily set you up as my intern in the Austin office. I can show you what sales is like.” 

Colton’s eyes bulged. “Seriously?” 

“Why not? You’d be great at sales. All sales is is personality.” 

“And you have no shortage of that.” Justin smirked. 

Colton was quiet. He chewed on his lower lip, staring at his hands. “But what if it’s now or never?” 

Wes set down his champagne flute and looked Colton in the eyes. “It’s not. It’s never now or never. Things always change.” 

“Yeah, I could be worse off looking at the draft next year.” Colton blew out a huge sigh. 

“Or a bunch of things could happen,” Wes said. “Things you can’t even imagine right now. Hell, you could be outed by a national news network on the morning of the biggest game of the year.” Wes didn’t blink. He wasn’t talking about Colton anymore. Colton wasn’t gay. “I thought I lost everything that day.” 

Colton’s jaw clenched. Justin’s fingers laced through Wes’s. Nick saw a look pass between them, something with weight. He’d spent all that day frantically trying to reach Justin after seeing his son’s picture on the internet, arm in arm with Wes Van de Hoek. He’d heard what Justin and Wes had gone through, and he’d watched the game and Texas’s collapse on live TV. He’d screamed down to Austin in his Porsche when Justin had called him sobbing, saying Wes was beaten and bloody and barely breathing. But he hadn’t lived those horrible twelve hours himself.

Colton stared out over the city, his gaze lost in the tangled warren of campus as distant car horns honked and the hum of the highway rose up to meet them. Nick watched his shoulders shake ever so slightly. It wasn’t a simple decision. This could be a defining choice for Colton’s entire football career. Go to the NFL early and take the chance on being drafted to a rebuilding team. If that went badly, he could buckle and break and be out of the league before he truly had a chance to become the quarterback he could be. 

Or play another year in college, graduate, and then draft with the rest of his class. Maybe he’d still be drafted to a rebuilding team, where an entire franchise would lean on him. But he’d be another year wiser, another year older, another year more experienced. 

Sometimes a year changed a man in ways that couldn’t be measured in hours and days and weeks. Sometimes a year became the cornerstone of a life. 

Risk, reward. Stay, go. Things known now versus the uncertain future. There was his degree, too, and graduation—but Nick didn’t think Colton had placed that much stock in a college degree. Unlike Wes, football was his life. Nick knew that, even before he’d met Colton. He’d known, watching Colton mature into the Texas quarterback role through the seasons, and that knowledge had been front and center in his mind when he threw Colton against the wall in the jock house. It was there again, for a whole different reason, when he watched Colton come apart in Wes’s hospital room and then watched him devote himself to taking care of his friend. 

“I don’t want to leave yet,” Colton breathed. His head tilted, and he squinted at Nick. “You can really hook me up with an internship?” 

“Absolutely. Say the word, and I’ll have my assistant start setting it up tomorrow.”

Colton smiled. He closed his eyes. Breathed deep. “Okay. Let’s do it. I want another year.” He reached for Wes, taking his hand in a warrior’s grip. Wes beamed, and Colton did, too. “One more national championship?” 

“Absolutely.” Wes smiled. 

“Thanks, Dad,” Justin said, gratitude pouring from him. 

“Of course. I’ll help you guys in any way I can, always.” He raised his champagne flute again. “To one more year.”





Author Bio:

Tal Bauer is an author of gay romantic suspense/thriller novels.

The world needs more gay heroes, gay love stories, and powerful women kicking ass. I try to write those stories. With a background ranging from law enforcement to humanitarian aid, my stories are global in scope and with diverse characters in all roles. My goal is to help normalize gay characters as action heroes and to bring to life strong, dynamic, holistic women in all of my novels.


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EMAIL: tal@talbauerwrites.com



The Quarterback #2

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