Thursday, August 22, 2024

πŸ“š⏳Throwback Thursday's Time Machine(Back to School Edition)⏳πŸ“š: Heroes for Ghosts by Jackie North



Summary:

Love Across Time #1
Soulmates across time. A sacrifice that could keep them apart forever.

In present day, near the village of Ornes, France, Devon works on his master's thesis in history as he fantasizes about meeting a WWI American Doughboy.

In 1916, during the Battle of Ornes, Stanley is a young soldier facing the horrors of the battlefield.

Mourning the death of his friends from enemy fire, Stanley volunteers to bring the message for retreat so he can save everyone else in his battalion. While on his mission, mustard gas surrounds Stanley and though he thinks he is dying, he finds himself in a peaceful green meadow where he literally trips over Devon.

Devon doesn't believe Stanley is who he says he is, a soldier from WWI. But a powerful attraction grows between them, and if Stanley is truly a visitor from the past, then he is Devon's dream come true. The problem is, Stanley's soul wants to finish his mission, and time keeps yanking him back to relive his fateful last morning over and over, even as his heart and body long to stay with Devon.

Will Stanley have to choose between Devon and saving his battalion? Will time betray their love, leaving each alone?

A male/male time travel romance, complete with hurt/comfort, French coffee, warm blankets, fireplace kisses, the angst of separation, and true love across time.

Original Review February Book of the Month 2021:
This was brought to my attention when I asked in a FB M/M book rec group for stories with a similar concept to the movie Groundhog Day, the whole repeating the day over scenario.  When I also learned this had a WW1 element, I was all kinds of grabby hands.  I was not disappointed.

I have to start off by saying this: I don't often make mentions of details in stories because I'm a spoiler-free reviewer but this isn't a spoiler, this is more of a feeling, a reason why I'm a history lover.  When Devon is wobbly about his thesis, about telling the story, wondering if anyone will care, Stanley's answer is spot on how I feel about history and why it's an important subject and why everyone needs to learn it.

“The whole thing is stupid,” said Devon. “After everything you’ve been through. After hearing about it from you and having you show me the trenches, telling me about that guy who lost his leg—which isn’t in the records anywhere—because you were there, and you suffered for it. For me to write a paper about it, it’s like I’m benefiting from that without having paid the price.” 

The twisted feelings that had started when Stanley had shown up on the green grasses that were all that was left of a disastrous battle had risen to the surface, and he’d said them aloud. He could barely look at Stanley with this confession ringing in the air. His constant awareness about the futility of war was only the half of it. The other half was the loss that war brought, inexplicable and never-ceasing, and Stanley had been the one to go through that. Not Devon. 

“But you’re telling the story,” said Stanley as he stood up and came over to Devon, so close that as he took a step forward, Devon found himself against the wall. “You’re telling all of our stories, mine, Isaac’s, everybody’s.” 

“Nobody will care,” said Devon. His voice broke on the last word because he realized that it was true. None of his friends cared, and his thesis advisor had strongly suggested he focus on another aspect of the Great War. In the end he was alone, except for Stanley, who could be dragged back through time at any moment. 

“I care,” said Stanley. “And you care. You can put the stuff that I told you in your paper, and then one day, somebody will read it. It’ll matter to somebody, someday.” 

Now, I know the whole time-travel sub-genre gives this historical a fantasy twist but this moment in time, this exchange the author gives between the two men is so important, it really resonated with me, it's how I have felt whenever someone says "why do I need to know, it happened years ago to people I don't know".  Their actions had a bearing on life today, time is what connects us all but most importantly, those souls of yesteryear, be it on the world stage or your own family tree, lived, they mattered and those stories need to live on.  In these few paragraphs that I shared the author put voice to the importance more than anything I've ever read before.  For that alone, I have to say a huge "Thank You" to Jackie North.

Okay, off my soapbox and onto the story.

HOLY HANNAH BATMAN!!! How have I not seen this series before?  How did it not cross my reading path?  Heroes for Ghosts is a brilliant tale of history, fantasy, science fiction, romance, and drama with characters that are likeable, loveable, wanting-to-know-able, I'll be honest it ticks every single one of my reading boxes.  I've read historical paranormal/supernatural/fantasies before but too often the historical element gets lost in the world of fantasy so for Jackie North to combine all these factors AND keep the historical accuracies is just pure . . . well it's magical(and I'm not talking about the time-travel bitπŸ˜‰).

Devon is a history lover after my own heart, thesis or not if I didn't have family keeping me grounded now, the idea of going to the place history happened and living in a mostly state of seclusion to do the research sounds absolutely heavenly.  I can also honestly say, if I came across Stanley the way Devon did, my mind would be a bit teeter-totter as to believing him and worried he escaped from an institution too.  I don't see how anyone couldn't love either of these men, they are just so real and wonderfully written, there is no doubt to this reader they have to have their HEA.  If you follow me you'll know what my next statement will be: to see how the men get there you'll have to experience their journey for yourself.

And what a journey it is! You won't regret it, historical lover or not, if you love an old fashion journey of storytelling than this is for you.

I'll add that this is my first Jackie North and it certainly won't be my last because if her backlist is only half as good as Heroes for Ghosts than it will still be a pleasure to dive in.


Original Audiobook Review November 2023:
It's been nearly 3 years since I first read Heroes for Ghosts and I'm a little ashamed to admit I have yet to delve into the rest of the Love Across Time series even though the next two already sit on my kindle.  One of these days I'll explore the other time-travel stories by Jackie North but for now I knew it was the perfect time to re-visit Devon & Stanley for Veteran's Day.

As so often the case, I can't think of a single thing to add to my original review as to how amazing this story is, if anything I loved it even more this time around.  As for the narration, Greg Boudreaux does a wonderful job bringing Devon and Stanley's journey to life.  Followers of my reviews may recall that one of the highest honors I can bestow on an audiobook is when I'm left with the feeling of expectation of hearing Harlow Wilcox or Don Wilson jumping in with a sponsor's commercial during one of the old radio shows I collect. For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, I get so involved in listening that I feel like Ralphie from A Christmas Story laying on the floor staring at the radio listening to Little Orphan Annie.

Anyway, that's the benchmark for a brilliant audiobook for me and between Boudreaux's voice and North's words, Heroes for Ghosts completely hooked me in and I can easily see this being an annual Veteran's Day re-listen.

RATING:



Chapter One
A mortar shell exploded at the far end of the trench, spraying black debris that slammed into the mud and sent up the acrid odor of burnt tar and hot, damp earth. Stanley hunkered down with mud up to his ankles, his backside pressed against the broken end of a mortar gun, his hands on his helmet as his body shook with the force of the blast. He tried to stem his tears as Lieutenant Billings stabbed at the radio with a bit of metal wiring to see if he could get it to work again. Between the mortar rounds, the radio responded with squawks and low pitched shrieks and then went quiet. 

If the radio had been even six feet to the left, it would have been safe from being torn apart by the shell that had directly hit the trench mid-morning. And if Bertie, Isaac, and Rex had been on the other side of Stanley when that shell had hit, then they would be alive. Then he would have had someone to worry with, someone who would bolster his courage so he could respond to Lt. Billings’ earlier request.

He missed his friends, but he wanted to be brave for them now. Lt. Billings needed a volunteer to run across the trenches and the misty, frost-bitten fields to contact the major in charge to get the final message for retreat. The battalion needed a retreat or all of the 200 men were going to be smashed to bloody bits and their families would not hear from them come Christmas. 

It was horrible. Stanley wondered how he ever imagined that signing up and shipping off would be an adventure worth having, something he could tell everybody about back home. There was no way he could convey the tragedy of it, the futility of a radio that didn’t work, of trying not to look at the bodies of his friends that were currently beneath a tarp for decency’s sake. 

Whether there would be a break in the shelling so that they could be buried was anybody’s guess; the way it had been going, they would likely get frozen in place, spattered with mud and bits of shrapnel, and nobody would be able to bury them till spring. By which time, the war would be over, or they’d all be dead. Or both. 

Stanley was shaking all over, and told himself it was because he was trying to warm his body up, but that was another futility, a lie he could barely hold on to. The Germans were coming closer with each passing hour. The shells were louder and more on target, and soon they would die. All of the battalion’s efforts would come to nothing, and Stanley would be another body beneath a tarp, and nobody would have the energy to bury him.

He would become part of the landscape, part of the stretch of brown mud and red blood, decorated with torn limbs. The uniform he wore so proudly would turn into the tattered remnants of desire to do good, to fight for one’s country, and to keep families and children and grandmothers safe. At least that’s what the recruitment posters had stated, and behind every one had been the American flag, rippling with patriotism and an overwhelming urgency. 

Stanley had signed up alone, but had soon met his three friends during training. They’d stuck together, sharing the burden of fear, bolstering each other up, proud to fight and do right. Only it was wrong, so, so wrong because what was happening seemed to be for no reason at all, and everything they did as a battalion felt like they were merely going through the motions. 

Men kept dying, though the sudden silence across the top of the trenches indicated that the Germans seemed to have let up for the moment. Which left Stanley alone with Lt. Billings, and on the verge of blubbering. He was shaking with the effort of not crying, though his face was hot with tears he kept having to blink away as he tried to focus on what Lt. Billings was doing. 

“The wire goes under,” said Stanley with a croak. “Under on the left.” 

“Oh, yes?” asked Lt. Billings. His voice was gruff. 

He didn’t look at Stanley, all of his attention on the radio. He moved the wire as Stanley had suggested, and while this brought a sound from the transmitter, it ended in another ineffectual squawk.

The worst of it was that Stanley had previously thought the radio was too much in the open and ought to be moved, just in case. He’d not wanted to step on Lt. Billings’ toes, though, as the lieutenant had only just taken over from Colonel Helmer, and had not said anything. 

Helmer had been the worst commander anybody had ever seen, and the muttered comments among the enlisted men had almost grown into a roar. Though Stanley might have given him some leeway, due to his age, Colonel Helmer had taken the coward’s way, run off in the night, and had not been heard from since. With the tenseness among the men, Stanley hadn’t wanted to point out that the radio was in harm’s way. It might have been seen as a challenge to the order of command, which was the last thing that Stanley wanted to do. 

He’d refrained from talking about Helmer, and had generally kept his mouth shut. But if he’d not done that, if he’d given into his natural proclivities to think with his mouth open, they might have a radio now, might already be in an officially sanctioned retreat, and Rex, and Bertie, and Isaac would not be dead. They’d be beside him as they all scuttled to the rear of the battle and clambered into trucks to be taken to somewhere a bit safer than where they were. 

It was all his fault, then. All of it. His lungs felt as though they were running out of air, and his belly dipped so hard he thought he might shit himself in fear. The only thing for it was to do something so that it didn’t get worse. And that meant answering Lt. Billings’ question from earlier that morning.

“Sir?” asked Stanley, though he realized that his voice was too soft to be heard. “Sir?” he asked again, more loudly this time. 

“It just sparked,” said Lt. Billings, completely focused on the radio. “If I move that wire again, I’m going to fry this fucking thing.” 

Stanley scrambled up from where he was, his boots slipping on the mud as he surged forward to land on his knees at Lt. Billings’ side. 

“Sir, I’ll go,” said Stanley. “I’ll take the message and bring the code back.” 

Lt. Billings’ hands froze in the midst of what he was doing, and then he slowly turned his head. The lieutenant’s eyes were red-rimmed, and his face was be-grimed with smoke and mud that seemed to have pushed its way into his skin. He didn’t smile as he looked at Stanley, and his expression was grim. 

“You might not come back,” said Lt. Billings. “In fact it’s a death sentence. Do you want that?” 

Lt. Billings was so unlike Commander Helmer in every way; Stanley knew that it was a death sentence, so Lt. Billings, not one to suffer fools, was making sure that Stanley knew exactly what he was getting into. A zigzag run across a field of dead bodies, horse carcasses, guns, gouged earth, and barbed wire, all the while dodging bullets and shrapnel and mustard gas. 

“There’s no other way,” said Stanley. He wiped his hand across his upper lip, and took a hard breath, feeling his metal ID tag like a circle of cold ice in the middle of his throat. “You said so this morning. If we don’t get the order to retreat, we’re all going to die. Right here in this trench.”

He did not add that they could retreat anyway, without the order, and save a whole lot of lives. But Lt. Billings was a seasoned army officer, and while he might take it upon himself to take control of a battalion that was currently officer-less, it was not in his makeup to call such a command without a direct order. 

Stanley could try to convince Lt. Billings to overstep his authority, but that would only get everyone irritated, and as they were all so edgy already, it would be the worst way he could contribute. The best thing for him to do, besides throw himself on a land mine, was to step up and volunteer. It wouldn’t bring his friends back, but it would give their deaths meaning. Or would it? At any rate, it would be better than sitting with his ass in the mud watching Lt. Billings mess with equipment in a way that was probably making it worse. If only Stanley had spoken up and told him to move the radio. 

If only Stanley had told his friends to sit someplace other than where they had. If only Stanley had been born at a different time, and had missed this stupid war entirely. One hundred years ago or a hundred years from now, it made no difference to him. But he was here now, and he needed to do his best for the sake of his friends’ memory. 

He stood up and made an ineffectual pass at the front of his wool sweater vest. He winced as his fingers touched dried blood, the source of which he didn’t want to identify, but which had been the spatter from Rex’s head as it exploded. Rex would have gone with him, big and silent and close as they crossed the field of battle to carry the message. 

“I’ll go,” said Stanley.

Lt. Billings stood up too, though he didn’t reach out to shake Stanley’s hand. Stanley was glad about the lack of the gesture because that would have truly meant that Lt. Billings did not expect him to return, but was only sending him out because there was nobody else who would go. 

“Find Major Walker,” said Lt. Billings. “Give him half the message, and he’ll know I need the other half. He’ll tell you what that is, and when I have the whole message I can call retreat. Tell him I sent you, you got all that?” 

“Yes, sir,” said Stanley. His heart was thumping in his chest, threatening to push its way out, and his knees started to knock together. “I’ll bring the message back, I promise.” 

“It’s a foolish thing to make such promises,” said Lt. Billings. He shook his head, and looked down at the busted radio before looking up at Stanley. His expression was so deep and serious that Stanley knew he was going to die the minute he stepped out of the trench. The alternative, however, was to stay in the trench and watch while his friends’ bodies froze in the mud, taking his heart with them as they became one with the earth, and that he could not bear. 

“Here’s a canteen and here’s your rifle,” said Lt. Billings. “You might need to kill some Krauts, and you won’t believe how thirsty you can get when you’re running hard, terrified enough to piss your uniform.” 

Stanley took the canteen and looped it over his neck and shoulder, then hung the rifle across his chest in the other direction. He wasn’t exactly armed to the teeth, but he had a pouch of bullets and could give somebody a run for their money. After that, he’d be out of bullets and dead in a ditch somewhere. 

He couldn’t think about that now. He needed to go over the top and start running. The major would be in a trench at the back of the field, at least that was the general idea in most battles. 

“That way, right?” asked Stanley. He pointed over his shoulder with his thumb. 

“More over that way,” said Lt. Billings. “Straight across and then over. He’ll be in the right quadrant. You won’t see any flags, but it’s going to have more sandbags and look a damn sight tidier than where we are now.” 

“Yes, sir,” said Stanley. 

He straightened up and gave Lt. Billings the most efficient salute he’d ever managed, out of respect. Then, not allowing himself one last glimpse at the pile of bodies at the end of the trench, he pushed his way past the three soldiers who were manning a Howitzer that was almost out of shells, and climbed up the ladder. 

Stanley slipped at the bottom rung, and was tempted to call it done then and there. For the memory of Isaac, Rex, and Bertie, and all the others, he made himself go up and up till he was standing on top of the ridge, looking over the dip in the earth that ran next to the ruined castle and the small cottage whose roof was half gone. 

The sprawl of barbed wire along the top of each trench was intertwined with the dark flags of smoke that twisted and moved as though it was alive. The sun was a smudge through the brown and black haze, and the smell of hot oil and human excrement shot itself into his lungs with his first breath. The air was cold and it seemed as though frost speckled the air like little bits of diamonds made half yellow by the smoke from fires and the general exhalation of despair and gloom and death. Stanley watched a shell explode a hundred feet to his left, turned the other way, and started running.

The idea was to get out of the line of fire, for that was where the major was to be found. The easiest way was to follow the line of trenches, to run inside of them, along the bottom, and make his way there. He started to run, his canteen bouncing, his rifle banging into his thigh the whole while. 

At the edge of the trenches were the round tops of helmets. Beneath those glimmered the exhausted, tired eyes of soldiers who saw him go, who knew where he was headed, and who had no hope that he would make it. A few soldiers stood up and fired beyond Stanley to draw enemy attention away from him when he had to cross over the top of a trench to get to the next one. The shots zinged around him anyway. If he slowed down, he was going to take a hit, so he kept low in the trenches and kept running. 

His boots slipped as he headed down a small hollow, and he almost fell to his knees as he went up the other side; it was like trying to run up a waterfall, only this one was of mud, with bits of shell and hunks of rock. Just as Stanley got halfway to the top, he heard the high-pitched pop of a canister as it opened, and even before he smelled the bitter tang, a yellow cloud of mustard gas descended around him like a blanket of pure poison.

He brought his hand to his mouth, and staggered to the top of a trench, and though he kept his breath shallow, he felt his lungs collapsing, and fell to his knees, coughing up spit, his hands in the mud, his eyes closed. The yellow swirl filled his brain until there was nothing left but an empty ache and the sting in his lungs. He barely felt his head hit the mud and then sighed, thinking that it would be good to stay right where he was, for what did it matter anyhow? And then it became blackness, so, so much blackness.



Throwback Thursday's Time Machine

Sunday's Short Stack

Monday's Mystical Magic



Jackie North

Jackie North has been writing stories since grade school and her dream was to someday leave her corporate day job behind and travel the world. She also wanted to put her English degree to good use and write romance novels, because for years she's had a never-ending movie of made-up love stories in her head that simply wouldn't leave her alone.

Luckily, she discovered m/m romance and decided that men falling in love with other men was exactly what she wanted to write about. In this dazzling new world, she turned her grocery-store romance ideas around and is now putting them to paper as fast as her fingers can type. She creates characters who are a bit flawed and broken, who find themselves on the edge of society, and maybe a few who are a little bit lost, but who all deserve a happily ever after. (And she makes sure they get it!)

She likes long walks on the beach, the smell of lavender and rainstorms, and enjoys sleeping in on snowy mornings. She is especially fond of pizza and beer and, when time allows, long road trips with soda fountain drinks and rock and roll music. In her heart, there is peace to be found everywhere, but since in the real world this isn't always true, Jackie writes for love.


EMAIL: jackienorthauthor@gmail.com



Heroes for Ghosts #1

Series


Wednesday, August 21, 2024

πŸ’»Blogger ReviewπŸ’»: Uniting Hearts by AM Arthur



Summary:

Discovering Me #3
Can their hard-won romance survive a new test of love and devotion?

Cole Alston’s only goal when he returned to his rural hometown was to offload his inherited property and leave. Now, he’s very much in love with Jeremy, and he’s determined to make his own career goals mesh with the life he wants to build here. But an unexpected announcement from Jeremy throws Cole’s carefully ordered life completely off track.

Adjusting to their new normal isn’t easy, but Jeremy Collins is determined to make things work. To build the life he’s always wanted with Cole by his side. Reality doesn’t always place nice with dreams, though, and it will take both men’s strength and love to truly unite as a family.

This is a brand-new conclusion to the Discovering Me trilogy.




I was researching an upcoming post when I stumbled upon Uniting Hearts by AM Arthur and then I read the blurb and realized: HOLY HANNAH BATMAN! Cole and Jeremy? I love Cole and Jeremy! How? . . . When? . . . Why? . . . I never knew the author turned the duology into a trilogy. Needless to say I 1-clicked the heck out of that and couldn't wait to jump in.  I saw the release date was summer 2020, well that explains so much as in 2020 I found myself turning to more viewing forms of entertainment for distraction during Covid.  No matter, so it took 4 years for me to discover Discovering Me #3, I was just happy I found it.

Even though it had been nearly 9 years since I first met Cole and Jeremy in their respectively titled stories, Unearthing Cole & Understanding Jeremy, I loved the pair so much that I remember it all. My heart completely shattered over Cole's story and Jeremy's journey wasn't exactly a walk in the park either.  The peace and joy these two found in each other was heartwarming and uplifting.  But what did the future hold?

And that brings us to Uniting Hearts.  

Not quite a year into coupledom, Cole still struggles at times but each day seems to make him smile a little more and Jeremy loves seeing that smile on his partner's face which in turn helps him move forward as well.  In Uniting they are not only facing their future but the possibility of an additional hurdle threatens to upset the apple cart.

I won't spoil said apple cart by divulging too much for those who are like me and just found this concluding trilogy entry.  Just know that even though you can see it coming almost right away the story centers on what dynamics it brings to their journey.  I love how the author explores their individual struggles with internal monologues like a peak into their souls.  Cole getting stronger day by day and yet there is no easy fix to the soul-crushing abuse at the hands of his former boyfriend. Jeremy trying to balance support with protection and finally realizing doing too much of either can have just as adverse effects as doing too little.

Okay, I'm going to end there before I spill too much.  To put it simply: Uniting Hearts is a beautifully crafted tale of moving forward, some days being three steps forward & two steps back and other days just the opposite. It may seem cliche but life truly is a balancing act.  I can't think of a better way to conclude Cole and Jeremy's individual and coupledom journeys.  I say "concludes" but if the author were to ever write a Discovering Me holiday novella, I'd be first in line to read itπŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰. 

RATING:



1
COLE
“Bethann’s in labor.”

Simple things like seeing Jeremy’s name light up my phone always made me smile, but I felt my entire face go slack at his unexpected announcement. “Labor?” I stared straight ahead at the row of hammers and screwdrivers hanging on the workshop’s peg board, trying to process the word. “But it’s too early.”

“I know it’s too early.” Jeremy was always great in a crisis, but a bit of panic leaked into his otherwise steady voice. I knew him well enough to pick up on the clues. “Suzy called me a few minutes ago, said Bethann was working a shift and started cramping. That she thought they were Braxton-Hicks again, like a few weeks ago, so she sat down in the office for a few, and then her water broke all over Mr. Smith’s chair.”

“Fuck.” My heart twisted.

I didn’t know much about women’s bodies or giving birth, but water breaking was a sure sign of a baby coming in the near future. Bethann Quinn was only thirty-two weeks into a pregnancy that had been difficult for her ever since the second trimester. The stress of being a single mom with zero support from the baby’s father hadn’t helped, and neither had facing the scorn of the small-town gossip circuit when she flat-out refused to name the dad.

After lying and saying her best friend—and my boyfriend, lover, business partner—Jeremy Collins was the baby daddy back in February. That lie went over with us like a ton of bricks, and even though she eventually told the truth, the damage was done. I’d never completely trust her.

Then again, the only person in my life I completely trusted was Jeremy.

“Okay, where are you right now?” I asked.

“On the road, halfway to County Hospital. I was making that delivery over to the Euall place when Suzy called me. That’s where she took Bethann.”

“Do you want me to come meet you there?” The slight upward pitch my voice took on betrayed me. I hated hospitals. The last time I was in one was about three years ago. I’d been recovering from a broken nose, second-degree scalding burns on my legs, and dozens of cuts from being thrown through a glass shower door by my ex. And that hadn’t been the first time Martin put me in the hospital.

It had, however, been the last.

Jeremy knew I hated hospitals, which was probably why he didn’t answer straight away. “Not right this second, Cole. Let me get there and see what’s what. And even if it is labor, that can take hours. No need for us both to sit around twiddling our thumbs.”

I adored him for letting me off the hook, even though it meant staying behind instead of being there to support him. Jeremy had done so much for me in the eight months since we met, supporting me through fits of PTSD and learning how to stay put after being on the run for two years. I loved being able to return the favor once in a while.

“Okay,” I said. “Is Meredith okay to watch the store all day?” Meredith was minding the shop today while Jeremy was supposed to be out running errands and following up on some leads. It was the middle of July, which meant an increase in traffic on and off the interstate to visit our little town’s few attractions, including Jeremy’s store Lost Treasures Antiques. Meredith worked for Jeremy about twenty-five hours a week so he wasn’t there all day, every day.

“Yeah, she assured me she’ll be fine,” Jeremy replied.

“Okay. Call me if you need anything. Anything.”

“I will. Love you.”

“Me too.”

I shoved my phone back into my rear pocket, all inspiration to finish my latest refurbish project gone. The bench I was assembling from various parts I’d picked up at a local salvage yard, including a rusted iron grill that had once been part of a child’s day bed, looked like a bunch of crap on the worktable, and my original vision fled.

Jeremy needed me, and instead of insisting I go to him, I stayed behind like a coward.

Par for the course.

I put my tools away, locked the workshop door, and then trudged across the driveway to the house. The first floor of the three-story home I lived in with Jeremy held his antique shop, full of treasures from all decades and walks of life. Jeremy had been in the antiques business most of his life, and his interest in picking and rooting around on properties is how we met last December.

I’d returned to my hometown of Franklin, North Carolina, with the sole intention of collecting my mother’s ashes and selling off her property as quickly as possible. The issue had been both of my deceased parents were hoarders, and the house, sheds, and rusted-out VW bus were packed with…well, I thought junk. But then Jeremy rolled up in his big work van, dug an old bicycle frame out of the ground and, later on, handed me sixty-dollars cash for it. What began as a business arrangement quickly became more for us both, and bless the man for having the patience of a saint with my issues.

My nightmares might be fewer and farther between now, as the months passed, but a tiny part of my heart still panicked when I saw the dark spots under Jeremy’s eyes. The part that couldn’t let go of the fear that one day, Jeremy would get sick of me. Sick of my nightmares and jumpiness and occasional panic attacks. That the quiet, beautiful life we were building together would shatter into unfixable pieces. Pieces that no amount of rearranging or upcycling could make whole again.

I walked in the back door of the house, which opened into a mud room that held the washer and dryer. Another door to the shop was directly ahead. I ascended the stairs in front of me to the second floor. The sense of wonder I’d felt the very first time I saw the gourmet kitchen and open living room floor plan still hit me every time I entered. Jeremy had gutted and redone the entire second floor when he bought the place.

The kitchen was our favorite spot to spend time together, usually cooking. We ate at the counter most days. Once in a great while, we made love in that kitchen, but not often. Hard surfaces against my knees still sent me back to my years of abuse at Martin’s hands, no care for my discomfort or pain, so long as Martin got off. And Jeremy was so crazy sensitive about how we had sex, careful with things that might trigger me. We both loved the bed we shared, so we made most of our memories there.

Our room, a guest room, and the bathroom were on the third floor, so I trudged upstairs to take a whizz. It was only noon, and now my day had been shattered by Jeremy’s phone call. I worried for Jeremy, but even more, I worried for Bethann and her baby. Thirty-two weeks was early. Really early. And a lot of the time, premature babies had all kinds of health issues. The baby wasn’t Jeremy’s biologically, but I’ve never seen a man fret more over a pregnant woman than he had over Bethann.

Former sister-in-law or not, sometimes it was pretty damned irritating.

I made myself a tuna sandwich for lunch, then puttered around the living room for a while, alternately trying to read my latest novel—I kept trying to get Jeremy into the thick, fantasy novels I loved, but he always said they were way too complex for him to keep track of everything—and simply pacing around the place.

At four o’clock, my phone rang again. My heart thumped. Instead of Jeremy’s name, though, Connor Realty lit up the screen. I hadn’t heard directly from them in several weeks. Penny Connor was handling the sale of my mother’s property. We’d originally sold it at auction last December, but then the deal fell through and it went back up for sale. For a while, I’d told myself I was only hanging around in Franklin because I wanted the land sale money to start over with.

Now I was staying because I loved Jeremy, and I wanted to be with him for as long as he wanted me. Selling the land simply meant a final end to that part of my past, and a chance to discover my future.

Our future.

I answered the call. “Cole Alston.”

“Cole, it’s Penny Connor. How are you today?”

Stressed out over another man’s baby, thanks. How’s your day?

“Fine, Mrs. Connor. How’re you?”

“Can’t complain too much, especially today. I finally have good news. Got an all-cash offer on that property of yours.”

Something giddy and wonderful spread warmth all through my body. “Really?”

“Yup. Not quite what we listed, but it’s the first offer we’ve had in months.”

“Okay.”

The number Mrs. Connor quoted was practically half of what we’d listed the property for, but she was right. No one had offered anything in months, and the previous offer hadn’t gone any further than that. The buildings were unusable in their condition. And land around here was a hard sell most of the time. Despite Franklin being right off a major interstate, we were a small town in the middle of northeastern North Carolina with no real tourist draw, other than the Sow’s Ear’s famous barbeque and Jeremy’s antiques store. My parents had a lot of land, and with the house being unlivable, it was a hard lot to sell.

“Like I said,” Mr. Connor said, “it’s a lowball offer—”

“Take the offer.” I couldn’t stop the words, and I didn’t want to take them back. I hated that land. I wanted it out of my hands at any price. “Sell to them.”

“You sure you don’t want to think this through or give them a counteroffer?”

“Mrs. Connor, I’ve wanted to sell that piece of land since December. It’s been eight months. I don’t care if the buyer wants to tear it all down and build a hippie commune out here. I don’t want it in my life anymore.”

“I understand. I’ll call them back and let them know.”

“How long do you think it will take to close?”

“Well, with an all-cash offer and no negotiations on price, I’d guess we’ll have this deal finished by the end of next week.”

I released a long, relieved breath. In one more week, that chapter of my life would close—just as a new chapter opened, with Bethann and her newborn coming earlier than expected. I always knew the birth would change things between me and Jeremy, but I honestly thought I’d have more time to prepare. “Thank you so much, Mrs. Connor. You have no idea.”

“I’m happy to help, Cole. I’ll speak to you again soon.”

“Bye.”

I hung up and stared at my phone for a few minutes, cataloguing the faint creaks of the old house, my slow breaths, the vague scent of stale coffee and our breakfast bacon. Things to prove I wasn’t dreaming, wasn’t imagining that call. It had really happened. I was finally selling that damned piece of property I’d never wanted in the first place.

I was finally setting myself free from my last official tie to Franklin.

Except…

My gaze fell on the framed photo atop the bookshelf near the television. Jeremy had given it to me for my birthday back in April. Bethann had taken a picture of me and Jeremy at the Sow’s Ear, while we were eating dinner and she was waiting on our table. Neither of us realized she’d taken it until she showed it to Jeremy later. Jeremy and I sat across the table from each other and were sharing an appetizer of Cajun shrimp skewers, smiling and so in-tune with each other. A simple moment in time; I loved that photo.

Maybe I was no longer financially tied to Franklin, but my heart belonged here with Jeremy. For the first time in my thirty years on earth, I understood what real love was, thanks to Jeremy and his unwavering support. We’d nearly imploded back in February, because we hadn’t been able to voice our deepest fears or our deepest desires. But we got through it.

Our life here wasn’t always perfect. I was the gay son of two crazy hoarders and have been called crazy myself by association—and because of a very public PTSD-related meltdown. Jeremy was bisexual and openly with me. A queer couple in a small town made us the frequent subject of gossip and occasionally outright rudeness. But Jeremy’s business was steady and we’d never been overtly threatened.

I could stay put, continue loving Jeremy, and maybe invest more in my upcycling hobby. Ever since going along with Jeremy on my first pick, I’d been turning broken things into usable…well, Jeremy called it folk art. I call it new furniture. Since I couldn’t afford college until I sold the land, I’d been reading books and magazines about upcycling, woodworking, and design. And every piece I’d consigned in Jeremy’s store so far had sold.

Still, I sometimes missed the hustle and bustle of Chicago, where I’d gone to college and lived for nearly a third of my life, and I wondered what else was out there beyond the borders of my small hometown. A kind of wanderlust I’d grown up with, always wishing to live anywhere else but my parents’ hoarded property, and I’d never truly lost it.

I don’t need to think about it yet. We haven’t closed the sale.

Until that money was in my bank account, I wasn’t going anywhere.

I wandered into the kitchen to ponder dinner and my phone rang again. Jeremy this time. “Hey, any updates?”

“She’s progressing on schedule,” he replied, his voice much calmer than the last time we’d spoken, and that relaxed my own anxiety over the early birth. “But the doctor doesn’t think she’ll give birth before midnight.”

“Yikes. That’s a long time away.”

“You’re telling me. Despite reassurances that the baby seems to be in perfect health, no distress, Bethann is scared. Between me and Suzy, keeping Bethann relaxed is a full-time job.”

A flash of gratitude that Jeremy wasn’t alone in this warmed my insides. I didn’t know Suzy well, aside from a few interactions at the Sow’s Ear, but she must be a good friend to stick around the hospital. “So you’re going to be there all night?”

“Looks that way. Sorry I’m messing up our date night.”

I’d completely forgotten we’d made plans to have a late dinner at Vincenzo’s Bistro, the place where we’d had our first official date. We tried to go back at least once a month, maybe twice, because their food was worth the drive. “Don’t worry about it, Jeremy. You’re Bethann’s birth coach, so you have to be there. Want me to bring you dinner?”

“That would be amazing. My lunch was a bag of Cheetos and a Sprite.”

I laughed. “Vending machine lunch?”

“Yup.”

“There’s a diner on the way to the hospital, isn’t there? I can stop by and get takeout. Something hot to prepare you for a long night of Bethann squeezing the hell out of your hand.”

“Sounds perfect. Love you.”

“Me too. See you in about an hour.” Sometimes I felt guilty for not saying “I love you” back every time Jeremy said it, but the words still felt strange. Unpracticed. Growing up the way I had, in a hoarded home, just another thing my parents had collected, my life had lacked real love. Even though Martin had said he loved me a handful of times when I first moved in with him, my life with Martin had lacked real love, too. It had taken so much self-reflection to finally tell Jeremy I loved him the first time. For me, those words were for precious moments, not everyday language.

But I adored it every time Jeremy said them to me, because I knew in my bones he meant it. And I did my best in our everyday lives to show Jeremy how much I loved him back.

On a whim, I checked to see if the diner had a website and they did, complete with their menu and online ordering. Jeremy was a big fan of red meat, so I got him a double cheeseburger with sweet potato fries, and a turkey club with coleslaw for myself. Pickup time was forty-five minutes, which gave me plenty of time to get there.

I changed out of the grubby clothes I wore in the workshop and into clean khaki pants and a t-shirt. Even though it was July and hot as hell outside, I always wore long pants when I was in public. I hated when people saw the burn scars on the backs of my legs. And I never went shirtless in public, because of the other scars on my back and shoulders from being pushed through a glass shower door.

It was three years ago, but the sound of shattering glass still sends me back to that shower.

The food was hot and ready when I picked it up, and it took me another ten minutes to get to the hospital. I texted Jeremy that I was there, and he told me which waiting room to find. I barely had time to put the food down before he wrapped me in his arms with a sigh.

“Man, this is exactly what I needed,” he said, breath tickling my ear. “I’ve never seen a woman go through labor before.”

“Join the club.”

Jeremy chuckled as he let me go. We settled in a pair of chairs with sodas from a vending machine and our cartons of food. As soon as Jeremy saw his massive burger, he said, “You really are the perfect partner. This is exactly what I was craving.”

My cheeks warmed from the praise—not only because I still have a hard time accepting compliments graciously (eight years of being Fuck-up Cole was hard conditioning to unlearn), but also because he’d said it loudly and we weren’t alone in the waiting room. I ignored the other people, though, and focused on my sandwich, which had layers of real, roasted turkey, not deli slices. Crunchy bacon and creamy mayo.

Before I met Jeremy, food was fuel to get me through the day. Now, cooking with him almost every day, I saw food as something interesting and fun. Something to explore and enjoy. So many things in my life had changed because we’d met one cold December morning on that frozen, hoarded piece of land.

“Cole?” Jeremy snapped his fingers. “You okay?”

“Yeah, sorry, I got lost in my head. Did you ask me something?”

“I asked what you got into this afternoon. Did you make progress on your bench?”

“Not really.” I didn’t want to blame him or Bethann for losing my inspiration. “I ended up reading most of the day.”

“Same. Bethann’s room has a TV but the channels are limited, so I mostly read on my tablet. Glad I had it in my van when Suzy called.”

“I didn’t even ask. Were you able to make your delivery today?”

“Yeah, I was just finishing up with Mr. Euall, so the timing worked out just fine.”

“I’m glad.” Jeremy popped a fry into my mouth, so I offered him a piece of bacon. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him about Mrs. Connor’s call and the offer on the property, but it wasn’t a done deal. The first sale had fallen through, and I was scared to jinx this one. I needed to unload that albatross so I could truly move forward with my life. I’d just surprise Jeremy with the signed documents later.

We finished our meals without much more chatter, and I dumped our containers in the nearest trash can. People came and went, both civilians and employees. Now that the food was no longer directly in front of me, the sterile hospital smells crept into my nose and skin. Reminding me of my last stay and why. With my dinner delivery done, I wanted to go home and escape the smells. But Jeremy still looked wound-up, so I kept my butt in my chair and tried not to fidget.

We sat together for a while, not really talking, letting the food settle. Jeremy got a text. “Meredith,” he said. “Everything went smooth, store is closed and locked.”

Wow, it’s past six already?

“She doesn’t usually text you when she closes, does she?” I asked.

“Nah, but I probably sounded like a basket case when I called and said I was heading to the hospital.” Another text. “Shit.”

“What?”

“I have no idea how late I’ll be here tonight, and I need someone to open the store. Meredith is singing with her church choir in the morning and can’t be there until one. I guess you can put a sign up saying we’re opening late.”

“I can open the store.” Even as I volunteered, my gut cramped with anxiety. I’d helped out in the store before, and I knew how to work the cash register, but always with Jeremy there. The only thing I didn’t know was the code to the safe where he kept the cash till. “I mean, if you trust me to, obviously.”

“Of course, I trust you. Are you sure, though? Sunday mornings aren’t typically super-busy, but you’ll likely have some customers.”

Nothing in Jeremy’s dark eyes suggested he doubted my ability to open and run the store for two hours. He was simply taking care with my anxiety and preference to stay in the background. Be as anonymous as possible. Trying to be loud and noticeable back in college had landed me in Martin’s crosshairs.

“I’m sure I can manage,” I replied, “but if you’d rather I hang a sign, that’s fine.”

“No, you can open the store. I’ll text you the safe’s code. And who knows? Maybe Bethann will pop the kid out earlier than expected, and I’ll be awake enough to open myself.”

The last comment was probably supposed to be humorous, but it felt a tiny bit like he still didn’t trust me to open the store right. All I had to do was put the till in the register drawer, boot up the credit card reader, and unlock the front door. “I’ll plan on opening the store.”

“Great, thank you. I’ll text Meredith to expect to see you when she comes in. Oh, and if someone wants to negotiate on a price, no more than ten percent down without calling me first. Same rule with Meredith.”

“Okay.” I wasn’t entirely comfortable negotiating any of Jeremy’s prices but having that bit of wiggle room helped. After all the things he’d done for me since we met, I needed to do this for Jeremy. Show him I could be an asset to his business in more ways than just consigning a few upcycled projects. Show myself, too.

Jeremy sent the proper texts then pocketed his cell. “I should check back in with Bethann. Suzy needs to go home to her kids soon, anyway.”

“Right.” I wasn’t sure if that was an invitation to go with him—probably not—or a polite way of suggesting I go home, too. “Do you need me to do anything else for you?”

“You bringing me dinner and sitting for a while is exactly what I needed. Thank you.”

“Of course. We take care of each other.”

“Yeah, we do.” He glanced around but the only person nearby was a gray-haired woman knitting something green. Jeremy pressed a quick, gentle kiss to my lips. “You’re the best.”

“You’re biased. Are you sure you don’t want me to stay a while longer?”

“Nah, go home. Once Suzy leaves, Bethann won’t want me out of her sight. You’d be out here alone. But thank you for offering. I’ll keep you updated.”

“Okay.” Relief over getting out of there clashed with disappointment over being sent away. I hated the hospital but wanted to be there for Jeremy.

I hugged him goodbye and watched him disappear down the corridor, my heart oddly torn. I knew why Bethann hadn’t invited me to be part of the birth. She was Jeremy’s best friend, but we mostly tolerated each other. Making nice because of our shared love for Jeremy. But part of me still resented her for claiming Jeremy was her baby’s father back when the pregnancy first came out, and for having romantic feelings for my boyfriend.

Still, Jeremy was experiencing something profound tonight, and I was outside it, instead of by his side. And on a deep-down gut level, that kind of hurt.



Cole  /  Jeremy  /  Uniting



AM Arthur

A.M. Arthur was born and raised in the same kind of small town that she likes to write about, a stone's throw from both beach resorts and generational farmland.  She's been creating stories in her head since she was a child and scribbling them down nearly as long, in a losing battle to make the fictional voices stop.  She credits an early fascination with male friendships (bromance hadn't been coined yet back then) with her later discovery of and subsequent love affair with m/m romance stories. A.M. Arthur's work is available from Carina Press, SMP Swerve, and Briggs-King Books.

When not exorcising the voices in her head, she toils away in a retail job that tests her patience and gives her lots of story fodder.  She can also be found in her kitchen, pretending she's an amateur chef and trying to not poison herself or others with her cuisine experiments.


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Uniting Hearts #3

Series


Monday, August 19, 2024

πŸ“šMonday's Musical Melody(Back to School Edition)πŸ“š: Dance On Ice by RJ Scott & VL Locey



Summary:

Chesterford Coyotes #3
For the figure skater and the hockey player, their sport demands total devotion, but can falling in love come first?

My name is Shaun Stanton, and I’m bisexual.

In hockey-obsessed Chesterford Academy, Shaun Stanton stands out as the star player and captain of the Chesterford Coyotes, and his exceptional skills have already attracted the attention of NHL scouts. He lives and breathes hockey, but there’s more to his story. His father wants Shaun to be the star he never was, and their relationship is a complex mix of guidance and intimidation. Worse, while hockey is Shaun’s sanctuary and a key part of who he is, he harbors a secret his dad can never discover: Shaun is gay He’s caught between the future career he’s destined for, and the truth he has to hide. There’s one bright light in his life, the vibrant figure skater who shares the early morning practice ice, a friend he worries about, but has now become something more—Kenji is everything Shaun wants and can’t have.

My name is Kenji Kelly, and I need to be perfect.

Kenji Kelly is a young man who walks two worlds: his family is a beautiful mix of American and Asian cultures. He loves both figure skating and hockey, and he’s a out and proud pansexual teen. While it seems to the world around him he has it all, deep down Kenji has a secret that’s slowly becoming harder to conceal. His life is the ice and his coach does not believe in failure. The one person who knows his hidden secret is Shaun, the captain of the Coyotes and a friend from youth hockey days. Shaun’s gaze towards Kenji, once filled with concern, now seems to hold something deeper, unsettling Kenji but also igniting similar giddy, burgeoning feelings in him. As their feelings for each other become stronger, the secrets both young men carry grow heavier and more distressing with each passing day.

NB: Trigger warning for mention of an eating disorder.


Original Review April 2024:
I said with the other two entries in Chestorford Coyotes and I'll say it again here: with a few exceptions I generally haven't read YA since I was about 14 years old but as this series is part of the Scott/Locey Hockey Universe there was no way I wouldn't give it a go.  And boy was I glad I did!  

Dance on Ice is an emotionally charged read that will first break the heart but then repair and warm it too.  You can't help but feel immense anger towards both Shaun's dad and Kenji's coach, Ilya. Will either be redeemable?  For that you'll have to read Dance for yourself but I will say emotions run very high and not always very favorably.

Watching both Shaun and Kenji become the people they are meant to be is hugely gratifying.  The bulk of the story is the now timeframe but through the boys' inner thoughts we get a sense of who they were before their friendship went down the crapper so seeing them move past that is as I said, gratifying but also extremely heartwarming.

Scott and Locey do a magnificent job telling Kenji's eating disorder and how it is always there, no matter how you get a hold on it with therapy and time, it will always be lingering, needing to be cared for.  What I really loved was they not only tell Kenji's side but also the side of those who care about them, who want to help, who tend to put their foot in their mouth more times than they intend in their quest to help.

It was nice to see Trent from Deep Edge, book 3 in the authors' Harrisburg Railers, the original series that jumpstarted their hockey universe.  I had a feeling he would make an appearance with the figure skating connection and the authors didn't disappoint.

Dance on Ice is a lovely story of hurt, comfort, friendship, young love, but above all healing on multiple levels.  As far as I know, Dance is the last entry in this series but I for one would love to see a holiday story to see where our young couples are 5 or 10 years down the road.  Dance may take you through an emotional wringer but in all the heart-filled amazing ways.

RATING:



There was a heated exchange of words, Kenji skating backward and away, almost at center ice. All I needed to do was to push forward on one skate, and glide there, and we could say hello. We’d been best friends once, and if I apologized—if I was honest with him about how I’d messed up—maybe we could go back to being friends. As the argument escalated between my dad and Kenji’s coach, I felt a knot form in my stomach and I was paralyzed by my own insecurities. I watched Kenji and cursed myself for not having the courage to reach out to him.

Dad was becoming more animated, Kenji’s coach just as loud, gesticulating wildly.

I didn’t have the balls to skate to the center ice.

And Kenji didn’t turn to look at me.

Dad returned, as scarlet as me, but where my reaction was shame and confusion, his was temper and hatred.

“You’re sharing the ice,” he snapped.

He was so angry, and I didn’t know how to feel. He’d sacrificed everything for me; worked three jobs to keep me in hockey gear, drove me to every practice and game, and even volunteered as a coach for the team. The thought of letting him down filled me with guilt.

I owed him.

He’d poured his heart and soul into my hockey career, and it all centered on us practicing six days out of seven on this ice, and today we didn’t have the ice.

I should feel territorial, right? It was what Dad wanted me to feel, I was sure. Instead I felt… weird. Then something hit me. Why was I sharing the ice that was for the school? I was somewhere for the Academy teams to practice and play, and it wasn’t open to the public, courtesy of a shit ton of funding from very rich benefactors at our very wealthy campus. Why was someone from outside Chesterford Academy on our ice?

“They’ll let anyone join this damn school, freaking twirly shit getting in our way. Fucking girls out here on our ice.”

“He’s—”

“No!”

I wanted to defend Kenji, to explain that figure skaters were as valid as hockey players, same as I’d done when Kenji had left hockey for the figure skating and begged to be allowed to be friends with him still. But my dad’s hatred had spilled over and scared me.

“Shut your mouth and listen up,” Dad snapped. His reaction stung, his threats left me feeling powerless and defeated, and small.

So small.

“Figure skaters are boys as well,” I word-vomited, thankful the boards were between me and him when Dad stiffened and sent me a stare that would kill other people. Dad had never touched me, apart from fixing my hockey hold, or straightening my back, but his expression was murderous, and that meant the curses would fly and he’d take out his impotent rage on me with words. He leaned over the barrier, and my heart skipped, my chest tightened. I held my position and tilted my chin as he lowered his voice, hate dripping from every word.


Saturday's Series Spotlight
Harrisburg Raptors
Part 1  /  Part 2  /  Part 3  /  Part 4

Owatonna U
Part 1  /  Part 2

Arizona Raptors
Part 1  /  Part 2

Boston Rebels
Part 1  /  Part 2

Hockey Universe
Xmas Edition
Part 1  /  Part 2  /  Family First

Road to the Stanley Cup Edition

Father's Day Edition

Chestorford Coyotes

LA Storm
Script  /  Sparkle  /  Second
Shield  /  Spiral


πŸ’πŸ‘¨‍❤️‍πŸ‘¨πŸ’πŸ’–πŸ‘¬πŸ’–πŸ’πŸ‘¨‍❤️‍πŸ’‹‍πŸ‘¨πŸ’




RJ Scott
Writing love stories with a happy ever after – cowboys, heroes, family, hockey, single dads, bodyguards

USA Today bestselling author RJ Scott has written over one hundred romance books. Emotional stories of complicated characters, cowboys, single dads, hockey players, millionaires, princes, bodyguards, Navy SEALs, soldiers, doctors, paramedics, firefighters, cops, and the men who get mixed up in their lives, always with a happy ever after.

She lives just outside London and spends every waking minute she isn’t with family either reading or writing. The last time she had a week’s break from writing, she didn’t like it one little bit, and she has yet to meet a box of chocolates she couldn’t defeat.




VL Locey
V.L. Locey loves worn jeans, yoga, belly laughs, walking, reading and writing lusty tales, Greek mythology, the New York Rangers, comic books, and coffee.
(Not necessarily in that order.)

She shares her life with her husband, her daughter, one dog, two cats, a flock of assorted domestic fowl, and two Jersey steers.

When not writing spicy romances, she enjoys spending her day with her menagerie in the rolling hills of Pennsylvania with a cup of fresh java in hand.





RJ Scott
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EMAIL: vicki@vllocey.com



Dance on Ice #3

Harrisburg Railers Series

Owatonna U Series
B&N  /  iTUNES  /  SMASHWORDS
KOBO  /  WEBSITE  /  GOODREADS TBR

Arizona Raptors Series
B&N  /  iTUNES  /  SMASHWORDS
KOBO  /  WEBSITE  /  GOODREADS TBR

Boston Rebels Series
B&N  /  iTUNES  /  SMASHWORDS
KOBO  /  WEBSITE  /  GOODREADS TBR

Chestorford Coyotes Series

LA Storm Series

Sparkle #1.5(LA Storm)